Class of August 2011 Pt2
ANewBeginning
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
Thanks, Dee - You too!
I have a therapy session tomorrow that I'm preparing for today - just praying for a breakthrough with the 'stuff'. Get finally through the past so I can really focus on here and now and my future without being clouded by the past. Have to do the work so I won't keep going around the same mountain all the time. Sunday is my grandfather's memorial at his house.
Alcohol to me has been my refuge, my support. For me, God has to be that.... have that place in my life... or I go downhill everytime. If I rely on myself and my own devices, I'll fail. Actually, if I start thinking about using my own devices - if I dwell on it long enough... I'm cooked. I'm being burnt by alcohol time and again and still keep going back to the relationship. Like some co-dependant relationship... it calls, I answer 'Here I am' or 'I'll see you in a bit'... Crazy Stuff!!! No More!
This concludes my rant of the day
Have a wonderful Friday, friends!
I have a therapy session tomorrow that I'm preparing for today - just praying for a breakthrough with the 'stuff'. Get finally through the past so I can really focus on here and now and my future without being clouded by the past. Have to do the work so I won't keep going around the same mountain all the time. Sunday is my grandfather's memorial at his house.
Alcohol to me has been my refuge, my support. For me, God has to be that.... have that place in my life... or I go downhill everytime. If I rely on myself and my own devices, I'll fail. Actually, if I start thinking about using my own devices - if I dwell on it long enough... I'm cooked. I'm being burnt by alcohol time and again and still keep going back to the relationship. Like some co-dependant relationship... it calls, I answer 'Here I am' or 'I'll see you in a bit'... Crazy Stuff!!! No More!
This concludes my rant of the day
Have a wonderful Friday, friends!
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Hang in there R4R...this too will pass. Just keep coming back here, and sharing. You are an awesome and worthwhile person who is going through a tough time and grieving loss. It's part of the cycle of life that all of us go through at different times. Keep leaning on the one's who care and who don't judge you, and be easy on yourself as well.
Peace,
Peace,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 95
R4R - I believe in you. We are all a work in progress and sometimes the road gets bumpy. I hope your weekend goes well. God has been so very good to me when I let Him take over. Sometimes it's hard to relinquish control but the pay off is great. I know personally, my devices are broken and decietful. God has my best interests when often times I don't.
Lofty - Great advice. You rock.
Dee - Hope your weekend is great and thanks for everything you do.
Wishing everyone a peaceful and poison free weekend. Be good to yourselves.
Peace!
Lofty - Great advice. You rock.
Dee - Hope your weekend is great and thanks for everything you do.
Wishing everyone a peaceful and poison free weekend. Be good to yourselves.
Peace!
Hi new week end coming up Sunday's my fight/flight day here;s hoping 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Baltic coast
Posts: 1,371
R4R - Hope your session went well.
hml - Hope all is going well for you
Finished my elementary phase of therapy on Friday - 8 weeks went by all to fast. Received a lot of warm and kind words and a diploma, so now I'm a certified alcoholic
A lot of anxiety about how I'll cope now. I'm continuing therapy in 2-3 weeks (waiting list) and will hopefully have individual sessions every week till then. But now I have to face a sober reality - earn $$$ - I'm self-employed and because of my drinking ruined a lot of trust from clients. Making those phone calls is not something I'm looking forward to. And then handling the bitter words I am going to hear and not going for the bottle.
Very cold but sunny today - morning AA speaker meeting then a short 1 h walk. Evening a 1 h gym session. Have to keep busy - Sundays always release a lot of anxiety in me.
Keep sober everyone !
hml - Hope all is going well for you
Finished my elementary phase of therapy on Friday - 8 weeks went by all to fast. Received a lot of warm and kind words and a diploma, so now I'm a certified alcoholic
A lot of anxiety about how I'll cope now. I'm continuing therapy in 2-3 weeks (waiting list) and will hopefully have individual sessions every week till then. But now I have to face a sober reality - earn $$$ - I'm self-employed and because of my drinking ruined a lot of trust from clients. Making those phone calls is not something I'm looking forward to. And then handling the bitter words I am going to hear and not going for the bottle.
Very cold but sunny today - morning AA speaker meeting then a short 1 h walk. Evening a 1 h gym session. Have to keep busy - Sundays always release a lot of anxiety in me.
Keep sober everyone !
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
I feel your pain, Piotr. I am also self employed and had music to face. You can do it. Time heals all pains, and if clients choose to move on, then maybe its just as well for all. A little extra prospecting time can often work wonders for business.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Uk
Posts: 66
Well done on completing your course Piotr - sounds like you are doing well. Fab that you are filling your day as well. The phone calls may be daunting but take your time with them, prepare yourself and know what you are going to say, and maybe consider how you will/may respond to any 'bitter words'.
Hml, hope you are well.
Lofty, Dee, Pray, r4r - hope the weekend was good to you and you to it...
Hml, hope you are well.
Lofty, Dee, Pray, r4r - hope the weekend was good to you and you to it...
ANewBeginning
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
Happy Tuesday Everyone!
Sorry, I wasn't around for a couple days....
Therapy on Saturday went exceptionally well.... major breakthrough - painful, but ok good.
Grandfather's memorial on Sunday - then had to go home to work on a talk for this Wednesday... which I didn't do. Just pretty much stared at the television the rest of the evening.
Yesterday - first day back to work after being off for almost 1 1/2 weeks - really busy day. Then over to my grandparents house to look at a bedroom set that my grandmother left my dad - who is giving to us. It's was just sad - looking around at their stuff and some it was gone - others had names on them (for who wanted the stuff). My mom was looking around and so was my husband... which I couldn't take anymore... it just seemed to me like they were scavengers. I know it wasn't like that, but still.
Not thinking a whole lot about drinking, but geesh - I would sure like to have my life be a little less hectic!
Piotr - 'certified alcoholic' ... funny, in a weird sort of way
Glad you got through the classes - hope that the phone calls go well. You're stronger now, in a whole different place, so believe in yourself!
Thanks everyone for your encouragement!
Anyway, at work - so I better get something done today!
Have a wonderful day everyone!
Sorry, I wasn't around for a couple days....
Therapy on Saturday went exceptionally well.... major breakthrough - painful, but ok good.
Grandfather's memorial on Sunday - then had to go home to work on a talk for this Wednesday... which I didn't do. Just pretty much stared at the television the rest of the evening.
Yesterday - first day back to work after being off for almost 1 1/2 weeks - really busy day. Then over to my grandparents house to look at a bedroom set that my grandmother left my dad - who is giving to us. It's was just sad - looking around at their stuff and some it was gone - others had names on them (for who wanted the stuff). My mom was looking around and so was my husband... which I couldn't take anymore... it just seemed to me like they were scavengers. I know it wasn't like that, but still.
Not thinking a whole lot about drinking, but geesh - I would sure like to have my life be a little less hectic!
Piotr - 'certified alcoholic' ... funny, in a weird sort of way
Glad you got through the classes - hope that the phone calls go well. You're stronger now, in a whole different place, so believe in yourself!Thanks everyone for your encouragement!
Anyway, at work - so I better get something done today!
Have a wonderful day everyone!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Hi everyone, I'm still hanging in there. Found that the first 5 days were the worst. After that, it wasn't so bad for me. I don't post here that often, because I just don't want to think about it. I can and have gone out to bars, and did not drink. Have no problem doing that. The friends that I go with do have a few beers with their pizza while watching a football game. I don't and I don't need to.
Been hanging out mostly in f & f. I guess it's because I don't want to recall my drinking days. Mostly afraid that I will get back into the "stinking, thinking". I'm fine when I don't think about my drinking, when I do think about it, I start to think, that since it was sort of easy for me to quit, maybe I can drink moderately. I don't want to go there. Would rather go with the thought that I had when I first came here. That thought was and still is "I am an alcoholic, and I need to stop this".
I visit here daily, but don't post much here. I'm really happy that this thread is still going, and I wish everyone the best. I miss you "guys, and gals".
I've been trying to focus more on why I needed to deaden my pain, and how I can change that. When I came here I was divorced for 8 months, relationship was abusive and he was also an alcoholic. I also had recently purchased a foreclosure, and the problems with it were so bad, that I wished that an electrical problem would happen and that the whole house would just burn down.
A lot has happened since then. I started to have work done on my house, and I am starting to love it again. Kitchen remodel should be done within the month, and soon will have carpet and tile floors. Ordering furniture for my house this week. Should be living like a real person before Thanksgiving. None of this would have been possible without the help and support that I got here.
August 1st was the best day of my life, it's the day that I found this forum. Aug 2nd was my first day of not expecting the beer to solve my problems.
Really good to see familiar faces here, and congrats to everyone.
I'll be around more often now that I think I can overcome my "stinking thinking".
Been hanging out mostly in f & f. I guess it's because I don't want to recall my drinking days. Mostly afraid that I will get back into the "stinking, thinking". I'm fine when I don't think about my drinking, when I do think about it, I start to think, that since it was sort of easy for me to quit, maybe I can drink moderately. I don't want to go there. Would rather go with the thought that I had when I first came here. That thought was and still is "I am an alcoholic, and I need to stop this".
I visit here daily, but don't post much here. I'm really happy that this thread is still going, and I wish everyone the best. I miss you "guys, and gals".
I've been trying to focus more on why I needed to deaden my pain, and how I can change that. When I came here I was divorced for 8 months, relationship was abusive and he was also an alcoholic. I also had recently purchased a foreclosure, and the problems with it were so bad, that I wished that an electrical problem would happen and that the whole house would just burn down.
A lot has happened since then. I started to have work done on my house, and I am starting to love it again. Kitchen remodel should be done within the month, and soon will have carpet and tile floors. Ordering furniture for my house this week. Should be living like a real person before Thanksgiving. None of this would have been possible without the help and support that I got here.
August 1st was the best day of my life, it's the day that I found this forum. Aug 2nd was my first day of not expecting the beer to solve my problems.
Really good to see familiar faces here, and congrats to everyone.
I'll be around more often now that I think I can overcome my "stinking thinking".
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Amy...glad to hear from you, and glad your project is back on track. That's exciting.
But, the best part is what you said below:
"I've been trying to focus more on why I needed to deaden my pain, and how I can change that. When I came here I was divorced for 8 months, relationship was abusive and he was also an alcoholic. I also had recently purchased a foreclosure, and the problems with it were so bad, that I wished that an electrical problem would happen and that the whole house would just burn down"
I think you've really hit on the purpose of sobriety. It's not just to stop drinking; almost anyone can do that. Growth is the key. Without it, we may as well drink, huh?!
Glad you checked in! Great to hear from you.
But, the best part is what you said below:
"I've been trying to focus more on why I needed to deaden my pain, and how I can change that. When I came here I was divorced for 8 months, relationship was abusive and he was also an alcoholic. I also had recently purchased a foreclosure, and the problems with it were so bad, that I wished that an electrical problem would happen and that the whole house would just burn down"
I think you've really hit on the purpose of sobriety. It's not just to stop drinking; almost anyone can do that. Growth is the key. Without it, we may as well drink, huh?!
Glad you checked in! Great to hear from you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Uk
Posts: 66
Evening guys,
Hope your all well. I returned to my one on one sessions this eve and it was good to vent, however - i was shocked; scared and upset when he asked me if i missed drinking.... and i found myself saying yes!!
I can only hope that its just because i currently feel alone and that's why i seem to be missing the companionship of the substance.
Hope your all well. I returned to my one on one sessions this eve and it was good to vent, however - i was shocked; scared and upset when he asked me if i missed drinking.... and i found myself saying yes!!
I can only hope that its just because i currently feel alone and that's why i seem to be missing the companionship of the substance.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
IWTTS...what a great revelation to know about yourself!
I still have moments that I miss drinking. I'm only about 72 days sober or so. What your post reminded me of is that we treat this thing like the death of a friend. A dear friend. We grieve the loss. We feel lonely. Until one day we've had enough of it, and pick up and get on with our lives.
The only real difference is that we can resurrect this friend, and when we do, we realize that it was only a fairweather friend to begin with!
I still have moments that I miss drinking. I'm only about 72 days sober or so. What your post reminded me of is that we treat this thing like the death of a friend. A dear friend. We grieve the loss. We feel lonely. Until one day we've had enough of it, and pick up and get on with our lives.
The only real difference is that we can resurrect this friend, and when we do, we realize that it was only a fairweather friend to begin with!
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