Class of October 2011 pt 2
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 437
Is it just me?
Should I be upset that my sons stepmother was at the teacher confrence? Or should I just get over it???
Yesterday was my 8th grader son's teacher conference. I had a wierd preminition all day yesterday that I was going to have an emotional struggle, and when I saw her car in the parking lot I knew that's what it was. My stomach dropped, instant anxiety. I put on a smile and endured the conference, tried not to look at her, or my ex for that matter, but broke down crying when I left. She is controlling, pushy, she thinks I am a pathetic drunk, (ive seen her posts on facebook and I am sure she is talking about me) and she thinks she knows what is best for my son. My ex is a wimp, she wears the pants in the family just as I did when we were married. I feel like such a failure...
If I had not been on antabuse I would have stopped at the liquor store. That depressed me, that overwhelming feeling of wanting to drink and knowing it was only the antabuse that was stopping me. Why am I so weak??????
But instead I went to my bible study, came home and prayed, spent some quality time with my b/f. And woke up with a headache. It was so bad when I first woke up I thought I had a hangover. I had to lay there and remember what happened the night before terrified for a few minutes that I had actually drank. But I hadn't. But I had the headache anyway. Not fair. I saw someone else had this expereince today as well!!
Day 21. Wow. Three weeks and not looking back.
Yesterday was my 8th grader son's teacher conference. I had a wierd preminition all day yesterday that I was going to have an emotional struggle, and when I saw her car in the parking lot I knew that's what it was. My stomach dropped, instant anxiety. I put on a smile and endured the conference, tried not to look at her, or my ex for that matter, but broke down crying when I left. She is controlling, pushy, she thinks I am a pathetic drunk, (ive seen her posts on facebook and I am sure she is talking about me) and she thinks she knows what is best for my son. My ex is a wimp, she wears the pants in the family just as I did when we were married. I feel like such a failure...
If I had not been on antabuse I would have stopped at the liquor store. That depressed me, that overwhelming feeling of wanting to drink and knowing it was only the antabuse that was stopping me. Why am I so weak??????
But instead I went to my bible study, came home and prayed, spent some quality time with my b/f. And woke up with a headache. It was so bad when I first woke up I thought I had a hangover. I had to lay there and remember what happened the night before terrified for a few minutes that I had actually drank. But I hadn't. But I had the headache anyway. Not fair. I saw someone else had this expereince today as well!!
Day 21. Wow. Three weeks and not looking back.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 617
Alaskasunshine !!!I don't have any advice for you with your son's stepmother - sounds like a crappy situation - but, I think you handled it well! The best "revenge" you may be able to get with regard to her is to stay sober and together and ignore her as best you can. You're a great Mom (I can tell from reading your posts and you're sober
).You are strong! You're here and you are doing what you need to do to stop drinking! You're making the decision to take anabuse to get through this part. That is a hard, strong decision for you to make. You could just throw your hands up and quit but you're not. Be proud! I think you're doing great and find your struggles and successes to be inspiring.
Have a great night
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 617
Miela -
Great job on the project!
Great job on 19 days!
It's a bummer you felt bad Tuesday morning. You deserved to wake up feeling awesome after staying strong and sober. But you battled and knocked our your addictive voice - that can wear a person out.
What are you doing tonight? Did you find any way to reward yourself yet? Maybe something yummy for dinner? .... or desert? Maybe curl up in bed with hot chocolate? Be kind to yourself. And make sure to check in later if you're having a hard time.
Great job on the project!
Great job on 19 days!
It's a bummer you felt bad Tuesday morning. You deserved to wake up feeling awesome after staying strong and sober. But you battled and knocked our your addictive voice - that can wear a person out.
What are you doing tonight? Did you find any way to reward yourself yet? Maybe something yummy for dinner? .... or desert? Maybe curl up in bed with hot chocolate? Be kind to yourself. And make sure to check in later if you're having a hard time.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 617
DarkDays - AWESOME!!! Sounds like you had a fabulous vacation in New York! I knew you could do it! Welcome back!
Debinaweb - Hope you had a good day! I saw all the work you had to do so I would imagine that you are a happy tired tonight if you got even some of it done. Sounds nice!
Debinaweb - Hope you had a good day! I saw all the work you had to do so I would imagine that you are a happy tired tonight if you got even some of it done. Sounds nice!
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
welcome back DD
I'm sorry for the situation Alaska - obviously I don't know the ins and outs, but I think most step-parents would want to take an active role in their step kids lives...I know it's difficult but I'd probably be more worried if she wasn't interested in being involved...
D
I'm sorry for the situation Alaska - obviously I don't know the ins and outs, but I think most step-parents would want to take an active role in their step kids lives...I know it's difficult but I'd probably be more worried if she wasn't interested in being involved...
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by sadsoul2011 
I've said to my husband many times that each morning when I get in the shower I feel like the movie "Groundhog's Day". Here I go again - LOL! I have kids and work but each day is almost the same as the next - very little variation.
When one has small children I'm reminded of the old saying:
"The days are long but the years are short."
Along the lines of gratitude --- one thing I like to do with my kids at night as I'm putting them to bed is think of one thing during the day that they did great that I can tell them about. Somedays I can tell them how proud I am that they checked on their friend when they fell down to make sure they were ok or how well they did a specific chore. Other days (the hard days) when I feel like I can't find anything good - there is always something - even if it is that they give the best hugs in the world!
Thank you Sadsoul, I am definitely going to do the thing where I tell my child something wonderful they did that day when I am putting them to bed.
I also kinda feel like "Groundhog's Day" occasionally. That almost helps me realize that I CAN do something different and exciting today, it doesn't always have to be routine.
And as far as that saying you included, I totally agree, I need to really value this time, while my children are young because it won't last forever.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi seethroughblue
for me the key is to make sure my lifes not empty - and I just don't mean filling your day with things to do - I mean finding meaning in your life and what you do...and making sure I can always find something in my life to be grateful for.
It sounds a little hallmark-y but I really think it's important
D
for me the key is to make sure my lifes not empty - and I just don't mean filling your day with things to do - I mean finding meaning in your life and what you do...and making sure I can always find something in my life to be grateful for.
It sounds a little hallmark-y but I really think it's important
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Europe
Posts: 445
Alaska, that sounds like a tough situation to be in. I can't imagine how I would react. Well done on getting through it though - very inspirational
Dee, Tanja, Sadsoul, thank you for the encouragement and suggestions. I eventually managed to get washed up and dressed (at 4:30pm I'm ashamed to say). I went out with my son and bought some pumpkins and we made Halloween lanterns. I tried to be a bit more 'alive' as I could see I was effecting him - he was quieter than normal and a bit on edge. I feel like such a rotten mother AGAIN.
Dee, it's funny you mention interests because I was trying to think of some today. I seem to have lost all interest in anything over the last 10 years or so, a result of, I believe, being in an abusive relationship and drinking. I don't even watch TV and if I read, it's usually related to my job. As I couldn't think of anything, I decided I'd buy a magazine when we were out buying pumpkins as I used to enjoy reading them during study breaks as a teenager. I flicked through it and didn't recognise 99% of the celebrities in it! I actually felt quite guilty reading it.
The last few weeks have made me realise many things, including the startling fact that I don't know myself. At all. I feel as if I am a robot controlling every move I make with a remote control. Everything I do, everything I say, every decision I make is done without any connection to me, what I want, how it makes me feel (don't know that anymore either?)... I don't know if this makes any sense but I'm basically trying to explain (in a very complicated, melodramatic kind of way!) why I don't know what interests me or what I like anymore.
Sorry for the long, OTT post.
Hope everyone else is doing OK.
Dee, Tanja, Sadsoul, thank you for the encouragement and suggestions. I eventually managed to get washed up and dressed (at 4:30pm I'm ashamed to say). I went out with my son and bought some pumpkins and we made Halloween lanterns. I tried to be a bit more 'alive' as I could see I was effecting him - he was quieter than normal and a bit on edge. I feel like such a rotten mother AGAIN.
Dee, it's funny you mention interests because I was trying to think of some today. I seem to have lost all interest in anything over the last 10 years or so, a result of, I believe, being in an abusive relationship and drinking. I don't even watch TV and if I read, it's usually related to my job. As I couldn't think of anything, I decided I'd buy a magazine when we were out buying pumpkins as I used to enjoy reading them during study breaks as a teenager. I flicked through it and didn't recognise 99% of the celebrities in it! I actually felt quite guilty reading it.
The last few weeks have made me realise many things, including the startling fact that I don't know myself. At all. I feel as if I am a robot controlling every move I make with a remote control. Everything I do, everything I say, every decision I make is done without any connection to me, what I want, how it makes me feel (don't know that anymore either?)... I don't know if this makes any sense but I'm basically trying to explain (in a very complicated, melodramatic kind of way!) why I don't know what interests me or what I like anymore.
Sorry for the long, OTT post.
Hope everyone else is doing OK.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by microbio1
Just be whatever type of mom you can be. If you do it without alcohol, your kids will respect you for it and learn from you!
Thank you, I don't have the words, but to say the least, this really made sense to me. And reminded me of how things should be.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 58
Originally Posted by General
Good morning Octobers. Day 18 here and another great night's sleep last night. Quite a few of us experiencing boredom now that the first couple of weeks and associated withdrawal symptoms have passed.
I read Psychology at University (Yes, really) and I remember from psychotherapy lectures 3 things about breaking addictions:
1. Try to replace one addiction with another, positive addiction. eg exercise, knitting, painting, car maintenance, or whatever.
2. Physical exercise helps relieve anxiety and boredom.
3. Spend as much time as you reasonably can in natural surroundings.
May be of use to someone.
I read Psychology at University (Yes, really) and I remember from psychotherapy lectures 3 things about breaking addictions:
1. Try to replace one addiction with another, positive addiction. eg exercise, knitting, painting, car maintenance, or whatever.
2. Physical exercise helps relieve anxiety and boredom.
3. Spend as much time as you reasonably can in natural surroundings.
May be of use to someone.
Anyways, what I'm learning is I kinda need to step outside of my self awareness and realize not everything is about me, it can be ocassionally, but not always. And that I should be happy with my life, I mean, I do have a great life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 48
Good evening fellow octobers! Today is day 5 for me. I've been reading all of your posts and want to say thanks to each of you for sharing your feelings and stories. It's really helping me to stay off the booze. So far so good. I'm determined to stay sober through the weekend but I swear, it'll be the first weekend without drinking in years. I can do this!!!
I feel that I"m mentally ok without drinking right now but physically am feeling an overall malaise and headachy... I hope that subsides.
Keep up all the good work my new friends. Being here to share means we are not alone! xo Danica
I feel that I"m mentally ok without drinking right now but physically am feeling an overall malaise and headachy... I hope that subsides.
Keep up all the good work my new friends. Being here to share means we are not alone! xo Danica
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 58
RE boredom
Whew! Finally got all caught up. I must say, I am very thankful for everyone on here. It's wonderful how we rally around each and everyone's particular problems and at the same time, can also relate to any specific problem as well 
I am still holding strong. I hope everyone is having a great evening.
As for my boredom, yes, I think it's more that I don't feel happy with my life. It's a depression issue more than a boredom issue. I may have to talk to my doctor about postpartum depression (I have two sons, one son who is 6 months old)....
NEXT WEEK! Ahhh, I'm not looking forward to all the fun activities I'm going to be doing, since there will be booze involved. And last year during those activities, I was pregnant, and hence told myself at the time I would be able to drink 'next year'. Halloween, my anniversary, birthday dinner etc.
I am still holding strong. I hope everyone is having a great evening.
As for my boredom, yes, I think it's more that I don't feel happy with my life. It's a depression issue more than a boredom issue. I may have to talk to my doctor about postpartum depression (I have two sons, one son who is 6 months old)....
NEXT WEEK! Ahhh, I'm not looking forward to all the fun activities I'm going to be doing, since there will be booze involved. And last year during those activities, I was pregnant, and hence told myself at the time I would be able to drink 'next year'. Halloween, my anniversary, birthday dinner etc.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: NY
Posts: 176
happy thursday, all. day 18 here. the day was pretty good. i snuck out from work and went to a lunchtime meeting. the meeting was so awesome, people really digging deep and sharing. i shared that what i am missing so much about my wine is how it softened the hard edges. now i am left to look at the mess i've made around me, at home and at work and in my relationships. i also have to face problems that have been to hard for me to handle, without the veil of wine to make everything go away for a while, every night. it feels relentless now. i crave escape. i feel like i need so much sleep, just to have some time away from so much frank reality. i am trying to walk and listen to music every day. trying to get some sleep and read a few pages of the BB before i go to bed. just make it through this one day, and say a prayer of gratitude before i go to sleep.
there is a party this weekend that i have been invited to. a dress up halloween celebration which will include alcohol. i really feel intimidated by it. the presence of the alcohol is too much for me right now. i am so involved in my sobriety that i feel i cannot make casual chitchat. and something about dressing up in costumes isn't good for me right now. it's like i am holding on for dear life to my sobriety and i need to be frank and open, no make-believe or masquerade. i have been hiding so much for so long already. i talked to my sponsor tonight, asked her to help me plan for the weekend. she told me that i should keep it simple at this early point in my sobriety, and should avoid parties and social events that might make me uncomfortable. that i must treat myself as if i am recovering from a serious illness, as i am. i would prefer to go to a meeting, eat a good dinner, watch a movie peacefully and go to sleep early. focus on rest and health.
thanks everyone. i so appreciate this sacred place where we can be our honest selves. sending peace and strength.
there is a party this weekend that i have been invited to. a dress up halloween celebration which will include alcohol. i really feel intimidated by it. the presence of the alcohol is too much for me right now. i am so involved in my sobriety that i feel i cannot make casual chitchat. and something about dressing up in costumes isn't good for me right now. it's like i am holding on for dear life to my sobriety and i need to be frank and open, no make-believe or masquerade. i have been hiding so much for so long already. i talked to my sponsor tonight, asked her to help me plan for the weekend. she told me that i should keep it simple at this early point in my sobriety, and should avoid parties and social events that might make me uncomfortable. that i must treat myself as if i am recovering from a serious illness, as i am. i would prefer to go to a meeting, eat a good dinner, watch a movie peacefully and go to sleep early. focus on rest and health.
thanks everyone. i so appreciate this sacred place where we can be our honest selves. sending peace and strength.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 48
Well, my teenage kids are out tonight. (no school here tomorrow) and I'm home watching The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown with a tall cool glass of..... WATER!!! It's peaceful and reflective. I am in a place in my life where I really need to focus on me. Since my dear father passed away in september, I realized that life really is too short. I don't want to live it in a drunken haze... blackout nights and foggy mornings... This is so much better. I just wish the headaches would go away!
Love to you all, Danica
Love to you all, Danica
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Riverside Ca
Posts: 117
Just had an eye opening "trigger". I never really acknowledged/recognized it for what it is until today.
I got a letter from my dad that is in prison for killing his mother and oh my did it "take me there"...Have not drank but I am sure itching for a drink.
I am going to take my daughter to cheer practice maybe the itch will go away.
Just checking in...Need some sober mojo right about now..
I got a letter from my dad that is in prison for killing his mother and oh my did it "take me there"...Have not drank but I am sure itching for a drink.
I am going to take my daughter to cheer practice maybe the itch will go away.
Just checking in...Need some sober mojo right about now..
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 429
Welcome, Danica! I'm glad you're here. The Octobers are so amazing and supportive.
Animal and everyone else having trouble, I'm wishing you all the best. Keep it going. Remember how much work you've put into this already. It's tough, but it's so very worth it.
BoozeFree, my boxer is 3 1/2 years old. He's a riot. He's my first boxer, but there are a TON of boxers in my neighborhood and they're almost all exactly the same. They're all energetic and they always want to wrestle. I miss the days when my boxer was a baby. So cute and fuzzy. But I don't miss the puppy teeth! Good luck with yours. They're a handful.
Yesterday I couldn't make it here because I was sick, and I slept for 13 hours. I really needed that. I'm feeling much better today. Halloween parties are coming up tomorrow and Saturday, but I'm feeling confident about not drinking this weekend---mainly from dealing with my huge craving earlier this week and being on guard for that sneaky AV. (By the way, for Halloween I'm going as a cowgirl and my husband is going to be a superfan from the SNL sketches---he's of course a big fan of Da Bears.)
Have a great, sober night everyone!
Animal and everyone else having trouble, I'm wishing you all the best. Keep it going. Remember how much work you've put into this already. It's tough, but it's so very worth it.
BoozeFree, my boxer is 3 1/2 years old. He's a riot. He's my first boxer, but there are a TON of boxers in my neighborhood and they're almost all exactly the same. They're all energetic and they always want to wrestle. I miss the days when my boxer was a baby. So cute and fuzzy. But I don't miss the puppy teeth! Good luck with yours. They're a handful.
Yesterday I couldn't make it here because I was sick, and I slept for 13 hours. I really needed that. I'm feeling much better today. Halloween parties are coming up tomorrow and Saturday, but I'm feeling confident about not drinking this weekend---mainly from dealing with my huge craving earlier this week and being on guard for that sneaky AV. (By the way, for Halloween I'm going as a cowgirl and my husband is going to be a superfan from the SNL sketches---he's of course a big fan of Da Bears.)
Have a great, sober night everyone!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Hi everyone! finally all caught up on reading everyones posts. Hang in there to those of you struggling some yesterday and today and congrats to the couple people with days in the 20's. I also find I need to keep track of the days to be accountable for myself. I cant even describe how intense my cravings were on my way home from work. I wasnt expecting it at all, its like I was under attack out of no where and debated a few mins of maybe drinking then kept fighting it and thought no tomorrow I will be hating myself if I did drink, then remembered Dee's urge surfing link and still insanely huge cravings. Then I was thinking of all my options and remembered HALT and that I didnt eat lunch today so instead drove to Carls Jr to treat myself to a burger and I felt so much better after that!
I am so happy that I am still sitting here sober after what I went thru earlier. It truly was the most intense craving I think I have ever experienced since all of my attempts at sobriety. Frightening now looking back at how close I was just 3 hours ago to getting completely wasted.
In regards to the being bored. I always drank no matter what, being bored was always a good excuse tho, and I was probably always bored bc I was too messed up to think clearly and try and think of something fun to do. Im hoping to discover new things to enjoy, as of right now if someone asked me what I like to do for fun I really wouldn't have an answer besides listening to music.
I am so happy that I am still sitting here sober after what I went thru earlier. It truly was the most intense craving I think I have ever experienced since all of my attempts at sobriety. Frightening now looking back at how close I was just 3 hours ago to getting completely wasted.
In regards to the being bored. I always drank no matter what, being bored was always a good excuse tho, and I was probably always bored bc I was too messed up to think clearly and try and think of something fun to do. Im hoping to discover new things to enjoy, as of right now if someone asked me what I like to do for fun I really wouldn't have an answer besides listening to music.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Riverside Ca
Posts: 117
I made it!!!!
I am so pleased with myself right now.
I did go buy a ton of junk food but I am cool with that.
I could seriously feel the sober mojo coming from you guys. THANKS!!!
This is a pretty big deal for me. Either I planned to drink and I did or I planned to not drink and I didn't.
Tonight I planned to drink and DIDN'T!!!
Nice write up Boozefree..I echo much of that. Well done!!!
I am so pleased with myself right now.
I did go buy a ton of junk food but I am cool with that.
I could seriously feel the sober mojo coming from you guys. THANKS!!!
This is a pretty big deal for me. Either I planned to drink and I did or I planned to not drink and I didn't.
Tonight I planned to drink and DIDN'T!!!
Nice write up Boozefree..I echo much of that. Well done!!!
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