Class of June 2011 Part 10
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Stream were the people from Guinness Book of Records on hand for the event?
Pumpkin hope it all works out. I am also amazed at my capacity to deal with what life is dishing up now. Overall things are easier not harder (which is what my AV used to predict). I could not have imagined getting through life without alcohol to soothe me. Now I find I don't need soothing, go figure.
Beulah for me, whenever I went back to it, over time, I learnt that it is not where it starts that counts its where it ends up. For me that was always the same place. It was never immediate, it would take weeks or months. The main problem with me having a small amount of alcohol is that over time it feeds the "I can handle it monkey", and the "Mr Cautious- AV" (It is OK to have x amount, at Y times, only if z is not going on, and you have ABC in place etc). Over time the "will I or won't I seesaw" is in full swing and all the rest..........
Last night I went out for Pizza with my wife. I had a Coke. She had a glass of wine. I now notice the wine less and less. It's Sunday morning and I feel fine.
Pumpkin hope it all works out. I am also amazed at my capacity to deal with what life is dishing up now. Overall things are easier not harder (which is what my AV used to predict). I could not have imagined getting through life without alcohol to soothe me. Now I find I don't need soothing, go figure.
Beulah for me, whenever I went back to it, over time, I learnt that it is not where it starts that counts its where it ends up. For me that was always the same place. It was never immediate, it would take weeks or months. The main problem with me having a small amount of alcohol is that over time it feeds the "I can handle it monkey", and the "Mr Cautious- AV" (It is OK to have x amount, at Y times, only if z is not going on, and you have ABC in place etc). Over time the "will I or won't I seesaw" is in full swing and all the rest..........
Last night I went out for Pizza with my wife. I had a Coke. She had a glass of wine. I now notice the wine less and less. It's Sunday morning and I feel fine.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Morning (just about) everyone.
Im on another backwards step day today I am going to make an earlier appointment to review with my Dr cos I guess my anxiety isnt going to get any better with all the upheaval at home - I am able to rationalise during the day but at night im waking and having dreams I just cant shut up the subconscious bit of me that gets easily stressed.
Im going to miss my usual Sunday afternoon meeting today ive got up too late and even if I rushed about now I would be too late to get there. Makes me feel guilty. I really need to do some work on my self esteem today. Maybe if I had the energy to do any work at all it would help.
Sorry for whingeing - I know it will pass - its a lovely day and im sure my mood will improve as the day goes on. My daughters are back from their Dads later, its the last weekend they are having at his for a while as he is going to be based in Germany from now on and we dont know when/how often he will be able to see them yet. So I guess I should make the most of the last few hours of having peace and quiet and the house to myself for some time.
Buelah thank you for telling us about the cocktails it was very honest of you. I echo Dee and Instants thoughts - the fact that we can occasionally have one or two with no consquences is going to feed the AV. Ive done that so many times. For me I just see no point in it any more - 17 weeks sober today I wouldnt want to lose that time and go back to day 1 for just one or two cocktails - might as well have non alcoholic ones otherwise I would probably go on a who knows when it would end bender if I am having to go back to start over again. I know its important to keep it one day at a time but it would really scare me to have to go back again having got this far - it would knock my confidence and boost the AV. Im glad you shared about this though because its an important issue and we can all help each other be aware of the dangers and traps. Having any amount of alcohol can only set you back if you are an alcoholic - it might not be obvious but it will creep up on you in the end and will make your struggle so much harder because you begin to convince yourself again that its ok.
Im on another backwards step day today I am going to make an earlier appointment to review with my Dr cos I guess my anxiety isnt going to get any better with all the upheaval at home - I am able to rationalise during the day but at night im waking and having dreams I just cant shut up the subconscious bit of me that gets easily stressed.
Im going to miss my usual Sunday afternoon meeting today ive got up too late and even if I rushed about now I would be too late to get there. Makes me feel guilty. I really need to do some work on my self esteem today. Maybe if I had the energy to do any work at all it would help.
Sorry for whingeing - I know it will pass - its a lovely day and im sure my mood will improve as the day goes on. My daughters are back from their Dads later, its the last weekend they are having at his for a while as he is going to be based in Germany from now on and we dont know when/how often he will be able to see them yet. So I guess I should make the most of the last few hours of having peace and quiet and the house to myself for some time.
Buelah thank you for telling us about the cocktails it was very honest of you. I echo Dee and Instants thoughts - the fact that we can occasionally have one or two with no consquences is going to feed the AV. Ive done that so many times. For me I just see no point in it any more - 17 weeks sober today I wouldnt want to lose that time and go back to day 1 for just one or two cocktails - might as well have non alcoholic ones otherwise I would probably go on a who knows when it would end bender if I am having to go back to start over again. I know its important to keep it one day at a time but it would really scare me to have to go back again having got this far - it would knock my confidence and boost the AV. Im glad you shared about this though because its an important issue and we can all help each other be aware of the dangers and traps. Having any amount of alcohol can only set you back if you are an alcoholic - it might not be obvious but it will creep up on you in the end and will make your struggle so much harder because you begin to convince yourself again that its ok.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 720
Dee, Instant, and Pumpkin - thank you for your comments. I always know this is something to not play with. But, at the same time, I will never "sneak" them in, and not tell you all here. It's just not right. I will say that is one very important thing about being here for me, is being honest with myself and every one here. That is a huge step.
In all honesty, it was not an f-it moment, it was not a reason to numb some pain or anguish, it was not because I felt I deserved it, so with that, all I can do is hope is that I didn't feed the fire. All I can do is see how my mind and body reacts to it. This was not about it having alcohol in it or not having alcohol in it. It just sounded like a nice drink. Whether it was a sprite and cranberry juice or this fall apple drink.
Thank you again, as I need reminders. But, I will always come here to let you know. And I will always come here for the support I know I need. I'm sure there are many that don't come forward on what they've done, and to me, that is more damaging. I'm very happy with where I've come in such a short time. From drinking straight out of a bottle daily to this, along with my overall attitude. I could have never done it without all of you. I'd still be a wreck destroying my body and mind.
Hugs to every one.
In all honesty, it was not an f-it moment, it was not a reason to numb some pain or anguish, it was not because I felt I deserved it, so with that, all I can do is hope is that I didn't feed the fire. All I can do is see how my mind and body reacts to it. This was not about it having alcohol in it or not having alcohol in it. It just sounded like a nice drink. Whether it was a sprite and cranberry juice or this fall apple drink.
Thank you again, as I need reminders. But, I will always come here to let you know. And I will always come here for the support I know I need. I'm sure there are many that don't come forward on what they've done, and to me, that is more damaging. I'm very happy with where I've come in such a short time. From drinking straight out of a bottle daily to this, along with my overall attitude. I could have never done it without all of you. I'd still be a wreck destroying my body and mind.
Hugs to every one.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Honesty is a crucial part of beating this illness and I admire you and respect you for that Buelah. You are making great progress.
I can understand how whatever cocktail you had sounded like a nice drink but wouldnt it have tasted nice without the alcohol part? I have accustomed myself into thinking I like the taste of alcohol over the years but in reality its the effect that I wanted. If I was ever truely just thirsty I would have coke or water or something without booze. Sometimes perhaps a shandy if I was in an environment where people were drinking but really do we drink it for the taste? To take this illness seriously, for me, I need to steer away from it 100% and see it as the poison it is for me no matter how nice it might taste. I no longer will have food with alcohol in it either if I know it is in there. I just wouldnt take the risk of feeding my addiction at all now it seems like I am beating it. As long as you are aware your reason for having that drink sounds from the outside like rationalising and that you have been tricked by the AV into thinking its ok. In a way its almost more dangerous to see it lightly as just something that felt natural rather than a f*** it moment that pushed you over the edge.
I hope what I am saying makes sense. Im not trying to give you a hard time I just think its an important issue to discuss and thrash out for the benefit of all of us. I will get off your case now and thank you once again for your honesty - it all helps!
I can understand how whatever cocktail you had sounded like a nice drink but wouldnt it have tasted nice without the alcohol part? I have accustomed myself into thinking I like the taste of alcohol over the years but in reality its the effect that I wanted. If I was ever truely just thirsty I would have coke or water or something without booze. Sometimes perhaps a shandy if I was in an environment where people were drinking but really do we drink it for the taste? To take this illness seriously, for me, I need to steer away from it 100% and see it as the poison it is for me no matter how nice it might taste. I no longer will have food with alcohol in it either if I know it is in there. I just wouldnt take the risk of feeding my addiction at all now it seems like I am beating it. As long as you are aware your reason for having that drink sounds from the outside like rationalising and that you have been tricked by the AV into thinking its ok. In a way its almost more dangerous to see it lightly as just something that felt natural rather than a f*** it moment that pushed you over the edge.
I hope what I am saying makes sense. Im not trying to give you a hard time I just think its an important issue to discuss and thrash out for the benefit of all of us. I will get off your case now and thank you once again for your honesty - it all helps!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
(((Buelah))) I love you and care for you and hope I have not upset you in any way. I feel the need to point this out because I know if someone said the above to me when I was still drinking I would have hated it - because I didnt like being told the truth. This is such a complex and difficult disease for everyone involved. Although I am an alcoholic having to say the above to you makes me understand how my Mum must have felt when she was pleading with me to see sense and stop drinking. She said alot of hurtful things to me in desparation. I am beginning to understand how hard it must have been for her. Another thing to thank you for. xxx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
Hi all. Day 12. Beautiful, sunny, october morning in des moines. The leaves are turning brilliantly. B has the children today and I plan on taking a nice long walk, and doing some general cleaning.
buelah. I do worry that it is a slippery slope. But If you are confident I have no other choice but to be confident in you. I love the hot dog toaster. (veggie dogs for me please!)
love!
Classical - whoooo hoooo!
buelah. I do worry that it is a slippery slope. But If you are confident I have no other choice but to be confident in you. I love the hot dog toaster. (veggie dogs for me please!)
love!
Classical - whoooo hoooo!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 720
Hello every one,
Well, I think I'm on a different path for now. So, I will be off the thread. I need to dedicate the time I keep spending here to reading, enjoying the outdoors, and taking care of my hubby and my folks.
You can all say "we warned you" if I come back with my tail between my legs.
I have a good support network with my hubby, and a few friends. They will be keeping me in line. I just don't want to be conveying the wrong message here on this forum and having other people follow my lead when it may be down a dark road.
I'll pop in on every one at some time down the road to tell you of my progress and to see how all are doing. But, for now, I think this is something I have to do.
Please don't feel I'm offended by any comments, as I'm not in any way. I just feel that if I I'm trying this, being here is not the right thing.
I love you all, my extended family, and wish you the best in your journeys.
I have grandbaby pictures to print - he's a cutie and he's home. So, life is good.
Hugs and love.
Well, I think I'm on a different path for now. So, I will be off the thread. I need to dedicate the time I keep spending here to reading, enjoying the outdoors, and taking care of my hubby and my folks.
You can all say "we warned you" if I come back with my tail between my legs.
I have a good support network with my hubby, and a few friends. They will be keeping me in line. I just don't want to be conveying the wrong message here on this forum and having other people follow my lead when it may be down a dark road.
I'll pop in on every one at some time down the road to tell you of my progress and to see how all are doing. But, for now, I think this is something I have to do.
Please don't feel I'm offended by any comments, as I'm not in any way. I just feel that if I I'm trying this, being here is not the right thing.
I love you all, my extended family, and wish you the best in your journeys.
I have grandbaby pictures to print - he's a cutie and he's home. So, life is good.
Hugs and love.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 426
Thanks Beulah - for always being honest and forthright. We all have our own paths and it's concern for someone that is loved that is expressed. I doubt there would be any "told you so"'s here. Just be safe and aware and know we love you!!
Classical - fantastic news about the birthday bash.
I'm so happy all went well.
Things are fine here. I have my interview for temp work tomorrow - at least it's something, I hope it works out.
Hope everyone is having a safe and wonderful weekend.
Stream - I hope there weren't any bake sales this weekend and you decided to go for the pie-eating record!!!
:rotfxko
funny anna
Classical - fantastic news about the birthday bash.
I'm so happy all went well. Things are fine here. I have my interview for temp work tomorrow - at least it's something, I hope it works out.
Hope everyone is having a safe and wonderful weekend.
Stream - I hope there weren't any bake sales this weekend and you decided to go for the pie-eating record!!!
:rotfxko
funny anna
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Classical. I am so glad the party went off as it was meant to. You deserve some fun.
Beulah. We have travelled a long way since we all came together on the June thread. It has been a remarkable journey, at a very important time of my life. You are part of the family and are always welcome. It is always good to have you drop in, and always will be.
Over recent years, in my drinking, I always at some level felt I was not too far away from a disaster. I lived on borrowed time, alienated and tormented. I imagined catastrophe circling over me, DUI, being drunk at work or a medical complication all of which would be "life changing" for me. Over the last 140 days I have moved from a desperate desire to get some stability, and a bit of relief to believing there is a way forward for me that is liberating. This is my new road.
Beulah. We have travelled a long way since we all came together on the June thread. It has been a remarkable journey, at a very important time of my life. You are part of the family and are always welcome. It is always good to have you drop in, and always will be.
Over recent years, in my drinking, I always at some level felt I was not too far away from a disaster. I lived on borrowed time, alienated and tormented. I imagined catastrophe circling over me, DUI, being drunk at work or a medical complication all of which would be "life changing" for me. Over the last 140 days I have moved from a desperate desire to get some stability, and a bit of relief to believing there is a way forward for me that is liberating. This is my new road.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Morning all.
Buelah i'm sorry about the decision you have made but I also understand. Nobody here will do anything like "I told you so" if and when you come back - we all just want to help. All I can do is tell you what experience I have had in the hope it will help prevent you from doing the same. I wish you the very best and please pop back to say hello often. If you change your mind and come back regular we will all be happy and welcome you back with open arms.
Classical so pleased to hear about how fab JD's bash was. So proud of you for having a fantastic time and not even wanting to drink. That AV is so sneaky it will try and get you back no matter what has happened. Sometimes it takes something really bad and big to happen to squash it out but still it manages to pop back over time if you let it. Now is the time for you to work on really eliminating it from your life forever. I know you probably think after what happened to you that it will be easy but I have had a few mortifying experiences where I have said I will never drink again, and really really meant it, but still I talked myself back into wanting to drink.
My brother was over on Saturday and we were talking about my drinking. He mentioned that it sometimes made me bad tempered. He has a video clip of me really having a go at my eldest daughter, all she was doing was eating some cereal and I was p***ed and being pretty mean. I told him to please never let me see that. However, maybe I should watch it and have it handy to look at whenever I think about drinking. I cant imagine ever wanting to drink again but I am aware of the statistics and see people who have many years sobriety going back to it. It scares me.
Still got alot of work to do on my step 4. I really want to get the steps done and feel the relief that everyone in AA who has done them says will come. The household stuff is slowing me down. The depression is slowing me down. I was reading a bit about PAWS and thinking I am probably suffering from that - maybe its not depression or maybe its both. Considering I drank heavily on and off over a 30 year period I accept it is going to take a very long time for the physical and mental damage to heal - I have heard many people say it took 2 years although I have read its between 6 months and 2 years usually. So I am going to learn to live with this feeling of going in and out of depression every few days and just be grateful it is still not as bad as the withdrawals and remorse of hangovers.
So many memories from the past I had forgotten are coming back to me at night. So much guilt and shame surfacing. I know I can do nothing about it and am proud that I am doing something to change now and the future. I deserve a bit of suffering after the years of selfish behaviour - it will be worth it when I have made all possible amend and am living a productive healthy life.
Another long post from me sorry I need to get these things out I guess.
Buelah i'm sorry about the decision you have made but I also understand. Nobody here will do anything like "I told you so" if and when you come back - we all just want to help. All I can do is tell you what experience I have had in the hope it will help prevent you from doing the same. I wish you the very best and please pop back to say hello often. If you change your mind and come back regular we will all be happy and welcome you back with open arms.
Classical so pleased to hear about how fab JD's bash was. So proud of you for having a fantastic time and not even wanting to drink. That AV is so sneaky it will try and get you back no matter what has happened. Sometimes it takes something really bad and big to happen to squash it out but still it manages to pop back over time if you let it. Now is the time for you to work on really eliminating it from your life forever. I know you probably think after what happened to you that it will be easy but I have had a few mortifying experiences where I have said I will never drink again, and really really meant it, but still I talked myself back into wanting to drink.
My brother was over on Saturday and we were talking about my drinking. He mentioned that it sometimes made me bad tempered. He has a video clip of me really having a go at my eldest daughter, all she was doing was eating some cereal and I was p***ed and being pretty mean. I told him to please never let me see that. However, maybe I should watch it and have it handy to look at whenever I think about drinking. I cant imagine ever wanting to drink again but I am aware of the statistics and see people who have many years sobriety going back to it. It scares me.
Still got alot of work to do on my step 4. I really want to get the steps done and feel the relief that everyone in AA who has done them says will come. The household stuff is slowing me down. The depression is slowing me down. I was reading a bit about PAWS and thinking I am probably suffering from that - maybe its not depression or maybe its both. Considering I drank heavily on and off over a 30 year period I accept it is going to take a very long time for the physical and mental damage to heal - I have heard many people say it took 2 years although I have read its between 6 months and 2 years usually. So I am going to learn to live with this feeling of going in and out of depression every few days and just be grateful it is still not as bad as the withdrawals and remorse of hangovers.
So many memories from the past I had forgotten are coming back to me at night. So much guilt and shame surfacing. I know I can do nothing about it and am proud that I am doing something to change now and the future. I deserve a bit of suffering after the years of selfish behaviour - it will be worth it when I have made all possible amend and am living a productive healthy life.
Another long post from me sorry I need to get these things out I guess.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Hey Pumpkin. I guess in the big scheme of things it is still early days. There have been big changes, but I think on other fronts it will be slow progress. Even at this point my worst days are no where near as bad as a routine day in my drinking days. In a way the drinking relieved the misery that was caused by drinking.
I think alcohol can do insidious things to your mood and emotional reactions. I can see in retrospect how cranky I was, and how easily prone to going off. These changes aren't going to completely disappear over a few months. So I hope at some point for you it will be 5 forward and only two back, which will nett you more progress.
I have been slowly getting my workshop in order, doing small jobs that need doing around the house and I am now allowing myself to do more exercise (going for a 30km ride today). I was pouring some turps in an old glass to clean a paintbrush and got some deja vu about pouring wine. I have not had reminder as strong as that for a while, but when it happens even though I am surprised I am not unsettled by the experience and quickly moved on.
See you all tomorrow
I think alcohol can do insidious things to your mood and emotional reactions. I can see in retrospect how cranky I was, and how easily prone to going off. These changes aren't going to completely disappear over a few months. So I hope at some point for you it will be 5 forward and only two back, which will nett you more progress.
I have been slowly getting my workshop in order, doing small jobs that need doing around the house and I am now allowing myself to do more exercise (going for a 30km ride today). I was pouring some turps in an old glass to clean a paintbrush and got some deja vu about pouring wine. I have not had reminder as strong as that for a while, but when it happens even though I am surprised I am not unsettled by the experience and quickly moved on.
See you all tomorrow
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 720
Thank you all. I'll let you know how I am doing. And I know you are always here for me if this blows up in my face. I'm still taking one day at a time, with a daily goal of not drinking. Sobriety is a beautiful thing, and I plan on not going back to my old ways.
As I put in the past:
May today there be peace within. May you trust you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love. It is there for each and every one of us.
Hugs and love to all of you. I couldn't have made it this far without you, and you'll still be with me as I continue along.
As I put in the past:
May today there be peace within. May you trust you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love. It is there for each and every one of us.
Hugs and love to all of you. I couldn't have made it this far without you, and you'll still be with me as I continue along.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: essex
Posts: 451
So here i am again, i have been reading all post and seem this is 1 of the best threads on SR. COMING FROM A NEW DIRECTION, going to call the 3rd of oct my sober date Birthday, and will be checking in, as dont give a lot of advice but take a lot of suppot, sorry for that, so will have 5 days under me belt before the weekend comes around, and so want to live a better life than have been for the last 2 years.
Paddyb
Paddyb
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
Good morning Friends. Today is 13 and it feels great. I can't remember the last time I went this long. Must have been late june-july. I am 100% done as well. When I am sober I wouldn't hurt a fly. I am calm and caring. When I am drunk I am a raging lunatic who feels that the world owes her something. My mood has also taken a turn for the better. I don't know if it is the medication or if I am just fed up with being so down.
"I've got this energy beneath my feet like something underground is going to come up and carry me."
Buelah I wish you all the best in the world. There will be no I told you so's from me. You have offered tons of support and I am grateful to you. Your presence will be missed but I understand that there is life to be had beyond the internet.
Paddy keep on keeping on my friend. When the weekend comes log on to SR or keep us in your mind. You can make it.
Pumkin I have all of those moments come flooding in when I least want them to. I can relate. I wonder what the ghost of christmas past would have to show me. I'd rather not see.
Bratnik good luck with the temp job.
Instant it is my road too. I am one drink away from disaster.
well much love to all. I will see you soon.
"I've got this energy beneath my feet like something underground is going to come up and carry me."
Buelah I wish you all the best in the world. There will be no I told you so's from me. You have offered tons of support and I am grateful to you. Your presence will be missed but I understand that there is life to be had beyond the internet.
Paddy keep on keeping on my friend. When the weekend comes log on to SR or keep us in your mind. You can make it.
Pumkin I have all of those moments come flooding in when I least want them to. I can relate. I wonder what the ghost of christmas past would have to show me. I'd rather not see.
Bratnik good luck with the temp job.
Instant it is my road too. I am one drink away from disaster.
well much love to all. I will see you soon.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Mi
Posts: 292
Hello Juners,
Day 23. Weekend was easy, although I never would have foreseen fighting off a pint wielding tempter with nearly a dozen hot dogs on a Friday night. Sliding into that 3 to 4 week danger zone that has tripped me up before.
The meeting yesterday afternoon was interesting. I'll go back on Wednesday to check them out again.
Blackbird - Your posts are so much more up beat now. It is good to see.
Bratnik - Looking forward to hearing an update on that interview. You aren't a fan of those pesky Yankees are you? Certainly not the Cowboys, I hope.
Classical - Congrats on the party and your crystal clear vision for your future. Mine is still a bit murky, I fear.
Buelah - Told ya so.
Day 23. Weekend was easy, although I never would have foreseen fighting off a pint wielding tempter with nearly a dozen hot dogs on a Friday night. Sliding into that 3 to 4 week danger zone that has tripped me up before.
The meeting yesterday afternoon was interesting. I'll go back on Wednesday to check them out again.
Blackbird - Your posts are so much more up beat now. It is good to see.
Bratnik - Looking forward to hearing an update on that interview. You aren't a fan of those pesky Yankees are you? Certainly not the Cowboys, I hope.
Classical - Congrats on the party and your crystal clear vision for your future. Mine is still a bit murky, I fear.
Buelah - Told ya so.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Morning everyone.
Paddyb. Those 5 days are precious. Keep working them. It took me a very long time to string a week together. I had six weeks off last year and when I stumbled it took me so long to have another attempt I was so demoralised.
Classical. The days I count are not days not drinking. I do not miss it. It is pointless to count the days because I no longer drink. The days I count are the days in which I am free.
When I imagine the rest of my life without alcohol it is hard to describe what I feel but it is very liberating. There is no sense of loss.
Paddyb. Those 5 days are precious. Keep working them. It took me a very long time to string a week together. I had six weeks off last year and when I stumbled it took me so long to have another attempt I was so demoralised.
Classical. The days I count are not days not drinking. I do not miss it. It is pointless to count the days because I no longer drink. The days I count are the days in which I am free.
When I imagine the rest of my life without alcohol it is hard to describe what I feel but it is very liberating. There is no sense of loss.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: essex
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by instant 
Morning everyone.
Paddyb. Those 5 days are precious. Keep working them. It took me a very long time to string a week together. I had six weeks off last year and when I stumbled it took me so long to have another attempt I was so demoralised.
Classical. The days I count are not days not drinking. I do not miss it. It is pointless to count the days because I no longer drink. The days I count are the days in which I am free.
When I imagine the rest of my life without alcohol it is hard to describe what I feel but it is very liberating. There is no sense of loss.
Paddyb. Those 5 days are precious. Keep working them. It took me a very long time to string a week together. I had six weeks off last year and when I stumbled it took me so long to have another attempt I was so demoralised.
Classical. The days I count are not days not drinking. I do not miss it. It is pointless to count the days because I no longer drink. The days I count are the days in which I am free.
When I imagine the rest of my life without alcohol it is hard to describe what I feel but it is very liberating. There is no sense of loss.
you know after 3-5 days and weekend come round, its the mind saying go on reward 1s self, took my first beer Saturday morning watching the Ruby at about 8ish, and didnt stop all day and didnt even feel tipsy 1 bit. I CANT just have 1 or 2, it has to 12-13. coming up to the 24 hour mark at 10pm tonight as then when i stopped Sunday, feeling swollen around the middle section, but will not pick up, dont want to pick up, i want the old cocky quick witted Rory back and not some who keeps his head down. It was hard the weekend the weather hit the hottest Oct on record here in the Uk and every where people where drinking, pubs were packed out and i felt alone, it is hard!!!!
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Drinkings a lonely business Paddy - thats why I always recommend looking for more support...it doesn't have to be AA or any one particular method, but I think it really helps to have people you can turn to
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Paddy - good for you. I'm proud of your determination. It's going to pay off. I know, it's hard to see everyone out in the beautiful weather imbibing and enjoying. But that is not the drinking we do - we don't sit and have 3 over 3 hours. We have 10. That's why that lifestyle doesn't work for us. Keep trying. And keep posting here. You DO offer support for everyone - just by showing up and posting - you remind everyone of how strong and determined you are - and when someone feels weak as I do right now, it helps.
The interview was a wash. This company focuses on temp-to-hire positions and I am "overqualified" for their placement so the guy basically said he wasn't going to waste his time with me. He also said I will have "no problem" finding a job on my own. What a putz. If I had no problem, I wouldn't be there looking for temp work, would I???
I'm not going to harp on my frustration with it. I'm too qualified, not qualified enough, actually had feedback saying that because I'm from NYC people don't want to work with me thinking I'm going to be difficult. This stinks.
Tomorrow I'm back to square one, sending out cold resumes on postings. Too much grievances to bring up here. Just staying patient and trying to stay strong.
Stream - I AM a Yankee fan (hubby is a Red Sox fan - we are a mixed marriage) and am a Packer fan to the grave (I grew up in WI). But I'm trying to be a Cowboy fan too. Good game for you guys this weekend!
Instant and Pumpkin - your thoughts are so very valuable and I'm grateful for your posts. They are thought-provoking and I try and learn from all of them. I'm very interested in the step work Pumpkin - Step 4 on which you are working esp.
Gonna fight the AV as hard as possible tonight. He's here in full force. Why is my AV male? What is his name? I have a picture of this demon in my head...just haven't named him yet. Anyway....I don't like him.
Prob more later from me. Classical, I'm so glad you are here and sharing your innermost thoughts on your experience. I worked out today until I almost died and am too tired to move. I guess that is good. My trainer said no dairy, bread, or sugar. Come on, man!!! Is nothing sacred anymore???
BBF you are sounding amazing and are my hero right now. Stay there, keep me strong girl!
The interview was a wash. This company focuses on temp-to-hire positions and I am "overqualified" for their placement so the guy basically said he wasn't going to waste his time with me. He also said I will have "no problem" finding a job on my own. What a putz. If I had no problem, I wouldn't be there looking for temp work, would I???
I'm not going to harp on my frustration with it. I'm too qualified, not qualified enough, actually had feedback saying that because I'm from NYC people don't want to work with me thinking I'm going to be difficult. This stinks.
Tomorrow I'm back to square one, sending out cold resumes on postings. Too much grievances to bring up here. Just staying patient and trying to stay strong.
Stream - I AM a Yankee fan (hubby is a Red Sox fan - we are a mixed marriage) and am a Packer fan to the grave (I grew up in WI). But I'm trying to be a Cowboy fan too. Good game for you guys this weekend!
Instant and Pumpkin - your thoughts are so very valuable and I'm grateful for your posts. They are thought-provoking and I try and learn from all of them. I'm very interested in the step work Pumpkin - Step 4 on which you are working esp.
Gonna fight the AV as hard as possible tonight. He's here in full force. Why is my AV male? What is his name? I have a picture of this demon in my head...just haven't named him yet. Anyway....I don't like him.
Prob more later from me. Classical, I'm so glad you are here and sharing your innermost thoughts on your experience. I worked out today until I almost died and am too tired to move. I guess that is good. My trainer said no dairy, bread, or sugar. Come on, man!!! Is nothing sacred anymore???
BBF you are sounding amazing and are my hero right now.
Stay there, keep me strong girl!
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