Class of April 2010 - Part 4
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Class of April 2010 - Part 4
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: New York
Posts: 393
it is not so bad outside. a lil cool for me, but it is late November, so ....
Been a good week. got to go to the studio for the first time in a year. Musicians were pretty good, i think i did ok for the first meeting. we'll see if they keep me around lol.
Very heavy music, sort of a mix between tough, brutal metal and a lil thrash. but it can progress into other territories as we get used to each other.
Gonna exercise, have lunch, maybe clean, and i should Def. read, but i feel like being lazy today.
a meeting will be in the day at one point im sure.
Been a good week. got to go to the studio for the first time in a year. Musicians were pretty good, i think i did ok for the first meeting. we'll see if they keep me around lol.
Very heavy music, sort of a mix between tough, brutal metal and a lil thrash. but it can progress into other territories as we get used to each other.
Gonna exercise, have lunch, maybe clean, and i should Def. read, but i feel like being lazy today.
a meeting will be in the day at one point im sure.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Hey, y'all !
Thank each of you for all the kind words of support. Means a lot.
Dee; .....Had to look up the Steve Austin reference. That'll sort my memory out !?! lo
No more anxiety, ....was just a little worried before about some pre-op stuff getting scheduled, but everything looks great after I took all their tests yesterday.
The dude in Registration probably gets a kick outta telling folks to "bring your living will" with ya, once he finds out you have one. (gulp) lo
AG, ....your last posts about noticing extra time in the evenings for doing something productive really helped me out the last few days. Been jamming to get the exterior painting on the shop finished before Tues. and with the help of an outdoor halogen the last few nights, it looks doable !
Feels great to be back at work tonight. Going to miss SR while away, but will be thinking of all you guys.
Thankfully , have a wireless connection at a friend's place after Thanksgiving. They're talking 4 weeks till I can drive !?! huh ??
(I'm thinkin' more like .......tap dance lessons in several months)
Cleansing, ....Definitely going to grab my acoustic next week since it looks like there's about to be a whole lot'a time to practice . Hope things work out for ya in the studio.
swe....eeeet !
Can you believe it, !?! April 10' @ Part IV ?
Thank each of you for all the kind words of support. Means a lot.
Dee; .....Had to look up the Steve Austin reference. That'll sort my memory out !?! lo
No more anxiety, ....was just a little worried before about some pre-op stuff getting scheduled, but everything looks great after I took all their tests yesterday.
The dude in Registration probably gets a kick outta telling folks to "bring your living will" with ya, once he finds out you have one. (gulp) lo
AG, ....your last posts about noticing extra time in the evenings for doing something productive really helped me out the last few days. Been jamming to get the exterior painting on the shop finished before Tues. and with the help of an outdoor halogen the last few nights, it looks doable !
Feels great to be back at work tonight. Going to miss SR while away, but will be thinking of all you guys.
Thankfully , have a wireless connection at a friend's place after Thanksgiving. They're talking 4 weeks till I can drive !?! huh ??
(I'm thinkin' more like .......tap dance lessons in several months)
Cleansing, ....Definitely going to grab my acoustic next week since it looks like there's about to be a whole lot'a time to practice . Hope things work out for ya in the studio.
swe....eeeet !
Can you believe it, !?! April 10' @ Part IV ?
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
Glad to hear you got to join some other musicians, Cleansing.
Topspin, good luck with that last bout of exterior painting before your surgery!.
I had a rough day today, aprils. I found out from a mutual friend that an old friend's drug problem has significantly worsened and things are looking really bad. After detox and briefly trying suboxone he appears to have given up. I haven't seen this friend for over a year, since we no longer live in the same city and that's the last time I visited, and our correspondence has been brief and limited during that time. So, we are somewhat distanced, but hearing about it almost gave me whiplash with memories of the past, both good and bad. I cried a lot on and off today hearing the details of the circumstance and how bad it has gotten. Honestly I am struggling with a lot of guilt and sadness and frustration right now. Guilt because I introduced this person to some of the harder stuff (but not H, which I never did). I know this likely would have happened with or without me, but I still feel guilty and ashamed. I also think maybe I am feeling some bizarre twist of survivor guilt since his situation has gotten worse while mine has gotten so much better. I'm not sure. I struggled with where to post here because I'm unfamiliar with the "friends of" boards and honestly, I'm never sure about posting there because I feel hypocritical. So, I turned to the old April thread to tell you guys that right now I am struggling with the situation. I am aware that there is probably little I can do and I also know I need to preserve my own sobriety and that means being careful about where I extend my vulnerabilities etc. There is no chance of me seeing him in the near future and I only know what I know second hand from mutual friends who are concerned and thought I should know. Still, I want my friend to know I care about him and also that I believe in him, but considering our recent contact it would be out of the ordinary for me to talk to him that way. So I'm at a loss. All things considered it seems the best choice is for me to remain at the distance I've found over the past couple of years. But keeping distant also feels scary to me because what if it gets even worse?
Topspin, good luck with that last bout of exterior painting before your surgery!.
I had a rough day today, aprils. I found out from a mutual friend that an old friend's drug problem has significantly worsened and things are looking really bad. After detox and briefly trying suboxone he appears to have given up. I haven't seen this friend for over a year, since we no longer live in the same city and that's the last time I visited, and our correspondence has been brief and limited during that time. So, we are somewhat distanced, but hearing about it almost gave me whiplash with memories of the past, both good and bad. I cried a lot on and off today hearing the details of the circumstance and how bad it has gotten. Honestly I am struggling with a lot of guilt and sadness and frustration right now. Guilt because I introduced this person to some of the harder stuff (but not H, which I never did). I know this likely would have happened with or without me, but I still feel guilty and ashamed. I also think maybe I am feeling some bizarre twist of survivor guilt since his situation has gotten worse while mine has gotten so much better. I'm not sure. I struggled with where to post here because I'm unfamiliar with the "friends of" boards and honestly, I'm never sure about posting there because I feel hypocritical. So, I turned to the old April thread to tell you guys that right now I am struggling with the situation. I am aware that there is probably little I can do and I also know I need to preserve my own sobriety and that means being careful about where I extend my vulnerabilities etc. There is no chance of me seeing him in the near future and I only know what I know second hand from mutual friends who are concerned and thought I should know. Still, I want my friend to know I care about him and also that I believe in him, but considering our recent contact it would be out of the ordinary for me to talk to him that way. So I'm at a loss. All things considered it seems the best choice is for me to remain at the distance I've found over the past couple of years. But keeping distant also feels scary to me because what if it gets even worse?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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I'm not sure what I would do...but I'm certain you shouldn't feel any guilt over this - most of us were introduced to things by others, but if you look back on your own history I'm sure you'll see we all made our own choices, often against the advice of others or own own common sense.
I do know one thing - and it took me a long time to get it - but I can't save anyone else. All I can do - the most I can do - is share my experience - what folks do with that is up to them.
If you ultimately decide to do something? Make sure you can be certain it won't damage you or yr sobriety AG
D
I do know one thing - and it took me a long time to get it - but I can't save anyone else. All I can do - the most I can do - is share my experience - what folks do with that is up to them.
If you ultimately decide to do something? Make sure you can be certain it won't damage you or yr sobriety AG
D
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
Thanks Dee, I appreciate it. I'm still not sure what I'll do but I think part of what was going on yesterday was shock. I've moved far away from that environment and it was insane to be reminded just how far. I'm feeling a bit better today.
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
Sounds like you're better with that situation AG...which is good. You can only help someone so much. Let them know you're there and will help when they're ready. Of course when it's your friend or loved one, that doesn't seem so easy. I know that.
Hope everyone is well.
Hope everyone is well.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: New York
Posts: 393
they can get me high quicker than i can get them sober.
But i guess people are put in our lives for a reason. Thank God they were around so i aint have to cop from a stranger because some of these dealers ... u just never know.
Thank God I no longer talk to them or go around their neighborhood.
I feel good this morning, and feel blessed. this disease and the holidays coming up might affect me at one point, so i keep that up front.
I don't have to react so negatively as it will all pass. Yet, i still can do those wild things if my will is string enough.
i won't be lonely, i will try to refrain from being angry. i have money so i can buy something if i'm hungry. i got very little sleep, but by 3pm i should be back in the house. i can do this day. I actually want to do this day.
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
Originally Posted by Cleansing 
I was resentful for months that my childhood friends sold me dope so many times. How dare them sell me poison? we're suppossed to be brothers.
[ . . . .]
i won't be lonely, i will try to refrain from being angry. i have money so i can buy something if i'm hungry. i got very little sleep, but by 3pm i should be back in the house. i can do this day. I actually want to do this day.
[ . . . .]
i won't be lonely, i will try to refrain from being angry. i have money so i can buy something if i'm hungry. i got very little sleep, but by 3pm i should be back in the house. i can do this day. I actually want to do this day.
Dee, you brought up a good point about our own past choices. I know I sought out a lot for myself, so I see your point. Thank you for that reminder.
And Ghostly--very sound advice. Thx.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
AG,
I've had some of the same " feeling some bizarre twist of survivor guilt" in the past. There were some people (friends, coworkers;.... using also), who eventually experienced positive successful long-term sobriety; ....and some , who's lives got a lot worse, and sadly, ..several who's lives ended prematurely.
Your post rekindled some of those memories , and give me renewed gratitude for continued sobriety. I guess any one of us could still be "out there".
Makes me think just how fragile life can be.
Thank goodness for SR, ....and a firm program of recovery.
"I actually want to do this day."
"Good -- me too. I am having a pretty excellent day so far."
Gotta say this one has been a good one too !?!
Finished some work, and hopeful about this crazy surgery at 7:30 in the am. Can't think about it too much, cause all that stuff kinda wierds me out a little anyway.
Wishing each of you a happy holiday week !
.........thankful to finally be clean and sober this Thanksgiving.
....
I've had some of the same " feeling some bizarre twist of survivor guilt" in the past. There were some people (friends, coworkers;.... using also), who eventually experienced positive successful long-term sobriety; ....and some , who's lives got a lot worse, and sadly, ..several who's lives ended prematurely.
Your post rekindled some of those memories , and give me renewed gratitude for continued sobriety. I guess any one of us could still be "out there".
Makes me think just how fragile life can be.
Thank goodness for SR, ....and a firm program of recovery.
"I actually want to do this day."
"Good -- me too. I am having a pretty excellent day so far."
Gotta say this one has been a good one too !?!
Finished some work, and hopeful about this crazy surgery at 7:30 in the am. Can't think about it too much, cause all that stuff kinda wierds me out a little anyway.
Wishing each of you a happy holiday week !
.........thankful to finally be clean and sober this Thanksgiving.
....
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
Originally Posted by topspin
Can't think about it too much, cause all that stuff kinda wierds me out a little anyway.
Wishing each of you a happy holiday week !
.........thankful to finally be clean and sober this Thanksgiving.
....
Wishing each of you a happy holiday week !
.........thankful to finally be clean and sober this Thanksgiving.
....
I hope you had an uncomplicated surgery (as much as it could be -- I know there was a lot going on) and that you are doing okay today!
Talk to y'all soon!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Hey y'all !
Oh, I was kickin myself late Tues afternoon/ night;.. when I realized this hospital has wi-fi access. Missing SR in a big way the last couple days.
Docs said my operation went great and will get to leave this afternoon.
Trying to keep the faith, since the joint is going to take some days/ weeks to start feeling anything like "normal" (range of motion , reduced swelling, less pain, and all that )
Just getting a few more tubes disconnected yesterday and this am . and finally able to put on some "drawers" helps my attitude 100% !?! lo
It's a beautiful sunny day, ........ can't wait to get some fresh air in an hour or so when they release me.
Thanks for all the support you guys. Happy Thanksgiving !!
Oh, I was kickin myself late Tues afternoon/ night;.. when I realized this hospital has wi-fi access. Missing SR in a big way the last couple days.
Docs said my operation went great and will get to leave this afternoon.
Trying to keep the faith, since the joint is going to take some days/ weeks to start feeling anything like "normal" (range of motion , reduced swelling, less pain, and all that )
Just getting a few more tubes disconnected yesterday and this am . and finally able to put on some "drawers" helps my attitude 100% !?! lo
It's a beautiful sunny day, ........ can't wait to get some fresh air in an hour or so when they release me.
Thanks for all the support you guys. Happy Thanksgiving !!
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