Codependency and beyond part 16
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Originally Posted by grateful2b 
but I like Chino's point ...and maybe now is the time to focus more on taking the time to learn to just be...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I agree with both of you. Unfortunately, it usually takes physical symptoms to get THROUGH to me, but at least I'm paying attention sooner. I used to wait until I'd had bronchitis or something, a couple of weeks, ended up at my dr's office and he'd tell me "you NEED to get some rest!!!" Oh yeah, that might help
Slowly, but surely, a wee bit of progress. Funny, or not really, but I can see when everyone ELSE needs to take care of them, but not so good at seeing it myself.
Think I'll grab Elvis and get some snuggle time in, and see if I can fall asleep HALF as fast as he does!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Slowly, but surely, a wee bit of progress. Funny, or not really, but I can see when everyone ELSE needs to take care of them, but not so good at seeing it myself.
Think I'll grab Elvis and get some snuggle time in, and see if I can fall asleep HALF as fast as he does!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Amy, I started having trouble with very basic self care after some traumatic blows in my life and I feel like such a child and nincompoop now when I struggle with the simple things so often.
My illness has FORCED me to focus on these things more and put them as priorities as a preventative measures.
But I am still struggling with it and I don't like that. It seems to me to come perfectly natural to almost everyone else.
blech.
My illness has FORCED me to focus on these things more and put them as priorities as a preventative measures.
But I am still struggling with it and I don't like that. It seems to me to come perfectly natural to almost everyone else.
blech.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Detachment
One day, my son brought a gerbil home to live with us. We put it in a cage. Some time later, the gerbil escaped. For the next six months, the animal ran frightened and wild through the house. So did we - chasing it.
"There it is. Get it!" we'd scream, each time someone spotted the gerbil. I, or my son, would throw down whatever we were working on, race across the house, and lunge at the animal hoping to catch it.
I worried about it, even when we didn't see it. "This isn't right," I'd think. "I can't have a gerbil running loose in the house. We've got to catch it. We've got to do something."
A small animal, the size of a mouse had the entire household in a tizzy.
One day, while sitting in the living room, I watched the animal scurry across the hallway. In frenzy, I started to lunge at it, as I usually did, then I stopped myself.
No, I said, I'm all done. If that animal wants to live in the nooks and crannies of this house, I'm going to let it. I'm done worrying about it. I'm done chasing it. It's an irregular circumstance, but that's just the way it's going to have to be.
I let the gerbil run past without reacting. I felt slightly uncomfortable with my new reaction - not reacting - but I stuck to it anyway.
I got more comfortable with my new reaction - not reacting. Before long, I became downright peaceful with the situation. I had stopped fighting the gerbil. One afternoon, only weeks after I started practicing my new attitude, the gerbil ran by me, as it had so many times, and I barely glanced at it. The animal stopped in its tracks, turned around, and looked at me. I started to lunge at it. It started to run away. I relaxed.
"Fine," I said. "Do what you want." And I meant it.
One hour later, the gerbil came and stood by me, and waited. I gently picked it up and placed it in its cage, where it has lived happily ever since. The moral of the story? Don't lunge at the gerbil. He's already frightened, and chasing him just scares him more and makes us crazy.
Detachment works.
Today, I will be comfortable with my new reaction - not reacting. I will feel at peace.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Detachment
One day, my son brought a gerbil home to live with us. We put it in a cage. Some time later, the gerbil escaped. For the next six months, the animal ran frightened and wild through the house. So did we - chasing it.
"There it is. Get it!" we'd scream, each time someone spotted the gerbil. I, or my son, would throw down whatever we were working on, race across the house, and lunge at the animal hoping to catch it.
I worried about it, even when we didn't see it. "This isn't right," I'd think. "I can't have a gerbil running loose in the house. We've got to catch it. We've got to do something."
A small animal, the size of a mouse had the entire household in a tizzy.
One day, while sitting in the living room, I watched the animal scurry across the hallway. In frenzy, I started to lunge at it, as I usually did, then I stopped myself.
No, I said, I'm all done. If that animal wants to live in the nooks and crannies of this house, I'm going to let it. I'm done worrying about it. I'm done chasing it. It's an irregular circumstance, but that's just the way it's going to have to be.
I let the gerbil run past without reacting. I felt slightly uncomfortable with my new reaction - not reacting - but I stuck to it anyway.
I got more comfortable with my new reaction - not reacting. Before long, I became downright peaceful with the situation. I had stopped fighting the gerbil. One afternoon, only weeks after I started practicing my new attitude, the gerbil ran by me, as it had so many times, and I barely glanced at it. The animal stopped in its tracks, turned around, and looked at me. I started to lunge at it. It started to run away. I relaxed.
"Fine," I said. "Do what you want." And I meant it.
One hour later, the gerbil came and stood by me, and waited. I gently picked it up and placed it in its cage, where it has lived happily ever since. The moral of the story? Don't lunge at the gerbil. He's already frightened, and chasing him just scares him more and makes us crazy.
Detachment works.
Today, I will be comfortable with my new reaction - not reacting. I will feel at peace.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
That gerbil made me think about my cat and detachment. A while back I told my therapist I adore my cat, she gives me so much joy, and I accept her litter box without blinking. I don't try to make her into something she isn't, she's a cat and not budging. That got me started thinking about how many people I accept as is.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Originally Posted by Chino
. That got me started thinking about how many people I accept as is.
This story made me cry a little. I spent so much time chasing the gerbil. . .
I went to my second grief therapy appointment today. The thing that stood out today, was that she said I make a lot of judgment calls. That this is bad or good, right or wrong, black and white. I have to say, i always thought that was the way things were. When you made a decision, it was either a good one, or a bad one.
I am not in charge of results. I do the foot work. I am really struggling with the overwhelming totality of life today if I think to hard on it, so I am clutching simple things like
what is the next loving thing I can do for everyone involved, INCLUDING MYSELF.
And, God's time, not mine.
mantras.
I think I know what the pupa feels like as it gets close to busting out of the cocoon.
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Gyps, I think that the comment about judgments is crucial.
I did the same thing, always, judging myself and others.
Eckhart Tolle says that things are not good or bad. They just 'are'. How huge is that!
I did the same thing, always, judging myself and others.
Eckhart Tolle says that things are not good or bad. They just 'are'. How huge is that!
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
ya, its an odd concept, and huge.
I got a big teary voicemail from the TW. He says hes been hurt real bad, and if this is what he made me feel like, he is sorry. For my purposes it works better to believe it is just more manipulation on his part, but if he is really having a "feeling", good for him. He broke down in meetings yesterday and today and cried
I will not engage in any conversation what so ever with him, voice, email, face to face, text, nothing for now. Nor am I contemplating anything like that. Creeps me out a little, makes me tired
Its been since Nov. 10th since I have heard anything from work. That day,I got an unofficial email from the chick in charge of my workman's comp (my company is self-insured) saying it was deemed industrial, they would pay me and look into my future employment. Nothing since, so money, no answer to my repeated emails.
so, I sit and wait.
My room mates are involved in their own forms of craziness that i am super uncomfortable living around, but the next right move has not presented itself, so I sit and wait =)
I think on the HUGE paradoxes and spiritual concepts and . . .stuff, and it overwhelms me.
I would like meaningful employment. Income sufficient to live on. A man who loves me that I love back in a reasonably healthy manner. A house that feels like home.
What I have is a warm place to sleep, people in my life who love me, the financial means to do what needs to be done, a connection to a higher power, faith and the concepts and principles of recovery.
I got a big teary voicemail from the TW. He says hes been hurt real bad, and if this is what he made me feel like, he is sorry. For my purposes it works better to believe it is just more manipulation on his part, but if he is really having a "feeling", good for him. He broke down in meetings yesterday and today and cried
I will not engage in any conversation what so ever with him, voice, email, face to face, text, nothing for now. Nor am I contemplating anything like that. Creeps me out a little, makes me tired
Its been since Nov. 10th since I have heard anything from work. That day,I got an unofficial email from the chick in charge of my workman's comp (my company is self-insured) saying it was deemed industrial, they would pay me and look into my future employment. Nothing since, so money, no answer to my repeated emails.
so, I sit and wait.
My room mates are involved in their own forms of craziness that i am super uncomfortable living around, but the next right move has not presented itself, so I sit and wait =)
I think on the HUGE paradoxes and spiritual concepts and . . .stuff, and it overwhelms me.
I would like meaningful employment. Income sufficient to live on. A man who loves me that I love back in a reasonably healthy manner. A house that feels like home.
What I have is a warm place to sleep, people in my life who love me, the financial means to do what needs to be done, a connection to a higher power, faith and the concepts and principles of recovery.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Lisa))) and (((Anna))) - I like what you both said about judgement. Have to think about that, a while, but I think the person I'm truly judgemental about is me. Everyone else, situations..I TRY to look for the best, most of the time. I'll have to remember what you posted by Tolle, ((Anna)) - I really like that.
(((Lisa))) - I'm sorry you're in limbo land from your job and your roomies are making you uncomfortable. I think you're doing awesome, through it all, though.
Dad bought he and I a new treadmill today Unfortunately, it's been pouring down rain and we have 2 inches of water in the basement, where it's going to go, so he has to build some type of platform to put it on.
I went by work to get my schedule, and the good news is....I have plenty of time to do my stores, this next week. Yes, I still have way less hours than anyone else, but it's good timing...the stores will keep me busy.
I also went by the grocery store where I will do the demo, made sure they had the product and talked to someone in customer service who said I just need to check in with them. Not worried about it, for now, so hope I STAY that way.
As I was driving through the torrential rains, today, I remembered to stay in gratitude and today has been much better.
Still couldn't get to sleep until 4a.m., this morning, but I'm working on getting a better routine.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
(((Lisa))) - I'm sorry you're in limbo land from your job and your roomies are making you uncomfortable. I think you're doing awesome, through it all, though.
Dad bought he and I a new treadmill today
Unfortunately, it's been pouring down rain and we have 2 inches of water in the basement, where it's going to go, so he has to build some type of platform to put it on. I went by work to get my schedule, and the good news is....I have plenty of time to do my stores, this next week. Yes, I still have way less hours than anyone else, but it's good timing...the stores will keep me busy.
I also went by the grocery store where I will do the demo, made sure they had the product and talked to someone in customer service who said I just need to check in with them. Not worried about it, for now, so hope I STAY that way.
As I was driving through the torrential rains, today, I remembered to stay in gratitude and today has been much better.
Still couldn't get to sleep until 4a.m., this morning, but I'm working on getting a better routine.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Letting People Be There for Us
Sometimes, we need nurturing. Sometimes, we need people to support us.
Many of us have been deprived of support and nurturing for so long we may not realize it's something we want and need. Many of us have learned to block our stop ourselves from getting what we want and need.
We may not reach out to have our needs met. We may be in relationships with people who cannot or will not be available to meet our needs. Or we may be in relationships with people who would be happy to respond to a direct request from us.
We may have to give up something to do this. We may have to let go of our martyr or victim role. If we ask for what we want and need, and get those needs met, we will not be able to punish people, or push them away later on, for disappointing us.
We may have to let go of our fears enough to experience the intimacy that will occur when we allow someone to love and support us. We may even have to learn, one day at a time, how to be happy and content.
Learn to let others be there for us.
Today, I will be open to identifying what I need from people, and I will ask for what I want directly. I will let others be there for me.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Letting People Be There for Us
Sometimes, we need nurturing. Sometimes, we need people to support us.
Many of us have been deprived of support and nurturing for so long we may not realize it's something we want and need. Many of us have learned to block our stop ourselves from getting what we want and need.
We may not reach out to have our needs met. We may be in relationships with people who cannot or will not be available to meet our needs. Or we may be in relationships with people who would be happy to respond to a direct request from us.
We may have to give up something to do this. We may have to let go of our martyr or victim role. If we ask for what we want and need, and get those needs met, we will not be able to punish people, or push them away later on, for disappointing us.
We may have to let go of our fears enough to experience the intimacy that will occur when we allow someone to love and support us. We may even have to learn, one day at a time, how to be happy and content.
Learn to let others be there for us.
Today, I will be open to identifying what I need from people, and I will ask for what I want directly. I will let others be there for me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
We may be in relationships with people who cannot or will not be available to meet our needs.
We may have to let go of our fears enough to experience the intimacy that will occur when we allow someone to love and support us.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Oh my gosh, it took me a long time to learn to let people be there for me, and then once I did, I could not believe I had gone it alone for so long
and of course it was learned behavior, and I thought being strong meant not needing help..
Acknowledging that I need help from time to time has become my biggest strength.
(((Gyps)))...I am so impressed by the strength of your position regarding TW....that is simply awesome in light of all you have been through with him lately...
and I pray that your roomie situation improves
and of course it was learned behavior, and I thought being strong meant not needing help..
Acknowledging that I need help from time to time has become my biggest strength.
Originally Posted by Gypsy Feet
I got a big teary voicemail from the TW. He says hes been hurt real bad, and if this is what he made me feel like, he is sorry. For my purposes it works better to believe it is just more manipulation on his part, but if he is really having a "feeling", good for him. He broke down in meetings yesterday and today and cried
I will not engage in any conversation what so ever with him, voice, email, face to face, text, nothing for now. Nor am I contemplating anything like that. Creeps me out a little, makes me tired
I will not engage in any conversation what so ever with him, voice, email, face to face, text, nothing for now. Nor am I contemplating anything like that. Creeps me out a little, makes me tired
and I pray that your roomie situation improves
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Thank you J, that means a lot to me. There are people here who got tired enough of how long it took me to come to my senses, so if I say "he tried calling today", they immediately accuse me of loving the drama.
I dont. The whole thing hurt. It hurts much less now, understanding a little bit about how he ticks and the sickness between the 2 of them. I do find it sort of fascinating, in a "watch the stick bug" sort of way. =)
I dont. The whole thing hurt. It hurts much less now, understanding a little bit about how he ticks and the sickness between the 2 of them. I do find it sort of fascinating, in a "watch the stick bug" sort of way. =)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Gypsy, I have definitely learned alot from the detached observance of some people and situations and it helped me!
I saw the dr yesterday, it went much better than my other encounters with the health team here altho' I am still aggravated about one med being denied and the reasons for it.
It has rained and rained here too, Amy but we also then got just a sprinkle of snow frosting.
I seem to have categories of things I am completely comfortable asking for help in and others where I am not. It's progress, nonetheless.
David is super independent. LOL
I saw the dr yesterday, it went much better than my other encounters with the health team here altho' I am still aggravated about one med being denied and the reasons for it.
It has rained and rained here too, Amy but we also then got just a sprinkle of snow frosting.
I seem to have categories of things I am completely comfortable asking for help in and others where I am not. It's progress, nonetheless.
David is super independent. LOL
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 346
I miss you all. I thought life would slow down after the play...but it's exploded. Mom is not doing well with the chemo and is seriously considering going off it and letting nature take its course. She's only had a handful of good days out of the last 90 since chemo started...and she doesn't want to live like that anymore. I don't blame her. After crying and fretting about it all...I believe I have let it go. It is her decision to make...and I will support her either way...but it will be sad to lose her...and it's hard to see dad all torn up.
Gut feeling has kicked in about son and the pot use. He came with us to see grandma in Minneapolis over Thanksgiving and that was fun...but a lot of the behaviors (skipping class, staying up all night, not being able to contact..etc) are coming back. And his car has been in the shop for 6 weeks and now we can't get a hold of anyone...so husband bought him a new used car (without telling me and with half my money) and that one has blown up...so he is back to borrowing cars to go to work. Maybe the endless string of mishaps in his life has started him toking up again...it's kinda thrown me into a bit of a tizzy....
...and then there are husband issues...and daughter wedding issues...and school issues... and
boy...the reading on detachment was a thought provolker. There is always so much going on in my life and I keep trying to "chase" after the bad things to fix them....I should just relax and let them fix themsleves...but oh how different knowing the right thing to do and doing the right thing are
I have been peeking in to read a bit, and will comment individually soon.
(((Hugs to all)))
Gut feeling has kicked in about son and the pot use. He came with us to see grandma in Minneapolis over Thanksgiving and that was fun...but a lot of the behaviors (skipping class, staying up all night, not being able to contact..etc) are coming back. And his car has been in the shop for 6 weeks and now we can't get a hold of anyone...so husband bought him a new used car (without telling me and with half my money) and that one has blown up...so he is back to borrowing cars to go to work. Maybe the endless string of mishaps in his life has started him toking up again...it's kinda thrown me into a bit of a tizzy....
...and then there are husband issues...and daughter wedding issues...and school issues... and
boy...the reading on detachment was a thought provolker. There is always so much going on in my life and I keep trying to "chase" after the bad things to fix them....I should just relax and let them fix themsleves...but oh how different knowing the right thing to do and doing the right thing are
I have been peeking in to read a bit, and will comment individually soon.
(((Hugs to all)))
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I'm better at asking for what I need now, and feeling quite comfortable in doing so.
I think that growing up in an abusive home and feeling helpless, made me turn inward and never ask anyone for help of any kind. When I hit bottom, I knew that I had to express my needs to be able to recover. It's not easy, but the benefits are great.
Amy, good luck with the demo job and the treadmill!
Lisa, you are doing great and you should be proud of how far you've come.
Chino, I have learned to not take things personally either and it really makes life so much simpler.
Live, I'm glad things went well for you at your appointment and I hope you get the meds thing sorted out.
Grateful, you are always such a great example for me.
Annie, I'm sorry things are going badly for your mother, but I sure do understand her position. To have only a few good days out of 90 is just so sad.
I think that growing up in an abusive home and feeling helpless, made me turn inward and never ask anyone for help of any kind. When I hit bottom, I knew that I had to express my needs to be able to recover. It's not easy, but the benefits are great.
Amy, good luck with the demo job and the treadmill!
Lisa, you are doing great and you should be proud of how far you've come.
Chino, I have learned to not take things personally either and it really makes life so much simpler.
Live, I'm glad things went well for you at your appointment and I hope you get the meds thing sorted out.
Grateful, you are always such a great example for me.
Annie, I'm sorry things are going badly for your mother, but I sure do understand her position. To have only a few good days out of 90 is just so sad.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Live))) - I'm so glad your dr's appt. went much better, but sorry about the one med.
(((Annie))) - I understand that it's hard to watch your mom being sick, and knowing that letting "nature take it's course" isn't going to have a happy ending. My mom was told she needed a heart/lung transplant, and they would put her on the list, but she said "no....I've lived longer than they said I would, I've had a good life, and I'll let God decide when it's time for me to go home".
I was angry, at first, because I wanted her to do everything possible, but I guess she raised me well enough, that I realized she knew her better than I did.
I'm sorry about the red flags going off on your son, but he has to find his own path, too. As you said, easier said than done, but praying he figures it out soon.
I had a good night at work, until my mgr said my drawer was $20 short...the same mgr who ripped me off for $15, before, and she had been in my drawer, off and on, all night AND is the only one who took a $100 bill and gave back $20's for change.
I held my ground...said I didn't think I should be totally responsible when she and another girl (who I trust) were also in my drawer. She put in the $20, and I will pay her back $10, and the the girl said she'd give $5, but she only did one cash transaction.
I realize I can't do anything about this. She's a mgr, has a key and a code to get in my drawer, but I did tell her that from this point on, I want her to have her OWN drawer and deactivate mine when I'm on break. I went through this with another mgr, at my old job, who WAS stealing money, and if I worked with him, I told him "you get in my drawer, ONE time, and it's yours...I'm no longer responsible" and stuck to it.
However, instead of stewing over it all night, I'm letting it go.
As for today's reading, I'm much better about asking for help, though it hasn't come easy. Dad's been more than gracious, and I truly appreciate it. I've also learned that when I get in a funk, if I come to SR and talk about it, get insight and encouragement, I feel a lot better This is progress, as I used to think I had to handle EVERYTHING on my own...sigh.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
(((Annie))) - I understand that it's hard to watch your mom being sick, and knowing that letting "nature take it's course" isn't going to have a happy ending. My mom was told she needed a heart/lung transplant, and they would put her on the list, but she said "no....I've lived longer than they said I would, I've had a good life, and I'll let God decide when it's time for me to go home".
I was angry, at first, because I wanted her to do everything possible, but I guess she raised me well enough, that I realized she knew her better than I did.
I'm sorry about the red flags going off on your son, but he has to find his own path, too. As you said, easier said than done, but praying he figures it out soon.
I had a good night at work, until my mgr said my drawer was $20 short...the same mgr who ripped me off for $15, before, and she had been in my drawer, off and on, all night AND is the only one who took a $100 bill and gave back $20's for change.
I held my ground...said I didn't think I should be totally responsible when she and another girl (who I trust) were also in my drawer. She put in the $20, and I will pay her back $10, and the the girl said she'd give $5, but she only did one cash transaction.
I realize I can't do anything about this. She's a mgr, has a key and a code to get in my drawer, but I did tell her that from this point on, I want her to have her OWN drawer and deactivate mine when I'm on break. I went through this with another mgr, at my old job, who WAS stealing money, and if I worked with him, I told him "you get in my drawer, ONE time, and it's yours...I'm no longer responsible" and stuck to it.
However, instead of stewing over it all night, I'm letting it go.
As for today's reading, I'm much better about asking for help, though it hasn't come easy. Dad's been more than gracious, and I truly appreciate it. I've also learned that when I get in a funk, if I come to SR and talk about it, get insight and encouragement, I feel a lot better
This is progress, as I used to think I had to handle EVERYTHING on my own...sigh.Hugs and prayers,
Amy
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Thursday, December 2, 2010
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Putting Our Life on Hold
We cannot afford to put our needs on hold, waiting for another person to fulfill us, make our life better, or come around and be who and what we want that person to be. That will create resentment, hostility, an unhealthy dependency, and a mess to deal with later on.
If we have decided we want a particular relationship or want to wait about making a decision in a particular relationship, then we must go on with our own life in the interim.
That can be hard. It can feel natural to put our life on hold. That is when we get caught up in the codependent beliefs: That person can make me happy... I need that particular person to do a particular thing in order to be happy....
That's a circumstance that can hook our low self-esteem, our self-doubt, and our tendency to neglect ourselves.
We can get into this situation in a number of ways. We can do this waiting for a letter, waiting for a job, waiting for a person, waiting for an event.
We do not have to put our life on hold. There will be repercussions from doing this. Go on with your life. Take life a day at a time.
What is something I could be doing now to take care of myself, make myself feel better, get my needs met in an appropriate, healthy way?
How can I own my power to take care of myself, despite what the other person is or isn't doing?
What will happen if I break the system and begin taking care of myself?
Sometimes, we get the answer we want immediately. Sometimes, we wait for a while. Sometimes, things don't work out exactly the way we hoped. But they always work out for good, and often better than we expected.
And in the meantime, we have manifested love for ourselves by living our own life and taking the control away from others. That always comes back to us tenfold, because when we actually manifest love for ourselves, we give our Higher Power, other people, and the Universe permission to send us the love we want and need. Stopping living our life to make a thing happen doesn't work. All it does is make us miserable, because we have stopped living our life.
Today, I will force myself, if necessary, to live my own life. I will act in my own best interest, in a way that reflects self-love. If I have given power or control of my life to someone other than myself, and someone besides a Power greater than myself, I will take it back. I will begin acting in my own best interests, even if it feels awkward to do that.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Putting Our Life on Hold
We cannot afford to put our needs on hold, waiting for another person to fulfill us, make our life better, or come around and be who and what we want that person to be. That will create resentment, hostility, an unhealthy dependency, and a mess to deal with later on.
If we have decided we want a particular relationship or want to wait about making a decision in a particular relationship, then we must go on with our own life in the interim.
That can be hard. It can feel natural to put our life on hold. That is when we get caught up in the codependent beliefs: That person can make me happy... I need that particular person to do a particular thing in order to be happy....
That's a circumstance that can hook our low self-esteem, our self-doubt, and our tendency to neglect ourselves.
We can get into this situation in a number of ways. We can do this waiting for a letter, waiting for a job, waiting for a person, waiting for an event.
We do not have to put our life on hold. There will be repercussions from doing this. Go on with your life. Take life a day at a time.
What is something I could be doing now to take care of myself, make myself feel better, get my needs met in an appropriate, healthy way?
How can I own my power to take care of myself, despite what the other person is or isn't doing?
What will happen if I break the system and begin taking care of myself?
Sometimes, we get the answer we want immediately. Sometimes, we wait for a while. Sometimes, things don't work out exactly the way we hoped. But they always work out for good, and often better than we expected.
And in the meantime, we have manifested love for ourselves by living our own life and taking the control away from others. That always comes back to us tenfold, because when we actually manifest love for ourselves, we give our Higher Power, other people, and the Universe permission to send us the love we want and need. Stopping living our life to make a thing happen doesn't work. All it does is make us miserable, because we have stopped living our life.
Today, I will force myself, if necessary, to live my own life. I will act in my own best interest, in a way that reflects self-love. If I have given power or control of my life to someone other than myself, and someone besides a Power greater than myself, I will take it back. I will begin acting in my own best interests, even if it feels awkward to do that.
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