BigDreams1

((((Meems)))

You are worthy. Be gentle with yourself. I have every confidence you and HP will get you where you need to go "in His time."

(((hugs)))
Annie

SerenityGirl

You are reading from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

June 20

RELATIONSHIP MARTYRS

Many of us have gone so numb and discounted our feelings so completely that we have gotten out of touch with our needs in relationships.

We can learn to distinguish whose company we enjoy, whether we're talking about friends, business acquaintances, dates, spouses. We all need to interact with people we might prefer to avoid, but we don't have to force ourselves through long-term or intimate relationships with these people.

We are free to choose friends, dates, spouses. We are free to choose how much time we spend with those people we can't always choose to be around, such as relatives. This is our life. This is it. We can decide how we want to spend our days and hours. We're not enslaved. We're not trapped. And not one of us is without options.We may not see our options clearly. Although we may have to struggle through shame and learn to own our power, we can learn to spend our valuable hours and days with the people we enjoy and choose to be with.

God, help me value my time and life. Help me place value on how I feel being around certain people. Guide me as I learn to develop healthy, intimate, sharing relationships with people. Help me give myself the freedom to experiment, explore, and learn who I am and who I can be in my relationships.

SerenityGirl

(((Annie)) oh that is so sad about your H, sending prayers your way..I'm hoping its not true..so glad you had a nice time going to the conference with your student and how exciting, your daughter getting married, thankful you have some happiness in your life.

(((Meems)) You are definitely worthy, hang in there girl...

Impurrfect

(((Meems))) - you are defnitely worth it, but I understand. I blew off doing things that would help me, too. Though I needed help, getting out of my comfort zone (though it was miserable) was hard and painful. The payoff, though, is fantastic once we start taking those steps!

(((Annie))) - I'm so sorry about H and daughter's ex Glad you've hired security...have you thought about a restraining order against the ex? Is it a possibility? If the threat was written, make sure she saves it. Glad you were able to have a nice, relaxing time.

Brit and I had fun, though it wasn't as good as last year and not without some "bumps". She lost her brand new phone (fell out of her pocket in the bathroom). She turned my face to hers, though, and said "look, it's just a phone. I'm okay...I love you and I'm having a great time with you. I appreciate you bringing me, and it's REALLY okay...I love you". Wow!!

We spent 30 minutes looking for my car in the wrong parking lot, my GPS took me to the middle of nowhere (instead of my old job), but we eventually got there. Was told that though they knew I always did a lot of work, they had NO idea until I was gone, just HOW much work...when I wasn't there to do it. It was really nice to see that my former coworkers were happy to see me and happy FOR me.

Also found out that the coworker who was eventually fired for drug use, while supposedly using a methadone clinic (after boss tried to talk her into rehab) was found dead of an OD by her teenaged son.

I'm not planning on doing anything today but catching up on sleep...had 2 hours sleep in 34 hours, and though Brit and I both crashed when we got home, I'm still draggin'. She and I got to spend hours and hours talking, and I'm so very proud of her. Yes, she still does things I don't like, but she's come such a long way and seems to be making mostly good, non-codie choices in her life.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Anna

Annie, I'm sorry to hear about what's happening with your husband. I'm sending you lots of hugs and hope you can get through this alright. I can't wait to see photos of the wedding dress! I think it's a great idea to hire extra security for the wedding. If you have a feeling that things are not right with this ex, taking extra precautions is smart.

Amy, I'm glad you had a fun trip. Cash missing at work is definitely not good. I try to remind myself to go slow and pay attention to what I'm doing at cash too. It's so easy to kind of zone-out and not really be sure what you've just done. The bookstore where I work is super anal about cash!

Meems, I had to believe that I was worthy of a good life, before I could recover. Know it and believe it and you do deserve a good life!

Gypsy Feet

Monday, June 21, 2010

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

The Good Feelings

Let yourself feel the good feelings too.

Yes, sometimes, good feelings can be as distracting as the painful, more difficult ones. Yes, good feelings can be anxiety producing to those of us unaccustomed to them. But go ahead and feel the good feelings anyway.

Feel and accept the joy. The love. The warmth. The excitement. The pleasure. The satisfaction. The elation. The tenderness. The comfort.

Let yourself feel the victory, the delight.

Let yourself feel cared for.

Let yourself feel respected, important, and special.

These are only feelings, but they feel good. They are full of positive, upbeat energy - and we deserve to feel that when it comes our way.

We don't have to repress. We don't have to talk ourselves out of feeling good - not for a moment.

If we feel it, it's ours for the moment. Own it. If it's good, enjoy it.

Today, God, help me be open to the joy and good feelings available to me.

Gypsy Feet

I will be camping tonight and maybe tomorrow night. I am going with the (ex) husband to a local beach. This stress of the move, coupled with the madness at work got to me a bit thurs-saturday, but today I am looking forward to a short reprieve.

Impurrfect

(((Lisa))) - enjoy the camping. So, I guess you found a new place to live? Dog friendly?

Well, I just got to put my codie-recovery tools to use. My ex-best friends daughter, who I'm still very close to, just texted me with an "emergency". She's 18, has a 1-year-old and just recently left foster care to live with the baby's daddy (30+ years older than her) but the baby is still in foster care until they can prove they have a stable home.

Baby-daddy's boss ran out of money, so he has no job and she doesn't either. They're broke and she's "starving"...could I send her $10-$15? She apologized for even having to ask. I told her I didn't have it (I don't), I love her, and asked if there were any food banks up there. She's going to one in the morning. I hate it for her, but she could have stayed with the foster parents and her child. She made her decision, and has to learn to deal with the consequences.

I'm heading off to work. In the past, I would have felt guilty and fretted about this, all day long. Today, I feel bad for her, but I know she's not going to die from not eating for one day, and she has other options besides me.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Anna

Amy you did the right thing.

It sounds like she needs more than $10-15, so it's good that she's going to the food bank. She will find her own way.

Have a fun time camping Gyps! I hope the weather is good for you.


We are having continued trouble with two of our cats. Kona is 4 and stays out of the fights, but Miko & Kai who are 3 and brothers continue to posture, hiss and growl at each other numerous times during the day. The rest of the time they love each other and sleep together. It makes no sense. Then about once a month they have a huge, horrible fight. Miko has lost part of his ear, had an eye infection from a scratch and in the last fight, he had a dozen half-inch long gouges in his stomach, deep enough to go through the skin. We have tried everything, including talking to a specialist about cat behaviour. So, we are working really, really hard on giving them treats, catnip, etc together and patting them together and trying to make the bond between them a happy one. We're at a point where, for the safety of the cats, we may have to give one away and I am devastated just thinking about that. I have been very stressed and depressed about this, but keep hoping for a good outcome.

Gypsy Feet

Anna I am so sorry about the cats, what a nightmare. I speak dog fluently and have had to keep certain pups separated over the years, my mom has had to do the same for cats. It really is sad when two of your "kids" dont get along.

Amy, you did the right thing, good for you!

Camping was a blast, my step sons came as well. I wish I could have stayed longer, but my boss wouldn't give me more time off. I will probably be glad for it come pay day.

Gypsy Feet

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Work Histories

Just as we have relationship histories, most of us have work histories.

Just as we have a present circumstance to accept and deal with in our relationship life, we have a present circumstance to accept and deal with in our work life.

Just as we develop a healthy attitude toward our relationship history - one that will help us learn and move forward - we can develop a healthy attitude toward our work history.

I have worked many jobs in my life, since I was eleven years old. Just as I have learned many things about myself through my relationships, I have learned many lessons through my work. Often, these lessons run parallel to the lessons I'm learning in other areas of my life.

I have worked at jobs I hated but was temporarily dependent on. I have gotten stuck in jobs because I was afraid to strike out on my own and find my next set of circumstances.

I have been in some jobs to develop skills. Sometimes, I didn't realize I was developing those skills until later on when they become an important part of the career of my choice.

I have worked at jobs where I felt victimized, where I gave and gave and received nothing in return. I have been in relationships where I manufactured similar feelings.

I have worked at some jobs that have taught me what I absolutely didn't want; others sparked in me an idea of what I really did want and deserve in my career.

Some of my jobs have helped me develop character; others have helped me fine tune skills. They have all been a place to practice recovery behaviors.

Just as I have had to deal with my feelings and messages about myself in relationships, I have had to deal with my feelings and messages about myself, and what I believed I deserved at work.

I have been through two major career changes in my life. I learned that neither career was a mistake and no job was wasted time. I have learned something from each job, and my work history has helped create who I am.

I learned something else: there was a Plan, and I was being led. The more I trusted my instincts, what I wanted, and what felt right, the more I felt that I was being led.

The more I refused to lose my soul to a job and worked at it because I wanted to and not for the paycheck, the less victimized I felt by any career, even those jobs that paid a meager salary. The more I set goals and took responsibility for achieving the career I wanted, the more I could decide whether a particular job fit into that scheme of things. I could understand why I was working at a particular job and how that was going to benefit me.

There are times I have even panicked at work and about where I was in my employment history. Panic never helped. Trust and working my program did.

There were times I looked around and wondered why I was where I was. There were times people thought I should be someplace different. But when I looked into myself and at God, I knew I was in the right place, for the moment.

There were times I have had to quit a job and walk away in order to be true to myself. Sometimes, that was frightening. Sometimes, I felt like a failure. But I learned this: If I was working my program and true to myself, I never had to fear where I was being led.

There have been times I couldn't survive on the small amount of money I was receiving. Instead of bringing that issue to a particular employer and making it his or her fault, I have had to learn to bring the issue to my Higher Power and myself. I've learned I'm responsible for setting my boundaries and establishing what I believe I deserve. I've also learned God, not a particular employer, is my source of guidance.

I've learned that I'm not stuck or trapped in a job no more than I am in a relationship. I have choices. I may not be able to see them clearly right now, but I do have choices. I've learned that if I really want to take care of myself in a particular way on a job, I will do that. And if I really want to be victimized by a job, I will allow that to happen too.

I am responsible for my choices, and I have choices.

Above all else, I've learned to accept and trust my present circumstances at work. That does not mean to submit; it does not mean to forego boundaries. It means to trust, accept, then take care of myself the best I'm able to on any given day.

God, help me bring my recovery behaviors to my career affairs.

Impurrfect

(((Anna))) - I'm so sorry about your cats Ever since we had Mots (fixed) and couldn't have the same done for Elvis (too high a risk), Elvis has terrorized Mots. I try to keep them apart, Mots does his best to stay away from Elvis and has become pretty skittish. I give them both as much TLC as I can. With Elvis's health issues, giving him away just isn't an option. I scold him, tap him on the nose if I have to, then give Mots some lovin' when Elvis has been bad. Right now, they're both in the bed, but there's about 5 feet separating them. It's soooo hard when they don't get along.

Wow, today's reading was definitely one I needed to read. My boss, though he said I'm a hard worker, doing good, also said "you need to improve yourself". McD's, or at least MY store, doesn't believe in training on the job. So, on his suggestion, I started doing comutermodules after work..on my own time.

Since my pregnant boss, who did the schedule, is on maternity leave, our GM did the schedule. He TOLD me I'd be working one thing, scheduled me for something totally different, and it's unacceptable to me. He cut my hours to 30, yet stretched them out over days? I left him a "can we discuss this" note (I'm off tomorrow).

I will have to tell him that if he's going to cut my hours, like this, I will need to be cut back to 4days aweek so I can look for yet another job. I don't WANT to look for a new job, I don't WANT to go somewhere else and start out at being new alll over again. However, I'm also not going to put up with a schedule that has me working only 3-1/2 hours, most days, often coming in only 7 hours after I got off.

I'll be polite and let him know that I AM doing what he suggested about learning stuff on my own time. If he makes me keep this schedule, though, I've got to find another job Tomorrow is my 90-day anniversary there. That means I can FINALLY get life insurance and direct deposit. I'm praying he straightens it out. At least I have more confidence about getting another job, than I did when I applied forthis one!

Hugs and prayesr!

Amy

Gypsy Feet

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Letting Go of Old Beliefs

Try harder. Do better. Be perfect.

These messages are tricks that people have played on us. No matter how hard we try, we think we have to do better. Perfection always eludes us and keeps us unhappy with the good we've done.

Messages of perfectionism are tricks because we can never achieve their goal. We cannot feel good about ourselves or what we have done while these messages are driving us. We will never be good enough until we change the messages and tell ourselves we are good enough now.

We can start approving of and accepting ourselves. Who we are is good enough. Our best yesterday was good enough; our best today is plenty good too.

We can be who we are, and do it the way we do it - today. That is the essence of avoiding perfection.

God, help me let go of the messages that drive me into the crazies. I will give myself permission to be who I am and let that be good enough.

SerenityGirl

(((Anna)) So sorry you are having problems with your kitties again, that must be so hard for you..hopefully you'll find a way to work it out.

(((Lisa)) I am glad you had fun time camping....

(((Amy)) Good for you, taking care of yourself..hope the talk with your boss goes well..

(((Annie))

I will be heading out for my trip, so take care...Hugs, Everyone!!!

Impurrfect

((SG)) - I hope you have a fantastic time!!

Wow, I looked over my post from last night and can see how tired I was...all the typos!! I haven't been able to get to sleep before 6 a.m, even though I get home at midnight? I'm TIRED before then, but just can't get my mind to shut down, even though I don't feel like I'm stressing about anything. I guess I am, though..not knowing what's going on with work. Trying to let go and let God....once again.

Dad is on his way to Canada again...without me This time he's going to Saskatchewan...2400 miles, one way. He did ask if I wanted to call in, at work, and go with him, but since he won't even GET there until Sat., there's no way I'd call in for a week.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Impurrfect

I fell asleep and woke up, hours later with my laptop on my lap, TV still on!

Here's another good "Ralph"

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

THE DAILY MOTIVATOR
Thursday, June 24, 2010

Peaceful, genuine thankfulness
+++++++++++++++++++

A difficult situation is challenging enough on its own. Don't
make it worse by adding your own anxiety to it.

Instead, be peacefully and genuinely thankful. Whatever the
circumstances are, choose to be thankful for the moment and
for your opportunity to experience it.

Sincere, heartfelt thankfulness will calm your spirit and
open your eyes to the positive possibilities. Instead of
being intimidated by the challenges, you'll become inspired
by the opportunities.

Be thankful for what has happened to bring you to where you
are. After all, what has happened, has happened, and your
best response is to find the value in it.

That value is most definitely there. By choosing to
recognize it, you can make any moment, and any situation,
into a powerful opportunity for making real progress.

When you feel anxiety creeping into your awareness,
overwhelm it with peaceful, genuine thankfulness. And fill
the moment with the power of your best possibilities.

Ralph Marston

Gypsy Feet

Thursday, June 24, 2010

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Detachment

Detachment doesn't come naturally for many of us. But once we realize the value of this recovery principle, we understand how vital detachment is. The following story illustrates how a woman came to understand detachment.

"The first time I practiced detachment was when I let go of my alcoholic husband. He had been drinking for seven years -since I had married him. For that long, I had been denying his alcoholism and trying to make him stop drinking.

"I did outrageous things to make him stop drinking, to make him see the light, to make him realize how much he was hurting me. I really thought I was doing things right by trying to control him.

"One night, I saw things clearly. I realized that my attempts to control him would never solve the problem. I also saw that my life was unmanageable. I couldn't make him do anything he didn't want to do. His alcoholism was controlling me, even though I wasn't drinking.

"I set him free, to do as he chose. The truth is, he did as he pleased anyway. Things changed the night I detached. He could feel it, and so could I. When I set him free, I set myself free to live my own life.

"I've had to practice the principle of detachment many times since then. I've had to detach from unhealthy people and healthy people. It's never failed. Detachment works."

Detachment is a gift. It will be given to us when we're ready for it. When we set the other person free, we are set free.

Today, wherever possible, I will detach in love.

Wittss

Wow! So many reminders here and new eye-openers. Thank you for that! I was reading in part 13 about shame - and I just realized that I have been allowing my step-daughter and others to shame me because of my AH's behavior; blaming me for things that happen --especially when I'm not even here. Yet, she continues to refuse to help the situation with him. She just accusingly asks questions, Why do you allow this?, why is Dad such a mess?, etc. Then because she's dealing with her ill mother, doesn't want to know what's really going on... In fact, she shut's me off! She is feeling all the frustrations that I am but it comes out angry. I just get confused as to what she is really saying. And,I could be misinterpreting everything. But, what's important to me today, is that I can't change her, and trying to help her isn't appreciated, so I just have to be aware when I'm feeling shamed by her and figure out what to do. I hear she is now in counciling. Thank God for her sounding board that suggested that! I am intimidated by her, I admit. But then, so is everyone else. I pray she will find some peace. She is otherwise a great person, giving to everyone, but also very demanding.

Just for today, I will be more aware of other's shaming me and especially when I shame myself. As I read also here today, if I am feeling my own shame, turn it to guilt and get busy fixing what I'm ashamed of. Which is my house, presently....but I'm working on it.

BigDreams1

((((Witts))) Welcome! You are so right that you can't change people...and I am so glad you are trying to let go of the shame others want to put on you. KUDOS>
((Anna)))Sorry about the kitties. I know when our furry friends hurt...it can be stressful.
((((AMy)))So sorry about the work thing. I think you saw MCD's as a temporary job...right? Maybe HP is working on things to move you along and up sooner than you thought? In any case I will send you happy thoughts that your meeting will turn out well.
(((Lisa))So glad the trip went well.

Just got in the door from Yearbook conference with student. Got a chance to use my detachment skills when she tried to control the project we were working on...and change what I had done. In the past I would have worried all night about being "mean" to a student...but I was able to let it go...and that rocks. The week ended up well (after a flasher surprised some students the other night)...my student and I took first place for copywriting and 2nd place for theme/design...so that was a nice way to leave it.

Please pray hardcore for me as I leave for Disney tomorrow with kids and H. It could go very badly if our old patterns kick in and his drinking is heavy. I just pray for a relaxing...refrshing time.

Thanks for your prayers.

Love,
Annie

Anna

Oh Annie, I'm so glad that your school ended on a positive note.

Have a wonderful time in Disneyworld. You know it's the happiest place on earth.


Witts, good for you for being aware of the situation with your step-daughter. That's a big step forward. It's really kind of scary and yet freeing, when we realize how little we can control. Hopefully you can see that your step-daughter is in pain and she is striking out and you will continue to detach with love, in order to take care of yourself.