Dee74

Congrats Kim

D

BobGT

I’m so happy for all of you that are successfully staying sober. I haven’t been doing that very well lately, although my drinking level is about half that of my pre SR days.

One thing I’ve figured out is that recognizing a need to stay sober is not enough. I have to want to be sober. I think I’m making that change of thought as my drinking bouts aren’t fun anymore. As I start drinking, some part of my brain is asking, ”why are you doing this?” The questioning is preventing enjoyment at the beginning of my drinkathon. And shortly thereafter I’m into the numbness stage where I’m too out of it to feel pleasure. And the next day is definitely not fun.

So I guess this is a little progress although I know I know I’m not where I need to be. And I’m getting to where it’s not where I want to be.

So thanks for being there to read my post, Aprillers. Being able to share with you helps me, and reading all of your stories makes me stronger.

Gwyntissel

Four weeks today for me...30 days on Tuesday. That went by really fast!

bartender129

Hi folks,
Still here and still sober.

Enjoying a backyard day with my kids and neice clear headed and serene.

I'm lovin it!

Rev

Epic sinus attacks lately, but otherwise all is good. Keeping on with keeping on.

Rev

topspin

Well, it feels great to be sober today

Finally felt like I had enough sleep to feel actually rested.

WW , I think you're making a great decision to put your recovery first; replacing some outpatient group with the Downtown Club.

Gwyn, Marlow, Andi, Midwest, Bartender, Rev, thanks for posting and congrats on your early sobriety time building up !


Oz, Crongrats on the 40 Days !

Ghostly, I'm finding (not really by choice ) I definitely don't need the sleep I used to need.


Kim , can really relate to the "ball & chain." It's the same for me.
Honestly sounds like you're closer to quitting than me right now. Feels like my little "blanky" right now. Looking forward to the days ahead to be clean of those stinkin things. Guess I'll need to get to where you are first, where I'm obsessing on how I want to quit!
You'll have all my support when you do. I'll be going going cold turkey method too. Trying to get some more stamina with my cycling, so there will be more inspiration to get to the next level; with more O2 getting to my bloodstream.

I read somewhere how unnatural it is for humans to smoke .

That's why we don't hang out in burning buildings.


BobGT,, Sounds like you're asking yourself some important questions. Nobody can really rush such a personal lifechanging decision. Just being here says alot about you. .....Good luck in the coming weeks, months, .....finding out more about yourself .


Thanks for all the updates and inspiration Aprillers

AmericanGirl

Kim, congrats on your 30 days today! And congrats to everyone on their progress.

Tomorrow will be Day 30 for me. I'd put a big emoticon here but the truth is I had a long, draining day and am mostly just tired right now! But, this is a huge achievement for me.

30 Days, without a doubt, is the longest I've been without alcohol or substances since I was a teenager. I feel so humbled by those of you who have more experience than I do with maintaining sobriety. I am very scared by my lack of experience. I've mentioned that I tried many many times to be "moderate" (40? 50?). Although I have vowed to "quit forever" a few times as well, those promises rapidly disappeared (typically within 48 hours).

The difference this time is a) THIS WEBSITE and b) being in a supportive environment (my friends have shocked me with their support, and man, the gratitude I have for my boyfriend is unbelievably deep (don't get me wrong; he also drives me nuts on a regular basis!! ha ).

Writing this I almost feel I could cry thinking about what I've lost in the past decade+ to my alcoholism. I haven't talked frankly on SR about my use yet, so here goes: although alcohol is the demon at my core, and the only thing I have ever felt addicted to, I also abused plenty of drugs, hard and "soft," legal and illegal, over the past decade+. In some ways I feel like parts of me never got older than the teenager I was when I started abusing and drinking. Don't get me wrong: I pulled off an extremely good act at pretending to be a serious, high-functioning adult, and it is only those who know me best who see what's been delayed inside me, emotionally. I don't blame the younger me for starting; there was a lot that was extremely f-ed up in her life and she also had addiction coming from both sides of the family tree. It's just frustrating and embarrassing to be nearing 30 and feeling like I'm only now just realizing so much about what it means to be human -- realizing that all this time I've been justifying so much to myself and being ridiculous in so many ways -- and I wonder how much I missed out on, not just in the day to day, but in the accumulation of what growth I could have experienced during this time had I paid attention for long enough to realize that no, other people were NOT drinking like I was and that didn't mean they were boring or "not edgy" enough for me -- I squirm with swallowing pride to admit I thought that way once. :brick: Instead of growing, I was on a fast track to becoming a person I did not want to be, and that person is who I am faced with now. But I do believe I can one day be the person I want to be, if I remain in recovery.

I know it's not good to focus on the past, which is over, and I also know I'm NOT ALONE in feeling this way (stunted) and that I have tons to feel grateful for/lucky about. Whine whine navel-gaze whine, right? I hope y'all don't mind me going a bit sad on this one. I hope Day 30 will be happy and upbeat.

Rev

I felt bad about what I'd lost in nearly every action I regretted, until I came to learn what I had gained from them. Look hard at who you are becoming, and you'll be able to see the blessing in the tragedy of it.

Rev

Stayinfree

Hi guy's
Just a quick post, glad to see everyones doing well.
My mood has nosedived from very low, to unbelievably low, could barely be bothered to get out of bed this weekend. Starting to take St John's Wort today, fingers crossed it helps.
Keep up the great work x

ozgoddess

Hey all,

41 days sober...

Rev, I have had the worst sinus pain lately too. Weird, because in past when I had sinus pain it was the only time I couldn't drink - it would just make me feel so much worse. In fact, when I did get hangovers it usually involved a couple of days of bad sinus pain. (I could never drink when I was hungover - i always had to feel "better" again before I could drink again. Mind you that was generally no longer than a couple of days.)

I really feel for those of you that are struggling. The important thing is that you are here. It feels safer to be going through this with people who totally get it. It gives me strength to know I can share this experience with others and hope that the wonderful feeling I have now can last forever.

Hang in there everyone

AmericanGirl

Hi guys! I was so tired and down when I wrote last night but here I am, DAY 30 at last!!!! and feeling very upbeat. I'm posting to remind myself and others that a quick turn around in mood and inspiration can happen!

Rev, your comment is very helpful and true. Thanks.

Stayinfree, I found St. John's Wort extremely helpful with my moods. BUT I had to stop taking it when I learned it may reduce effectiveness of the pill. EEK! (Just throwing out this warning.) I love Fish Oil; not only is it good for mental health (and reducing ANGER; there was an interesting study with it in a prison a few years ago) but it is also good for your heart. And both conventional medicine and alternative medicine agree on the benefits! So, perhaps that's something for you to consider too. I hope you feel better soon.

I'm super excited today because I am going to give a friend a gift that actually required planning, foresight, and genuine thoughtfulness. WOW! Now that's something that would have seen hugely overwhelming and nearly impossible before.

Good luck to everyone. Even though it can be difficult keeping everybody straight with the anonymity of the Internet, I'm getting there slowly. You mean so much to me!

Ghostly

Congrats on day 30 AmericanGirl!! Nice job.

Hope you feel better Stayinfree. Hang in there.

topspin

^ Ditto for me, on the "hope you're feeling better" today S Free ! (great screen name btw..

A. Girl, congats on the 30 !!, that's a wonderful first milestone.
You sound like you're realizing some of the early rewards of sobriety ; ......keep up the great job everybody !!

MyGraySkies

Hi everyone!

Friday evening and Saturday all day sucked. I had some problems with my 16 year old and was stressed to the max. I wanted to drink SO BAD! But I didn't. I emailed with my husband who is at sea and with a friend that's a few hours away to blow off steam and start thinking through the situation level headed instead of concentrating on GIMME A DRINK (or 10 or so). Sunday me and the kids went to church. It was a great service, the sermon was titled "Let Go and Let God" which has always been one of my favorite sayings. Sunday school was pleasant and then there was a luncheon in the fellowship hall. I was able to relax with some church friends over lunch and by the time we got home, was so much more ready to keep resisting the urge to drink and keep handling the problems as they arise. I was on here a lot just reading, it helped a great deal to read and read and know we all go through those days where it just feels like why bother or wouldn't things be easier if I could numb it away for just a while. But that it's also completely possible to push those feelings away and continue on. Today I woke up still sober, looking forward to being sober 3 weeks tomorrow, having the husband home in just over a week, and got back to work on the planning, organizing, making calls, etc that I've been doing for an event we help run that is coming up in June. And did my [weird] new favorite past time of washing laundry. NO idea why that is fun now, other than it seemed just as overwhelming as anything else before and now it's easy peasy. lol

Congrats to everyone on your sobriety times! Keep up the great work!!

Andi

OOh noooo,

I just accidentaly deleted the (traditionally haha) long post I was writing as it almost came to end. Shoot!!!
No time to rewrite...later guys!

bartender129

Hi folks,

Still here and still sober.

Just been doing the next right thing.

I tried to talk myself out of going to a meeting last night. I circled the meeting place in my truck like a hawk, I must have looked like an idiot.

But, I got my but in there and it was great.

Be strong guys.

Ghostly

Nice job Grayskies! Way to hang in there. As stressful as things were, they wouldn't of been better with a drink right? Plus you laundry would be a lot dirtier....

I hate when I write something long and lose it too Andi! Then I'm always afraid to rewrite it cuz I worry it didn't really get lost and when I post the 2nd they will both be there and then I'd feel stupid...but that's just me.

Good work Bartender. You feel better after going to the meeting cuz we usually feel better when we do the right thing. Keep it up!

Fool

This really rang true for me.

Out of the blue, for the first time yesterday my addiction finally found it's voice.

"29 days. A new record! That is great, Fool!

See? I told you that you are not some sort of alcoholic....Could an alcoholic go 29 days without a drink? You have proven you can do that, so what is wrong with having just a few beers a couple nights a week? Just set some limits and stick to 'em this time, O.K.?"

It's the same time-worn internal dialogue that has preceded the end of every other attempt at sobriety.

The difference this time is that I know better. Well, in reality, I think I always knew better, but allowed myself to rationalize that first beer.

I understand now that I can't drink, period. That used to seem like a very scary concept, but it is slowly losing it's teeth as the days go bye.

As I read here on SR: "Relapse does not have to be part of your recovery."

Today is my 30th day of sobriety. Just typing that has gotten me a little misty-eyed sitting here at the computer.

I want you all to know that I honestly don't think I could have done it without this forum. "Thanks" feels pretty inadequate, but it is all I have.

It's gray and raining outside, but it is a beautiful day to me.

Stay strong, my fellow classmates.

Rev

...and all's well.

BTW, I love the new av, Ghostly.

Rev

Rev

Congrats on 30 days, Fool! And you are so right. Alcoholism is more of a self-dishonesty disease than it is a craving-a-buzz disease. I keep having that same little whisper, "Maybe the problem isn't all so bad as you made it out to be." Fortunately, I've screwed up enough to know what happens when I listen to that line of "reasoning".

Rev