Codependency and beyond part 16
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I trust myself and my judgment. Even when I make what proves to be a ghastly mistake, I do everything I can to learn from it. I trust myself to learn and I make amends with myself before I do with others. This is something I learned from my culture. I'm a part of a clan, a tribe, and if I doubt myself, my tribe will too. If I don't trust myself, neither will my tribe.
When I'm not sure about the 'how to' part, it's up to me to seek guidance from the Creator, my elders, my tribe. Then wait and listen for it. It always comes, and usually a lot faster than it took me to ask
You all are my tribe, too, and I'm grateful for you.
When I'm not sure about the 'how to' part, it's up to me to seek guidance from the Creator, my elders, my tribe. Then wait and listen for it. It always comes, and usually a lot faster than it took me to ask
You all are my tribe, too, and I'm grateful for you.
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Originally Posted by Chino 
I trust myself to learn and I make amends with myself before I do with others.
we make mistakes...that is how we learn...I have learned to trust myself....to honor myself in the face of my mistakes...to make my amends to myself first and then to others.....and in turn, I try to pass that compassion and understanding on...
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Originally Posted by grateful2b
Chino, I appreciate your post and its wisdom...
we make mistakes...that is how we learn...I have learned to trust myself....to honor myself in the face of my mistakes...to make my amends to myself first and then to others.....and in turn, I try to pass that compassion and understanding on...
we make mistakes...that is how we learn...I have learned to trust myself....to honor myself in the face of my mistakes...to make my amends to myself first and then to others.....and in turn, I try to pass that compassion and understanding on...
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Sunday, November 28, 2010
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Back to the Steps
Go back to the Steps. Go back to a Step
When we don't know what to do next, when we feel confused, upset, distraught, at the end of our rope, overwhelmed, full of self will, rage, or despair, go back to the Steps.
No matter what situation we are facing, working a Step will help. Focus on one, trust your instincts, and work it.
What does it mean to work a Step? Think about it. Meditate on it. Instead of focusing on the confusion, the problems, or the situation causing our despair or rage, focus on the Step.
Think about how that Step might apply. Hold on to it. Hang on as tightly as we hang on to our confusion or the problem.
The Steps are a solution. They work. We can trust them to work.
We can trust where the Steps will lead us.
When we don't know what step to take next, take one of the Twelve.
Today, I will concentrate on using the Twelve Steps to solve problems and keep me in balance and harmony. I will work a Step to the best of my ability. I will learn to trust the Steps, and rely on them instead of on my protective, codependent behaviors.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Back to the Steps
Go back to the Steps. Go back to a Step
When we don't know what to do next, when we feel confused, upset, distraught, at the end of our rope, overwhelmed, full of self will, rage, or despair, go back to the Steps.
No matter what situation we are facing, working a Step will help. Focus on one, trust your instincts, and work it.
What does it mean to work a Step? Think about it. Meditate on it. Instead of focusing on the confusion, the problems, or the situation causing our despair or rage, focus on the Step.
Think about how that Step might apply. Hold on to it. Hang on as tightly as we hang on to our confusion or the problem.
The Steps are a solution. They work. We can trust them to work.
We can trust where the Steps will lead us.
When we don't know what step to take next, take one of the Twelve.
Today, I will concentrate on using the Twelve Steps to solve problems and keep me in balance and harmony. I will work a Step to the best of my ability. I will learn to trust the Steps, and rely on them instead of on my protective, codependent behaviors.
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Originally Posted by grateful2b
When we don't know what to do next, when we feel confused, upset, distraught, at the end of our rope, overwhelmed, full of self will, rage, or despair, go back to the Steps.
(((Least)))...so good to see you here and hear how great you are doing
(((Amy)))
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The 12 Steps of Codependents Anonymous
STEP ONE
We admitted we were powerless over others - that our lives had become unmanageable.
STEP TWO
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
STEP THREE
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
STEP FOUR
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
STEP FIVE
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
STEP SIX
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
STEP SEVEN
Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
STEP EIGHT
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
STEP NINE
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
STEP TEN
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
STEP ELEVEN
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.
STEP TWELVE
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to other co-dependents, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
STEP ONE
We admitted we were powerless over others - that our lives had become unmanageable.
STEP TWO
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
STEP THREE
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
STEP FOUR
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
STEP FIVE
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
STEP SIX
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
STEP SEVEN
Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
STEP EIGHT
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
STEP NINE
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
STEP TEN
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
STEP ELEVEN
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.
STEP TWELVE
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to other co-dependents, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
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Originally Posted by Gypsy Feet
Saturday, November 27, 2010
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
We may never have the answers. I believe I needed to make certain "mistakes" to learn critical lessons I'm not certain I would have otherwise learned. We cannot let our past interfere with our ability to trust ourselves. We cannot afford to function with fear.
If we are always making the wrong decision in business or in love, we may need to learn why we insist on defeating ourselves.
But most of us do improve. We learn. We grow from our mistakes. Slowly, in increments, our relationships improve. Our business choices improve. Our decisions about how to handle situations with friends or children improve. We benefit from our mistakes. We benefit from our past. And if we have made mistakes, we needed to make them in order to learn along the way.
Today, I will let go of my fears about trusting myself because I have made mistakes in the past. I understand that these fears only serve to impair my judgment today. I will give my past, even my mistakes, validity by accepting and being grateful for it all. I will strive to see what I've gained from my mistakes. I will try to look at all my good decisions too. I will keep a watchful eye for improvement, for overall progress, in my life
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
We may never have the answers. I believe I needed to make certain "mistakes" to learn critical lessons I'm not certain I would have otherwise learned. We cannot let our past interfere with our ability to trust ourselves. We cannot afford to function with fear.
If we are always making the wrong decision in business or in love, we may need to learn why we insist on defeating ourselves.
But most of us do improve. We learn. We grow from our mistakes. Slowly, in increments, our relationships improve. Our business choices improve. Our decisions about how to handle situations with friends or children improve. We benefit from our mistakes. We benefit from our past. And if we have made mistakes, we needed to make them in order to learn along the way.
Today, I will let go of my fears about trusting myself because I have made mistakes in the past. I understand that these fears only serve to impair my judgment today. I will give my past, even my mistakes, validity by accepting and being grateful for it all. I will strive to see what I've gained from my mistakes. I will try to look at all my good decisions too. I will keep a watchful eye for improvement, for overall progress, in my life
Through all these exerpiences and now by age 44, I realize I am no longer desperate to have someone pay attention to me that way anymore. It has taken me a long time learn and to make myself stronger so that I won't be in a vulnerable position to make the same mistake again or let someone take advantage of my weaknesses. Those weaknesses are now being turned into strengths. My focus is now on friendship with people, not finding some man to pay attention to me or rather being interested because they seem interested in me. My self-worth has to come up and so will my self-respect and my trust in my decisions be restored. I am very clear on that now. Thanks for posting this. The fear is subsiding.
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((CatWings)) - welcome to the codie thread! It took me, into my middle 40's to begin working on me, too. At 49, I'm the same way...tired of settling for less, looking for someone to "complete" me. This thread has helped a lot!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Monday, November 29, 2010
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Step Twelve
The Twelfth Step says that having had a spiritual awakening, we try to carry this message to others. Our message is one of hope, love, comfort, health - a better way of life, one that works.
How do we carry it? Not by rescuing. Not by controlling. Not by obsessing. Not by becoming evangelists for the recovery cause.
We carry the message in many small, subtle, but powerful ways. We do our own recovery work and become a living demonstration of hope, self-love, comfort, and health. These quiet behaviors can be a powerful message.
Inviting (not ordering or demanding) someone to go to a meeting is a powerful way to carry the message.
Going to our meetings and sharing how recovery works for us is a powerful way to carry the message.
Being who we are and allowing our Higher Power to guide our actions are powerful ways to carry the message. Often, we find ourselves carrying the message more effectively than we do when we set out to reform, convince, or coerce someone into recovery.
Caretaking and controlling are not ways to carry the message. All those behaviors carry is codependency.
Still, the most powerful form of helping others comes down to helping ourselves. When we do our own work and are honest and open about it, we impact others more than by our most well intentioned "helping" gesture. We cannot change others, but when we change ourselves, we may end up changing the world.
Today, I will strive to carry the message in ways that work. I will let go of my need to "help" people. Instead, I will concentrate on helping and changing myself. If an opportunity comes up to share my recovery with someone, I will do so quietly. God, help me show others comfort, empowerment, and hope. I can be a channel to help others when I am ready. I do not have to force this; it will happen naturally.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Step Twelve
The Twelfth Step says that having had a spiritual awakening, we try to carry this message to others. Our message is one of hope, love, comfort, health - a better way of life, one that works.
How do we carry it? Not by rescuing. Not by controlling. Not by obsessing. Not by becoming evangelists for the recovery cause.
We carry the message in many small, subtle, but powerful ways. We do our own recovery work and become a living demonstration of hope, self-love, comfort, and health. These quiet behaviors can be a powerful message.
Inviting (not ordering or demanding) someone to go to a meeting is a powerful way to carry the message.
Going to our meetings and sharing how recovery works for us is a powerful way to carry the message.
Being who we are and allowing our Higher Power to guide our actions are powerful ways to carry the message. Often, we find ourselves carrying the message more effectively than we do when we set out to reform, convince, or coerce someone into recovery.
Caretaking and controlling are not ways to carry the message. All those behaviors carry is codependency.
Still, the most powerful form of helping others comes down to helping ourselves. When we do our own work and are honest and open about it, we impact others more than by our most well intentioned "helping" gesture. We cannot change others, but when we change ourselves, we may end up changing the world.
Today, I will strive to carry the message in ways that work. I will let go of my need to "help" people. Instead, I will concentrate on helping and changing myself. If an opportunity comes up to share my recovery with someone, I will do so quietly. God, help me show others comfort, empowerment, and hope. I can be a channel to help others when I am ready. I do not have to force this; it will happen naturally.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden
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Welcome to our thread, ((Catwings))....I, too, was a late bloomer. I have been codependent for most of my life, and I am now, so grateful, to have a path to walk through life...
Melody Beattie, the author of Language Of Letting Go has written many books on Codependency. Her book titled " Codependent No More" is a great place to start to learn about codependency.
Melody Beattie, the author of Language Of Letting Go has written many books on Codependency. Her book titled " Codependent No More" is a great place to start to learn about codependency.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
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Wow, another fantastic reading I am thinking I should have read before haha. My female room mate is giving me the opportunity to practice my recovery. I have been very frustrated that she will blow off meetings for any reason, but of course I remember I was the same before I knew the magic there, and it is her path to walk.
I am working up to my 3rd step with my current sponsor. I over think everything and make it all to complicated, so today I am going to try and treat people with love, lives a life of principles, and remember to respect and love myself along the way.
I hope you all had a lovely weekend. I spent one night snuggling with my daughter, and one snuggling with my nephew. I saw one son, talked to the other. I hung christmas lights outside for mom and set up her tree with my sis. I spent the first part of thanksgiving day at our alano club with my recovery family. It was a melancholy first holiday, but very special all the same, and I feel blessed.
I am working up to my 3rd step with my current sponsor. I over think everything and make it all to complicated, so today I am going to try and treat people with love, lives a life of principles, and remember to respect and love myself along the way.
I hope you all had a lovely weekend. I spent one night snuggling with my daughter, and one snuggling with my nephew. I saw one son, talked to the other. I hung christmas lights outside for mom and set up her tree with my sis. I spent the first part of thanksgiving day at our alano club with my recovery family. It was a melancholy first holiday, but very special all the same, and I feel blessed.
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Step Twelve
Today, I will strive to carry the message in ways that work. I will let go of my need to "help" people. Instead, I will concentrate on helping and changing myself. If an opportunity comes up to share my recovery with someone, I will do so quietly. God, help me show others comfort, empowerment, and hope. I can be a channel to help others when I am ready. I do not have to force this; it will happen naturally.
Today, I will strive to carry the message in ways that work. I will let go of my need to "help" people. Instead, I will concentrate on helping and changing myself. If an opportunity comes up to share my recovery with someone, I will do so quietly. God, help me show others comfort, empowerment, and hope. I can be a channel to help others when I am ready. I do not have to force this; it will happen naturally.
Saturday, daughter and I decided to get the tree this year. My husband always gets the tree. We said it was to help him out, because he was working sunup to sundown on our driveway. But the truth was, we didn't want to wait on him. I had a feeling he wished we'd do it, and a guy friend said of course he would, he's busy! My friend was right, my husband smiled so big, but not as much as me.
We went to a tree farm and I cut down an 8ft tree, dragged it to the barn, too, and over a couple of small hills. I felt so good! Other women were calling their husbands over to help me, and daughter said thanks, but we've got it!
Yesterday and today, two of my football buddies asked me about the tree, what made me do it. I told them them the truth, I wanted the tree now, not later when my husband could get around to it. I wanted to do it! They asked what changed, why now? I said I'm responsible for my happiness, one step a time
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(((Chino))) - good for you and your daughter!! I bet the tree is beautiful, and just what you "girls" wanted
So, after having a headache for 2 days, I was gently advised that maybe I should try journaling why I seem to have this subconscious aversion to self care...good point. I don't sleep when I'm tired, then when it's "time" to sleep, I can't. Don't eat worth a darn...mostly grazing on junk food or not eating at all.
As I was laying in the dark, trying to get rid of the headache, I realized I can't remember a time when I wasn't like this? I'm getting better at speaking up for myself, setting boundaries, but when it comes to taking CARE of myself, I'm still trying to figure out HOW to do it, and WHY I do what I do....sigh.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
So, after having a headache for 2 days, I was gently advised that maybe I should try journaling why I seem to have this subconscious aversion to self care...good point. I don't sleep when I'm tired, then when it's "time" to sleep, I can't. Don't eat worth a darn...mostly grazing on junk food or not eating at all.
As I was laying in the dark, trying to get rid of the headache, I realized I can't remember a time when I wasn't like this? I'm getting better at speaking up for myself, setting boundaries, but when it comes to taking CARE of myself, I'm still trying to figure out HOW to do it, and WHY I do what I do....sigh.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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(((Amy)))...try and remember that you are right where you are supposed to be, turning your attention to just what you need to, right now...I know it doesn't feel like it, but I believe you are in a wonderful place of self-discovery
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(((Grateful))) - I do believe I'm where I'm supposed to be, I think...maybe I'm not supposed to figure this part out, yet?
I was actually wondering if the headaches were a subtle "smack on the head", from HP, saying "if you don't take care of yourself, you're not going to feel good". Common sense, yes, but I seem to forget.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I was actually wondering if the headaches were a subtle "smack on the head", from HP, saying "if you don't take care of yourself, you're not going to feel good". Common sense, yes, but I seem to forget.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Originally Posted by Impurrfect
So, after having a headache for 2 days, I was gently advised that maybe I should try journaling why I seem to have this subconscious aversion to self care...good point. I don't sleep when I'm tired, then when it's "time" to sleep, I can't. Don't eat worth a darn...mostly grazing on junk food or not eating at all.
As I was laying in the dark, trying to get rid of the headache, I realized I can't remember a time when I wasn't like this? I'm getting better at speaking up for myself, setting boundaries, but when it comes to taking CARE of myself, I'm still trying to figure out HOW to do it, and WHY I do what I do....sigh.
As I was laying in the dark, trying to get rid of the headache, I realized I can't remember a time when I wasn't like this? I'm getting better at speaking up for myself, setting boundaries, but when it comes to taking CARE of myself, I'm still trying to figure out HOW to do it, and WHY I do what I do....sigh.
And accepting me, being in my body as I processed my pain instead of fighting with it, took a long time to make some peace with..and trust..
I always find that when I get the squirmiest or most uncomfortable in my body, is when I am just about to hit a breakthrough...
I hope you get a break from that headache, ((Amy))...
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I got side tracked from something I wanted to say when I was posting, and it simply can't be said enough, and that is that you have come so far, Amy...from when I am standing, you just keep tunnelling through...its amazing to me, and with all you have had to deal with...you just keep showing up...with so much faith...I just love that about you...
but I like Chino's point ...and maybe now is the time to focus more on taking the time to learn to just be...
but I like Chino's point ...and maybe now is the time to focus more on taking the time to learn to just be...
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