Class of June 2011 Part 9
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
I have also missed Sweetnovember and CherryD. My prayers are with them. Beulah, I am assuming this is your first grandchild. Your are going to be a fantastic influence on the little bud. He/she may or may not struggle health wise ( I think Dr's do perform God's work) but he clearly will be lavished with love and attention.
My funk has resolved. Maybe because it's Friday. In any event I am older and wiser. These periods of troubled moods do seem to come on with regularity, but like the weather they change.
Paddy the weekend is predictably difficult for you. It does take enourmous courage to abstain in those first days. I hope you find something that gets you through. My AV was screaming at me things like
The truth is I did stand those feelings, and I didn't need anything to take the edge off. I had tried everything from cutting back to whatever and I was struggling in life and tormented. That first weekend was not a picnic but I arrived at work on Monday in better shape than I had been in for ages.................and it just got better and easier from there. It was a fair trade.
I had got to the stage where at one level I dreaded the weekend. The freedom brought with it less efforts at restraint. I now have my weekends back, and will enjoy it with some peace of mind and more self respect.
I am now in place where I am starting to believe I can dream again and think about having a future.
My funk has resolved. Maybe because it's Friday. In any event I am older and wiser. These periods of troubled moods do seem to come on with regularity, but like the weather they change.
Paddy the weekend is predictably difficult for you. It does take enourmous courage to abstain in those first days. I hope you find something that gets you through. My AV was screaming at me things like
- I can't stand these feelings, I have to have something to take the edge off
- just cut back a bit, it will make it easier
- the weekend will be miserable and I have to work all next week with no reward
The truth is I did stand those feelings, and I didn't need anything to take the edge off. I had tried everything from cutting back to whatever and I was struggling in life and tormented. That first weekend was not a picnic but I arrived at work on Monday in better shape than I had been in for ages.................and it just got better and easier from there. It was a fair trade.
I had got to the stage where at one level I dreaded the weekend. The freedom brought with it less efforts at restraint. I now have my weekends back, and will enjoy it with some peace of mind and more self respect.
I am now in place where I am starting to believe I can dream again and think about having a future.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: essex
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by instant 
I have also missed Sweetnovember and CherryD. My prayers are with them. Beulah, I am assuming this is your first grandchild. Your are going to be a fantastic influence on the little bud. He/she may or may not struggle health wise ( I think Dr's do perform God's work) but he clearly will be lavished with love and attention.
My funk has resolved. Maybe because it's Friday. In any event I am older and wiser. These periods of troubled moods do seem to come on with regularity, but like the weather they change.
Paddy the weekend is predictably difficult for you. It does take enourmous courage to abstain in those first days. I hope you find something that gets you through. My AV was screaming at me things like
The truth is I did stand those feelings, and I didn't need anything to take the edge off. I had tried everything from cutting back to whatever and I was struggling in life and tormented. That first weekend was not a picnic but I arrived at work on Monday in better shape than I had been in for ages.................and it just got better and easier from there.
I had got to the stage where at one level I dreaded the weekend. The freedom brought with it less efforts at restraint.
I am now in place where I am starting to believe I can dream again and think about having a future.
My funk has resolved. Maybe because it's Friday. In any event I am older and wiser. These periods of troubled moods do seem to come on with regularity, but like the weather they change.
Paddy the weekend is predictably difficult for you. It does take enourmous courage to abstain in those first days. I hope you find something that gets you through. My AV was screaming at me things like
- I can't stand these feelings, I have to have something to take the edge off
- just cut back a bit, it will make it easier
- the weekend will be miserable and I have to work all next week with no reward
The truth is I did stand those feelings, and I didn't need anything to take the edge off. I had tried everything from cutting back to whatever and I was struggling in life and tormented. That first weekend was not a picnic but I arrived at work on Monday in better shape than I had been in for ages.................and it just got better and easier from there.
I had got to the stage where at one level I dreaded the weekend. The freedom brought with it less efforts at restraint.
I am now in place where I am starting to believe I can dream again and think about having a future.
made it to the meeting tonight and made it there early. It was step 12 and the group asked if we would like step 1, as there was another new member there, we said we would listen in and next week will be step 1 i hope?. Step 12 very interesting and got some good vibes from it, it will be day 3 tomorrow and eaten like a horse today (gotta watch that) but tonight 10.41pm and i am sober and will wake sober and stronger i hope every day. Yes the weekend is coming up and i need to come to terms that if i take that 1st drink, then its back to square 1 and i dont want that again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
instant beautiful. I want to join you there.
paddy! you are sounding mighty positive! i like that.
I am now in place where I am starting to believe I can dream again and think about having a future.
paddy! you are sounding mighty positive! i like that.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
WARNING!!!! THIS POST IS A DOWNER!
This is a confession. I have finished off a bottle of wine from the time I last posted to now. I am thinking about going to go get more (walking)
I had a terrible day, despite all attempts to remain positive. Husband was a giant ass (one example I was called a fat ***^ing wh^re) up until 700 at night when he apologized for Everything. And I mean everything that I have ever resented him for. the apology lasted an hour. Not just the cheating and lying... but for treating me like garbage, for being verbally and physically abusive. For not allowing me to have an opinion. For criticizing me on a daily basis. For treating me worse than he would any stranger that he met on the street. I hate him and feel loss at the same time. I have lost everything that I had left.
Decent job- gone
self respect- gone
friends- gone
Husband and family life- gone
How low am I?
Are any of these excuses? no. Can I blame him for my alcoholic tendencies? no.
I ran right back to my old coping mechanism. I won't go for more. I can at least control that.... KINDA not really as I type I know that I will go for more. who the eff cares really? Somebody put me out of my misery. :uzi:
This is a confession. I have finished off a bottle of wine from the time I last posted to now. I am thinking about going to go get more (walking)
I had a terrible day, despite all attempts to remain positive. Husband was a giant ass (one example I was called a fat ***^ing wh^re) up until 700 at night when he apologized for Everything. And I mean everything that I have ever resented him for. the apology lasted an hour. Not just the cheating and lying... but for treating me like garbage, for being verbally and physically abusive. For not allowing me to have an opinion. For criticizing me on a daily basis. For treating me worse than he would any stranger that he met on the street. I hate him and feel loss at the same time. I have lost everything that I had left.
Decent job- gone
self respect- gone
friends- gone
Husband and family life- gone
How low am I?
Are any of these excuses? no. Can I blame him for my alcoholic tendencies? no.
I ran right back to my old coping mechanism. I won't go for more. I can at least control that.... KINDA not really as I type I know that I will go for more. who the eff cares really? Somebody put me out of my misery. :uzi:
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
chimp I should mention that as I was walking into the store tonight to buy my bottle of wine I saw a man that resembled you. I fought myself for a good half hour BECAUSE of that.... before giving into myself.
I should have just seen that it was a sign.
I should have just seen that it was a sign.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 720
Hey Blackbird - time to cut down the apple tree. You can make a change. You really can. You have proven to us here that you can. This is a bad night. We all have them. But, remember this tonight, and tell yourself this. You are a beautiful mother of two beautiful children. There is no F'ing who*e there. Again, you are a beautiful mother of two beautiful children. Please get some sleep and start tomorrow with a new set of eyes. Your life will turn around, it won't happen overnight, but it will happen. You just have to promise to keep trying.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
BBF
Wine and whiskey is never a good mix.
I know there's a little light in you - a light that knows you deserve better than this, and a part of you that knows this is just pointless punishing yourself for others people's stuff.
It won't change a damn thing - it will just make you sick.
There comes a time when you have to decide to draw a line under the past and move on...otherwise we just keep going round and round in the same old cess pit.
I really hope you'll push the bottle away BBF
D
Wine and whiskey is never a good mix.
I know there's a little light in you - a light that knows you deserve better than this, and a part of you that knows this is just pointless punishing yourself for others people's stuff.
It won't change a damn thing - it will just make you sick.
There comes a time when you have to decide to draw a line under the past and move on...otherwise we just keep going round and round in the same old cess pit.
I really hope you'll push the bottle away BBF
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: BoulderCo
Posts: 111
Hey thought it was time to pop in with an update. I'm doing great going really strong with the sobriety and I'm finally out of the first trimester so I'm physically feeling better. I haven't been around much because school has started and I'm very short on time and energy. But that's perfect and I think it's a big reason for why I'm doing so well. I'm a workaholic and boredom is really hard on me. And yeah I'm up late finishing a paper.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
My prayers have been answered Veronica. It's great to hear you are doing well with both your "conditions" and powering on. Well done.
BBF the circle will not be broken until you change. Your partner has his own issues that he is not handling well. From what you have described he is unlikely to make it easy for you. You have had periods where you have not retreated to the bottle, and started to work on things. I hope you find strength to get back on track.
I started reading the book, I was shocked to discover the author define early recovery as the first two years. What I have read so far is quite confronting. To be continued........
BBF the circle will not be broken until you change. Your partner has his own issues that he is not handling well. From what you have described he is unlikely to make it easy for you. You have had periods where you have not retreated to the bottle, and started to work on things. I hope you find strength to get back on track.
I started reading the book, I was shocked to discover the author define early recovery as the first two years. What I have read so far is quite confronting. To be continued........
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Katie I hope you are ok and get back to us as soon as you can - we have all been there - we understand - just get back on the path to sobriety. Sometimes our journeys take us back to the bottle. Hopefully it will be a lesson learned and eventally lead to a stronger long term sobriety. As long as we get there eventually and are always trying to achieve that now is the main thing.
Buelah I hope all turns about well for your step-grandbabby - 32 weeks is a pretty safe time to emerge into the world this day and age. Let us know of any developments.
Cherry - its great to hear from you and congrats on reaching the 2nd trimester. Its supposed to be the most enjoyable one of the three. Have you felt movements yet?
Instant I am also really interested in that book. It doesnt surprise me that the first 2 years are classed as early recovery although that could seem very daunting when you are first starting out. To me now it is almost a relief as I havent been able to fathom why I dont feel so much better yet. We are all different though and I do know some people who have been on a pink cloud from 2 weeks in and seem to have stayed there.
I have been rotten the past few days to the point of feeling like im going mad. I had got myself so worked up and stressed out about a work situation - I know and knew at the time I was blowing it out of proportion but I couldnt stop myself getting panicy and yesterday I had to take valium to calm me I felt so close to panic attacks and just totally feeling out of my mind. Its over now and was ok and I hope now that I can move on and if the Prozac I am on is the right med for me that it will get me back to my senses soon. I need to be able to cope with life and I felt so out of control the past few days, especially yesterday, I couldnt see a light at the end of the tunnel. Waking up every morning full of fear, scared of getting up and just doing normal things. Hopefully I have turned a corner now. If things havent improved alot by next week I will see my doc and maybe have to think about trying a different med for my depression.
Anyway today I am feeling hopeful again although tired from lack of sleep. Cant seem to shut my brain down. Maybe its finally waking up!
Paddy to get you through the weekend how about upping to a meeting every day or even two a day. It might seem like alot of effort but how wonderful will you feel on Monday. My Friday night meeting has definately contributed big time to me keeping on track, Friday after work was always my main trigger/craving time.
Today I am extremely grateful to be sober, to have got yesterday over with, to be feeling hopeful again, for my wonderful daughters, for my cats, my house, my bed and my job.
Buelah I hope all turns about well for your step-grandbabby - 32 weeks is a pretty safe time to emerge into the world this day and age. Let us know of any developments.
Cherry - its great to hear from you and congrats on reaching the 2nd trimester. Its supposed to be the most enjoyable one of the three. Have you felt movements yet?
Instant I am also really interested in that book. It doesnt surprise me that the first 2 years are classed as early recovery although that could seem very daunting when you are first starting out. To me now it is almost a relief as I havent been able to fathom why I dont feel so much better yet. We are all different though and I do know some people who have been on a pink cloud from 2 weeks in and seem to have stayed there.
I have been rotten the past few days to the point of feeling like im going mad. I had got myself so worked up and stressed out about a work situation - I know and knew at the time I was blowing it out of proportion but I couldnt stop myself getting panicy and yesterday I had to take valium to calm me I felt so close to panic attacks and just totally feeling out of my mind. Its over now and was ok and I hope now that I can move on and if the Prozac I am on is the right med for me that it will get me back to my senses soon. I need to be able to cope with life and I felt so out of control the past few days, especially yesterday, I couldnt see a light at the end of the tunnel. Waking up every morning full of fear, scared of getting up and just doing normal things. Hopefully I have turned a corner now. If things havent improved alot by next week I will see my doc and maybe have to think about trying a different med for my depression.
Anyway today I am feeling hopeful again although tired from lack of sleep. Cant seem to shut my brain down. Maybe its finally waking up!
Paddy to get you through the weekend how about upping to a meeting every day or even two a day. It might seem like alot of effort but how wonderful will you feel on Monday. My Friday night meeting has definately contributed big time to me keeping on track, Friday after work was always my main trigger/craving time.
Today I am extremely grateful to be sober, to have got yesterday over with, to be feeling hopeful again, for my wonderful daughters, for my cats, my house, my bed and my job.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Pumpkin hopefully the weekend will allow things to get better for you. From the sound of it your boss can be domineering, unreasonable and intimidating.
It may not help but someone did give me a tip that has helped once or twice. As the person is having a go at you, you imagine them being naked at the time. It does put one in a lighter frame of mind, as usually they are being irrational. I also feel sorry for people who behave so badly to others, it shows the toxicity in their soul.
It is Friday night at 8.30pm here. Friday night I used to let loose a bit and get the weekend off to a really bad start, knowing all the time the full cycle. I had been trying for so long to get a clean weekend and get on a run of sobriety. My promises fell flat so many times and it was very disheartening.
See you all tomorrow.
It may not help but someone did give me a tip that has helped once or twice. As the person is having a go at you, you imagine them being naked at the time. It does put one in a lighter frame of mind, as usually they are being irrational. I also feel sorry for people who behave so badly to others, it shows the toxicity in their soul.
It is Friday night at 8.30pm here. Friday night I used to let loose a bit and get the weekend off to a really bad start, knowing all the time the full cycle. I had been trying for so long to get a clean weekend and get on a run of sobriety. My promises fell flat so many times and it was very disheartening.
See you all tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 720
Instant - 2 years...wow. But, part of me is not surprised as early recovery as the first two years. It's no different than anything else in life. First two years of school. First two years of marriage. First two years of a new job. Everything takes time. This is not something we can flip a switch. And actually, it's a really big switch when you look at a lot of our drinking history. Plus, I look at how fast time goes by any more. My hubby and I were just heading to the woods with chainsaws to gather wood for the winter heating season. And here we are....doing it again. Did a year really just go by? Then I look at the bigger picture, and say....wow....we've been together for 15 years. So, if I stand back and look at 2 years, I realize as fast as time goes by, 2 years will be here before we know it. That's why it's so important to savor our moments, savor our days, and enjoy them sober. But, your statement was an eye opener. We all think this is early recovery.
I think I will be ordering the book as it sounds very interesting. I love Amazon. For people like me that dread shopping, free shipping is my friend.
Blackbird - today is the first day of the rest of your life. I'm glad I bumped on the internet one more time before I went to bed. Keep trying!!! We're here for you.
Pumpkin - oh it's so frustrating when we have things happen in our jobs that make us want to SCREAM! I hope your depression gets under control. Amazing how many of us suffer from forms of depression, anxiety, etc. Our society has us spinning out of control.
No grandbaby yet, and Mama is doing fine. She's under great care. We'll be going to see her tomorrow. Will be a long day of driving, but we'd like to see her before she has the baby, plus just want to give her a hug and tell that little guy to stay in there a little longer if he can.
Happy Friday World!!!!
Hugs and love!
I think I will be ordering the book as it sounds very interesting. I love Amazon. For people like me that dread shopping, free shipping is my friend.
Blackbird - today is the first day of the rest of your life. I'm glad I bumped on the internet one more time before I went to bed. Keep trying!!! We're here for you.
Pumpkin - oh it's so frustrating when we have things happen in our jobs that make us want to SCREAM! I hope your depression gets under control. Amazing how many of us suffer from forms of depression, anxiety, etc. Our society has us spinning out of control.
No grandbaby yet, and Mama is doing fine. She's under great care. We'll be going to see her tomorrow. Will be a long day of driving, but we'd like to see her before she has the baby, plus just want to give her a hug and tell that little guy to stay in there a little longer if he can.
Happy Friday World!!!!
Hugs and love!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 711
blackbird - hang in there my friend, there is always a way out and a way up. I think we all can recall just how impossible sobriety can feel at times. All those great moments we have as we celebrate being clean and sober can feel like it's going down the drain when hard times hit and we cave, but i truly believe it's not lost at all. I can't discount all those days sober I had before. There is still something to be learned there. I read it somewhere here that when you find yourself in a hole, stop digging! lol
At some point we have to put down the shovel, take a deep breath, find those small crevises in the wall and climb up.
Falling again sucks~~ I know the next day and quite some time afterwards I felt daily guilt. Feeling like a weakling destined to die early and live in destitute, destined to be a crappy father and husband. It's all tricks and lies that come from within our own selves.
The fact is, wheter you drink again or not, you are a bright light in the dark. You have people around you that do care immensely for you and I'm sure you have people that depend on you. I do hope soon that you'll loosen up the grip on that shovel. Hope this helps!!
At some point we have to put down the shovel, take a deep breath, find those small crevises in the wall and climb up.
Falling again sucks~~ I know the next day and quite some time afterwards I felt daily guilt. Feeling like a weakling destined to die early and live in destitute, destined to be a crappy father and husband. It's all tricks and lies that come from within our own selves.
The fact is, wheter you drink again or not, you are a bright light in the dark. You have people around you that do care immensely for you and I'm sure you have people that depend on you. I do hope soon that you'll loosen up the grip on that shovel. Hope this helps!!
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