Class of January 2011 pt 2
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
Well today so far has been [touching wood] a less difficult start to my day. Yesterday although hard did bring futher improvements to my psychology, id been dragging a whole lotta guilt round which i think i have hacked into.
MIB, Manz, magic happy your here :P - well the sun is shining here oh and it will be 14 weeks no alcohol tomorrow so much has changed. Codependency recovery is the biggest factor maybe for i personally, although learning to ask for help and healthy ways to give/receive support have also been important.
Im doing it myself i know but have had some awesome help from atleast 4 people on sr [thats MAJOR help] not counting the numerous significant other helpers minor and significant but sure one sentence from a mod [anna] and a book on codependency seem to be the major cornerstones there again i think another mod showed me how to ask for help so - its a good place.
Im not emotionally secure yet [if you hadnt guessed] but i have my moments of hope and before sr people blowed big snots at me evertyday in my mind, so thats progress.
Stay off the alcohol folks, since its a fools paradise please. I do hope my example a few weeks ahead of you in quitting alcohol isnt a bad one. Im doing well really, just is my first time off alcohol [other than 3 weeks] in 16 years so lots of correcting up to do.
Happy coffee and tea and water drinking space monkeys!
kevin
MIB, Manz, magic happy your here :P - well the sun is shining here oh and it will be 14 weeks no alcohol tomorrow so much has changed. Codependency recovery is the biggest factor maybe for i personally, although learning to ask for help and healthy ways to give/receive support have also been important.
Im doing it myself i know but have had some awesome help from atleast 4 people on sr [thats MAJOR help] not counting the numerous significant other helpers minor and significant but sure one sentence from a mod [anna] and a book on codependency seem to be the major cornerstones there again i think another mod showed me how to ask for help so - its a good place.
Im not emotionally secure yet [if you hadnt guessed] but i have my moments of hope and before sr people blowed big snots at me evertyday in my mind, so thats progress.
Stay off the alcohol folks, since its a fools paradise please. I do hope my example a few weeks ahead of you in quitting alcohol isnt a bad one. Im doing well really, just is my first time off alcohol [other than 3 weeks] in 16 years so lots of correcting up to do.
Happy coffee and tea and water drinking space monkeys!
kevin
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 216
67 days today and I'm feeling great mentally...physically not so great because I've been prepping for a colonscopy which is scheduled for today. It has made me think about how different life is now that I'm not drinking. I wouldn't have scheduled it in the first place because being hungover every day prevented me from taking care of myself. A day without alcohol to prep would have been unthinkable and not worth being healthy to me. And then I thought about the last time I had an anesthetic. I had plastic surgery on my nose to fix skin cancer and immediately following the surgery I went to my favorite bar for lunch. I slammed down three glasses of wine while blood was dripping from the 20 stitches in my nose. Our server couldn't even look at me and I thought it was funny. Who does that? A drunk.
Magic...so glad to see you back, we've missed you! I think it's good to take a step back and take care of what's going on in our real life. That balance is very important and it is something that I continue to struggle with even now that I'm sober. Hard work for all of us.
Manz...you have to be so proud of yourself for not drinking with all of the stressors on your plate. I'm sure your son has a big part in keeping you sober when everything else is in limbo right now. I can tell he is the love of your life and you sound like the kind of Mom who will be able to stay sober for him. I can guarantee that you won't be sorry. Good things are coming your way...I just know it.
Kev...you are doing great things for your recovery. Reaching out to others for help and surrounding yourself with a support system that is obviously working. You are a good example for all of us so we are counting on you to help keep us on the right path!
Hugs to everyone on this very rainy day in Michigan...
Magic...so glad to see you back, we've missed you! I think it's good to take a step back and take care of what's going on in our real life. That balance is very important and it is something that I continue to struggle with even now that I'm sober. Hard work for all of us.
Manz...you have to be so proud of yourself for not drinking with all of the stressors on your plate. I'm sure your son has a big part in keeping you sober when everything else is in limbo right now. I can tell he is the love of your life and you sound like the kind of Mom who will be able to stay sober for him. I can guarantee that you won't be sorry. Good things are coming your way...I just know it.
Kev...you are doing great things for your recovery. Reaching out to others for help and surrounding yourself with a support system that is obviously working. You are a good example for all of us so we are counting on you to help keep us on the right path!
Hugs to everyone on this very rainy day in Michigan...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,474
I am feeling very down today. Sad, lonely and sick of all this limbo. I truly miss having a significant other to help me, hold my hand and walk beside me with an arm around my shoulders.
I am staying at a friends house, sis kicked me out so she could have her floors done, am sleeping in a single bed, son has to be at his dads when he should be with me.... SIGH. Watching the clock tick last night and not finding sleep. Yes my life is not ideal. Yes I am trying to see the positive. Yes I am trying to make the needed changes within myself to be great again(am getting close on that score).
I just want to be held.... be told its all going to be ok. And I am so tearful it is driving me nuts! Yesterday, until evening I felt great! And then WHAMMO mood shift, sadness and the grey cloud over my head.
Today it has been exactly 12 weeks since i last drank. Of that I can be proud. Just not feeling the love about it too much today my friends.
Magic, so glad I dropped you a line and came to let everyone know you are ok, and sober.:ghug3
MIB.. 67 days is fantastic, so glad you are not a drunk with a bleeding nose anymore.
Kev.. keep it up.
I need to go be alone some more.... well, actually I dont...bbut not much choice right now. Sigh
Love and light
I am staying at a friends house, sis kicked me out so she could have her floors done, am sleeping in a single bed, son has to be at his dads when he should be with me.... SIGH. Watching the clock tick last night and not finding sleep. Yes my life is not ideal. Yes I am trying to see the positive. Yes I am trying to make the needed changes within myself to be great again(am getting close on that score).
I just want to be held.... be told its all going to be ok. And I am so tearful it is driving me nuts! Yesterday, until evening I felt great! And then WHAMMO mood shift, sadness and the grey cloud over my head.
Today it has been exactly 12 weeks since i last drank. Of that I can be proud. Just not feeling the love about it too much today my friends.
Magic, so glad I dropped you a line and came to let everyone know you are ok, and sober.:ghug3
MIB.. 67 days is fantastic, so glad you are not a drunk with a bleeding nose anymore.
Kev.. keep it up.
I need to go be alone some more.... well, actually I dont...bbut not much choice right now. Sigh
Love and light
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Hello my lovely (definitely not sane) sober January friends.
Good thing we got each other, because life is most certainly a roller coaster these days, isn't it?
Manz - First huge congratulations on your 12 weeks. You are awesome.
Please acknowledge all your hard work! You are going through some extremely difficult life situations. You are off the stress schedule and you
are handling it and staying sober. Do not give up 5 minutes before the
miracle occurs in your life. Things will change and turn around for the better.
It's so hard to see the light when one is smack in the middle of it though!
I wish we all could be there in real life to give you the hugs you need right now. Virtual ones will have to do so....((((((Manz))))).
Blue - How is the new do? Bet'cha look marvelous! My youngest son just
turned 22 on April 3rd. He is away at college and I sure do miss him.
Don't even want to tell you how old my older son is, cuz then you'll know that
I'm old, ewww...and I can't have that, ya know? In all seriousness, I can so
relate to what you shared about our children forgiving and the love that is
so complete between mother and children.
Manz, I promise that by staying sober, your wee little guy will have no memory of those dark days you carry around in your head. It is the best
gift of love you can possibly give him so toss the guilt like now!
Blue - I think it is awesome that you are taking care of yourself. It is
so important that we take those steps for our health, it means you are
beginning to love and cherish you and that is so important to our recovery.
I hope you don't put too much pressure on yourself regarding your relationship. We are all still just a drop in the bucket into this sobriety stuff,
and just a little crackers, you know? There is a good reason folks in AA caution about making any major changes in the first year of recovery. Following a 12 program or not, there is a ton of wisdom that can be gained, IMHO to learn about the program.
Kev - You are leading the way here, and I tip my non-existent hat to your 14 weeks of sobriety. Please do share as much as you would like. I think we all get a lot out of your sharing. In other words, you are an excellent example!
So to all of us, I raise a toast of herbal tea...we shall get through another day
sober and be the best people we can be for the day. And hey, if we don't like
how we got through it, we get another chance the day after that one. So to change I say, and hopes to embrace it rather then fear it.
With that, I'm off my soap box for the night
and am going to try and go to bed and get some sleep! Night to you all.
Good thing we got each other, because life is most certainly a roller coaster these days, isn't it?
Manz - First huge congratulations on your 12 weeks. You are awesome.
Please acknowledge all your hard work! You are going through some extremely difficult life situations. You are off the stress schedule and you
are handling it and staying sober. Do not give up 5 minutes before the
miracle occurs in your life. Things will change and turn around for the better.
It's so hard to see the light when one is smack in the middle of it though!
I wish we all could be there in real life to give you the hugs you need right now. Virtual ones will have to do so....((((((Manz))))).
Blue - How is the new do? Bet'cha look marvelous! My youngest son just
turned 22 on April 3rd. He is away at college and I sure do miss him.
Don't even want to tell you how old my older son is, cuz then you'll know that
I'm old, ewww...and I can't have that, ya know? In all seriousness, I can so
relate to what you shared about our children forgiving and the love that is
so complete between mother and children.
Manz, I promise that by staying sober, your wee little guy will have no memory of those dark days you carry around in your head. It is the best
gift of love you can possibly give him so toss the guilt like now!
Blue - I think it is awesome that you are taking care of yourself. It is
so important that we take those steps for our health, it means you are
beginning to love and cherish you and that is so important to our recovery.
I hope you don't put too much pressure on yourself regarding your relationship. We are all still just a drop in the bucket into this sobriety stuff,
and just a little crackers, you know? There is a good reason folks in AA caution about making any major changes in the first year of recovery. Following a 12 program or not, there is a ton of wisdom that can be gained, IMHO to learn about the program.
Kev - You are leading the way here, and I tip my non-existent hat to your 14 weeks of sobriety. Please do share as much as you would like. I think we all get a lot out of your sharing. In other words, you are an excellent example!
So to all of us, I raise a toast of herbal tea...we shall get through another day
sober and be the best people we can be for the day. And hey, if we don't like
how we got through it, we get another chance the day after that one. So to change I say, and hopes to embrace it rather then fear it.
With that, I'm off my soap box for the night
and am going to try and go to bed and get some sleep! Night to you all.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 216
I have everything to be happy about but I feeling like crying today. I'm doing all of the right things for my recovery and I don't want to drink but I miss the excitement...I'm sure all of you can relate. I'm angry that I'm an alcoholic and tired of being Susie Sunshine and saying all of the right things when people tell me how proud they are of me and how good I'm doing. This is probably related to going to our neighborhood bar last nite. I haven't been there since I stopped drinking and I went to eat...but it was a Friday night and all of the regulars were there. At the time I felt fine and had no urge to drink but maybe this is the aftermath?
It's nice to have SR to come to when I'm feeling this way because writing it down takes the weight off and I always receive understanding and support here. I love all of your posts and hearing about how you are doing.
Manz..hope you found something to ease your loneliness, Magic...thanks for reminding me that tomorrow is another day, Kev...so happy you are in a good place today.
Boons to all....
It's nice to have SR to come to when I'm feeling this way because writing it down takes the weight off and I always receive understanding and support here. I love all of your posts and hearing about how you are doing.
Manz..hope you found something to ease your loneliness, Magic...thanks for reminding me that tomorrow is another day, Kev...so happy you are in a good place today.
Boons to all....
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
Maybe you need to play the tape through to the end, MIB...?
put yourself in the position of a Friday night drinker...we're not like those other folks..
I dunno about you but 'excitement' was not where I ended up...especially on a Saturday morning after a usual Friday night.
D
put yourself in the position of a Friday night drinker...we're not like those other folks..
I dunno about you but 'excitement' was not where I ended up...especially on a Saturday morning after a usual Friday night.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,474
Another day has started here in paradise...slept in, sun is shining, chatting with my friend and checking up on you all. Trying to find the motivation to DO something today.
MIB..Hun I can totally relate, for no particular reason we hit a wall and just feel down. But Dee had some wise words, the "excitement" you crave maybe in your memory that seems great, but take longer and look where it ended up, after anight on it. I am sure that is not where you want to be my friend. Time to find another form of exciting activity? Regardless, you are right, we understand and relate. Sending you huge hugs.
Magic...wow, quite the writer, is that your profession, maybe it should be! Thank you for rejoining us on our rollercoaster journey. It truly is great to have you back and hear your input. And thanks for your kind words of encouragement.
Kev...you are going first, leading the bunch of Jan, and on top of that you really are digging deep and making huge personal changes. Awesome work.
Yes guys.... I got 12 weeks yesterday.... who woulda thunk it? Went to the beach and tried walking off my lonliness, it was magic because at the end found a spot where a man was playing beautiful piano in his beach house, and the sound drifted out over the beach and water. I was alone on the beach, a friend called form the states and cheered me up a little... I am lucky to live in sucha beautiful place...AND BE ABLE TO ENJOY IT SOBER.
Another day it is..... Love and Light to all
Hugs
MIB..Hun I can totally relate, for no particular reason we hit a wall and just feel down. But Dee had some wise words, the "excitement" you crave maybe in your memory that seems great, but take longer and look where it ended up, after anight on it. I am sure that is not where you want to be my friend. Time to find another form of exciting activity? Regardless, you are right, we understand and relate. Sending you huge hugs.
Magic...wow, quite the writer, is that your profession, maybe it should be! Thank you for rejoining us on our rollercoaster journey. It truly is great to have you back and hear your input. And thanks for your kind words of encouragement.
Kev...you are going first, leading the bunch of Jan, and on top of that you really are digging deep and making huge personal changes. Awesome work.
Yes guys.... I got 12 weeks yesterday.... who woulda thunk it? Went to the beach and tried walking off my lonliness, it was magic because at the end found a spot where a man was playing beautiful piano in his beach house, and the sound drifted out over the beach and water. I was alone on the beach, a friend called form the states and cheered me up a little... I am lucky to live in sucha beautiful place...AND BE ABLE TO ENJOY IT SOBER.
Another day it is..... Love and Light to all
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
Manz what a mess I was last night.
I can quite honestly say the set of circumstances i now find myself in are quite possibly [or so they seem] the most difficult and testing in all my 32 years of life. I am doing a test run in switching from coffee to chamomile tea in an effort to calm my mind.
Last night although i grew [again] psychologically [doing up some reading on guilt-this can come from avoidance don't u know!] i was suffering psychologically.
Still i have survived, remained responsible and emerge a stronger guy today.
So codependent it hurts
I can quite honestly say the set of circumstances i now find myself in are quite possibly [or so they seem] the most difficult and testing in all my 32 years of life. I am doing a test run in switching from coffee to chamomile tea in an effort to calm my mind.
Last night although i grew [again] psychologically [doing up some reading on guilt-this can come from avoidance don't u know!] i was suffering psychologically.
Still i have survived, remained responsible and emerge a stronger guy today.
So codependent it hurts
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,474
Kev I agree with Dee(surprise surprise lol)... personal growth no matter how painful it is, is truly something to be both proud and thankful for. Your constant effort in that direction is an inspiration! You got through last night, and are stronger for it. I am proud of you.
Chamomile tea will definately help.... i drink chamomile & spiced apple...yum!
Bad sleep for me last night, drove 110kms round trip to see my pysch, to find she had called in sick.!!! GAH. Petrol the equivalent of $6.20 a gallon here at the moment.... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
But instead of being totally peeved about it... I drove to the great park I miss now that I have moved and walked all the frustration off.
Love and light Januarians!! remember....
Chamomile tea will definately help.... i drink chamomile & spiced apple...yum!
Bad sleep for me last night, drove 110kms round trip to see my pysch, to find she had called in sick.!!! GAH. Petrol the equivalent of $6.20 a gallon here at the moment.... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
But instead of being totally peeved about it... I drove to the great park I miss now that I have moved and walked all the frustration off.
Love and light Januarians!! remember....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 216
Dee, Manz...I did play that tape forward and I know it's not where I want to be...but can't I just be pissy sometimes, please??? 
That excitement would have led to missing the beautiful weekend we had because I would have been so sick that the only thing to do would have been to drink myself through the weekend. Instead I did my volunteer work on Saturday and felt like I made a difference in someone else's life, spent time with my daughter on Saturday nite, took the dogs to the dog park on Sunday and it was 70 degrees with a wonderful breeze and I could fully appreciate the time spent there (not to mention how happy it made the dogs). Yesterday was still hard for me though. Sundays are days when we cook for our children and that always meant drinking all day. It really puts me on edge and I'm not as good of a cook. I messed up an easy appetizer yesterday, my gravy was lumpy and I broke one of my favorite glass baking dishes. I did beat everyone at scrabble after dinner though so all was not a loss.
Honestly, I'm very pleased with my progress and there is no way I don't want to continue this journey with all of you. I feel that there is a life ahead of me that I'm just beginning to discover, pissy or not.
Manz...the beach and the piano player, walking in the park...such great things to enjoy sober. I need to start thinking more about the things that I missed or didn't appreciate because my brain was so fogged that I couldn't feel or listen. I hope your son is home with you this week to ease some of your loneliness and bring rainbows to your days!
Kevin...sounds like you have been faced with some difficult challenges lately but you are persevering and getting stronger. As Manz said, you are an inspiration to the rest of us and we appreciate you and your presence in the January group!
Happy day to all...thanks for being here for me on a sober Monday morning.
That excitement would have led to missing the beautiful weekend we had because I would have been so sick that the only thing to do would have been to drink myself through the weekend. Instead I did my volunteer work on Saturday and felt like I made a difference in someone else's life, spent time with my daughter on Saturday nite, took the dogs to the dog park on Sunday and it was 70 degrees with a wonderful breeze and I could fully appreciate the time spent there (not to mention how happy it made the dogs). Yesterday was still hard for me though. Sundays are days when we cook for our children and that always meant drinking all day. It really puts me on edge and I'm not as good of a cook. I messed up an easy appetizer yesterday, my gravy was lumpy and I broke one of my favorite glass baking dishes. I did beat everyone at scrabble after dinner though so all was not a loss.Honestly, I'm very pleased with my progress and there is no way I don't want to continue this journey with all of you. I feel that there is a life ahead of me that I'm just beginning to discover, pissy or not.
Manz...the beach and the piano player, walking in the park...such great things to enjoy sober. I need to start thinking more about the things that I missed or didn't appreciate because my brain was so fogged that I couldn't feel or listen. I hope your son is home with you this week to ease some of your loneliness and bring rainbows to your days!
Kevin...sounds like you have been faced with some difficult challenges lately but you are persevering and getting stronger. As Manz said, you are an inspiration to the rest of us and we appreciate you and your presence in the January group!
Happy day to all...thanks for being here for me on a sober Monday morning.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
Well like i said in private its some hp work - and also some taking care of myself. i have come via the help of a jolly good book that is doing wonders to come to understand that my needs are important. yup.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 216
Kevin...I hope you didn't think I took lightly what you said. It was a joke at myself because my mind is so messed up most of the time and I'm slowly working through it all too. It's such a process to rewire our thinking and learn to like ourselves and I'm right there with you. :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,474
Kev you make me laugh!
MIB.. I agree, rewiring and learning to love oursleves is not easy, but it has been the way forward for me, truly has beena revelation to find that I do in fact like me and that some of the "truths" that were constantly playing in my head were totally unfounded BS planted by others or by bad experience.
And on top of that... yes you can be pissy when ever you like my friend..just try not to stay there too long! Emotions love each other I have learnt, pissy just brings more pissy...LOL. sorry about your gravy, and appetiser and dish... I HATE days like that. Here is a big :ghug3 for you.
My day ended yesterday with shovelling loads of crushed shells and spreading over the longest driveway in the world!!! I get up today and find a list of 10 MUST DO's for the day on the table kindly left by the sister. SLAVE LABOUR.... not a favour to put me up.
Guess I wont have to work out today at least......
Have a good Tuesday when you get to it my friends, mine is almost half done.
MIB.. I agree, rewiring and learning to love oursleves is not easy, but it has been the way forward for me, truly has beena revelation to find that I do in fact like me and that some of the "truths" that were constantly playing in my head were totally unfounded BS planted by others or by bad experience.
And on top of that... yes you can be pissy when ever you like my friend..just try not to stay there too long! Emotions love each other I have learnt, pissy just brings more pissy...LOL. sorry about your gravy, and appetiser and dish... I HATE days like that. Here is a big :ghug3 for you.
My day ended yesterday with shovelling loads of crushed shells and spreading over the longest driveway in the world!!! I get up today and find a list of 10 MUST DO's for the day on the table kindly left by the sister. SLAVE LABOUR.... not a favour to put me up.
Guess I wont have to work out today at least......
Have a good Tuesday when you get to it my friends, mine is almost half done.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
