Class of March 2011 Pt 5
orangutan
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,970
PBC I am glad you tipped out the wine , I feel like a hypocrite writing that giving advice not to drink when I done it myself only 2 weeks back but the reason we are all here on this board is to get sober ,so we only have your well being in mind. Sending strength your way to get you this this hard time.
Mirage and Frances thanks for thinking of me!
Rebel it is great to see you here!!!!
Mirage and Frances thanks for thinking of me!
Rebel it is great to see you here!!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
frances...I know what you mean about it needing nurturing. I feel the same way. 
Dave...looks like a full moon tonight, tho I haven't checked for certain. Hope you're feeling good!
Just some thoughts I had tonight on my way home from a jewelry party that I want to put out here...So with this not drinking thing, I've had something weird happen twice, that is interesting. Both times I've gone to a party, on the way home I've gotten emotional. Not bawling or anything, but like alligator tears down my cheeks. It's funny cuz these aren't even the kind of parties I would drink at..a graduation party with the boys, and a jewelry party with my mother in law and her friends. So it's not hard to not drink there..that's not it. But it IS the kind of thing where I would come HOME and drink. Whatever it is that's triggering that emotion is not obvious to me. Like I'm not thinkin "I wanna go home and drink, but I can't!". It's not that. But obviously it's triggering something, like maybe I have some social anxiety that I wasn't aware of, and the way I dealt with it was either drinking during or after. I'm not sure..I never thought I did. I'm pretty good socially, and don't feel it while it's happening, but it's like I need a release when it's over. Anyway, I felt the need to type this out and put it in words.
Dave...looks like a full moon tonight, tho I haven't checked for certain. Hope you're feeling good!
Just some thoughts I had tonight on my way home from a jewelry party that I want to put out here...So with this not drinking thing, I've had something weird happen twice, that is interesting. Both times I've gone to a party, on the way home I've gotten emotional. Not bawling or anything, but like alligator tears down my cheeks. It's funny cuz these aren't even the kind of parties I would drink at..a graduation party with the boys, and a jewelry party with my mother in law and her friends. So it's not hard to not drink there..that's not it. But it IS the kind of thing where I would come HOME and drink. Whatever it is that's triggering that emotion is not obvious to me. Like I'm not thinkin "I wanna go home and drink, but I can't!". It's not that. But obviously it's triggering something, like maybe I have some social anxiety that I wasn't aware of, and the way I dealt with it was either drinking during or after. I'm not sure..I never thought I did. I'm pretty good socially, and don't feel it while it's happening, but it's like I need a release when it's over. Anyway, I felt the need to type this out and put it in words.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Mirage, nurturing is good. ****{Nurturing-ness}}}
I'm glad you shared that about your tears and your thoughts about unraveling the triggers and feelings. That is money in the bank, I bet, for protecting your sobriety going forward.
WHOO HOOOO REBEL'S BACK!!!!!!
I missed you! I was in mid-Coast Maine until the 10th, mebbe we crossed paths!
I'm glad you shared that about your tears and your thoughts about unraveling the triggers and feelings. That is money in the bank, I bet, for protecting your sobriety going forward.
WHOO HOOOO REBEL'S BACK!!!!!!
I missed you! I was in mid-Coast Maine until the 10th, mebbe we crossed paths!
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
Aussie I sure do like your pig. He/she makes me smile.
Mirage I am no longer afflicted with my werewolf issues. Seems I just needed to get off my butt and exercise. I started working out and all of my symptoms magically disappeared.
RA- I do not envy you on the tick issue. I dislike those little suckers and by the way you were definitely missed.
Frances- I am redesigning Dave as well. It is kind of fun if you think about it. I am only a sketch right now.....this is going to take a while.
PBC- I love the Michael Jordan quote. He pretty much nails it. There will be failures if we wish to succeed or more simply put.....keep on keepin on.
TOI- 14995 days for me to catch up. You are my inspiration now. I want to be an exercise person. I havent been able to stick with it for more than 3 months since my mid 20's. Never really had to worry about it until the past couple of years.The pounds have started creeping up on me.
Bevin I am not so sure about the picture over the couch.... it is tilted a little clockwise. I hope that all is well and it is starting to feel like hope now.
Bella- I LOVE pizza. Pizza is why the world keeps spinning... its a fact...look it up, I saw it on the internet.
Lofty- keep overcoming the glitches. That is also my way of saying "keep on keepin on". multi-definitive phraseology......means I over use the phrase
ProfessorFudger- I need some professology from the Fudger. I love your insights....they make me sit back and think and that is a good thing. I hope that live is still flowing in a positive direction for you.
Becoming- I hope that your immune system is being more kind to you. I have a couple of friends with lyme disease and it seems to level out once they figure out what med works best for them. My prayers are coming your way.
Dee- I know that this is a few days late....but I am glad you are back. I totally understand breaks. What you do on here is a full time job. You are truly appreciated.
Myself....I love to be alone. Yet, I am always surrounded by people. Another great irony of this wonderful journey.
To all the Marchers March
Day by Day
Dave
Thought for the day....In my head.
"HMMMM so I am not a werewolf after all.......Dang it....That would have been pretty cool and a great excuse for my odd behavior....."
Mirage I am no longer afflicted with my werewolf issues. Seems I just needed to get off my butt and exercise. I started working out and all of my symptoms magically disappeared.
RA- I do not envy you on the tick issue. I dislike those little suckers and by the way you were definitely missed.
Frances- I am redesigning Dave as well. It is kind of fun if you think about it. I am only a sketch right now.....this is going to take a while.
PBC- I love the Michael Jordan quote. He pretty much nails it. There will be failures if we wish to succeed or more simply put.....keep on keepin on.
TOI- 14995 days for me to catch up. You are my inspiration now.
I want to be an exercise person. I havent been able to stick with it for more than 3 months since my mid 20's. Never really had to worry about it until the past couple of years.The pounds have started creeping up on me.Bevin I am not so sure about the picture over the couch.... it is tilted a little clockwise.
I hope that all is well and it is starting to feel like hope now.Bella- I LOVE pizza. Pizza is why the world keeps spinning... its a fact...look it up, I saw it on the internet.
Lofty- keep overcoming the glitches. That is also my way of saying "keep on keepin on". multi-definitive phraseology......means I over use the phrase
ProfessorFudger- I need some professology from the Fudger. I love your insights....they make me sit back and think and that is a good thing. I hope that live is still flowing in a positive direction for you.
Becoming- I hope that your immune system is being more kind to you. I have a couple of friends with lyme disease and it seems to level out once they figure out what med works best for them. My prayers are coming your way.
Dee- I know that this is a few days late....but I am glad you are back. I totally understand breaks. What you do on here is a full time job. You are truly appreciated.
Myself....I love to be alone. Yet, I am always surrounded by people. Another great irony of this wonderful journey.
To all the Marchers March
Day by Day
Dave
Thought for the day....In my head.
"HMMMM so I am not a werewolf after all.......Dang it....That would have been pretty cool and a great excuse for my odd behavior....."
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Crap Rebs, I had in my head to give you a big 'woot woot, she's back!' and I totally spaced! Yes, you were missed!! Glad you had a good time..tell us some tales Aunt Rebel!!
Dave..who knew a little workin out could stop the hair from growin? Don't tell the laser hair removal industry that.
Dave..who knew a little workin out could stop the hair from growin? Don't tell the laser hair removal industry that.
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
Ok.....tonight was horrible. I have not had to battle the AV in my head this much in one evening in a while. It had me down for the count. I was going to stop at the corner store.....but then the horrible guilt of drinking and the thought of a hangover crept its way into my pea brain. It wasn't the I can moderate and handle it voice....It was the we are going to throw down until all is black dark and you wake up in your clothes with your shoes still on and the stench of stale beer and pure alcohol pouring from each and every pore of your body voice.
Thank you God.
Thank you SR.
You both got me through tonight. That was a really close call.
Minute by Minute
Day by Day
Dave
Thank you God.
Thank you SR.
You both got me through tonight. That was a really close call.
Minute by Minute
Day by Day
Dave
orangutan
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,970
Glad you made it too Dave. I have those same voices in my head , I have been going really well lately but there is one thing I don't do well with, when my husband is out with his mates drinking it really gets to me that used to be my time at home with my bottle and I loved that time alone now I hate it .It is probably the hardest part for me .
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
I wasn't strong last night. Here's how it went down, in the spirit of full disclosure:
I went to the bar with Dave and drank. He got frustrated with me about things (not really connecting, being loving, etc.) and got in the car and left for a couple hours. After he got home, I couldn't get him to really talk about it, so I said I thought we should go out to talk as we've always done our best talking over a few drinks at the bar. So we did. I'm not happy about it, but I'm choosing to view it as a blip on the radar and not a game changer. I did it, it's done, now I'll resume being sober. Sure, I'm a little scared..that it won't be easy to do..but I'm gonna do it. And I told him how important to me this not drinking is to me, and how I didn't want to bring him into it, but if he wants more closeness, this is part of it. All in all, I hope this wasn't a complete negative, and I hope it brings us closer. I'm choosing not to think about the "day 1 " thing..it's too depressing after 4 months of good work. Don't get me wrong, I cried about it..I have the swollen eyelids to prove it. But I'm not gonna dwell on it..I chose it..made a conscious decision to partake in hopes of having a good time and a good talk with him. Now back to the non-drinking life. It served me well, I'm gonna stick with it.
I went to the bar with Dave and drank. He got frustrated with me about things (not really connecting, being loving, etc.) and got in the car and left for a couple hours. After he got home, I couldn't get him to really talk about it, so I said I thought we should go out to talk as we've always done our best talking over a few drinks at the bar. So we did. I'm not happy about it, but I'm choosing to view it as a blip on the radar and not a game changer. I did it, it's done, now I'll resume being sober. Sure, I'm a little scared..that it won't be easy to do..but I'm gonna do it. And I told him how important to me this not drinking is to me, and how I didn't want to bring him into it, but if he wants more closeness, this is part of it. All in all, I hope this wasn't a complete negative, and I hope it brings us closer. I'm choosing not to think about the "day 1 " thing..it's too depressing after 4 months of good work. Don't get me wrong, I cried about it..I have the swollen eyelids to prove it. But I'm not gonna dwell on it..I chose it..made a conscious decision to partake in hopes of having a good time and a good talk with him. Now back to the non-drinking life. It served me well, I'm gonna stick with it.
orangutan
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,970
Mirage do you think he is missing his drinking partner ?
I know my husband is, on more than one ocassion he has asked if I want a drink even knowing my health issues he has said oh if you dont go crazy it will be alright .
I know my husband is, on more than one ocassion he has asked if I want a drink even knowing my health issues he has said oh if you dont go crazy it will be alright .
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
Well..... I made it through the weekend. That was..........crappy to say the least. It got better as the weekend progressed, but the thought that it(AV) could still reach up and grab me like that really got me down.
The Trigger. I went to my parents on a Friday afternoon. Not a good idea in hind site. Wine, bourbon, vodka, You name it. They have it. I am the only one in my family that doesn't drink.....now. Heck....watching some of my family members get smashed is one of the things that made me realize that I didn't want to live like that anymore. I grew up thinking these things were the norm. Heck....what is normal????
Mirage I am sorry for the slip and sorry that I could not give you more support this weekend. I will do better in the future. I am glad that you are still here.
It is hard to teach this old dog new tricks.....but I am trying my best.
Day by Day
Dave
Sorry I missed the post Aussie.
The Trigger. I went to my parents on a Friday afternoon. Not a good idea in hind site. Wine, bourbon, vodka, You name it. They have it. I am the only one in my family that doesn't drink.....now. Heck....watching some of my family members get smashed is one of the things that made me realize that I didn't want to live like that anymore. I grew up thinking these things were the norm. Heck....what is normal????
Mirage I am sorry for the slip and sorry that I could not give you more support this weekend. I will do better in the future. I am glad that you are still here.
It is hard to teach this old dog new tricks.....but I am trying my best.
Day by Day
Dave
Sorry I missed the post Aussie.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: the stable bit of the shakey isles
Posts: 441
Originally Posted by lookinforward 
but the thought that it(AV) could still reach up and grab me like that really got me down.
Had wee meltdown on Sunday and realised that alcohol = insanity for me - literally and figuratively. I have no idea who that mad woman sitting on floor crying over nothing was but I am pretty sure she came out of the wine bottle on the bench. (The wine genie?)
Have a tough day coming up as part of a tough week. But strangely (or maybe I should say "logically") my automatic thoughts were...stressful week, definitely can't drink.
I find I am very open to suggestion...so have to get right suggestion. If I say just stay sober today, I end up literally doing that...and when tomorrow kicks in, I have already thought about drinking. I am counting total sober days (Day 104 today) and I am now recording this in the morning...not waiting until "made it" at bedtime.
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