Class of October 2010 Sobriety Group Part 4
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Venus, Space
Posts: 757
Dang nabbit, I was reading these posts on my phone today at work - you two had a freaking party in this thread today! 
That's cool Dee, I don't think I can do roommates at my age either. And yes, Tom, I do realize real world skills are typically more valuable than a piece of paper, it's largely a personal quest but also I want to open more doors (or not have them closed?) down the road.
Really, how's the end of day 1 going for you? Good I hope.
That's cool Dee, I don't think I can do roommates at my age either. And yes, Tom, I do realize real world skills are typically more valuable than a piece of paper, it's largely a personal quest but also I want to open more doors (or not have them closed?) down the road.
Really, how's the end of day 1 going for you? Good I hope.
ANewBeginning
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
Oh now, THAT is toooooo funny TdC!!
Dee - I was more of a stoner in high school.
I slowed down, Swan, but not stopped....yet. I know it's not 'ok'.... just where I'm at. I'm definitely NOT giving up... started journaling again this morning for the first time in about two weeks. It was good.
Dee - I was more of a stoner in high school.
I slowed down, Swan, but not stopped....yet. I know it's not 'ok'.... just where I'm at. I'm definitely NOT giving up... started journaling again this morning for the first time in about two weeks. It was good.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Wash DC
Posts: 308
Hi all!! Hope everyone is having a good evening. I now have 60 days! It is an amazing feeling.
I also switched to another treatment center. I wasn't making a lot of progress there. It was a local rehab center in my hometown in a hospital campus. I went back to the one I was in back in November before I found out I had to have a hysterectomy. This place is beautiful and gender seperated. I do need that as it is hard for me to talk about what happened to me as a kid. I will be here till October 10 or so.
Swan, congrats on going back to school. So proud of you.
Tom, be careful on that bike please. Also, both of you congrats on your long months sober.
R4R, please please take care of yourself. I hope you stop again soon. Please, don't be like me and found yourself in the ICU unit waking up out of a coma before you know you need to get serious about your soberity. That is why I'm now going to be in rehab for 6 months.
Will check in again soon.
I also switched to another treatment center. I wasn't making a lot of progress there. It was a local rehab center in my hometown in a hospital campus. I went back to the one I was in back in November before I found out I had to have a hysterectomy. This place is beautiful and gender seperated. I do need that as it is hard for me to talk about what happened to me as a kid. I will be here till October 10 or so.
Swan, congrats on going back to school. So proud of you.
Tom, be careful on that bike please. Also, both of you congrats on your long months sober.
R4R, please please take care of yourself. I hope you stop again soon. Please, don't be like me and found yourself in the ICU unit waking up out of a coma before you know you need to get serious about your soberity. That is why I'm now going to be in rehab for 6 months.
Will check in again soon.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
I hope the new centre will be better for you Akasha - good to see you - and congratulations!
R4R, I don't want to harp on this - but one final thought for now.
'Slowing down' was where I was at too - sometimes I'd slow down, then speed up again, then slow down...before I knew it years passed by.
Looking back, I think there's no good time to quit - sometimes there's nothing for it but to make the leap.
D
R4R, I don't want to harp on this - but one final thought for now.
'Slowing down' was where I was at too - sometimes I'd slow down, then speed up again, then slow down...before I knew it years passed by.
Looking back, I think there's no good time to quit - sometimes there's nothing for it but to make the leap.
D
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Venus, Space
Posts: 757
Super tired tonight, long day at work.
Akasha thanks for checking in and CONGRATS on 60! That's huge! I too hope the new facility works out well for you. Please be sure to stay in touch and keep us posted.
Really, hope to see you back soon.
Tdc - I hope all is well mate.
Dee, I like what you wrote there. Wise words.
Akasha thanks for checking in and CONGRATS on 60! That's huge! I too hope the new facility works out well for you. Please be sure to stay in touch and keep us posted.
Really, hope to see you back soon.
Tdc - I hope all is well mate.
Dee, I like what you wrote there. Wise words.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 284
I have 8 months! Why by the grace of God have I not slipped? I'll tell you why --I'm scared ******** to drink!!
I can't control myself when I drink!! I crossed the line into alcoholism years ago. My next drunk could be my last because I might not live through it!
It is QUITE POSSIBLE that if I were to go out right now and buy a large bottle of Yellow Tail Chardonnay and a pack of Marlboro Lights , one of the following things could easily happen:
1. I could decide to drive and kill myself or someone else
2. I could get a DUI and go thru legal hell
3. I could begin a months-long bender that would blow up my liver and I would die, leaving my two children motherless
4. My kids could be taken away from me
5. I could lose my job by running my company into the ground because I'm too drunk or hungover to function
6. My husband could leave me and take the kids
on and on. This kind of stuff happens all the time!
I am not immune to any of this happening to me! What am I, something special? NO, I am not! None of us are! We can drink and then drink again, and then nothing ever happens, UNTIL IT DOES!
Just like it did to my cousin's husband, who killed his own wife of 30+ years by driving drunk with her in the car. This happened three weeks ago.
Thank you God for not letting anything horrible happen to me while I was boozing. Thank you SR for your stories of woe. And, BTW, I don't want to drink anyway. It's boring and just gross. One day at a time.
I can't control myself when I drink!! I crossed the line into alcoholism years ago. My next drunk could be my last because I might not live through it!
It is QUITE POSSIBLE that if I were to go out right now and buy a large bottle of Yellow Tail Chardonnay and a pack of Marlboro Lights , one of the following things could easily happen:
1. I could decide to drive and kill myself or someone else
2. I could get a DUI and go thru legal hell
3. I could begin a months-long bender that would blow up my liver and I would die, leaving my two children motherless
4. My kids could be taken away from me
5. I could lose my job by running my company into the ground because I'm too drunk or hungover to function
6. My husband could leave me and take the kids
on and on. This kind of stuff happens all the time!
I am not immune to any of this happening to me! What am I, something special? NO, I am not! None of us are! We can drink and then drink again, and then nothing ever happens, UNTIL IT DOES!
Just like it did to my cousin's husband, who killed his own wife of 30+ years by driving drunk with her in the car. This happened three weeks ago.
Thank you God for not letting anything horrible happen to me while I was boozing. Thank you SR for your stories of woe. And, BTW, I don't want to drink anyway. It's boring and just gross. One day at a time.
Sept 30, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,672
My condolences Grateful, on the loss of your cousin. Very tragic.
My last drunk started very innocently with a couple of scotch and sodas at a wedding reception and ended 5 or 6 weeks later. It escalated to me actually consuming a 1.75 bottle of scotch in a 24 hour period followed by 3 other 1.75s of vodka in the followings few days with who knows how many bottles of wine and beers that last week. I was sicker than a sick who knows what. The old expression of: "it is not that I drink too much, it is more than I can't drink enough" is a perfect description.
I'm scared s**less like you that it can happen again......This was not an isolated event. It is one that has repeated itself 4 or 5 times in the past few years. 6 to 8 months abstaining followed by 4 to 6 weeks out of control benders. No more. I'm doner than done.
~~~~~~~~~~
On a bright note, my Son graduated from HS today. Top 10% of his class! Nice day with my Mother coming in from Orange County and my Daughter from Los Angeles for 24 hours. Nice to have us all together today.
I'm truly thankful.
My last drunk started very innocently with a couple of scotch and sodas at a wedding reception and ended 5 or 6 weeks later. It escalated to me actually consuming a 1.75 bottle of scotch in a 24 hour period followed by 3 other 1.75s of vodka in the followings few days with who knows how many bottles of wine and beers that last week. I was sicker than a sick who knows what. The old expression of: "it is not that I drink too much, it is more than I can't drink enough" is a perfect description.
I'm scared s**less like you that it can happen again......This was not an isolated event. It is one that has repeated itself 4 or 5 times in the past few years. 6 to 8 months abstaining followed by 4 to 6 weeks out of control benders. No more. I'm doner than done.
~~~~~~~~~~
On a bright note, my Son graduated from HS today. Top 10% of his class! Nice day with my Mother coming in from Orange County and my Daughter from Los Angeles for 24 hours. Nice to have us all together today.
I'm truly thankful.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Venus, Space
Posts: 757
Hi Grateful, my condolences on the loss of your cousin's wife too. I believe I posted in that thread too - you are correct, we can drink and drink and drink and this stuff might never happen to us 'until it does'.
I was having a difficult day at work earlier and I happen to browse into the newcomers section and there was a post, I forget the title something to do with venting I think, and the person was ~10 months sober and life doesn't seem to be going his/her way....but they are still sober. I read that and it helped me to re-center myself. As did your post tonight.
I was not thinking about drinking today myself, but I am very frustrated with my job and I've begun to put 'feelers' out to my old colleagues about possible openings at their companies. Biggest issue (for now) is that I'd have to move, and I have all my support here (AA, friends, sponsor, sponsee, etc.) so I'm kind of torn about sticking my current job out and seeing if they let me go or trying to be pre-emptive about this. If I move, no other town will be like SF where I can walk/mass transit easily to meetings and whatnot. So without my license it's something I have to give a lot of consideration to.
Incidentally, in my class tonight (I almost dropped it because it's a long day, work 8-9 hours, then 4 school, plus 2 hours of travel) the guy I've been paired up with say's to me just before our 10 minute break - '...what do you think? can we bolt down the street, head up to the hotel lounge, have a quick drink and make it back?...' - I'm like, ah 'no, I don't.' - true answer!
Funny thing about us alcoholics, we have super powers when our addiction calls cuz after the break I could totally tell he was 'off', he was really sharp for the first 2 hours and suddenly his skills dropped off significantly. I said, did you go for a drink? Yeah, 2 whiskey sours he said smiling. It was just yet another reminder of how much better things are when we're not caught up in our addictions. I mean who really wants to go have a couple drinks in the middle of a 4 hour class after working all day? My guess an alcoholic (in full bloom or in making).
Anyways, thanks for the post. Tom, happy to hear about your kid - I'm sure you're proud of him.
I was having a difficult day at work earlier and I happen to browse into the newcomers section and there was a post, I forget the title something to do with venting I think, and the person was ~10 months sober and life doesn't seem to be going his/her way....but they are still sober. I read that and it helped me to re-center myself. As did your post tonight.
I was not thinking about drinking today myself, but I am very frustrated with my job and I've begun to put 'feelers' out to my old colleagues about possible openings at their companies. Biggest issue (for now) is that I'd have to move, and I have all my support here (AA, friends, sponsor, sponsee, etc.) so I'm kind of torn about sticking my current job out and seeing if they let me go or trying to be pre-emptive about this. If I move, no other town will be like SF where I can walk/mass transit easily to meetings and whatnot. So without my license it's something I have to give a lot of consideration to.
Incidentally, in my class tonight (I almost dropped it because it's a long day, work 8-9 hours, then 4 school, plus 2 hours of travel) the guy I've been paired up with say's to me just before our 10 minute break - '...what do you think? can we bolt down the street, head up to the hotel lounge, have a quick drink and make it back?...' - I'm like, ah 'no, I don't.' - true answer!
Funny thing about us alcoholics, we have super powers when our addiction calls cuz after the break I could totally tell he was 'off', he was really sharp for the first 2 hours and suddenly his skills dropped off significantly. I said, did you go for a drink? Yeah, 2 whiskey sours he said smiling. It was just yet another reminder of how much better things are when we're not caught up in our addictions. I mean who really wants to go have a couple drinks in the middle of a 4 hour class after working all day? My guess an alcoholic (in full bloom or in making).
Anyways, thanks for the post. Tom, happy to hear about your kid - I'm sure you're proud of him.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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congratulations T
good to see you grateful - my condolences again
it's mad isn't it swan? to think of what once seemed utterly reasonable to us?
have a great weekend guys
D
good to see you grateful - my condolences again
it's mad isn't it swan? to think of what once seemed utterly reasonable to us?
have a great weekend guys
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 284
Swan and Tom, and as always Dee, thanks for your kind words. Sobriety has to be our #1 priority in life, because without it, we have nothing.
Every decision, thought and action has to have sobriety as the driving force. This simply means that we have to make the decision that a sober person would make. And not simply about drinking or not.
Should I put off paying my bills because I don't want to face my financial situation? No, because that's what I did when I was drinking.
Should I eat junk for two meals per day because what difference does it make when I'm boozing and smoking every day? No, that's what I used to do when I was drinking.
Should I go to the New Orleans Jazz Fest with my friends like last year? No, because I will drink for sure. So make excuses and don't go.
Every decision, thought and action has to have sobriety as the driving force. This simply means that we have to make the decision that a sober person would make. And not simply about drinking or not.
Should I put off paying my bills because I don't want to face my financial situation? No, because that's what I did when I was drinking.
Should I eat junk for two meals per day because what difference does it make when I'm boozing and smoking every day? No, that's what I used to do when I was drinking.
Should I go to the New Orleans Jazz Fest with my friends like last year? No, because I will drink for sure. So make excuses and don't go.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Venus, Space
Posts: 757
Agreed Grateful.
I've come to the decision that I'll pursue looking for another job immediately, while still employed, as that is the intelligent thing to do- it always easier to get a job while you still have one. And companies are more interested in taking you from a company vs. hiring someone that is unemployed. Not that just because I've made this decision it will happen but I'm finally at ease with what I should be doing (my best at work and my best at finding a new job - try to head off any action my current company might take plus it will be a unique experience, wherever my next job is, to be sober from the date of employment on.
Grateful I don't think I said congrats on your 8 months! That's excellent.
Yes Dee, it is crazy how we view things now in sobriety as totally unreasonable whereas just about 8 months ago it would have be par for the course.
Happy sober Friday night.
I've come to the decision that I'll pursue looking for another job immediately, while still employed, as that is the intelligent thing to do- it always easier to get a job while you still have one. And companies are more interested in taking you from a company vs. hiring someone that is unemployed. Not that just because I've made this decision it will happen but I'm finally at ease with what I should be doing (my best at work and my best at finding a new job - try to head off any action my current company might take plus it will be a unique experience, wherever my next job is, to be sober from the date of employment on.
Grateful I don't think I said congrats on your 8 months! That's excellent.
Yes Dee, it is crazy how we view things now in sobriety as totally unreasonable whereas just about 8 months ago it would have be par for the course.
Happy sober Friday night.
ANewBeginning
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
Hi guys....
In the fitness thread someone just put the thought in my head about looking at the 12 twelve steps (haven't since I was in AA about 20 years ago). But what I have been thinking about the last several days is that I think I had highlights - but for the most part maybe is was just a 'dry drunk'. Been working on my issues though and God has definitely taken me though a lot of garbage... so dry drunk in a sense that after the first few months, I didn't really look at myself as an alcoholic anymore (even in recovery). But I do realize I need to embrace sobriety... not wish I could drink normally - and that is what I started to regret - not being able to drink normally. I resented the fact that others could go out and drink one or two and then not do it again for weeks...
So, I guess I am figuring some things out.... hopefully for the last time.
I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I cannot drink....
In the fitness thread someone just put the thought in my head about looking at the 12 twelve steps (haven't since I was in AA about 20 years ago). But what I have been thinking about the last several days is that I think I had highlights - but for the most part maybe is was just a 'dry drunk'. Been working on my issues though and God has definitely taken me though a lot of garbage... so dry drunk in a sense that after the first few months, I didn't really look at myself as an alcoholic anymore (even in recovery). But I do realize I need to embrace sobriety... not wish I could drink normally - and that is what I started to regret - not being able to drink normally. I resented the fact that others could go out and drink one or two and then not do it again for weeks...
So, I guess I am figuring some things out.... hopefully for the last time.
I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I cannot drink....
Sept 30, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,672
Swan, good for you for taking the horse by the reins, as they say. I believe in forward thinking but I agree with you, get a new job first. I find myself pretty much threading water in my business in this economy these days, but I am threading a lot more water than most of the people I know in my business. Do you have any access to any networking type of support group a la SR for your work?
R4R, I don't know if I am repeating myself, but I had to shut off any possibility that I could have even an "option" to drink. I know in the back of my head that I can not moderate. I may for two or three weeks, but every time I give myself permission not so much to drink, but just the option of "choosing" to drink or not, I am drinking myself silly under the table in a few weeks time.
Anyway, I'm just rambling, so I will quit while I'm still ahead, just wanted to check in and wish you all well.
Thanks.
R4R, I don't know if I am repeating myself, but I had to shut off any possibility that I could have even an "option" to drink. I know in the back of my head that I can not moderate. I may for two or three weeks, but every time I give myself permission not so much to drink, but just the option of "choosing" to drink or not, I am drinking myself silly under the table in a few weeks time.
Anyway, I'm just rambling, so I will quit while I'm still ahead, just wanted to check in and wish you all well.
Thanks.
Sept 30, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,672
I think I was just rambling on and on last night and wrote 4 or 5 paragraphs but I deleted them before posting.
R4R, just want to let you know that I am cheering for you. Hurry back up.
R4R, just want to let you know that I am cheering for you. Hurry back up.
Sept 30, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,672
Hi guys...... Just brief moment to check in. Kind of bored tonight, felt like going to the gym but I worked very hard this morning on my hill climb walk, so I just saddled up the beagle and took him for his 2.5 mile loop. Extra credit. Beautiful night. Nice to get some fresh air in my longs.
Take care...... TdC
Take care...... TdC
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Venus, Space
Posts: 757
Nice to hear you got a walk in and good to know I'm not alone with having a busy week!
Tonight I was leaving school walking towards the subway and as I was walking past a bar I felt like jumping.
It's been a maddening week- the job is still uncertain and I was debating whether to even fight getting this appeal affirmed or save the $$ plus I've been fighting off a cold all week. I worked from home on Monday and almost went out of my mind because I was on that border of being just sick enough to stay home and just ok enough to maybe be at work so I've gone in each subsequent day.
Had a crown finished, saw my psychiatrist for my checkup, and finally decided today to hire an attorney who I know from a friend of a friend (he's in the fellowship too) who thinks that I should absolutely try to fight the appeal. Oh and ya know, work and then school on Tue and Thursday nights. Totally hectic week. The appeal thing was weighing heavily on my mind, I ended up spending more than I was intending to but now that it's done I can (for now) forget about it again....(the funny thing is, I actually asked my friend to put me in touch with this guy to get his opinion on whether I should just wave the white flag and save my $$ or not- I'm trusting him because he's both a friend of my good friend and they are both in the fellowship with me so I figure chances are he's giving it to me straight in so far as that I should fight this thing to the end- no promises were made but I liked his approach much better than any of the other attorneys I've spoken to so far ergo I decided to punt this out of my hands & into his and now I just have to sit back and see what happens).
So yeah, going back to earlier tonight I'm leaving school and reminiscing about how I was in school the last time I got sober in AA (possibly too soon, I was only ~90 days sober then) studying the same subject as this time and was also caught up in the criminal justice system back then (sorta just noting the similarities) and as I was waking and looking up I saw this neon sign for a bar nearby that I used to go into after I checked out of AA at about the 5 & 1/2 month mark and I was reminded of how that time when I was sober that mental obsession to have 'just one drink' never really left me and tonight I just smiled and, as I said, I want to just sorta jump for joy (like at the end of the 'Breakfast Club') because it's been gone for some time now (the compulsion/obsession that is, bizarre random thoughts of alcohol still pop up but they have no power and are more like mental images of me during those good old days that are now 6 feet under and non-revivable - I just have to remind myself that it has not been 'like that' for about 1/2 a lifetime now and those images immediately crumble).
It was a really a truly wonderful feeling. I still have waves of anxiety around the uncertainty of what I'll do if I get laid off but looking at that neon sign tonight and having no desire to or thoughts about having 'just one drink' gave me a sense of peace that somehow, someway things are going to work themselves out as long as I keep my sobriety in front of everything else - even my job. Also, as Dee said some time ago, I think here in our class thread but maybe somewhere else, I've definitely noticed that as time goes by those random mental images of me holding a glass of wine at some time/place that was once 'fun' are becoming rarer and rarer....I can notice the difference between their frequency at 3 months, 6 months and now at just about 8 months, now they are pretty darn infrequent.
Well, as Dee was so kind to point out, in 38 minutes I'll be able to say TGIF - cause this pup is ready for the weekend!!!
Good evening class, see you tmmr or this weekend.
Tonight I was leaving school walking towards the subway and as I was walking past a bar I felt like jumping.
It's been a maddening week- the job is still uncertain and I was debating whether to even fight getting this appeal affirmed or save the $$ plus I've been fighting off a cold all week. I worked from home on Monday and almost went out of my mind because I was on that border of being just sick enough to stay home and just ok enough to maybe be at work so I've gone in each subsequent day.
Had a crown finished, saw my psychiatrist for my checkup, and finally decided today to hire an attorney who I know from a friend of a friend (he's in the fellowship too) who thinks that I should absolutely try to fight the appeal. Oh and ya know, work and then school on Tue and Thursday nights. Totally hectic week. The appeal thing was weighing heavily on my mind, I ended up spending more than I was intending to but now that it's done I can (for now) forget about it again....(the funny thing is, I actually asked my friend to put me in touch with this guy to get his opinion on whether I should just wave the white flag and save my $$ or not- I'm trusting him because he's both a friend of my good friend and they are both in the fellowship with me so I figure chances are he's giving it to me straight in so far as that I should fight this thing to the end- no promises were made but I liked his approach much better than any of the other attorneys I've spoken to so far ergo I decided to punt this out of my hands & into his and now I just have to sit back and see what happens).
So yeah, going back to earlier tonight I'm leaving school and reminiscing about how I was in school the last time I got sober in AA (possibly too soon, I was only ~90 days sober then) studying the same subject as this time and was also caught up in the criminal justice system back then (sorta just noting the similarities) and as I was waking and looking up I saw this neon sign for a bar nearby that I used to go into after I checked out of AA at about the 5 & 1/2 month mark and I was reminded of how that time when I was sober that mental obsession to have 'just one drink' never really left me and tonight I just smiled and, as I said, I want to just sorta jump for joy (like at the end of the 'Breakfast Club') because it's been gone for some time now (the compulsion/obsession that is, bizarre random thoughts of alcohol still pop up but they have no power and are more like mental images of me during those good old days that are now 6 feet under and non-revivable - I just have to remind myself that it has not been 'like that' for about 1/2 a lifetime now and those images immediately crumble).
It was a really a truly wonderful feeling. I still have waves of anxiety around the uncertainty of what I'll do if I get laid off but looking at that neon sign tonight and having no desire to or thoughts about having 'just one drink' gave me a sense of peace that somehow, someway things are going to work themselves out as long as I keep my sobriety in front of everything else - even my job. Also, as Dee said some time ago, I think here in our class thread but maybe somewhere else, I've definitely noticed that as time goes by those random mental images of me holding a glass of wine at some time/place that was once 'fun' are becoming rarer and rarer....I can notice the difference between their frequency at 3 months, 6 months and now at just about 8 months, now they are pretty darn infrequent.
Well, as Dee was so kind to point out, in 38 minutes I'll be able to say TGIF - cause this pup is ready for the weekend!!!
Good evening class, see you tmmr or this weekend.
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