Codependency and beyond - Part 19
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
I may live in the same house, but I can still detach
I know that many people simply cannot detach while sharing the same space, and that it's dangerous for many more. For me? I took it as a challenge especially when I realized ALL my relationships were codie. I just kept focusing on me while maintaining an escape plan if needed, and I sure did need that once in a while!
I'm so excited for you and your teeth!
Originally Posted by kevinlednylon
Im not going out with a loving spirit but i am going out. :>>
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
amy -congrats on the dental work
kevin - congrats that your signature now says "4 1/2 months no alcohol"
leaving in 1 week for our vacation - wahoo can't wait - going to the Women's college world series (softball) in OKlahoma City!! also going to do a little sight seeing too - going to see the OK City Bombing Memorial, a few other museums, etc. gonna be a nice trip! NOT to mention all the Softball games!!!! yip yip yipppeeee!
So ready for a break!
Oh did I mention that our girl Kaileigh made the all-star team in softball? wahoo for her! she will practice while we are going (she is staying with her other grandmas) and then the BIG tournament when we get back!! so we don't miss anything!
Kevin - I will share with you about my anger with my Wonderful God of my understanding - and really it's not anger any longer - I have moved into acceptance - but I lost the house of my dreams to my ex husband - It's a long long story - how i struggled to get the house after Hurricane Rita but i did & poured my heart & soul into it - only to lose it after 2 short years ~ my ex AH now lives in it FOR FREE !
I told my God that If I had known He was going to take it away from me - I wish He would have never given it to me in the first place. I understand I had lessons to learn, greater things to move on to - but the pain was still great, the anger overwhelming, and the scars still live within me ~ My God is big enough to draw up the plan - He is big enough for me to voice my hurts, angers and disappointments - He still LOVES me unconditionally.
I believe without a doubt - He is completely OK with how I feel. He knows I trust HIM completely and I can tell Him everything (my thoughts are He knows already, me verbalizing helps me to know - lol)
It's just more of an area He & I will continue to work on, heal and grow thru - and No Matter what - Me & My God are going to be ok - Even Better than OK!
PINK HUGS to all,
Rita
kevin - congrats that your signature now says "4 1/2 months no alcohol"
leaving in 1 week for our vacation - wahoo can't wait - going to the Women's college world series (softball) in OKlahoma City!! also going to do a little sight seeing too - going to see the OK City Bombing Memorial, a few other museums, etc. gonna be a nice trip! NOT to mention all the Softball games!!!! yip yip yipppeeee!
So ready for a break!
Oh did I mention that our girl Kaileigh made the all-star team in softball? wahoo for her! she will practice while we are going (she is staying with her other grandmas) and then the BIG tournament when we get back!! so we don't miss anything!
Kevin - I will share with you about my anger with my Wonderful God of my understanding - and really it's not anger any longer - I have moved into acceptance - but I lost the house of my dreams to my ex husband - It's a long long story - how i struggled to get the house after Hurricane Rita but i did & poured my heart & soul into it - only to lose it after 2 short years ~ my ex AH now lives in it FOR FREE !
I told my God that If I had known He was going to take it away from me - I wish He would have never given it to me in the first place. I understand I had lessons to learn, greater things to move on to - but the pain was still great, the anger overwhelming, and the scars still live within me ~ My God is big enough to draw up the plan - He is big enough for me to voice my hurts, angers and disappointments - He still LOVES me unconditionally.
I believe without a doubt - He is completely OK with how I feel. He knows I trust HIM completely and I can tell Him everything (my thoughts are He knows already, me verbalizing helps me to know - lol)
It's just more of an area He & I will continue to work on, heal and grow thru - and No Matter what - Me & My God are going to be ok - Even Better than OK!
PINK HUGS to all,
Rita
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Location: Dancing in the Light
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Ah, Rita, I love what you said about talking to your God. I often say what I feel too, to my god, and sometimes it isn't pretty. But, I feel an unconditional acceptance now that I hadn't been there previously. Your vacation sounds super and it's great you'll be back to watch Kaileigh play baseball.
Amy, finally, the teeth will be fixed. You've been so patient and brave.
Big Hugs to Everyone!
Kevin, you're working through your anger slowly, but surely and that's the way to go.
Amy, finally, the teeth will be fixed. You've been so patient and brave.
Big Hugs to Everyone!
Kevin, you're working through your anger slowly, but surely and that's the way to go.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Rita))) - reading through your post, I stopped and thought "hurricane Rita"? I didn't remember that hurricane being named after you, and had seriously thought I'd lost my mind. I now remember that it was Katrina, but have to agree...what you went through during that time, it might as well have been hurricane Rita.
It is hot here, and Elvis insists on laying on my lap. I just turn the fan a little higher
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
It is hot here, and Elvis insists on laying on my lap. I just turn the fan a little higher
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Rita, I flew out to NM in '96 and went to a very isolated spot in the desert. I spent hours talking, crying and SCREAMING at God. I knew I wanted to scream and that's why I picked a place where I could let it all out. No lightning bolts struck me and I've not ever felt the need to do that again. We have a better relationship now
Congrats to Kaileigh!!! The OKC Memorial gave me goosebumps and I've got them right now thinking about it.
Congrats to Kaileigh!!! The OKC Memorial gave me goosebumps and I've got them right now thinking about it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
Yes i do worry sometimes about telling my higher power what i really think - screaming blue murder. I'm a catholic so. Well i was. I think its been years since i sat out a whole catholic mass. On the positive side thanks anne, rita, and chino for your grats and thoughts on g-d and also amy for your understanding.
2 slices of bacon, 1 plate, microwave, 3 minutes, 2 white bread rolls - ching kerching job done.
minty fresh! Nothing to do with anything else but some + points. A good snack yay!
2 slices of bacon, 1 plate, microwave, 3 minutes, 2 white bread rolls - ching kerching job done.
minty fresh! Nothing to do with anything else but some + points. A good snack yay!
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Originally Posted by Impurrfect
(((Rita))) - reading through your post, I stopped and thought "hurricane Rita"? I didn't remember that hurricane being named after you, and had seriously thought I'd lost my mind. I now remember that it was Katrina, but have to agree...what you went through during that time, it might as well have been hurricane Rita.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
It was BIGGER than Katrina - It caused more structural damage to our area than in New Orleans -
It was less than a month after Hurricane Katrina - WE just didn't WHINE our butts off on TV, we didn't loot and we did beg for people to come save us!
Everyone pitched in and help each other - we listened when they said leave, people that didn't have money to leave where provided buses to leave on (the government learned from Katrina on that one!!)
We had deaths but not at the same numbers as Hurricane Katrina - because we heeded the warnings.
The parish below where I lived was wiped out completely - these people lost everything! NO home at all - it was all flatted by the tidal waves, tornados, trees and hurricane force winds! schools were closed for months - people didn't get back to their homes for YEARS!
Then 3 yrs later we were hit again by Hurricane IKE - it was only a Cat 3 - but some had the same experience.
To this day - all you hear is Hurricane Katrina - but my friend - YES we were devasted by Hurricane RITA - it was real, it was painful and it was a nightmare - regardless if the National news wants to cover it or not.
WHEW - I'm off my soap box now & going to go home -
Please know that I love you dearly - You couldn't have known - it's not your fault - the only thing you hear about is Katrina - but that wasn't the only thing that happened to our State in 2005
and just a note of humor to leave on - Yes I am Rita and one of my daughters - is Katrina -
Lord help us all!!!
breathe in, breathe out -
It's all gravy !
PINKness is restored!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Wow Rita, that's how I feel when the media talks about flooding. They do comparisons, and they've already forgotten ours. It was just last year, too. People are still displaced or homeless and now FEMA is asking them to return money. Huh?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
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Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by kevinlednylon
Yes i do worry sometimes about telling my higher power what i really think - screaming blue murder. I'm a catholic so. Well i was.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
Well i think i am, by time, in earlier recovery than others here. I say its 2 and a half months, approximately. Right now im grappling with the first codependent book by m beattie. Specifically today 'feeling your feelings'.
In actual fact i have not finished reading that book im 3/4 or so through it. My intention is to order her next book and read it when im finished with the 1st book.
For sure my HP relationship is erm 'frayed'
In actual fact i have not finished reading that book im 3/4 or so through it. My intention is to order her next book and read it when im finished with the 1st book.
For sure my HP relationship is erm 'frayed'
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Rita))) - you're right, all I heard about was Katrina. I'm sure I DID hear about Rita, but it was overshadowed. I did remember your daughter is named Katrina. Speaking of bad weather, dad said tornadoes are hitting Oklahoma? My heart just dropped as you are heading that way soon. I'm praying it's not bad, and doesn't interfere with your vacation. You didn't sound mean, at all, btw. I would have pretty strong emotions about it myself. Come to think of it, though, I was still using and got locked up that year...probably wasn't focused on much of anything at that time. In fact, I was still at the diversion center, on that day...the day after my birthday. No excuse, just realized why I wasn't more "up" on the hurricane, but now I know. We got a LOT of Katrina refugees, and some were pretty rough people.
The storms may hit Joplin again, and are heading this direction eventually. Aunt Phyllis said my cousin is "stressed", doing news stories (works for a TV station) and the cops that COULD be helping people, are too busy chasing down the looters. That is so totally wrong, on all accounts.
Went by work to get my schedule and turn in my request for the 2 days off after the dentist. They don't need me tomorrow, I'm already off on Wed., so actually have FIVE days off from the golden (tarnished) arches! Will have time to finish up my 5 stores, study and maybe, just maybe I can take Sunday as a rest day.
Went to class, went over some slides and he asked us "what do you want to do in the next couple weeks". I said "go on vacation" and he cracked up laughing. He gave us another take-home test to turn in on the 7th (no class next week) and the same night, we will take our last test. That means 3 body systems I get to go over for THAT class plus a few other for the other class, but some are overlapping. Three more weeks, and I will be done until Aug!
Elvis is being really clingy, whined when I left the house, and greeted me when I got home...is on my lap. He's eating, swatting at Mots, and otherwise acting normal so I think he's just spoiled.
Will catch up here, then get back to studying. VERY grateful for the break from work. Mrs. P was there, though I didn't see her until I was walking out the door, and everyone was cleaning all kinds of stuff. Not my thing...I'd rather it be so busy we just get the essentials clean
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
The storms may hit Joplin again, and are heading this direction eventually. Aunt Phyllis said my cousin is "stressed", doing news stories (works for a TV station) and the cops that COULD be helping people, are too busy chasing down the looters. That is so totally wrong, on all accounts.
Went by work to get my schedule and turn in my request for the 2 days off after the dentist. They don't need me tomorrow, I'm already off on Wed., so actually have FIVE days off from the golden (tarnished) arches! Will have time to finish up my 5 stores, study and maybe, just maybe I can take Sunday as a rest day.
Went to class, went over some slides and he asked us "what do you want to do in the next couple weeks". I said "go on vacation" and he cracked up laughing. He gave us another take-home test to turn in on the 7th (no class next week) and the same night, we will take our last test. That means 3 body systems I get to go over for THAT class plus a few other for the other class, but some are overlapping. Three more weeks, and I will be done until Aug!
Elvis is being really clingy, whined when I left the house, and greeted me when I got home...is on my lap. He's eating, swatting at Mots, and otherwise acting normal so I think he's just spoiled.
Will catch up here, then get back to studying. VERY grateful for the break from work. Mrs. P was there, though I didn't see her until I was walking out the door, and everyone was cleaning all kinds of stuff. Not my thing...I'd rather it be so busy we just get the essentials clean
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I took 2 walks and im back walking with my HP hurrah!
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Good for you (((Kevin)))!!
Okay, just saying a blanket prayer, as this storm seems to be heading toward several people on here I love, as well as bio-family, today, tomorrow and on through the week.
Trying to do what a good recovering codie SHOULD do...pray more, worry less.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Okay, just saying a blanket prayer, as this storm seems to be heading toward several people on here I love, as well as bio-family, today, tomorrow and on through the week.
Trying to do what a good recovering codie SHOULD do...pray more, worry less.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I got D's phone number from another cousin, just texted him a while ago, not knowing if it would go through or what was going on. He said they were taking cover from another tornado spotted that was headed their way
I was SOOO relieved to hear from him.
Prayers going out for your friends/family and everyone else ((Chino))
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I was SOOO relieved to hear from him.Prayers going out for your friends/family and everyone else ((Chino))
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
eek, tornados, hurricanes, floods, be safe you all! Here in paradise we get wiped out by the occasional fire, and of course we are all waiting for the next big quake to open up new beaches. . .but mostly its just paradise.
I dont even know what I have posted lately, I guess I could go look, but I will just say, I am Bliss personified. . .
I didnt realize it when I got hurt and the (ex) died, but I realize now that I am going to take an entire year and dedicate it to deep healing. I am on about month 8. I am so serene and joyful.
I have that small voice in my head that wants to tell me I wasted the life insurance money, I wasted this time, and I am so happy it will all hurt that much more when it changes, but I am not trippin.
Friday is my belly button birthday. My husband and kids always made a big deal about it, so the last 19 years or so I have had what felt like parades in my honor. I got a little scared about 1.5 weeks ago that no one would remember, or I would miss the (ex) or what ever. I tried to reach out to a couple of my friends here, and it went badly.
I get to grieve and protect myself as I see fit. Soooo, I shut down my facebook, told everyone I was going to be away, and began to cocoon.
but the universe has sent abundant Love for me as I try and nest here at home. This very special person I am blessed to have in my life right now picked right up on what I need, and I just couldnt be more grateful.
There is no logically reason for the extra Love coming my way right now, its all divinely inspired. My HP knows where I hurt and what doors to open for me to heal.
My birthday before our almost-son died, I felt a bit like this. As I blew out the candles, I wished/prayed "I have everything I could every want, just please let it stay this way". He died 2 months later and I was bitterly angry at god as I felt like I had not asked for much.
I know things change now. I know the amazing people I have in my life today are in my life for as long as they are supposed to be, and then the road bends. Today I am ok with that, I have learned to appreciate people right this minute.
Grateful for all of you<3
I dont even know what I have posted lately, I guess I could go look, but I will just say, I am Bliss personified. . .
I didnt realize it when I got hurt and the (ex) died, but I realize now that I am going to take an entire year and dedicate it to deep healing. I am on about month 8. I am so serene and joyful.
I have that small voice in my head that wants to tell me I wasted the life insurance money, I wasted this time, and I am so happy it will all hurt that much more when it changes, but I am not trippin.
Friday is my belly button birthday. My husband and kids always made a big deal about it, so the last 19 years or so I have had what felt like parades in my honor. I got a little scared about 1.5 weeks ago that no one would remember, or I would miss the (ex) or what ever. I tried to reach out to a couple of my friends here, and it went badly.
I get to grieve and protect myself as I see fit. Soooo, I shut down my facebook, told everyone I was going to be away, and began to cocoon.
but the universe has sent abundant Love for me as I try and nest here at home. This very special person I am blessed to have in my life right now picked right up on what I need, and I just couldnt be more grateful.
There is no logically reason for the extra Love coming my way right now, its all divinely inspired. My HP knows where I hurt and what doors to open for me to heal.
My birthday before our almost-son died, I felt a bit like this. As I blew out the candles, I wished/prayed "I have everything I could every want, just please let it stay this way". He died 2 months later and I was bitterly angry at god as I felt like I had not asked for much.
I know things change now. I know the amazing people I have in my life today are in my life for as long as they are supposed to be, and then the road bends. Today I am ok with that, I have learned to appreciate people right this minute.
Grateful for all of you<3
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Loving Ourselves Unconditionally
Love yourself into health and a good life of your own.
Love yourself into relationships that work for you and the other person. Love yourself into peace, happiness, joy, success, and contentment.
Love yourself into all that you always wanted. We can stop treating ourselves the way others treated us, if they behaved in a less than healthy, desirable way. If we have learned to see ourselves critically, conditionally, and in a diminishing and punishing way, it's time to stop. Other people treated us that way, but it's even worse to treat ourselves that way now.
Loving ourselves may seem foreign, even foolish at times. People may accuse us of being selfish. We don't have to believe them.
People who love themselves are truly able to love others and let others love them. People who love themselves and hold themselves in high esteem are those who give the most, contribute the most, and love the most.
How do we love ourselves? By forcing it at first. By faking it, if necessary. By acting as if. By working as hard at loving and liking ourselves as we have at not liking ourselves.
Explore what it means to love yourself.
Do things for yourself that reflect compassionate, nurturing, self love.
Embrace and love all of yourself - past, present, and future. Forgive yourself quickly and as often as necessary. Encourage yourself. Tell yourself good things about yourself.
If we think and believe negative ideas, get them out in the open quickly and honestly, so we can replace those beliefs with better ones.
Pat yourself on the back when necessary. Discipline yourself when necessary. Ask for help, for time; ask for what you need.
Sometimes, give yourself treats. Do not treat yourself like a pack mule, always pushing and driving harder. Learn to be good to yourself. Choose behaviors with preferable consequences - treating yourself well is one.
Learn to stop your pain, even when that means making difficult decisions. Do not unnecessarily deprive yourself. Sometimes, give yourself what you want, just because you want it.
Stop explaining and justifying yourself. When you make mistakes, let them go. We learn, we grow, and we learn some more. And through it all, we love ourselves.
We work at it, and then work at it some more. One day we'll wake up, look in the mirror, and find that loving ourselves has become habitual. We're now living with a person who gives and receives love, because that person loves him or herself. Self-love will take hold and become a guiding force in our life.
Today, I will work at loving myself. I will work as hard at loving myself as I have at not liking myself. Help me let go of self-hate and behaviors that reflect not liking myself. Help me replace those with behaviors that reflect self-love. Today, God, help me hold myself in high self-esteem. Help me know I'm lovable and capable of giving and receiving love.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Loving Ourselves Unconditionally
Love yourself into health and a good life of your own.
Love yourself into relationships that work for you and the other person. Love yourself into peace, happiness, joy, success, and contentment.
Love yourself into all that you always wanted. We can stop treating ourselves the way others treated us, if they behaved in a less than healthy, desirable way. If we have learned to see ourselves critically, conditionally, and in a diminishing and punishing way, it's time to stop. Other people treated us that way, but it's even worse to treat ourselves that way now.
Loving ourselves may seem foreign, even foolish at times. People may accuse us of being selfish. We don't have to believe them.
People who love themselves are truly able to love others and let others love them. People who love themselves and hold themselves in high esteem are those who give the most, contribute the most, and love the most.
How do we love ourselves? By forcing it at first. By faking it, if necessary. By acting as if. By working as hard at loving and liking ourselves as we have at not liking ourselves.
Explore what it means to love yourself.
Do things for yourself that reflect compassionate, nurturing, self love.
Embrace and love all of yourself - past, present, and future. Forgive yourself quickly and as often as necessary. Encourage yourself. Tell yourself good things about yourself.
If we think and believe negative ideas, get them out in the open quickly and honestly, so we can replace those beliefs with better ones.
Pat yourself on the back when necessary. Discipline yourself when necessary. Ask for help, for time; ask for what you need.
Sometimes, give yourself treats. Do not treat yourself like a pack mule, always pushing and driving harder. Learn to be good to yourself. Choose behaviors with preferable consequences - treating yourself well is one.
Learn to stop your pain, even when that means making difficult decisions. Do not unnecessarily deprive yourself. Sometimes, give yourself what you want, just because you want it.
Stop explaining and justifying yourself. When you make mistakes, let them go. We learn, we grow, and we learn some more. And through it all, we love ourselves.
We work at it, and then work at it some more. One day we'll wake up, look in the mirror, and find that loving ourselves has become habitual. We're now living with a person who gives and receives love, because that person loves him or herself. Self-love will take hold and become a guiding force in our life.
Today, I will work at loving myself. I will work as hard at loving myself as I have at not liking myself. Help me let go of self-hate and behaviors that reflect not liking myself. Help me replace those with behaviors that reflect self-love. Today, God, help me hold myself in high self-esteem. Help me know I'm lovable and capable of giving and receiving love.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Lisa))) happy early birthday! The "pack mule" part of the reading made me think of me, always pushing and trying harder. Something I've got to continue to work on.
Enjoy your paradise. So far, Joplin is "just" getting rain, but a tornado touched down between he and aunt Phyllis, and destroyed a small town. Forecasters said this is going to be a long system...praying it dies down before it reaches this part of the country.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Enjoy your paradise. So far, Joplin is "just" getting rain, but a tornado touched down between he and aunt Phyllis, and destroyed a small town. Forecasters said this is going to be a long system...praying it dies down before it reaches this part of the country.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Amy ~I'm so glad my post didn't come off mean -
Chino ~ Thanks for letting me know that someone else feels the same way -
So much of American has been devasted by Natural Disasters~Hurricanes, Floods, Tornados, Wild Fires, Droughts, Mud Slides, Snow Storms, etc. Yes several people had to pay back the FEMA money here too -
which again brings up the injustice of my ex ah living in that house while the government allows him to NOT pay the note!!! (SBA disaster loan)
Yoda Reminder - LET IT GO - right?
Lisa - Happy Happy Birthday early - praying your day is filled with many wonderful blessings!!!
A quote I would like to share . . .
"I'd just like to thank you for listening. . . If it wasn't for you, I'd probably still hide my feelings. I'd never really go after my dreams." Courage to be Me, pg. 53
Thanks my precious friends for helping and encouraging me to find my dreams!
Love & PINK HUGS,
Rita
Chino ~ Thanks for letting me know that someone else feels the same way -
So much of American has been devasted by Natural Disasters~Hurricanes, Floods, Tornados, Wild Fires, Droughts, Mud Slides, Snow Storms, etc. Yes several people had to pay back the FEMA money here too -
which again brings up the injustice of my ex ah living in that house while the government allows him to NOT pay the note!!! (SBA disaster loan)
Yoda Reminder - LET IT GO - right?
Lisa - Happy Happy Birthday early - praying your day is filled with many wonderful blessings!!!
A quote I would like to share . . .
"I'd just like to thank you for listening. . . If it wasn't for you, I'd probably still hide my feelings. I'd never really go after my dreams." Courage to be Me, pg. 53
Thanks my precious friends for helping and encouraging me to find my dreams!
Love & PINK HUGS,
Rita
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