Class of December 2010 Part 3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Gramps, that pic made my day!! When I was a kid, I had a lot of nightmares about falling off a ski lift. To this day I get edgy on them. There are these enclosed ones in the Sierras, and in spots you're looking down a drop of several hundred feet. Ugh.
Soph and MJ, I like that cradling image! Reminds me of what Paul and John said (the Beatles, not the apostles):
Soph and MJ, I like that cradling image! Reminds me of what Paul and John said (the Beatles, not the apostles):
When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Wow MG love the pics and the lil shout out! Looks like a lot of fun. I've actually never been skiing, I snowboard. Hope you enjoyed your day off!
Soph you don't sound too excited about the snow day and schools being closed. I wish I could've had snow days back when I was in HS. No snow days here in So Cal.
MJ hope the throat feels better! I hate when I get sick with a gnarly sore throat, it's the worst for me. I forget the name but I know there's a numbing spray you can find in like the colds section at the store.
Soph you don't sound too excited about the snow day and schools being closed. I wish I could've had snow days back when I was in HS. No snow days here in So Cal.
MJ hope the throat feels better! I hate when I get sick with a gnarly sore throat, it's the worst for me. I forget the name but I know there's a numbing spray you can find in like the colds section at the store.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 384
Originally Posted by Maryjan 
I also wake up with fear and anxiety. Sometimes, I imagine being cradled in God's arms, told that it's going to be okay, like a child. Sounds cheesy, but it helps somehow.
MG - what awesome pics! Thanks for posting! Looks like you had a fun day off.
Soph - I am also trying to get used to being single after being in relationships my entire adult life. I love the independence, but I can get lonely too.
Well, shoveling is again in my future. Not sure I'll get to it today though, as it's ELEVEN BELOW here this morning. Breaking all kinds of weather records here.
Hope everyone has a warm, safe day
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: BC
Posts: 161
Day 53 for me here
I haven't posted because I was in a remote camp working for 2 weeks. I flew out of camp on tuesday night, stayed in a hotel that night and flew home yesterday morning. And you wouldn't believe the cravings I was getting while I was sitting in the hotel room. All by myself, on days off, with more money in my bank account than I've had in a long time. I sat on the bed and kept trying to justify how nice a 6 pack would be, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew I would regret it, and knew I would hate myself the next day for doing it, so I said screw it, went to mcdonalds, pigged out and went to bed hahahahaha
I'm feeling very vulnerable right now. When I was gone for 2 weeks working, I didn't have any desire to drink. Lots of the guys up there drink heavily, but I'd get off work and work out, and go to bed soon after. Now that I'm off for a week, I'm scared to go out with friends or go anywhere, because I am afraid I will make a split second decision to drink, and go on a bender.
But, one thing I have going for me, is the recent memory of tuesday night. I had every opportunity to drink, no one would have known, it would have just been me and the booze, and I said NO. That was a big one for me.
And today I have 2 meetings, one with my addictions counselor, and one with my mental health counselor. I feel good about going because I will be able to confidently tell them I'm still sober, instead of the typical "oh I drank again"
I just want to make it through this week off, because once I go back to work the urge will be gone.
I haven't posted because I was in a remote camp working for 2 weeks. I flew out of camp on tuesday night, stayed in a hotel that night and flew home yesterday morning. And you wouldn't believe the cravings I was getting while I was sitting in the hotel room. All by myself, on days off, with more money in my bank account than I've had in a long time. I sat on the bed and kept trying to justify how nice a 6 pack would be, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew I would regret it, and knew I would hate myself the next day for doing it, so I said screw it, went to mcdonalds, pigged out and went to bed hahahahaha
I'm feeling very vulnerable right now. When I was gone for 2 weeks working, I didn't have any desire to drink. Lots of the guys up there drink heavily, but I'd get off work and work out, and go to bed soon after. Now that I'm off for a week, I'm scared to go out with friends or go anywhere, because I am afraid I will make a split second decision to drink, and go on a bender.
But, one thing I have going for me, is the recent memory of tuesday night. I had every opportunity to drink, no one would have known, it would have just been me and the booze, and I said NO. That was a big one for me.
And today I have 2 meetings, one with my addictions counselor, and one with my mental health counselor. I feel good about going because I will be able to confidently tell them I'm still sober, instead of the typical "oh I drank again"
I just want to make it through this week off, because once I go back to work the urge will be gone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 581
Northland!!! You are amazing!! Wow buddy, you made it through a huge temptation! I am really happy for you. What a great way to go to those 2 meetings, with good news instead of the old familiar bad news. Great to hear from you!
Better...
I am sorry the weather keeps you shoveling and freezing, imagine how awful all that would be hungover as well! Yuck. Good for you for handling it all sober!
Booze, California sounds great right about now.
Ready, I love that Beatles song...let it be...thanks for reminding me of that. Simple and to the point...very zen.
MJ, how is your throat today? Are you getting to the doctor?
Gramps welcome back to the workday, hope your day off skiing was fun!!
I am at work and need to get back to it. Just wanted to say hi to all and have a great sober day.
Better...
I am sorry the weather keeps you shoveling and freezing, imagine how awful all that would be hungover as well! Yuck. Good for you for handling it all sober!Booze, California sounds great right about now.
Ready, I love that Beatles song...let it be...thanks for reminding me of that. Simple and to the point...very zen.
MJ, how is your throat today? Are you getting to the doctor?
Gramps welcome back to the workday, hope your day off skiing was fun!!
I am at work and need to get back to it. Just wanted to say hi to all and have a great sober day.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Good to see you Northland - and great news on 53 days.
I understand feeling vulnerable - I felt that way for a while....I'm glad you're seeking help and support.
We're here too
D
I understand feeling vulnerable - I felt that way for a while....I'm glad you're seeking help and support.
We're here too
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 788
Welcome back, North!!
I am sick as a dog (again)! Reminds me of my worst hangovers, when I would lie around nauseous...god, those days were awful.
Went to the doc & got medicine, should be better tomorrow.
I am on day 52... Watch out, North, I am gaining on you...
I am sick as a dog (again)! Reminds me of my worst hangovers, when I would lie around nauseous...god, those days were awful.
Went to the doc & got medicine, should be better tomorrow.
I am on day 52... Watch out, North, I am gaining on you...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: The "beltway"
Posts: 785
Hey Northland welcome back and huge congrats on making it those two weeks. We were pulling for you.
MJ, just the thought of those hangover makes me queazy, never again. Not going back there.
Have a great night everyone, work is back in full force. Had a bday party for a team member, I was actually pouring some wine which was odd but no temptation at all.
MJ, just the thought of those hangover makes me queazy, never again. Not going back there.
Have a great night everyone, work is back in full force. Had a bday party for a team member, I was actually pouring some wine which was odd but no temptation at all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 384
Hi everyone!
North - welcome back! Great job on resisting the urge!
MJ - hope your meds kick in soon so you can get back to feeling good again.
Soph - yes shoveling hungover would definitely be worse! Isn't it great to wake up and not get that immediate realization that you have to face the day feeling like total crap and it was self-induced?
Day #70 today here. Still can't believe it. I've certainly had my moments of weakness, but somehow talked myself out of it. Higher power at work perhaps?
Hope everyone has a great day! It's supposed to warm up this weekend enough to melt the snow and calling for temps in the 70s next week!
North - welcome back! Great job on resisting the urge!
MJ - hope your meds kick in soon so you can get back to feeling good again.
Soph - yes shoveling hungover would definitely be worse! Isn't it great to wake up and not get that immediate realization that you have to face the day feeling like total crap and it was self-induced?
Day #70 today here. Still can't believe it. I've certainly had my moments of weakness, but somehow talked myself out of it. Higher power at work perhaps?
Hope everyone has a great day! It's supposed to warm up this weekend enough to melt the snow and calling for temps in the 70s next week!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Good morning everyone!
MJ sorry to hear your still feeling really sick,. I just recently got over a nasty cold myself, hope you feel better soon!
North like everyone else has said, welcome back!
& Better congrats on the 70! very cool!
All this talk about the snow is making me want to go snowboard soon!, Hope you are all hangin in there with the cold temps. Its in the low 70s here by the beach. I am glad its friday and the weekend is here! Tomorrow Im gonna go to a show in SD n see a couple rocker bands play. I used to love shows back in highschool and a lil after than when I was still going out drinking. It will be my first time going to a show sober and Im looking forward to it since I will be able to remember everything after!
MJ sorry to hear your still feeling really sick,. I just recently got over a nasty cold myself, hope you feel better soon!
North like everyone else has said, welcome back!
& Better congrats on the 70! very cool!
All this talk about the snow is making me want to go snowboard soon!, Hope you are all hangin in there with the cold temps. Its in the low 70s here by the beach. I am glad its friday and the weekend is here! Tomorrow Im gonna go to a show in SD n see a couple rocker bands play. I used to love shows back in highschool and a lil after than when I was still going out drinking. It will be my first time going to a show sober and Im looking forward to it since I will be able to remember everything after!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: BC
Posts: 161
Thanks for the replies everyone, I'm glad to see everyone is doing well!!
I'm not gonna sugar coat it at all, the last few days have been overly overwhelming (I like that phrase). The cravings came back and I felt like I was being held hostage. My brain was trying every trick to get me to drink. I kept trying to justify how nice a drink would be, and I can't express how wonderful it was to see my addictions counselor yesterday. We talked things through, and she put me in my place. I know this weekend will be just as hard, but I feel a little more prepared.
The thing I'm scared about the most, is going into auto-pilot mode where I don't think properly, and making a split-second decision to go drink. I know it can happen, because it has happened a lot in the past.
Isn't alcohol one of the most disturbing things out there? Even after all the pain and suffering it has caused in my life, the desire to drink is still overwhelming. From a rational standpoint, it only makes sense that if something is harmful to you, you would stop doing it. But from an addiction standpoint, those rules don't apply. I love the definition...
Insanity - Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results
I'm not gonna sugar coat it at all, the last few days have been overly overwhelming (I like that phrase). The cravings came back and I felt like I was being held hostage. My brain was trying every trick to get me to drink. I kept trying to justify how nice a drink would be, and I can't express how wonderful it was to see my addictions counselor yesterday. We talked things through, and she put me in my place. I know this weekend will be just as hard, but I feel a little more prepared.
The thing I'm scared about the most, is going into auto-pilot mode where I don't think properly, and making a split-second decision to go drink. I know it can happen, because it has happened a lot in the past.
Isn't alcohol one of the most disturbing things out there? Even after all the pain and suffering it has caused in my life, the desire to drink is still overwhelming. From a rational standpoint, it only makes sense that if something is harmful to you, you would stop doing it. But from an addiction standpoint, those rules don't apply. I love the definition...
Insanity - Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results
is my motivation right now...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 788
Hi, everyone. I have kind of a rough weekend coming up...one where I definitely would have had a bit too much wine to blunt the edges. Thought I'd vent here instead! So, I am sick. On antibiotics, but I still work up feeling awful. Last night, my husband and I had tickets to a music show...they had been my Christmas present. I felt to rotten to go. My husband called his brother and they made plans to go, leaving me with the kids. I should have said somethi, but I always want to be the "fun wife," so I sat here in my pajamas and watched him down a few beers and head out for the night. My husband's brother never showed up (he's like that), so my husband came home all put out and upset and smelli of beer, and I was thinking, "really? I am sitting here helping YOU feel better?". But I didn't say anything. I guess I just don't want to be a jerk, but I wish he had stayed home and taken care of me. But I think that is a bit selfish.
Anyway...today my father arrives for a 4-day visit. He has never met my second child, met my 7-year-old when he was a baby. My dad was a mean drunk through my childhood. He quit after going into a coma when I was 14. He is now remarried for the third time, and I guess he is coming to forge some sort of relationship with me. He is judgmental, and tends to say things that hurt me really deeply. My therapist says he is "toxic" and she doesn't know why I am letting him come here.
I am seeing a pattern here...I seem to make myself a doormat, then get mad about it.
Anyway, feel sick and scared and sad.
Thanks for listening.
Anyway...today my father arrives for a 4-day visit. He has never met my second child, met my 7-year-old when he was a baby. My dad was a mean drunk through my childhood. He quit after going into a coma when I was 14. He is now remarried for the third time, and I guess he is coming to forge some sort of relationship with me. He is judgmental, and tends to say things that hurt me really deeply. My therapist says he is "toxic" and she doesn't know why I am letting him come here.
I am seeing a pattern here...I seem to make myself a doormat, then get mad about it.
Anyway, feel sick and scared and sad.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 384
MJ 
Sorry you're going through a bad time and sick to boot. When it rains it pours...
So your dad used to be a mean drunk and now he's a mean recovered drunk? I hope he realizes that to truly mend his relationship with you he cannot say hurtful things.
I too feel like I can be a doormat sometimes. I'm a people pleaser who hates confrontation, so there you go. The book Co-dependent No More by Melody Beattie is a great book if you've never read it.
Hang in there. Sending positive thoughts and a dancing banana your way
Sorry you're going through a bad time and sick to boot. When it rains it pours...So your dad used to be a mean drunk and now he's a mean recovered drunk? I hope he realizes that to truly mend his relationship with you he cannot say hurtful things.
I too feel like I can be a doormat sometimes. I'm a people pleaser who hates confrontation, so there you go. The book Co-dependent No More by Melody Beattie is a great book if you've never read it.
Hang in there. Sending positive thoughts and a dancing banana your way
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: BC
Posts: 161
Originally Posted by Dee74
Did you follow up on Rational Recovery, North?
Just interested.
Sorry you're still sick MJ
Hope everyone has a great weekend
D
Just interested.
Sorry you're still sick MJ
Hope everyone has a great weekend
D
I was falling into the trap of listening to my addictive voice, and I was a little off course for a while. But I feel more grounded now, feel better about myself because I did make the decision not to drink. I had a few cravings yesterday, but I got home and went to bed early, and now that I'm up, and really think about it, I am really grateful to be sitting here feeling normal. No hangover, no guilt, no shame, like everyone here talks about
notaloser made a good point that I can relate to. Right now, just the thought of waking up feeling guilty about drinking, stops me in my tracks. I don't want to deal with those feelings any more.
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