LeadHatter

Over the sleeping pill thing. When i work it out i have had sleeping problems off and on for nine months and i think i have taken only about a months supply of sleeping pills over the nine months.

5 months no alcohol it is now

LeadHatter

Well im listless. I guess i am not used to being alone.

Dee74

It's a skill like anything else I think Kevin - I've grown to love my own company
It's nice to connect with others tho too - have you thought of ways to do that outside of pubs?

D

LeadHatter

Not so much- It helps me sometimes to get my own feelings out D in actual fact since having a vent here on the forums i am now considering some of my own thoughts.

LeadHatter

Well not many people here. I am

LeadHatter

Well i post this ever hopeful but i wanted to say that i have just been to a on line meeting and i actually SAT and LISTENED to ALL THE OTHER SHARES WITHOUT SHARING MYSELF.

This is of course partly due to the fact i feel more relaxed now my bitter ex pal seems to have moved on [although puzzlingly he has left belongings behind?eh wtf] but i have noticed myself trying to let others breathe lately.

LeadHatter

I find myself restless. I have some disavowed reluctance to go outside.

LeadHatter

Well this may aswell be in my blog but so what i like posting here! :> So after my last post i did some painting. Im pleased with the effort. My front room was pretty in dire straits need of a paint.

LeadHatter

Bit of insomnia, could take some sleep 'aid' pills. Not taken any for about a week now. Felt a bit like a drug user upto mischeif purchasing my pills the last time but i guess its because i am not used to how the process works here. It seems the sleep aid pill dispenser is duty bound to ask you 'have you taken these before' when supplying sleeping aid pills so it can be intrusive plus they also seem to always mention 'only for short term use' which is a pretty open definition.

Weavels

LeadHatter

Well i am up. Got up late today. Had some good talking earlier on. I think J was next door again yesterday but it was a brief visit i think. Heard some unplugging so maybe he is collecting his stuff. Unsurprisingly i guess now J and L 'appear' to have gone off my radar (for the most part) problems still remain. To a certain extent i am my own worst enemy. Not that im doing anything terrible or awful or anything.

Considering AA. Its a sunday today and by the time i got myself willing to venture out i cant think up anyplace nearby that i wish to go. I guess thats old pee head thinking. They say there is a whole world outside of beer but i still think about visiting pubs. This will change in time i guess or gather.

I would like closure with the folks next door.

LeadHatter

Thanks Dee for reading [or pretending to read] my messages. Gratitude is something that i am working on right now It does make a difference

On the positive today I have done some decorating. I still dont like moaning. Do some people like it i dont know. Well my little vent is that i have a habitual urge to call or text my sister to tell her about my decorating. She dont appreciate me though so i am just wasting time and energy pandering to someone that will not reciprocate the care and willingness to grow with so im going to be strong and not bother with her this time. I would only be setting myself up for disappointment so its the right thing to do for sure. I guess a big part of life is finding the people that you genuinely like and get on with. My attitude was always that starting at home and working out was how it ideally aught to be.

So im learning

Dee74

Oh, I don't pretend to read Kevin .
I don't often reply for a reply's sake tho either - did you ask I question I missed, mate?

D

LeadHatter

Not really D bru i just got this old habit of being a worry wart. I was once told people tend to assume others think like them so for me to imagine you reading well. Aye were different though and you are what 20/21 months ahead in sober time atleast and thats putting personal differences to one side

Actually i think you did miss a question once yes. am i bad for remembering that :/ hm emotional honesty so yes i think you did once. Some time ago it was. Heck its done and finished though but thanks for giving me the invitation to be honest awesome

Im not sure i can ask you questions can i. I mean you must read allsorts of posts each day. I dont really 'expect' any replies of anyone anymore. I mean thats just controlling right. Sometimes i will ask people questions but if they answer or not is down to them. Thats how im thinking with anyone really. I mean if it was something important or critical i could pm right

Is that done yay i think so.

Dee74

good LOL.

Have a good night Kevin

D

LeadHatter

Today i have been sitting today with curtains drawn. Its a unusual neurotic habit that i have taken to doing sometimes. I still lock my door during the day, a legacy of my very bad very sad and mad neighbor J.

The good i see is that i find myself in positions where i am able to help others and them to help me. I am learning what it means to be a friend and i am grateful for this.

I am finding that some relationships forged when drunk have endured. I guess although toxic and dangerous even a drunk can be sincere so there may be parts of my past that can be salvaged.

Dee74

I sometimes don't pull up my shades either Kevin - some days I just need me time...
I see that as an empowering thing, so long as it's a recharging thing and not avoidance.

I always lock my door too. It would be silly not to where I live

D

LeadHatter

yeagh i didnt keep them closed all day thanks for the reply brudder

LeadHatter

I suspect even my strategic computer games skills are/will be improved with not drinking. oh how the years were wasted :/ thanks again for your company D

Dee74

I think it's better to focus on the now...think how better equipped we are to deal with things, and how well placed we are to get the most out of life, now we realise how important life is

D

LeadHatter

dude i am just more f!!ed up than a monkey in a tree bru thanks again for your response matey. I just get easily discouraged D thats my main issue i think