Class Of December 2010 part 4
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Good moring everyone! I am sooooo grateful that its friday!!! This has seriously been the worst/craziest work week I have ever had! Some days at work have been so crazy that I had serious thoughts of buying some beers to "relax" but glad I didnt. Tomorrow will be 80days, pretty crazy for me that Im still sober and overall enjoying it. I am super tired and def need to grab a red bull or monster on the way to work if Im going to last today. Tonight I plan on staying home so hopefully I can catch up on SR ... I havnt really gotten a chance to get on here at all this week. Hope everyone enjoys their weekend!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: BC
Posts: 161
Hey everyone, day 75 here.
I have a meeting with my addictions counselor this afternoon, and when I woke up this morning I almost immediately phoned the place to cancel. When I woke up, all I could think about was drinking today, and I started to get that giddy feeling just thinking about getting drunk. Every trick my mind can play was on loop, you know them all.
Here's the thing. Things are going good. Really good. I have a well paying job, I'm eating right and working out. But I don't feel overly good, I just feel okay towards life. I convinced myself, instantly after waking up, that I was gonna get drunk today and that was that. In the past couple hours I've gone from being over the top convinced I was getting drunk today (What a good feeling that was just thinking about it), back to reality and understanding why I shouldn't drink (which isn't such a good feeling, but its more real than anything else)
If I get caught drinking, everything goes. I'm on probation, no drinking being one of the conditions. My job, my freedom, the new gained respect, and all the good stuff that comes with being sober, would disappear in a flash if I was picked up by the cops. And let me just refresh, mostly for myself as I type this, the stuff I gain back.
GUILT, SHAME, REGRET, and in my opinion, a one-way ticket back to the start, start being day 1.
Lately I've been feeling numb, no feelings towards much of anything. I haven't gotten excited about anything in life, and I guess I'm back to the usual position I've held where I feel like I need to spice up my life. What spices up life though? In the past, it was always alcohol.
If these cravings would have came on this strong early on in sobriety, I wouldn't have stood a chance. I would have broke immediately. But I feel good that I was able to get through this one. And I can proudly say that I will be seeing my addictions counselor this afternoon to discuss all of this.
I have a meeting with my addictions counselor this afternoon, and when I woke up this morning I almost immediately phoned the place to cancel. When I woke up, all I could think about was drinking today, and I started to get that giddy feeling just thinking about getting drunk. Every trick my mind can play was on loop, you know them all.
Here's the thing. Things are going good. Really good. I have a well paying job, I'm eating right and working out. But I don't feel overly good, I just feel okay towards life. I convinced myself, instantly after waking up, that I was gonna get drunk today and that was that. In the past couple hours I've gone from being over the top convinced I was getting drunk today (What a good feeling that was just thinking about it), back to reality and understanding why I shouldn't drink (which isn't such a good feeling, but its more real than anything else)
If I get caught drinking, everything goes. I'm on probation, no drinking being one of the conditions. My job, my freedom, the new gained respect, and all the good stuff that comes with being sober, would disappear in a flash if I was picked up by the cops. And let me just refresh, mostly for myself as I type this, the stuff I gain back.
GUILT, SHAME, REGRET, and in my opinion, a one-way ticket back to the start, start being day 1.
Lately I've been feeling numb, no feelings towards much of anything. I haven't gotten excited about anything in life, and I guess I'm back to the usual position I've held where I feel like I need to spice up my life. What spices up life though? In the past, it was always alcohol.
If these cravings would have came on this strong early on in sobriety, I wouldn't have stood a chance. I would have broke immediately. But I feel good that I was able to get through this one. And I can proudly say that I will be seeing my addictions counselor this afternoon to discuss all of this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hmmm. Somehow I'm having trouble imagining Butte drawing a bigger crowd than New York (150,000 people in the parade, 2 million spectators). But what they lack in size, I bet they make up for with rowdiness, what with no open container laws.... 
perpetual optimist
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 2,959
Northland!!!!!!!!! Nice to hear from you! I am glad you popped in but sad you are feeling that way. I would lay all that out to your counselor.....all of it. He or she might have some ideas for you that will help. Keep us posted on that! And wtg on 75 days, that's amazing!
R&A, you are probably right about Butte....I just know people from all over the world go there...it's kind of weird. I guess way back in the mining days there, they had a strong Irish presence. My celebration this year will consist of corned beef and cabbage at the house! Never did get into green beer........lol.
Back to washing floors......who is this person with energy?
R&A, you are probably right about Butte....I just know people from all over the world go there...it's kind of weird. I guess way back in the mining days there, they had a strong Irish presence. My celebration this year will consist of corned beef and cabbage at the house! Never did get into green beer........lol.
Back to washing floors......who is this person with energy?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Good for you North! Way to beat down that tricky, lying addictive voice. My biggest battle is against romantic notions of how great it would be to drink. I always got that giddy feeling as I headed to the liquor store after work. But that's crazy—because at the same time I knew without doubt that I would wake up feeling horrible and hopeless.
Alcohol isn't the cure for that numb feeling—it's the cause of it. The cure is just to keep doing what you're doing, and give it time. Maryjan's comments about not necessarily expecting much out of any given day or situation is relevant, I think. Some days will be bad days. I gotta believe you'll start finding other ways to add that spice. Give it time. More will be revealed, as the AAers like to say...
Alcohol isn't the cure for that numb feeling—it's the cause of it. The cure is just to keep doing what you're doing, and give it time. Maryjan's comments about not necessarily expecting much out of any given day or situation is relevant, I think. Some days will be bad days. I gotta believe you'll start finding other ways to add that spice. Give it time. More will be revealed, as the AAers like to say...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: The "beltway"
Posts: 785
Originally Posted by northland 
Lately I've been feeling numb, no feelings towards much of anything. I haven't gotten excited about anything in life, and I guess I'm back to the usual position I've held where I feel like I need to spice up my life. What spices up life though? In the past, it was always alcohol.
If these cravings would have came on this strong early on in sobriety, I wouldn't have stood a chance. I would have broke immediately. But I feel good that I was able to get through this one. And I can proudly say that I will be seeing my addictions counselor this afternoon to discuss all of this.
If these cravings would have came on this strong early on in sobriety, I wouldn't have stood a chance. I would have broke immediately. But I feel good that I was able to get through this one. And I can proudly say that I will be seeing my addictions counselor this afternoon to discuss all of this.
Enjoying a big mug of Earl Grey and honey. Actually I just Googled how long to steep the tea because I was not sure.
I am spent after this week...I think BF and i had the same week.
MJ, stick with us, we're better for you.
Cheers all. I will be up crazy early tomorrow for a big run and early start with my training group. Have a great night!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 788
Hi all...
Went out with the friends I last drank with...a good friend from college days. I didn't drink, but I noticed that I acted kind of mean...cynical and obnoxious, sort of the way I was in college, trying to impress so desperately. I actually made fun of someone else's kids, which now I am very ashamed of. Maybe I drank to keep from feeling shameful at being an *******. I'm hitting step 7, which is trying to be a better person, without all the "defects" you've been carrying. I think, out of fear, I've often been a cynical person, kind of guarded and cold. Too cool for school. I'm feeling now how far out of line that is with who I truly am and want to be. It's hard to feel this, but I am hoping to leave that self in the past. Maybe I'm crazy (and certainly tired!) but I think I always drank too much on the nights I acted this cool, jaded way. Anyhow, that's my weird two cents for tonight. A mug of Earl grey with honey sounds wonderful.
Thanks for listening.
Went out with the friends I last drank with...a good friend from college days. I didn't drink, but I noticed that I acted kind of mean...cynical and obnoxious, sort of the way I was in college, trying to impress so desperately. I actually made fun of someone else's kids, which now I am very ashamed of. Maybe I drank to keep from feeling shameful at being an *******. I'm hitting step 7, which is trying to be a better person, without all the "defects" you've been carrying. I think, out of fear, I've often been a cynical person, kind of guarded and cold. Too cool for school. I'm feeling now how far out of line that is with who I truly am and want to be. It's hard to feel this, but I am hoping to leave that self in the past. Maybe I'm crazy (and certainly tired!) but I think I always drank too much on the nights I acted this cool, jaded way. Anyhow, that's my weird two cents for tonight. A mug of Earl grey with honey sounds wonderful.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Hi everybody. Hope eveyones enjoying their Saturday. This past week I've had some killer cravings to drink. And today for the past 4 hrs. I ate and felt better for a little but soon cravings came back. I know if I have to think about it for this long then obviously it's not a good idea. I worked hard to be 80days sober today but for some reason that alcohol voice is like screaming at me to buy some beers.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 384
BF - I can relate with your cravings too. It's funny how I'll go days without thinking at all about a drink, then some days it consumes my thoughts...
MJ - I can relate to your post too. Trying to figure out our sober selves. Who are these sober women? For myself, I'm not sure yet....I too have been somewhat guarded, cynical and cold at times. I do know that so far, I like the sober me much better, it's just sometimes I don't recognize her.
You are really getting along in your steps...I'm still on step #2. I kind of feel like my sponsor doesn't have time for me. Oh well at least she didn't blow me off like my therapist did. Actually, therapist did contact me to tell me she got my messages (a week later). Whatever.
Volunteered at the local food bank this morning with some co-workers. We pack backpacks of food for underprivileged kids to take home on the weekend as their primary source of food is at school. I think we packed 400 bags of food in 2 hours. So sad there are so many kids out there that don't get enough food at home.
I'm trying a new recipe - Caribbean Chicken. It's in the oven now and smells delicious!!
Hope everyone is having a good weekend.
Later gators
MJ - I can relate to your post too. Trying to figure out our sober selves. Who are these sober women? For myself, I'm not sure yet....I too have been somewhat guarded, cynical and cold at times. I do know that so far, I like the sober me much better, it's just sometimes I don't recognize her.
You are really getting along in your steps...I'm still on step #2. I kind of feel like my sponsor doesn't have time for me. Oh well at least she didn't blow me off like my therapist did. Actually, therapist did contact me to tell me she got my messages (a week later). Whatever.
Volunteered at the local food bank this morning with some co-workers. We pack backpacks of food for underprivileged kids to take home on the weekend as their primary source of food is at school. I think we packed 400 bags of food in 2 hours. So sad there are so many kids out there that don't get enough food at home.
I'm trying a new recipe - Caribbean Chicken. It's in the oven now and smells delicious!!
Hope everyone is having a good weekend.
Later gators
perpetual optimist
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 2,959
Dee is leaving........I am so sad. He is the best. He posted on Newcomers if you guys want to read...........
This place won't be the same.....he has such sound advice.
Good for you doing the food bank thing, Better. Bet you felt pretty good when you were done. Caribbean Chicken sounds yummy! I am having stuffed peppers tonight with a side of spinach sauteed in olive oil and roasted pine nuts.....sprinkled with a little seasoning salt and lots of pepper. Ooops, not on the food thread......lol.
Last night the BF and I went out to eat and he got 2 frozen margaritas. I was envious to say the least.......to top it off my meal was terrible so I got to sit and watch him enjoy his while I stewed. I was a very pleasant person to be around by the time we left...............UGH!!!!!!!!!! lol. It didn't last long but I hate that I am this way sometimes..........
BF and MJ, you have some real good time in........stand firm!
GF, that is quite a run! You must be in some great shape, how did you ever drink?
This place won't be the same.....he has such sound advice.Good for you doing the food bank thing, Better. Bet you felt pretty good when you were done. Caribbean Chicken sounds yummy! I am having stuffed peppers tonight with a side of spinach sauteed in olive oil and roasted pine nuts.....sprinkled with a little seasoning salt and lots of pepper. Ooops, not on the food thread......lol.
Last night the BF and I went out to eat and he got 2 frozen margaritas. I was envious to say the least.......to top it off my meal was terrible so I got to sit and watch him enjoy his while I stewed. I was a very pleasant person to be around by the time we left...............UGH!!!!!!!!!! lol. It didn't last long but I hate that I am this way sometimes..........
BF and MJ, you have some real good time in........stand firm!
GF, that is quite a run! You must be in some great shape, how did you ever drink?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 581
Wow, I am really sad about Dee but want the best for him. Dang. *Sigh.* Don't want to be selfish.
MJ I am also shocked that you're already on Step 7! Wowee girl! But listen, give yourself a break, ok? All that self criticism and judgment. You went out with your drinking friends and YOU DID NOT DRINK!! How about that!! I mean, come on!! So you were a wee bit snarky or slightly off your normal perfect pristine self? Hello? Maryjan, you are not perfect, but you are sober and that is *everything* *everything* - really - it is.
I insist that you give yourself a break right this minute! You didn't drink! Let the other stuff go. Please.
Can you tell I just ate a big bowl of jamoca almond fudge ice cream?! I went to Baskin Robbins with a friend who has 19 years sober. He quit when he was 24. I cannot imagine how differently my life might have turned out if I had quit at 24. At least there is still time now :-)
Everyone is doing great, VC, and BF, way to go surviving cravings and margaritas and just everything in general. Better, North, Gramps...great to hear from you guys too.
MJ: I mean it!!
Nite all.
MJ I am also shocked that you're already on Step 7! Wowee girl! But listen, give yourself a break, ok? All that self criticism and judgment. You went out with your drinking friends and YOU DID NOT DRINK!! How about that!! I mean, come on!! So you were a wee bit snarky or slightly off your normal perfect pristine self? Hello? Maryjan, you are not perfect, but you are sober and that is *everything* *everything* - really - it is.
I insist that you give yourself a break right this minute! You didn't drink! Let the other stuff go. Please.
Can you tell I just ate a big bowl of jamoca almond fudge ice cream?! I went to Baskin Robbins with a friend who has 19 years sober. He quit when he was 24. I cannot imagine how differently my life might have turned out if I had quit at 24. At least there is still time now :-)
Everyone is doing great, VC, and BF, way to go surviving cravings and margaritas and just everything in general. Better, North, Gramps...great to hear from you guys too.
MJ: I mean it!!
Nite all.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Dang it, I just came online and the first thing I see is a thread wishing Dee well because he's leaving! I posted an unselfish message praising him and wishing him well—but I have to come over here now and say I feel totally, absolutely, shelfishly bummed! ARRRGH!
OK, had to get that out. Gratitude, I need gratitude.... Very grateful he was here when we arrived, and that he continued to shepherd us along every day since we started this journey. That man is an angel. I can see how he could have given way too much to SR, and needs to turn his attention back to his life....
BF, tell your voice to shove it. Eat more—go to Baskin Robbins like Soph and get yourself a giant ice cream sundae, followed by some cheesecake. Do whatever you gotta do. That voice caused you a lot of pain. You deserve to be sober—and deserve to wake up feeling great about yourself.
MJ, I dunno what you're talking about. Cynical? Mean? You? So you engaged some idle snarkiness—everybody does it now and then. It's not like you actually hurt someone's feelings, and you immediately regretted it. A jaded person wouldn't have thought twice about it. On the other hand, Soph has a point about the self-criticism...
VC, I'm not sure what you mean either. I'd get totally annoyed watching not one but two frozen margaritas going down right in front of me. And I wouldn't feel the least bit guilty about it, either!
Better, that's really cool. Have you always volunteered, or is that something new? I've been thinking about how AA emphasizes service. I can understand how that would be good for the soul while in recovery. Good anytime, but especially in recovery...
MG, if I ran 21 miles, I doubt I'd ever wake up from the "nap" that would follow. You are an animal!
North, hope you're finding some of that sober spice. Or at least feeling peaceful...
OK, back to missing Dee. Will say a prayer tonight that he gets everything he wants. Dude deserves it.
OK, had to get that out. Gratitude, I need gratitude.... Very grateful he was here when we arrived, and that he continued to shepherd us along every day since we started this journey. That man is an angel. I can see how he could have given way too much to SR, and needs to turn his attention back to his life....
BF, tell your voice to shove it. Eat more—go to Baskin Robbins like Soph and get yourself a giant ice cream sundae, followed by some cheesecake. Do whatever you gotta do. That voice caused you a lot of pain. You deserve to be sober—and deserve to wake up feeling great about yourself.
MJ, I dunno what you're talking about. Cynical? Mean? You? So you engaged some idle snarkiness—everybody does it now and then. It's not like you actually hurt someone's feelings, and you immediately regretted it. A jaded person wouldn't have thought twice about it. On the other hand, Soph has a point about the self-criticism...
VC, I'm not sure what you mean either. I'd get totally annoyed watching not one but two frozen margaritas going down right in front of me. And I wouldn't feel the least bit guilty about it, either!
Better, that's really cool. Have you always volunteered, or is that something new? I've been thinking about how AA emphasizes service. I can understand how that would be good for the soul while in recovery. Good anytime, but especially in recovery...
MG, if I ran 21 miles, I doubt I'd ever wake up from the "nap" that would follow. You are an animal!
North, hope you're finding some of that sober spice. Or at least feeling peaceful...
OK, back to missing Dee. Will say a prayer tonight that he gets everything he wants. Dude deserves it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 581
Hi Hooped...glad you posted...sorry to hear of your trouble...Dee might ask, what are your plans now? What do you need to do next so this won't happen again..?
(Maybe Dee's legacy, is to think of his gentle and constant kind support, and to try to emulate it. Also his little lol's...great guy all around and very admirable.)
Hang in there Hooped...
R+A what a great post..thank you...really well written and thoughtful.
(Maybe Dee's legacy, is to think of his gentle and constant kind support, and to try to emulate it. Also his little lol's...great guy all around and very admirable.)
Hang in there Hooped...
R+A what a great post..thank you...really well written and thoughtful.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Just checked in and saw our December thread way down the line—giving it a bump to keep us all riding high today!
Hooped, good to see you back, drinking or not. What threw you off track—and to Soph's point, what's your plan for getting back on it?
Lots of bickering on other SR threads today—name-calling, attacks on personal beliefs. They're arguing like a bunch of drunks, lol! I actually said to myself that I'm glad Dee's not around today to see this. Anyway, feels good to pop into our little oasis of support. Off to get some exercise now—and a good long soak in the hot tub!
Hooped, good to see you back, drinking or not. What threw you off track—and to Soph's point, what's your plan for getting back on it?
Lots of bickering on other SR threads today—name-calling, attacks on personal beliefs. They're arguing like a bunch of drunks, lol! I actually said to myself that I'm glad Dee's not around today to see this. Anyway, feels good to pop into our little oasis of support. Off to get some exercise now—and a good long soak in the hot tub!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
