Carla77

Hi all!

I have been the "slackingest" slacker about checking in! I accept my award!

Anyway, today is 30 days for me. Things are slowly but surely getting better for me. I am pretty amazed at how little I think about drinking at this point. I have been dealing with a lot of anger though. I now believe that I drank to numb myself from loneliness and from being utterly overwhelmed. My husband and I separated 5 years ago. He is a very emotionally shutdown person and he has no need for physical affection. He even was completely disinterested in bedroom activities. When we were dating it was "OH God if we get pg, out of wedlock that would be terrible." Once married it was "Oh we need to establish ourselves...can't take a chance on getting pg." Etc etc etc. I turned myself inside out for that man. Obviously looking back I know that I made the choice to behave that way, but I was young, naive, lacking family support etc. I used to cry myself to sleep bc he wouldn't touch me......I felt like a w*ore. and just couldn't figure out what was wrong with me that he wasn't interested. I now know it wasn't ME.....he had the issue. Now I am a single mom of two, 30 days sober, with all of this weight that packed on from drinking & binging and just general not taking care of myself bc I had to put the kids and survival first. And I am so lonely! I can't describe what it is like to be in your early 30's and not have been hugged, kissed, intimate for 5 years, and only occasionally for years before that. I know that getting healthy (sober, losing weight etc) is the path to moving on and finding someone that will fill those needs, but the loneliness is suffocating! When I was drinking I would be crazy busy all day (kids, home, work) and then start drinking before I had time to feel the pain at night. Now that I have to actually live with it, it sucks! OK....pity party over. I didn't mean to make a huge "all about me post", but this is what has bubbled to the surface of my thoughts lately.

Carla

Carla77

Sorry again to dump a big *me* post. I needed to get it out and don't have a ton of people irl to discuss it with.

WTTS: Awesome job on the running! I used to run for fun in college. Most of the people that I know that are in amazing shape are runners!

Piotr: Rollerblading after wine sounds like quite a combo! I have quite a visual in my head!

RS2: It sounds like you handled that really well. The fact that she had to basically "go after" you for the water is just crazy! Deflection? I wonder if she was feeling self conscious about her drinking?

OK...I will be back in a bit for some more personals, but my son is calling me!

Thanks all for the support, and happy sober Sunday!!

Carla

rs2

carla77:

please dont apologize to us for telling us how you feel. not only do we all do it, but expressing your feeling in an honest & open way is helpful to us as well. Congrats on the 30 days! That is great!

Piotr----drinking didnt help with your family issues. It made them worse. Dont kid yourself about that man or let the ole alcohol demon tell you he can fix it. You tried that and it didnt help. You are doing great. Hoping you have a sober fun Sunday!

Great job everyone. Have a wonderful sober Sunday!

rs2

dickensen

Carla,

We all have our problems and issues. Booze will not help solve any of them. In fact booze will only make things worse. Fundamentally, booze is evil. With sobriety you will feel alive, and you will radiate the positive to your social circles and those around you. This will help lead to a better lifestyle.

Piotr

Thank you for the words of encouragment lofty, R4R and rs2.

Kept busy today. Morning AA meeting, long walk on the beach, afternoon AA meeting.

The beach walk was great. Sun started shining, windy but also nice waves breaking. Sat on a fallen tree trunk and watched and listened to the sea. If I knew how I'd post a picture.

Day 44 - tied my old sober record.

Keep being sober.

Piotr

Carla - congrats on 30 days

Dee74

Congratulations on 30 days Carla

Getting sober was actually the start of a lot of good things for me - not all of them came as quickly as I'd like tho. I think recovery has it's own timetable, sometimes

I used to be very lonely too - but getting sober allowed me to really get to know myself for the first time - and to like myself.

I think that process of getting to know myself and getting comfortable with who I was (for the first time in my life) has really helped me be a good partner now - my advice is give it time Carla

D

rs2

Hey Amy:

Cool that you stopped counting. I kinda think that when you're over the struggle and comfortable in your sobriety that you do stop counting. Now, I'm admittedly a NEWBIE having only been sober 39 days after a couple of decades of heavy drinking, so my thoughts are subject to criticism.

My date is 8/8 so, you are 6 days ahead of me putting you at about 45 days. Congratulations! As I've gotten more comfortable, i dont keep up witht the days as much, however, SR has a nifty little counter on the home page where you can put in your quit date and they calculate it for you.

wantthistostop

Hi all,

Well done on matching your sober record Piotr - now you can supersede it!

Carla congrats on reaching 30 days, i know its hard doing it by yourself and raising the kids too... But you deserve the focus, so continue with the hard work.
Great to hear from you.

(day 29) I went to a comedy show with live musician (Freddie McGreggor-amazing) last night - first time ive been out in a while; first time out since decision to be sober. surprisingly it wasn't as hard as i thought... although my cousin was like 'what your not even gona have one?'.

Yes that thought 'one or two wont hurt.. not like im gona get sloshed' crept into my head, but once i declined he was like fair enough and nodded in approval ... There was no pressure in that respect.

Without the drink i still laughed till my belly hurt and thoroughly enjoyed the music - without being self conscious as to whether im laughing too hard or singing and dancing like a fool who's had 'too much'! I know parties will be harder to cope with (well i think so!) but have no intention to attend any as yet... Will select more pleasant venues and continue to be strong.

Here's to another week guys - lets have a great one

Really4Real

Well done one and all

Congrats Carla on the BIG 30!! You're doing a great job with getting your life back together. We all know we didn't get the way we are overnight - so some things may not happen as fast as we'd like, but they're moving in the right direction. As long as we keep on facing in the right direction!

Nice job at the show, WTTS! I found that going out to eat and stuff is just fine without drinking... feels good.

Day 50 here - nice to remember what I do on the weekends This one was kind of rocky for a while... dealing with a load of stuff, but it's getting lighter... slowly...

Have a Magnificent Monday! Here's to a nice sober week!

rs2

Great job WTTS !! Its amazing how we dont need to have the alcohol in all our old venues and STILL have an amazing time. Since it was a comedy, you may have noticed those that were drinking and found a little humor in their behavior as well. I, like you, found it easire to just avoid all those type places for the 1st few weeks, but have been able to slowly go back and not drink. Some are easier than others so take it easy in being in those environments where you used to drink.

I was never that great of a dancer, but always enjoyd myself. Dancing sober was a little scary at first, but that too gets easier and I can be just as goofy sober as I was drinking. Furthemore, it really does seem to do the mind and body good to dance and let loose, even (or especially) when sober.

Congratulations on a whole month (almost) !! 29 days is great! You are doing super. Have a great, headache free Monday and look forward to another sober day/week/year....LIFE.

rs2

I've had about a case of NA beer over the last 6 weeks. I hope thats not sabotaging my sobriety. I keep regular beer and NA beer in the ice bin on the boat. Its routine to meet up with folks on the water and I like to have regular beer on the boat for those that are drinking. It doesnt tempt me at all, and never did, even at the beginning of my sobriety. (42 days sober)

One thing I havent mentioned on here is that I'm around alcohol every single day. My wife and I own a retail and wholesale wne & liquor business. When I was drinking, I seldom drank spirits anyway. My main drink was wine.

We've had the businees for 4 years and I think it contributed to my increase in the volume and frequency of my consumption. Since I havent really been out announcing my sobriety, (none of my employees know), I'm sure the ordering manager is wondering why the wine I used to drink seems to be stockpiling. LOL :-) Of course, if I cannot be around it without consuming it, I'll have to sell the business. Fortunately, its not my primary occupation. Sorry, I'm rambing. I think that my point is that just having it available does not tempt me. I am much more tempted by the party situations.

Back to the NA beer question. Is it ok to drink NA beer occasionally, or will will that somehow sabotage my sobriety? Does NA beer effect the liver/body adversely like alcohol?

rs2

Really4Real

RS2... For me, the NA stuff doesn't trigger any need for alcohol... I just like the taste. I think it really depends on the person. You'll probably find that there are differing opinions about depending on the person. It's the alcohol that does the damage... although the carbonation in those or any carbonated drink does other kinds of damage - not to mention the diet soda's that have all the chemicals...
Wow, I can see how you might have an issue running that kind of an establishment... glad it's not overly tempting at the moment and also glad it's sort of your second job.

prayforstrength

My son passed his test with flying colors!!!

Carla - congratulations on 30 days!! I so can relate to your post about missing "intimacy"...I have been missing it since my early 30's and I'm married!! I believe my husband's and my issue had everything to do with alcohol consumption. Now I am sober and he continues to drink so nothing has changed. He has promised me though that he will quit soon. We'll see. Everything will fall into place for you I am sure.

Congrats and good thoughts to everyone else and have a super productive, peaceful and sober week!!

wantthistostop

Hey R4R 50 days - your doing great, well done and glad the load is getting lighter, one day at a time aye.

Wow RS2 - Thats tough being around it in that manner, and glad that your not tempted. I can see how environment would play a big part. Nether the less, i salute your strength.

PFS - Great news about your son - congrats.

Thank you all for the support and motivation, you guys are great... it really does help.

Dee74

congratulation on your sons success PFS

D

alaskasunshine

I am now on day 1. *sigh* It was awful, and the worse part is that I knew i was going to ahead of time and I did NOTHING to try and stop myself.

Dee74

I did that lots of times - it was like a was leaf being carried along into a drain....

I had to learn to reach out, make a fuss, cry for help - & believe that I was worthy of good things like a good sober life

I got there...I know you will too Alaska

D

alaskasunshine

I appreciate it. So how did you do it, did you go to meetings? Therapy? Will power alone?

Dee74

It was more acceptance for me - I nearly died from my drinking - I accepted, whether I liked it or not, my relationship with alcohol was a self destructive one.

I gave up on trying to make that dysfunctional relationship work.

I didn't use AA - I did use SR tho - a lot (and still do). I had a little counselling too

I tried to work on the things I used to drink for - I used to try and fill a void in me...I started to look for other positive ways to fill that emptiness.

I don' want to bore everyone too much here LOL - my story is here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-one.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html

and this is more on what I did to get sober and stay that way
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2531003

I hope something in there helps, Alaska

D