Dee74

Welcome to the gang Costadelmar

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tanja

Welcome Costa! Very good advice to keep your list with you at all times. Sad- glad to see you back and doing so well. My greetings and blessings to everyone tonight. I would like to share a daily meditation that speaks directly to freedom from addictions. This is my most ferverent desire "We turned to alchol as a way out of pain and unhappiness. It worked for a while, in some cases for a long while. But inevitably, we crossed an invisible line into addiction. What had once seemed to be the solution was now the primary problem. Ironically, many of us ended up in a nightmare existence even worse than the one we had tried to leave behind. We caused injury and heartache not only to ourselves, but to those around us. We ruined our health, we compromised our values and morals, we accumulated enormous burdens of shame and guilt. When we hit bottom and threw in the towel, it was a blessing to finally admit that were were alcoholics. What a relief to discover that we were not alone, that there were places we could go for help, that there were solutions to our problems and guidelines for recovery. We finally had hope! Thought for today: My addictions stopped working for me long ago. I will give up ANY lingering reservations I may have about that reality."

ZenJen

Good Evening (or good day) my friends!

I sincerely hope everyone is doing well as we get closer and closer to the first (calendar) day of winter. I haven't checked to see if it's been discussed, but do any of you feel you might suffer from a little bit of Seasonal Affective Disorder? I know I do. As the daylight in a day dwindles, and we start to get more gray than sunny days, I unwillingly get more pessimistic and have less energy.
This was a terrible combination with liquor.
So, since I'll be living these (depressing?) days sober, I've been trying to think of ways to combat SAD. I tried something new today that worked really well and has me still all full of energy late into the night here. I smoothie and tea-fasted! So, instead of eating anything for breakfast, I had two cups of green tea throught the morning. Then, around noon, I started drinking a smoothie I made out of soymilk, 2 bananas, and 2 heaping teaspoons of organic peanut butter. That lasted me until 5 when I drank a green drink with strawberries, cucumber, pear, and celery. At outpatient, I cheated and had a piece of candy (a mini york peppermint patty). But wow, I felt just great all day!

Also, I came up with a (new?) term: "The Relapse Road". Any volunteers wanna help me flesh-out what it could mean? I'm thiniking it could be recognizable warning symptoms that eventually can lead to a full blown relapse, kinda like the stuff Tanja had posted....

I'm off to go draw for a bit. I hope everyone has a stress-free 24!

ZenJen

PS: Dee, I have 2 old usernames on here that I can't remember the passwords for (that's why I created this new account). Do you know how I can delete them?

goodcheer

Good morning. I hope everyone is well. I had a hard day yesterday, wanting to pick up. Trying to stick to one day at a time. I will not take a drink, but the fantasies of a glass of wine have been overwhelming. It is a memory of the pleasure, and the deep need for escape. I know there was considerable pain too, and I don't want to go through that again. I went to two meetings yesterday, which helped a lot.

tanja and zenjen...i appreciate your thoughts above about the relapse road. there is a man at one of my meetings who has so many insights i admire. he says...you are either heading toward a drink or heading away from a drink. if you find yourself being dishonest or dishonorable, angry, secretive, treating others poorly, you are likely heading toward a drink. if you are spiritually fit and honest, you are thinking sober. this distinction helped me a lot. helps me understand the connection between my behavior and emotions and my tendency toward a drink. i think my need for wine this week is because i have a lot of anger building in my heart over issues at home. i need to find a way to come to terms with this, without resorting to self-destruction.

thinking of everyone...hope all are well today. sending peace and strength.

goodcheer

it's real quiet here in recent days. i will express a fear here...the more we isolate ourselves, the more likely we are to pick up a drink. it is the L in HALT. missing everyone...please check in no matter how you are doing.

i am struggling this week, though i haven't picked up. trying to take it one day at a time, slow down and stay focused on my sobriety.

peace and strength.

Enemdio

Hi Goodcheer,

40 days for us today! Sorry to hear you're a bit down. Does exercising help? I find it calms me down, helps me to sleep really well and also fills some of the time when I use to drink. Also a good book is a big help. Currently fascinated by Polar travel books - no bars out there. Also have to admit to spending more time on Ebay since I got sober - it's trashy but I have had some good bargains and it's rekindled my interesting in cycle camping.

What things fascinate you? Whatever it takes, Goodcheer.

You hint at other problems making you angry - you know that drinking won't help them, only make them worse. Resolving them without alcohol will make you stronger - try to find the courage to face them.

I'll be around all weekend and I'll keep checking in on you - keep posting.:ghug3

pikkle69

Hey all... made it through yesterday with no real temptations or anything of that nature (turned all 42, whoopee!) Only had to see dad and he didn't bring beer as he normally would on such an occasion (any day that ends in Y is typically an occasion in my family.) A few friends called and texted but none suggested going out, drinking or anything of that nature so I guess all and all, it was a good day... still sober and going strong! Thanks for all the support!!!

goodcheer

General, thank you for your support. You are such a good friend. Congratulations on our 40 days! Same to sadsoul!

You make some great points here. Exercise is so essential to me, and I haven't been able to get out on my morning walks much this week. I need to make that a priority, as early morning fresh air and exercise (as well as music) sets my day on the right track.

You are so right about reading! When my sister visited me last week, she gave me such a generous and extravagant Christmas/Birthday present, in advance. It was a Kindle reader....I immediately downloaded the Big Book and then a novel to read. I am reading Water for Elephants which is an awesome book. This is truly a miracle. I always fancied myself a "well-read" person. Which is a bunch of BS...I have not read more than maybe two books in the last dozen years, due in part to child raising, but mainly due to the fact that i was busy getting drunk every night. So it is so wonderful to remember how it feels to become engaged with a book. I like polar exploration too.

I bought camping gear this year and should start to plan ahead for some sober campouts this spring.

Thanks for being there. Will check in this weekend. Wishing you well.

Enemdio

Congrats, Pikkl69 - sounds like you breezed it yesterday. My Birthday was last Tuesday and it was a bit hard - felt down, but it passed.

Goodcheer, what's your kindle like? been thinking of getting one for ages - I read about 2 books a week. Not sure it would suit me - I like the tactility of the paper, dog-earing, etc. - also I'm always looking for a books I've misplaced, dropped down the loo, and I like buying them in bookshops. Does seem handy though to have 1400 books in the size of a thin paperback.

sadsoul2011

Happy, Sober Friday!!!!!

Goodcheer - I'm with you - I agree completely about being a bit worried because it is so quiet here.... Then I think, well maybe everyone is busy getting on with their busy lives.... For me - I have to keep coming everyday so that I stay focused. I'm so enjoying being sober and my life, but I don't want to become complacent and forget what I've learned - especially with the holidays coming. I drank very consistently/heavy for 26 years so I don't trust that a few weeks on SR is going to lead me to a permanent, long-term recovery. So.... I'll keep being on SR all the time and actively working on my sobrietry - maybe forever Anytime I feel too confident I read on the newcomers thread - snaps me right back!

Wish you were having a better week. Maybe if you can get back to walking and listening to music it will help. I'm sorry that you're having issues at home. Are they issues that you can just "let ride" for a little while? I've read many times on SR that our mindset at 3 months will be so much different than now (Dee thanks!). Are these issues that you can revisit after the holidays?

I have some issues in my life/marriage that I'm just letting "hang out there". They're (thankfully) not real major right now (they were on the verge of major - in large part - due to my drinking) so I'm just choosing to leave them alone for a while to see where I end up. A couple of smaller, annoying-type issues (that have been going on for a long time) have just kind of dissappeared as I've been sober (for 40 days - yeah!). Go figure LOL....

How do you like your Kindle? I've wondered about them lately. But I'm like General - I love my books. I like to look at them and like to actually hold the paper... Now .... if I would just read them haha. I'm in the same boat - have tons of really great books but haven't been able to stay sober long enough to read them. Right now I'm trying to get back into them! I heard "Water for Elephants" was a very good read - enjoy!

What are your plans for the weekend? Do you have anything special or fun you can do just for you? Might help to take the focus off your evil enemy (that disgusting wine). Have you tried thinking of wine in the glass as something disgusting? Everytime you see it in your mind as something great and wonderful - immediately picture it to actually be something gross and then think of several bad things it created in your life. Don't let your mind see it as sparkly - just picture it as poison in a cheap, plastic glass.

You can't always control when a craving takes over - just ride it out and let it go (have you checked out urge surfing on here?). Sometimes I look at cravings as a labor contraction - it will pass shortly and it won't kill you. Then your reward is a wonderful, beautiful life!

You can control whether your mind pines away for the perceived loss or moves on to something good, fun (or boring like laundry) - just make it think of something else. Don't let your AV control your life!

:ghug3 to you!!! Hang in there and keep posting!

sadsoul2011

General, Goodcheer - Congrats on 40 days! Awesome!

Tanja and ZenJen - You guys are great. Thanks for the great thoughts; especially on relapse. That is a very timely discussion that will be coming up time and again I think. Especially with holidays coming..... Keep your nuggets of knowledge and meditation coming - Love reading it!!!

Hello to everyone!! What is everybody up to this weekend?

sadsoul2011

Pikkle - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! Sounds like you had a good day. It is great that your dad and friends were supportive! Bet it felt awesome this morning when you woke up sober and rested - What a way to start the year.

sadsoul2011

Geralt - How are you feeling today? Is the slower taper still working well for you? Hope you're feeling better going into the weekend!

Geralt

@goodcheer

You are right about people posting less here, I will try to write more with stories from daily life. Right now I am about to explode from the Indonesian food I just ate for dinner.

Made some chicken with Indonesian spices and garlic in a ginger sauce, with cooked small carrots and green peas, served with steam boiled rice. I think it's in the top 10 complicated dishes I ever made, I am a horrible cook, but it's never too late to learn.

Just like General said, exercise is great, yesterday was lazy day for me, sat home almost the entire day and I ended with a horrible headache in the evening. A 45 minute walk through the neighbourhood and some of that cold autumn air and the headache was gone! Try taking short active breaks like a 15 minute walk or 15 minutes on the hometrainer every 3-4 hours, it all adds up. You don't have to run marathons or work out for hours, but even 30-60 minutes of exercise makes a lot of difference.

@General Did you find some time for that walk or that run? Don't slack! How big are the hills in your area? I live in the Netherlands, so we don't have mountains, the biggest hill here is 100 meters above sealevel (that's right, just 110 yards lol).

@Tanja great stuff, how do you manage to remember all those quotes, are you a philosopher in disguise?

@Sadsoul, I am feeling ok, now with the slow taper the withdrawals are nothing compared to what I was experiencing before. An occasional muscle twitch, sometimes a bit anxious and trouble concentrating but it's all very manageable. The weekend should be ok, tomorrow a soccer match with my team.

@pikkle Happy birthday and congrats with handling that difficult situation!

Have a nice weekend Zenjen, Boozefree, Deserto, Gerbosko, least, honeypie, Littlesparrow, Miela, Costaldelmar, betterlife, debinaweb of course Dee and and everyone else, keep writing!

Costadelmar

Yesterday was interesting found myself really wanting a drink. I'm so proud of how determined I am though I never want to forget why I stopped or the reasons for never drinking again but I certainly hope that at one point I can let go of the negative feelings that keep me from drinking and have more of a habit automatic I don't drink mentality. I'm sure that will happen and it will come in time but I would have to say right now that's my biggest worry to always remind myself of why I don't drink...Just want to get to the point where I don't even think about it anymore, to where it's just natural you know? I would hope that that's a possibility at some point down the road.

tanja

Good Morning All,

As noted it looks like 1/2 the class is MIA? Like Sad stated it could be a case of everyone being busy. Pickle - Happy Belated Birthday! How wonderful to be sober on your birthday. Goodcheer - you are an inspiration to me! Going to two AA meetings in one day, let alone working. I agree with the advice given. Nothing raises your endorphins like music and exercise. Also, there are natural ways to escape (swimming, massage, reading, shopping, spa treatment, etc) that are fundamentally more satisfying. I agree with Sad's advice - poison in a glass. They say if your liver could feel the first drink, it would never have that second drink. What has kept me sober and AV on the down low is a constant reminder of just how hellish drinking really is. That continued drinking will only lead to more suffering. I do hope that things get better at 3 months Today is day 28 for me and it is the first day that I feel normal. That being said, I must be on guard because I am feeling better! My plans for this week-end are dental surgery on saturday which I fear may be painful (gum surgery). I am dreading it. A trigger for me is physical or mental pain. Sunday my husband and I have scheduled another massage. Of course, SR is on the agenda. ZenJen - I like the title "Relapse Road". Maybe, everyone could add some potential triggers? I would like to expound upon the list. RELAPSE ROAD: 1) Feeling overwhelmed. 2) Social Situations. 3) Not feeling well 4) Seeing others drink 5) Exhaustion 6) Complacency 7) Dishonesty
8) Expecting too much from others. 9) Impatience. 10) Stress. 11) Grief. 12) Letting up on discipline. 13) Argumentativenss. 14) Depression. 15) Anger. 16) Wanting too much. 17) Self-pity. 18) Forgetting grattitude. 19) "It cant happen to me". 20) Frustration. 21) Any uncomfortable feeling. 22) Wanting to relax. 23) Wanting to celebrate. Here is a good meditation for today: "We used to get up each morning filled with dread rather than anticipation. Even before we were fully awake, our minds had begun to churn with gloomy thoughts and nameless fears. By the time our feet hit the floor, our attitude had been shaped and set. In truth, we still have those kinds of mornings. But they have become the exception rather than the rule. For the most part, we now face each day positively. It's not that we wake up with a smile on our lips and ebullience in our hearts. Before we actually face the day, we take the time to develop the kind of attitude that will allow us to get the most out of it. Here are some of the things we find helpful. We say a prayer, asking God to direct our thoughts and actins, and to keep us on course. If we can't help thinking ahead, we try to do so realistically. We focus on positive events that await us, rather than on negative potentials. We acknowledge that it's largely up to us whether we have a good day or bad day. Thought for today. I will take the time, right now, to shape a positive attitude." I think how appropriate it is that next week is thanksgiving. I would like to ask everyone what they are grateful for this thanksgiving? I am grateful for a loving and supportive husband, a roof over my head, good food to eat, the use of my arms and legs, freedom from alcohol, unconditional love from my animals and the love and support from my cyber SR buddies

tanja

Hi Geralt - I am so glad you are feeling better. I practically have an "addiction library" after 32 years of drinking. A really good book on daily meditations. The thought that alcoholism is merely a symptom of my problems is a bit terrifying. I am trying desperately to stay positive. Costa - I feel the same way you do! This is hard work and I often feel that I just want it to go away! I actually thought about a glass of egg nog at x-mas??????????????????????? I hate egg nog! I reminded myself that was a surefire way to destroy my x-mas. I do try and watch on tv anything to do with addiction. I watched a show last night about women in prison due to drug addiction. It reminded me again of how lucky I am and that this is truly a new beginning

debinaweb

Hello Fellow Octobers, and welcome Costadelmar and Betterlife1, and all new members. It is quiet around here right now. Hope everyone in staying cool.

Zenjen, you sound so happy, it’s awesome you found someone who honors you and your commitment to sobriety. It sounds like he’s someone who gets it, who knows the kind of focus and grit it takes to stay on your game. It’s rare, apparently. Hey Zen. maybe you can share some of your art with us?

General, I would have been disappointed hearing her say that too ('He's not drinking at the moment'). So many people see us as just playing at this, going through some kind of motions, and that we’ll be back to our old drunken selves soon. That is irksome, but it’s understandable, I guess. I have tried and failed in the past several times, never lasting more than 2 weeks. If there is general doubt about my pulling this off, I have to let that be. I think you were right to let it be with your Mrs, too. Let her just be pleasantly surprised as you continue to exceed all expectation.

Tanja, I have been meaning for some time to thank you for all the great info, and lists. I love lists. I reproduced your ABC’s in a nice ornate font, printed and laminated it, LOL! It’s propped on my desk. Also, enjoy the daily meditations. Say… how fast do you type anyway??

GoodCheer, I am so proud of you for your amazing progress. Hey, next time you visualize that alluring glass of wine sparkling in the firelight, put a cigarette out in it. I do that with frosty mugs of beer that pop up in my mind. I have been trying everything to de-program myself.

Honeypie, you haven’t been posting much, and I miss it. I hope you are doing okay. It does get rough, but we can do this… together. How about a nice long post from you, letting us know what’s happening with you? That woud be nice.  Oh yeah… you asked about my avatar. That was taken at a tourist attraction along Hwy 26 on the way to the Oregon Coast from Portland called Camp 18 Restaurant Logging Museum, Logger Memorial, Loggers Equipment, Event Room, Conference Rooms - Elsie Oregon . It’s only about 30 mile from us. That Hunk of a Guy whose lap I am sitting on was carved out of a tree trunk. This is very much logging country out here. Ever heard of the show Axe Men? It’s from around here.

Geralt, you seem so much better these days  ((Hugs)) you just keep doing what you are doing.

Deserto?? Gerbosko?? Pickle?? Hey, dudes. Littlesparrow, how are you? How’s your cold?

debinaweb

Dee thanks for the link to Crying Out Loud. The advice for coping with the Holidays is great. Hope you are having an awesome day ((hugs))

debinaweb

Sadsoul, your generous nature just shines in the way you care for us. I hope you are enjoying your day, I hope you are smiling.