Mariano

I tried AA (a couple years ago) and liked it. It helped me a lot. Now I am applying the lessons I learnt there, although I am not going anymore. Perhaps I will return. I find it sooo interesting some times. I will try to list all that has been useful to maintain sobriety:

--Prayer and meditation
--Relaxation
--Reading books, all kind of books, but also about recovery
-- Talking with other persons about any matter, even frivolous. Talk, talk, talk and talk.
-- SR
-- Threrapist / counsellor
-- Working out
-- AA (I went to meetings some time ago)
-- Hobbies
-- Calm down (yoga, for example)
-- Change (I dont know how to explain this, but I feel I have to change)

Soberpotamus

I'm not struggling at all with drinking anymore. It's definitely a thing of the past and I'm not even having urges. I'll use AVRT to knock out any thoughts of alcohol consumption and it works.

What is coming up now into the forefront is my next step career-wise. Really, my only dilemma involves income, creative writing, and travel. I've thought of all sorts of combinations of these three and how to make them all work together. I'm also now considering pursuing my MFA in Creative Writing. And maybe that's just a big cop-out or procrastination?? I don't know.

4thekidz

I hung on today with a lot of SR reading and help, mental grit, and a bit of dumb luck (no car to get into town where the poison is sold at the time I might have).

I think a thread will ebb and flow with the overwhelming sentiment it's posters; today just happened to be a more serious and needy day. perhaps tomorrow we'll tie the devil in a chair and make him watch Care Bears on TV.

Today was today, thank God it's over and I am sober.

Mariano

Hi, band of brothers, dont crack under pressure!!!

We knew we would have difficult times, din't we? But it is worthwhile. Difficult times are normal. We can overcome that. I wish I could speak in spanish and post a warm speech to our little happy army of brave soldiers!!! Depressions? Yes. Problems? Yes. Relapses? May be. Fears? May be. Discouragement? May be. But we wont step back nor give up. This battle is not easy, that is why it is beautiful. No pain, no glory. Life is that way, not only for alcoholics but for everyone. Glory awaits... The battle is hard, but the reward and the victory will exceed expectations. Life is that way also... Good luck, my soldiers... to the victory

(I wonder if I am an epic character?)

Mariano

Dont you remember the St. Crispin's speech?

This day is called the feast of Crispian:
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian:'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispin's day.'
Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember with advantages
What feats he did that day: then shall our names.
Familiar in his mouth as household words
Harry the king, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,
Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

OK, mates, today is Saint Crispin day another time. Just feel the beauty and greatness of the battle. We may suffer wounds, perils, misfortunes... but eventually we are determined to win... resolutedly... no other option... win or die... We will win. I choose to win. Like in a battle, we must do whatever may be necessary to win, whatever.

Tuesday24

Thanks for that Mariano. Sometimes I forget this. Perhaps I see "normies" as never having struggles and that is wrong. I have been so tied up in my own "life" (if you would even call it that). I have spent almost half of my life living at the bottom of a bottle. I have a lot to learn.

Thank you all for sharing your personal experiences about your struggles and accomplishments.

Bee2011

Mariano don't ever doubt the clarity of your words. Your spirit shines through like a brave warrior! Thank you for sharing your strength and wisdom with all of us here.

Dee74

Thanks for the Shakespeare, Mariano - one of my favorites.

I think you'd really enjoy an MFA, Jennie

D

Mariano

Thank you, Bee2011.

I would add that the idea ot the battle is not a simple metaphore. It is a real battle against alcohol, an inner battle, even a "cosmic" battle. Each time we say no to booze we are improving the universe. That may seem strange, but I think it is absolutely real. Just think in examples about your relationships with friends, family, etc, but that is only a little example. Therefore, our mood perhaps is not so important. The important thing is the battle, the victory over the forces of evil. Maybe we feel unhappy, but our mission is being accomplished, like a brave soldier covered of wounds... No thanks, I dont drink!! That is our sword and shield, that is our victory, our mission in the battle.

Paddyb

Good Morning people

I cant post much, as yes back at work and throwing my self into it. It will be 1 week tomorrow and i shall not lie, its been hard dam hard, nearly caved in a couple of times, think i had a dream that i was out clubbing and drinking the other night and seemed so real????, i feel every day i grow in strenght and getting my quick wit about me again, its going to be the weekend thats going to to be hard, but will hit AA as have 3 meeting i can go to over the weekend. Hope you all are doing ok and i do have a quick glance at posts. hi ho hi ho its off to work i go

Dee74

way to go on the week paddyb
D

instant

PaddyB you are a testament to the power of the human spirit. Keep on trucking brother.

Surrender to sobriety and you will gain your freedom.

Mariano there is no battle. I am powerless over alcohol. Alcohol has won, and I ain't getting in the ring again. (LOL)

Dee74

Yeah - I don't begrudge anyone an allegory or a point of view - but it's not a battle for me either, Instant.

Acceptance was the key for me.

I was my own foe....the more I struggled, the worse it got...whichever side won...'good' or 'evil' Dee...I would always lose....

I laid down my weapons - and that was the start of something good for me

D

Pumpkin Soup

"Good"? morning. I have woken up with a headache and its pouring with rain. However I have just imagined how much worse I would feel if I had woken with a hangover. Im currently a bit miserable. If I had a hangover I would feel like I am in hell. Just comparing the two makes me feel better.

My sponsor is away on holiday and has left me LOTS of work to do on the first 2 steps. I didnt realise there was so much involved but I guess its gonna take as long as it takes until I can "get" the giving my will over to god bit. Im still praying but its kind of tedious so Im not really doing the programme properly. Im confused a part of me is whispering maybe you dont need AA and to do the steps but before I always went back to drinking and I am willing to do anything to stay sober so I should just stop moaning and get on with it.

How do I make myself believe in God? All the time in AA people say you dont have to just use anything as your higher power but from what I see from the really serious old timers there it is the "God" that I struggle with that they all now believe in. I wish I could just believe it and have that spiritual awakening. Am I trying to rush things? Some people, even my sponsor, didnt do the steps until they were many years sober. I just know I HAVE to do something to stop me going back to it.

So here I am having a bit of a vent - this is my current struggle. I think I need to stop over analysing it and perhaps I will feel better after a couple of meetings (not been since Sunday - going to one tonight).

I spend all day home alone yesterday didnt see a single other human being apart from out my window. I had all that time and didnt do any of my step work im putting it off cos it seems like a chore I wont enjoy. Im back in the mindset of the teenager I was when I started drinking and thought I found the answer to life, happiness, good times. Now im 43 single and floundering and need to find a new answer. Its not going to be easy but the bottom line is if I drink again it will be much much worse.

Like you Bee, I know my down mood will pass and I might be on a pink could by the time I get home from work (although I doubt it).

Jennie I am definately procrastinating - I need a rocket (or perhaps a care bear) up my arse.

Mariano - I definately need to change - not just from a drinker to a non drinker but to a doer instead of a, ermm, not doer?

Oh as well as the headache and the rain my cat got on my chest while I was still in bed and was purring away nicely then suddenly sneezed in my face and gave me a shower. Urgh.

Paddy - great to hear from you im so glad you are sticking with it. Please try and post when you have cravings - PM me if it happens, Im not often far away from my PC.

Im sure I could say what I mean in much shorter posts but my mind always goes off on tangents and I end up writing an essay. Thanks for bearing with me if you read it all.

sweetnovember

The fact that I wake up glad I didn't drink tells me something. I need to have an after work stress reduction plan to help me wind down and not be thinking I want a drink.

Bee2011

Pumpkin i've never experienced the AA process. I think it's awesome that it's helped so many as much as it has. I've always seen you as someone with a strong sense of empathy for others. I always thought that to be a characteristic of a spiritual nature. And I know what you mean about not seeing another human being aside from through your window. That's every other weekend for me.

I'm not back to work full time yet, but when I am working my day is busy with people and tasks and surprises. It's non-stop. Then i have a breezy five minute ride home and walk into my apartment and proceed to spend the rest of the evening alone. Like SN, it is hard to unwind. But, now i'm wondering if i should just say 'ahhh, peace. ... Quiet'. The alternative has been hanging around after work and partying to avoid coming home alone. I think my time off work from surgery this summer has helped me to handle being alone better. But i will admit that i may have to psych myself up to battle the party monster. The other night when i was feeling that horrid regret, i was thinking 'i need a reminder. I need a reminder.' And i thought of pasting Marino's avatar to the face of a watch. I would say 99% of the time i am fine. But there are times i really need the !battle-cry!. I have also been in a safe little isolation here at home the last six weeks, and i may be in for a rude awaking when i return to work in the next couple of weeks.

Classical, it's no wonder you have a love for Beethovan. I didn't realize you had achieved such a level of musical ability inspite of a hearing disability. My old brother in law was diagnosed with that too. That's the disease that makes you dizzy too, isn't it? I remember he had to be careful with certain activities like riding.

Btw, i had to laugh about the cat sneeze PS. Yesterday i was at work dressed up a bit to accompany our new account manager on sales cold calls. I was waiting in the shop to head out when of my coworker's pups nuzzled up to my leg and peed on my sandled foot.

bratnik

Wow - 3 pages of posts.

I have retreated, as did Stream - publicly relapsed - and not part of the sober party anymore. I love you all for celebrating!!! It wasn't fun for me - and I felt that the forum was all about celebration and joy - and while that is great, I couldn't contribute. Honestly, I am sad. I don't long to drink, I just don't celebrate that I don't anymore.

I love you guys and we are here together for the long haul. Guys, you can always PM me if you feel sad. xo

bblackbirdflyy

wow. I haven't logged on for 12 hours and there is 45 minutes worth of reading when I come back.

Please Stream, do not feel bad about posting less than positive thoughts. You do not come off as a jerk to me! I sometimes regret that I post the trials of my life... but then these are the types of things that send me running to alcohol. It is not easy for me either. Feel free to post the negative and we will be here for you, just as you have been here for us.

Pumpkin - lol @ your cat. Typical cat thing to do. I have no idea about the God question... This is something that holds me back from joining AA. I have never been religious. I don’t know If I want to start now... but then again... perhaps this is the "something more" that we have been longing for. It sounds dumb or crazy but does paganism count? crazy because for me its easier to believe in witchcraft than good 'ol JC. (No malice meant to Christians or Christianity)



The discussion above ...

Which came first the alcoholic or the alcohol?

Do we drink because we are unhappy? Or are we unhappy because we drink?

Irregardless there is one solution..... Find some happiness.

but where, how, when?

Squishyboots

BB - I know how you feel! I can't keep up with our crazy wonderful posts! I am still super sober today but had an awful day yesterday. My nanny quit after almost 3 years with us and I feel like I'm going through a break up! Weird. I just wasn't ready for the change with everything else going on in my life right now. I wanted a drink last night but resisted. I thought about how bloated my face would look in the morning and how I would feel worse about the day. I'm so glad I went to bed although it has been tossing and turning all week. My hubby did have 1 shot last night of whiskey, but compared to the 3 in 30 minutes he used to do I think that was a step. He's had problems with the withdrawl process and I think got scared. I warned him of the side affects and again I think he poo pooed the fact that we have a problem.

I believe the more I don't drink, the more he won't either. I remember in our house we used to go months without even a beer in the house! Only to purchase it if we had company. I told him we need to get back there. I hope he will follow but I can't control anyone but myself.

I am going to try and catch up on everyone today - you guys are rock and roll stars!

Just a quick note to Stream and Bratnik - I hope you both are well today. Like you I have not posted my usual amount from retreating a bit. I'm thinking about all of you daily though which keeps my spirits high.

StreamWader

Instant - Day 80, I believe? Congrats to you on this tenacious achievement.