Codependency and Beyond - Part 14
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Lisa))) - LOVE the pics - you ARE both beautiful!!!
((Annie)) - I see progress, sweetie. Knowing there IS a struggle is progress
I'm on my way out the door to work, but wanted to post this "Ralph" before I go.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
THE DAILY MOTIVATOR
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Meaning in the effort
+++++++++++++++++++
Because there is darkness, light has value. Because of the
challenges, the rewards have meaning.
The essence of great art is in the authentic physical,
mental and spiritual effort that creates it. If it were
easy, instant and free, no one would care about it.
When the path becomes steep, that's no reason to despair.
For it means you are making progress and nearing the top.
Do you find yourself wishing that life could be easier? Take
that as your prompting to go out and make it more
meaningful.
Because a life free of effort is not really what you want.
What you really want is for every effort to bring a
meaningful sense of fulfillment.
When your purpose is clear and honestly you, everything is
an opportunity. Feel the beauty of that purpose, and eagerly
greet whatever may come.
Ralph Marston
((Annie)) - I see progress, sweetie. Knowing there IS a struggle is progress
I'm on my way out the door to work, but wanted to post this "Ralph" before I go.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
THE DAILY MOTIVATOR
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Meaning in the effort
+++++++++++++++++++
Because there is darkness, light has value. Because of the
challenges, the rewards have meaning.
The essence of great art is in the authentic physical,
mental and spiritual effort that creates it. If it were
easy, instant and free, no one would care about it.
When the path becomes steep, that's no reason to despair.
For it means you are making progress and nearing the top.
Do you find yourself wishing that life could be easier? Take
that as your prompting to go out and make it more
meaningful.
Because a life free of effort is not really what you want.
What you really want is for every effort to bring a
meaningful sense of fulfillment.
When your purpose is clear and honestly you, everything is
an opportunity. Feel the beauty of that purpose, and eagerly
greet whatever may come.
Ralph Marston
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
(((Lisa)) thanks for sharing the pictures of you and your daughter, you both look beautiful.
(((Annie)) I have the same struggle as you, I have it so ingrained in me that I must take care of everyone else and put others first, but I believe that my Higher Power wants me to start taking care of myself better..I will be happier and therefore so will my loved ones..
(((Amy)) thankyou for Ralph's reading..
(((Annie)) I have the same struggle as you, I have it so ingrained in me that I must take care of everyone else and put others first, but I believe that my Higher Power wants me to start taking care of myself better..I will be happier and therefore so will my loved ones..
(((Amy)) thankyou for Ralph's reading..
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Lisa, your daughter is a real beauty. And you both look so happy in the pix! I've been absent mostly due to dk's becoming a legal adult. She rarely calls me for rides and such and when she does, she often offers gas money!! Yay! Maybe she's finally learning that there ain't no free lunch.
Still happily sober - six months now - and rarely get cravings to drink. And trouble no longer makes me want to drink, so I must be getting better.
I'm really enjoying my dogs in the summer weather. I've got a little foster doggie too - a heartworm positive little guy dumped by his owner, then transported miles away. My dog rescue friend asked me to keep him for a couple weeks and fortunately for me it will be a longer stay. He's a wonderful loving little dog, sleeps on my bed, enjoys walks and biscuits, and eats good food twice a day. He is a great joy and if God allows it I will adopt him myself... if not, then I will help find him a home where he's loved as much as I love him.
Ck is home for the summer so I'm eating better... because she cooks! I've been given enough money by my mom that I could pay my back rent, a loan, and several bills so have that financial weight off my back, what a relief.
I've missed you all here and will come back regularly to visit cause I always learn so much here. I love you all and hope all are doing well.
I've been absent mostly due to dk's becoming a legal adult. She rarely calls me for rides and such and when she does, she often offers gas money!! Yay! Maybe she's finally learning that there ain't no free lunch.Still happily sober - six months now - and rarely get cravings to drink. And trouble no longer makes me want to drink, so I must be getting better.
I'm really enjoying my dogs in the summer weather. I've got a little foster doggie too - a heartworm positive little guy dumped by his owner, then transported miles away. My dog rescue friend asked me to keep him for a couple weeks and fortunately for me it will be a longer stay.
He's a wonderful loving little dog, sleeps on my bed, enjoys walks and biscuits, and eats good food twice a day. He is a great joy and if God allows it I will adopt him myself... if not, then I will help find him a home where he's loved as much as I love him.Ck is home for the summer so I'm eating better... because she cooks! I've been given enough money by my mom that I could pay my back rent, a loan, and several bills so have that financial weight off my back, what a relief.
I've missed you all here and will come back regularly to visit cause I always learn so much here. I love you all and hope all are doing well.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
You are reading from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
June 11
MOVING FORWARD
Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well.
Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow, even though the people we love are not ready to change. We may even need to leave people behnd in their dysfunction or suffering because we cannot recover for them. We don't need to suffer with them.
It doesn't help.
It doesn't help for us to stay stuck just because someone we love is stuck. The potential for helping others is far greater when we detach, work on ourselves, and stop trying to force others to change with us.
Changing ourselves, allowing ourselves to grow while others seek their own path, is how we have the most beneficial impact on people we love. We're accountable for ourselves. They're accountable for themselves. We let them go, and let ourselves grow.
Today, I will affirm that it is my right to grow and change, even though someone I love may not be growing and changing along-side me.
June 11
MOVING FORWARD
Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well.
Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow, even though the people we love are not ready to change. We may even need to leave people behnd in their dysfunction or suffering because we cannot recover for them. We don't need to suffer with them.
It doesn't help.
It doesn't help for us to stay stuck just because someone we love is stuck. The potential for helping others is far greater when we detach, work on ourselves, and stop trying to force others to change with us.
Changing ourselves, allowing ourselves to grow while others seek their own path, is how we have the most beneficial impact on people we love. We're accountable for ourselves. They're accountable for themselves. We let them go, and let ourselves grow.
Today, I will affirm that it is my right to grow and change, even though someone I love may not be growing and changing along-side me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
You are reading from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
June 12
SPONTANEITY AND FUN
Practice being spontaneous. Practice having fun.
The joy of recovery is that we finally get to experiment.
We get to learn new behaviors, and we don't have to do them perfectly. We only need to find a way that works for us. We even have fun experimenting, learning what we like, and how to do what we like.
Many of us have gotten into a rut with rigidity, martyrdom, and deprivation. One of the "normal" experiences many of us have been deprived of is having fun. Another one is being spontaneous. We may not have the foggiest notion wha we wouldlike to do for fun. And we may hold ourselves in check so tightly that we wouldn't allow ourselves to try something fun, anyway.
We can let ourselves go a little now and then. We can loosen up a bit. We don't have to be so stiff and rigid, so frightened bout being who we are. Take some risks. Try some new activities. What would we like to do? What might we enjoy doing? Then, take another risk. Pick out a movie we'd like to see; call a friend, and invite him or her to go along. If that person says no, try someone else, or try again another time.
Decide to try something, then go through with it. Go once. Go twice. Practice having fun until fun becomes fun.
Today, I will do something just for fun. I will practic having fun until I actually enjoy it.
June 12
SPONTANEITY AND FUN
Practice being spontaneous. Practice having fun.
The joy of recovery is that we finally get to experiment.
We get to learn new behaviors, and we don't have to do them perfectly. We only need to find a way that works for us. We even have fun experimenting, learning what we like, and how to do what we like.
Many of us have gotten into a rut with rigidity, martyrdom, and deprivation. One of the "normal" experiences many of us have been deprived of is having fun. Another one is being spontaneous. We may not have the foggiest notion wha we wouldlike to do for fun. And we may hold ourselves in check so tightly that we wouldn't allow ourselves to try something fun, anyway.
We can let ourselves go a little now and then. We can loosen up a bit. We don't have to be so stiff and rigid, so frightened bout being who we are. Take some risks. Try some new activities. What would we like to do? What might we enjoy doing? Then, take another risk. Pick out a movie we'd like to see; call a friend, and invite him or her to go along. If that person says no, try someone else, or try again another time.
Decide to try something, then go through with it. Go once. Go twice. Practice having fun until fun becomes fun.
Today, I will do something just for fun. I will practic having fun until I actually enjoy it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 346
(((Grateful)))) Miss and love you!
Actually treated myself by skipping daughters softball games to go to a friend's wedding. It was so good to see some old friends who told me how much they missed me.
It's been a long time since I got a reception like that. Glad I took a risk by going to a wedding alone.
I love today's reading. I keep thinking that since I have "failed" at so many things that I don't deserve to be happy...so I close myself out from people then complain I'm lonely.
It's scary to be rejected...but today was proof that sometimes it can be fun to "get out there" again.
Love you all
Annie
Actually treated myself by skipping daughters softball games to go to a friend's wedding. It was so good to see some old friends who told me how much they missed me.
It's been a long time since I got a reception like that. Glad I took a risk by going to a wedding alone.
I love today's reading. I keep thinking that since I have "failed" at so many things that I don't deserve to be happy...so I close myself out from people then complain I'm lonely.
It's scary to be rejected...but today was proof that sometimes it can be fun to "get out there" again.
Love you all
Annie
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Annie))) - I'm so glad you went and had a good time. I do the same thing...feel like I don't deserve to be happy, isolate myself then whine because I have "no life"
I've tried telling myself "if you're not going to DO anything to change the situation, stop whining". It works...sometimes...sigh.
Dad and I are still stuck in "work, work, work" mode with no end in sight, but Brit and I DO have our concert to go to this coming Sat., so we have a day/night FULL of fun to look forward to. She's even said she will save some of her paycheck, so I won't have to pay for everything Knowing I get to spend a day with my favorite kid makes everything worthwhile.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I've tried telling myself "if you're not going to DO anything to change the situation, stop whining". It works...sometimes...sigh.Dad and I are still stuck in "work, work, work" mode with no end in sight, but Brit and I DO have our concert to go to this coming Sat., so we have a day/night FULL of fun to look forward to. She's even said she will save some of her paycheck, so I won't have to pay for everything
Knowing I get to spend a day with my favorite kid makes everything worthwhile.Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
You are reading from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
June 13
HANGING ON TO OLD RELATIONSHIPS
We want to travel baggage-free on this journey. It makes the trip easier.
Some of the baggage we can let go of is lingering feelings and unfinished business with past relationships: anger; resentments; feelings of victimization, hurt, or longing.
If we have not put closure on a relationship, if we cannot walk away in peace, we have not yet learned our lesson. That may mean we will have to have another go-around with that lesson before we are readin to move on.
We may want to do a Fourth Step (a written inventory of our relationships) and a Fifth Step (an admission of our wrongs). What feelings did we leave with in a particular relationship? Are we still carrying those feelings around? Do we want the heaviness and impact of that baggage on our behavior today?
Are we still feeling victimized, rejected, or bitter about something that happened two, five, ten, or even twenty years ago?
It may be time to let it go. It may be time to open ourselves to the true lesson from that experience. It may be time to put past relationships to rest, so we are free to go on to new more rewarding experiences.
We can choose to live in the past, or we can choose to finish our old business from the past and open ourselves to the beauty of today.
Let go of your baggage from past relationships.
Today, I will open myself to the cleansing and healing process that will put closure on yesterday and open me to the best today, and tomorrow, has to offer in my relationships.
June 13
HANGING ON TO OLD RELATIONSHIPS
We want to travel baggage-free on this journey. It makes the trip easier.
Some of the baggage we can let go of is lingering feelings and unfinished business with past relationships: anger; resentments; feelings of victimization, hurt, or longing.
If we have not put closure on a relationship, if we cannot walk away in peace, we have not yet learned our lesson. That may mean we will have to have another go-around with that lesson before we are readin to move on.
We may want to do a Fourth Step (a written inventory of our relationships) and a Fifth Step (an admission of our wrongs). What feelings did we leave with in a particular relationship? Are we still carrying those feelings around? Do we want the heaviness and impact of that baggage on our behavior today?
Are we still feeling victimized, rejected, or bitter about something that happened two, five, ten, or even twenty years ago?
It may be time to let it go. It may be time to open ourselves to the true lesson from that experience. It may be time to put past relationships to rest, so we are free to go on to new more rewarding experiences.
We can choose to live in the past, or we can choose to finish our old business from the past and open ourselves to the beauty of today.
Let go of your baggage from past relationships.
Today, I will open myself to the cleansing and healing process that will put closure on yesterday and open me to the best today, and tomorrow, has to offer in my relationships.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
(((Annie)) I'm glad too for you, that you took the risk going alone to your friend's wedding and had such a great time...
(((Amy)) that's good that you have the concert to look forward to next weekend, I'm sure you and Brit will have lots of fun...you have been working too hard, you definitely need a break..
(((Amy)) that's good that you have the concert to look forward to next weekend, I'm sure you and Brit will have lots of fun...you have been working too hard, you definitely need a break..
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
I am looking forward to having a fun time too...I'll be going out to my granddaughter's wedding in Nova Scotia, stopping in Calgary on the way to see family, especially looking forward to meeting my new great-granddaughter Eve....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((SG))) - ooooh, a wedding AND meeting great-granddaughter Eve? Sounds absolutely fantastic!!!
After the concert, I will look forward to my trip to MN in Oct., and seeing all mom's family. There's several 3rd cousins that, though they aren't babies any more, I've never met them, and am hoping to meet them.
It is soooooo HOT here, anyone need me to send them some heat?!?! Our heat index is hovering around 100 degrees. Elvis stayed outside, most of the day, soaking up the sunshine, so I guess it feels good to him.
BTW, the book I bought was darned good. I haven't started the written exercises yet, but I HAVE become more aware of my negative thoughts and do what he recommends, in my mind, and even that little bit has helped a LOT. I'll get to the written part...just have to convince myself that I'm not "special"..I really CAN'T do it all in my head, just like he says....sigh. Even when stuff is GOOD for me, I drag my feet? He does address that in the book, though, and says it's "normal" for people to do what I'm doing...he did the same thing
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
After the concert, I will look forward to my trip to MN in Oct., and seeing all mom's family. There's several 3rd cousins that, though they aren't babies any more, I've never met them, and am hoping to meet them.
It is soooooo HOT here, anyone need me to send them some heat?!?! Our heat index is hovering around 100 degrees. Elvis stayed outside, most of the day, soaking up the sunshine, so I guess it feels good to him.
BTW, the book I bought was darned good. I haven't started the written exercises yet, but I HAVE become more aware of my negative thoughts and do what he recommends, in my mind, and even that little bit has helped a LOT. I'll get to the written part...just have to convince myself that I'm not "special"..I really CAN'T do it all in my head, just like he says....sigh. Even when stuff is GOOD for me, I drag my feet? He does address that in the book, though, and says it's "normal" for people to do what I'm doing...he did the same thing
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
(((Amy)) That will be so nice for you to meet all your Mom's family...I'm glad your book is helping you with being aware of your negative thoughts..its amazing how much our thinking influences the way we feel.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Monday, June 14, 2010
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Letting Go of Timing
"When the time is right, child." When the time is right. How often have we heard those words - from a friend, a sponsor, our Higher Power?
We want things so badly - that job, that check, a relationship, a possession. We want our life to change.
So we wait, sometimes patiently, sometimes anxiously, wondering all the while: When will the future bring me what I long for? Will I be happy then?
We try to predict, circling dates on the calendar, asking questions. We forget that we don't hold the answers. The answers come from God. If we listen closely, we'll hear them. When the time is right, child. When the time is right.
Be happy now.
Today, I will relax. I am being prepared. I can let go of timing. I can stop manipulating outcomes. Good things will happen when the time is right, and they will happen naturally.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Letting Go of Timing
"When the time is right, child." When the time is right. How often have we heard those words - from a friend, a sponsor, our Higher Power?
We want things so badly - that job, that check, a relationship, a possession. We want our life to change.
So we wait, sometimes patiently, sometimes anxiously, wondering all the while: When will the future bring me what I long for? Will I be happy then?
We try to predict, circling dates on the calendar, asking questions. We forget that we don't hold the answers. The answers come from God. If we listen closely, we'll hear them. When the time is right, child. When the time is right.
Be happy now.
Today, I will relax. I am being prepared. I can let go of timing. I can stop manipulating outcomes. Good things will happen when the time is right, and they will happen naturally.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 346
Oh ladies...
I am so sad today. I have been wishing, hoping, wanting for a miracle in my marriage...wanting so badly for someone to love/cherish me. But he continues to treat me as maid/chauffer and nothing else.
I am so confused as to where that balanced line is between give and take...between working together and protecting myself.
I think I have to file for divorce tomorrow. I think the fight is over. I think the time is right...I'm just so emotionally empty...I'm not sure I can bear all the turmoil a divorce brings.
I really appreciate any prayers you can send my way.
Thanks
annie
I am so sad today. I have been wishing, hoping, wanting for a miracle in my marriage...wanting so badly for someone to love/cherish me. But he continues to treat me as maid/chauffer and nothing else.
I am so confused as to where that balanced line is between give and take...between working together and protecting myself.
I think I have to file for divorce tomorrow. I think the fight is over. I think the time is right...I'm just so emotionally empty...I'm not sure I can bear all the turmoil a divorce brings.
I really appreciate any prayers you can send my way.
Thanks
annie
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