Class of January 2011 pt 2
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
Manz thanks honey and very well done on 90 days. Today was hard. I have lots of baggage to deal with so was difficult to balance my responsibilities to the chief mourners and to myself. I think i did a good job.
Thanks MIB and Dee life gets better-whoo
i do feel sorry for my father though, in my view it is principly his mistraeatment that created my codependency and me 'outing' myself as a recovering codependent will - must impact him - still that is not my responsibility - i talk of my codependency as it is significant and try to avoid talking about it to do him harm.
It is right to consider my father like myself is responsible for his actions past and present.
Funeral was well, i had loads of baggage so i stayed away from alot of people at first and only entered the service at the very end [last person in!]. I did not carry the coffin. Some may doubt my decisions but i am confident i did not conciously excercise any malice though i did tell people about my codieness.
I even went to the after funeral event but left after awhile primarally because i didnt want to tell people how i felt. Angered at my dad/my family for not recognising my codieness all these years. I shared and listened to as much as i felt sensible to do so then left.
A good day.
Im sorry my father will have to take what is coming though i will try to keep him from harms way.
i did in my view excercise my condolonces to my mother, aunt and my grandfathers brother so despite my issues i played a fair hand and was not selfish in my view. i took care of myself.
now to wait for life to feed back lols
kevin
Thanks MIB and Dee life gets better-whooi do feel sorry for my father though, in my view it is principly his mistraeatment that created my codependency and me 'outing' myself as a recovering codependent will - must impact him - still that is not my responsibility - i talk of my codependency as it is significant and try to avoid talking about it to do him harm.
It is right to consider my father like myself is responsible for his actions past and present.
Funeral was well, i had loads of baggage so i stayed away from alot of people at first and only entered the service at the very end [last person in!]. I did not carry the coffin. Some may doubt my decisions but i am confident i did not conciously excercise any malice though i did tell people about my codieness.
I even went to the after funeral event but left after awhile primarally because i didnt want to tell people how i felt. Angered at my dad/my family for not recognising my codieness all these years. I shared and listened to as much as i felt sensible to do so then left.
A good day.
Im sorry my father will have to take what is coming though i will try to keep him from harms way.
i did in my view excercise my condolonces to my mother, aunt and my grandfathers brother so despite my issues i played a fair hand and was not selfish in my view. i took care of myself.
now to wait for life to feed back lols
kevin
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
Working real hard on recovery everyone boy do i suffer. I now have THREE online 12 step chatrooms two of which [including this one here 9pm est boys and girls] have online meetings. This helps. I have two recovery books.
I think i have just discovered that feelings can be indicators to our ambition so in my case it is my hope that now i have identified an ambition that was being frustated i can change my ambition [adapt it to something more fitting my circumstances] having done this i do feel better. amen to that.
i do feel a drift of good towards me, talking and interacting with neighbours now. i did get angry last night but have explained why. and i think they know they are out of order.
experiencing a guilt feeling now since i have just said thanks but no thanks to spending time with my 2 neighbours. its not worth the risk but i wish i didnt feel guilty.
I think i have just discovered that feelings can be indicators to our ambition so in my case it is my hope that now i have identified an ambition that was being frustated i can change my ambition [adapt it to something more fitting my circumstances] having done this i do feel better. amen to that.
i do feel a drift of good towards me, talking and interacting with neighbours now. i did get angry last night but have explained why. and i think they know they are out of order.
experiencing a guilt feeling now since i have just said thanks but no thanks to spending time with my 2 neighbours. its not worth the risk but i wish i didnt feel guilty.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
Well had two knocks off neighbors yesterday. The first was off the guys friend a lad who i have met outside of my neighbor in friendly circumstances before. He is ropey but more stable imo than my neighbor. He actually was highly complimentary.
He is codie like me and stuck in a compulsive relationship with my neighbor. We had a chat for a while i felt sympathy but remained as detached as i could be but clearly i was codieing on the circumstances.
It was not a bad conversation but not sure if it ended codie or not although. In actual fact i received two ego boosting compliments from the guy!!!!!!! Corrected the guy [darren] on use of people 'making' us feel stuff. Nobody can make you i explained, although they can help.
Some other stuff happened later.
Today feeling slightly oppressed by the codieness to my neighbor but ok. Also not happy to be codie on this board but not 2 worry.
Have been doing more investigation into my feelings. My book continues to give insight. I had been owning all of the emotional landscape. Wrong. There were many compulsives in close proximity. Compulsives are not dealing with their emotions since they are repressing them with drugs and compulsions.
That fact was useful in de-owning some of the negative energy.
It is my view that i am able to feel strong emotions through the indoor wall
He is codie like me and stuck in a compulsive relationship with my neighbor. We had a chat for a while i felt sympathy but remained as detached as i could be but clearly i was codieing on the circumstances.
It was not a bad conversation but not sure if it ended codie or not although. In actual fact i received two ego boosting compliments from the guy!!!!!!! Corrected the guy [darren] on use of people 'making' us feel stuff. Nobody can make you i explained, although they can help.
Some other stuff happened later.
Today feeling slightly oppressed by the codieness to my neighbor but ok. Also not happy to be codie on this board but not 2 worry.
Have been doing more investigation into my feelings. My book continues to give insight. I had been owning all of the emotional landscape. Wrong. There were many compulsives in close proximity. Compulsives are not dealing with their emotions since they are repressing them with drugs and compulsions.
That fact was useful in de-owning some of the negative energy.
It is my view that i am able to feel strong emotions through the indoor wall
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 216
Kev...sounds like you had a stressful weekend and I hope today is better for you. Just remember, tomorrow is a start of another week sober!
Manz...hope you had a spectacular weekend...miss you!
Today I'm 11 weeks sober!!!
Manz...hope you had a spectacular weekend...miss you!
Today I'm 11 weeks sober!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,474
Was I gone again...??? Sorry about that MIB. How was your weekend hun? I hope it wasn't as stressful as you thought it may have been. Let us know ok.
And 11 weeks..... Woo frikkin Hooooooooo!!!!
Kev, glad you got through your weekend, and once again it sounds like you are making progress. Well done friend.
Magic.... whats up? Thanks for the visit and the smile you gave me.
At the moment I feel like I am taking a couple of steps forward in my life..and getting smacked 1 or 2 back each time. I am doing all I know how to work on me, resolve past conflicts that rage within my head.. and truly begin to love me again. It is not easy, and when faced with the...shyte that life seems to keep throwing my way....I amtruly thankful that I am sober.
This is one huge gift that I have given to myself, and I will continue to work on it everyday. And I hope that all of you will be doing the same thing right alongside me into the future. You all do provide an amazing amount of inspiration and support. So ..... Thankyou my friends.
Day 2 of 14 without my son...... SIGH.
And
11 weeks..... Woo frikkin Hooooooooo!!!!Kev, glad you got through your weekend, and once again it sounds like you are making progress. Well done friend.
Magic.... whats up? Thanks for the visit and the smile you gave me.
At the moment I feel like I am taking a couple of steps forward in my life..and getting smacked 1 or 2 back each time. I am doing all I know how to work on me, resolve past conflicts that rage within my head.. and truly begin to love me again. It is not easy, and when faced with the...shyte that life seems to keep throwing my way....I amtruly thankful that I am sober.
This is one huge gift that I have given to myself, and I will continue to work on it everyday. And I hope that all of you will be doing the same thing right alongside me into the future. You all do provide an amazing amount of inspiration and support. So ..... Thankyou my friends.
Day 2 of 14 without my son...... SIGH.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,474
Tough visit to the Psych and group therapy yesterday. always good to work on me though.
I am thankful to have afantastically good friend who helps me through life at the moment... and oh yeah... just happens to be the man I am in love with... awesome.
MIB.... where are you... miss you. :ghug3:ghug3
Sunny here today... playing the avoiding game a little... tax dept and bank... they will keep right?
Still sober, still thankful, and happy to have this place and all of you.
(this is us folks heehee)
I am thankful to have afantastically good friend who helps me through life at the moment... and oh yeah... just happens to be the man I am in love with... awesome.
MIB.... where are you... miss you. :ghug3:ghug3
Sunny here today... playing the avoiding game a little... tax dept and bank... they will keep right?
Still sober, still thankful, and happy to have this place and all of you.
(this is us folks heehee)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 216
Hi friends...just checking in to see how everyone is doing. I'm at a low point...bad weekend, bad relationship, feeling sad and missed my therapist appointment yesterday because my daughter's cat is sick so she wanted me to go to the vet with her. Trying to work today and I'm so unfocused. blah...blah...blah
Manz...the therapy can be painful. It makes me think too much but I know I need it to deal with the underlying issues of why I'm an alcoholic. I'm so happy that you have someone in your life that can love and comfort you as you go through this! Maybe that's what I'm struggling with...aside from my daughter, I don't really have anyone who understands and it's not her job to counsel her mother. It seems like I've lost my connection with my very best friend. She's totally supportive but our friendship was mostly a drinking relationship and I can tell that she is uncomfortable with me now and I feel the same with her. We keep talking about "other" things to do together but that just hasn't happened and I don't expect it will. When we weren't going out for a drink, the non-drinking things that we always did involved drinking afterwards. Makes me want to sob. Then I think I should get my butt to an AA meeting today but the only thing I'm looking for there is someone like me, which I will probably find eventually, but it's just too depressing to think about today.
Kev...we do just need to keep moving along and some days are better than others. See above...need I say more??
I know this fog will lift and I'll be back to my bluebirdy self soon. Thanks for letting me vent.
Looking for a smiley but nothing's making me happy right now.
Manz...the therapy can be painful. It makes me think too much but I know I need it to deal with the underlying issues of why I'm an alcoholic. I'm so happy that you have someone in your life that can love and comfort you as you go through this! Maybe that's what I'm struggling with...aside from my daughter, I don't really have anyone who understands and it's not her job to counsel her mother. It seems like I've lost my connection with my very best friend. She's totally supportive but our friendship was mostly a drinking relationship and I can tell that she is uncomfortable with me now and I feel the same with her. We keep talking about "other" things to do together but that just hasn't happened and I don't expect it will. When we weren't going out for a drink, the non-drinking things that we always did involved drinking afterwards. Makes me want to sob. Then I think I should get my butt to an AA meeting today but the only thing I'm looking for there is someone like me, which I will probably find eventually, but it's just too depressing to think about today.
Kev...we do just need to keep moving along and some days are better than others. See above...need I say more??
I know this fog will lift and I'll be back to my bluebirdy self soon. Thanks for letting me vent.
Looking for a smiley but nothing's making me happy right now.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,474
Hey guys..
Kev.. not psyche ward... psyche therapy etc... all good for me.
MIB.... just another HUG my friend...you have PM mail.
Magic... miss ya.
Got liver function test results today, not tip top. More investigation needed. Sigh.
Session with addiction counsellor today was most enlightening. She basically grabbed me by the shoulders and MADE me see just how much I have going on in my life right now....and helped me to realise that yeah my natural response is...."But I have to cope with all this myself". In fact... I dont...and its totally natural to be completely overwhelmed from time to time.
Sigh again.
Rock on Team J.
Kev.. not psyche ward... psyche therapy etc... all good for me.
MIB.... just another HUG my friend...you have PM mail.
Magic... miss ya.
Got liver function test results today, not tip top. More investigation needed. Sigh.
Session with addiction counsellor today was most enlightening. She basically grabbed me by the shoulders and MADE me see just how much I have going on in my life right now....and helped me to realise that yeah my natural response is...."But I have to cope with all this myself". In fact... I dont...and its totally natural to be completely overwhelmed from time to time.
Sigh again.
Rock on Team J.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Hi my lovely J's. Life keeps on flowing up and down, as I see we are all experiencing much of the same. I am beyond tired tonight so I'll keep this short and come back tomorrow. Let's just say it's a comfort to be in this whole new world together with you. Makes the journey much more bareable
having you guys right along with me. Some ride, huh?
((((Hugs)))) Kev, MIB and Manz....sweet dreams to all.
having you guys right along with me. Some ride, huh?
((((Hugs)))) Kev, MIB and Manz....sweet dreams to all.
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