August Sobriety Part 9
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: malibu, ca
Posts: 12
thanks all for the warm welcome! The next few weeks are going to be very difficult for me...law exams start up in a few days. If i've learned anything about my triggers, I know that one of the is stress. I want to finish my first year strong so I'll be studying a lot but i'll try and check in. While I've got these exams to worry about I can't help but think that the big test (or final exam, if you will), is not turning to alcohol during these times of stress. It's hard to find new ways of coping with stress, guilt, life...etc. when you've always turned to alcohol. I recently tried to use new coping strategies by taking yoga classes but i'm so clumsy and i'm not feeling the love for it quite frankly. I'm a runner by trade so I know that it helps but i'd like to try something new. I've thought about surfing since i'm on the beach but if anyone has any other ideas for dealing with stress let me know.
Gofish, glad you're a fan of good 'ole Atticus. I can't help but be thankful that I wasn't named after him though...never liked the name. I couldn't help but notice your avatar of ferdinand the bull...i'm a fan. One of my favorite musicians had a tattoo of ferdinand on his arm, so i could not help but smile when i saw your avatar.
hope everyone is doing well--scout
Gofish, glad you're a fan of good 'ole Atticus. I can't help but be thankful that I wasn't named after him though...never liked the name. I couldn't help but notice your avatar of ferdinand the bull...i'm a fan. One of my favorite musicians had a tattoo of ferdinand on his arm, so i could not help but smile when i saw your avatar.
hope everyone is doing well--scout
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Vijai P. Sharma, Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist
My thoughts bring to mind a particular client who had experienced all the usual tricks alcohol plays on people's minds. Like millions of others, he too once believed the impossible promises alcohol makes to hits followers.
He shared with me a poem he wrote about his disillusionment with alcohol. He wished there was a way by which his poem could "go to people's hearts, so they can use their heads."
Now I share this poem with you:
"I drank for joy and became miserable.
I drank to be outgoing and became self centered.
I drank to be sociable and became lonely.
I drank for friendship and made enemies.
I drank to soften sorrow and wallowed in self-pity.
I drank for sleep and awakened without rest.
I drank for strength and felt weak.
I drank for relaxation and got the shakes.
I drank for confidence and felt unsure
I drank for courage and became afraid
I drank for assurance and became doubtful
I drank to forget thoughts and had blackouts
I drank for conversation and tied my tongue
I drank to be in heaven and I came to know hell
I drank to forget and became haunted
I drank for freedom and became a slave (of alcohol)
I drank to ease problems and saw them multiply
I drank to cope with life and invited death.
I drank because I had the "right" to and everything turned out wrong.
Said this fellow, "It must have taken a bunch of booze to get you in this shape?
I said, "Just one. For me one is too many and a thousand isn't enough
This was shared with me some time ago. I like to keep it handy to read every now and then, as a reminder of what alcohol really is, for me.
My thoughts bring to mind a particular client who had experienced all the usual tricks alcohol plays on people's minds. Like millions of others, he too once believed the impossible promises alcohol makes to hits followers.
He shared with me a poem he wrote about his disillusionment with alcohol. He wished there was a way by which his poem could "go to people's hearts, so they can use their heads."
Now I share this poem with you:
"I drank for joy and became miserable.
I drank to be outgoing and became self centered.
I drank to be sociable and became lonely.
I drank for friendship and made enemies.
I drank to soften sorrow and wallowed in self-pity.
I drank for sleep and awakened without rest.
I drank for strength and felt weak.
I drank for relaxation and got the shakes.
I drank for confidence and felt unsure
I drank for courage and became afraid
I drank for assurance and became doubtful
I drank to forget thoughts and had blackouts
I drank for conversation and tied my tongue
I drank to be in heaven and I came to know hell
I drank to forget and became haunted
I drank for freedom and became a slave (of alcohol)
I drank to ease problems and saw them multiply
I drank to cope with life and invited death.
I drank because I had the "right" to and everything turned out wrong.
Said this fellow, "It must have taken a bunch of booze to get you in this shape?
I said, "Just one. For me one is too many and a thousand isn't enough
This was shared with me some time ago. I like to keep it handy to read every now and then, as a reminder of what alcohol really is, for me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: malibu, ca
Posts: 12
wow, yes i was talking about elliott (w/two t's) smith. how are you familiar with his music?....seems that most people don't know him. my avatar is of the solutions wall which is a kind of make shift memorial to him. Some of his songs really illustrate the heart break of addiction. For a long time his music has been a source of comfort to me...even though it's pretty harsh at times, i've always felt that it was honest.
(still not sure how to send messages, so sorry in advance if this isn't the place to post my little diddy about elliott.)
(still not sure how to send messages, so sorry in advance if this isn't the place to post my little diddy about elliott.)
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,911
Hey scout, welcome and good luck on the exams. I know law school is tough and the pressure to do well is huge. Plus, if you are like most graduate students you are going into significant debt which adds to the pressure.
I've gone through two graduate programs and both times I used alcohol as a way to relax after a 15 - 16 hour day. When I was in my 20's in grad school it was pretty common for me to be at the library when they closed at midnight. Then since I had no car I would walk a couple of miles home. I enjoyed the walk because I passed by a liquor store and I would by some beer or a pint of something to unwind with as I walked home. By the time I got home I was relaxed and ready for bed. I sort of knew that was a bad habit developing but I rationalized it. After all, since I was putting in so many hours at the library, I got good grades and was successful. Therefore, alcohol can't be a problem, or so I thought.
In my 30's I went back for another degree while I was working full time and with young children. Similiar story, I would work all day, come home and do the family routine with my kids and then hit the books from 7:30 - 10:30 or so. Then I would have a few drinks to "unwind" watch a little tv and go to bed. Again, I rationalized it as a way to cope with a lot of stress. And again, since I was doing well in my job and at school, how could alcohol be a problem? Unfortunately, I continued that habit of using alcohol to cope with stress for several years. And I think what I defined as "stress" became much broader, and the need to increase the number of drinks to get the right effect became higher.
Bottom line, don't use alcohol as a way to cope with the stress and demands of school. It's a slippery slope. The habits you develop stay with you and as you encounter stress in life, it's easy to fall back on your old friend, alcohol. I've come to learn that alcohol is not really my friend.
I read an interesting statistic this weekend. Of adults who drink, 10% become alcoholic. However, when just the subgroup of Doctors and Lawyers who drink is analyzed, the alcoholic population rises to 20% of that subgroup. I think that a lot of people who really push themselves (at least to achieve academically like doctors and lawyers) end up using alcohol as a release (or maybe a reward for the hard work).
I've gone through two graduate programs and both times I used alcohol as a way to relax after a 15 - 16 hour day. When I was in my 20's in grad school it was pretty common for me to be at the library when they closed at midnight. Then since I had no car I would walk a couple of miles home. I enjoyed the walk because I passed by a liquor store and I would by some beer or a pint of something to unwind with as I walked home. By the time I got home I was relaxed and ready for bed. I sort of knew that was a bad habit developing but I rationalized it. After all, since I was putting in so many hours at the library, I got good grades and was successful. Therefore, alcohol can't be a problem, or so I thought.
In my 30's I went back for another degree while I was working full time and with young children. Similiar story, I would work all day, come home and do the family routine with my kids and then hit the books from 7:30 - 10:30 or so. Then I would have a few drinks to "unwind" watch a little tv and go to bed. Again, I rationalized it as a way to cope with a lot of stress. And again, since I was doing well in my job and at school, how could alcohol be a problem? Unfortunately, I continued that habit of using alcohol to cope with stress for several years. And I think what I defined as "stress" became much broader, and the need to increase the number of drinks to get the right effect became higher.
Bottom line, don't use alcohol as a way to cope with the stress and demands of school. It's a slippery slope. The habits you develop stay with you and as you encounter stress in life, it's easy to fall back on your old friend, alcohol. I've come to learn that alcohol is not really my friend.
I read an interesting statistic this weekend. Of adults who drink, 10% become alcoholic. However, when just the subgroup of Doctors and Lawyers who drink is analyzed, the alcoholic population rises to 20% of that subgroup. I think that a lot of people who really push themselves (at least to achieve academically like doctors and lawyers) end up using alcohol as a release (or maybe a reward for the hard work).
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: malibu, ca
Posts: 12
Zebra,
You've really hit the nail on the head, there. I know that with my last final, all of my friends will want to get wasted...it is like a reward for all the hard work! Part of me feels that i need to kinda get new friends who don't drink...thanks for your words and thoughts though zebra. and funny you mention the whole dr.'s and lawyers who abuse alcohol. Our school dean mentioned some statistics about alcoholism at a school function...all the while holding a glass of wine. The irony was not lost on me.
You've really hit the nail on the head, there. I know that with my last final, all of my friends will want to get wasted...it is like a reward for all the hard work! Part of me feels that i need to kinda get new friends who don't drink...thanks for your words and thoughts though zebra. and funny you mention the whole dr.'s and lawyers who abuse alcohol. Our school dean mentioned some statistics about alcoholism at a school function...all the while holding a glass of wine. The irony was not lost on me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Philadelphia, PA area
Posts: 335
Scout - welcome to the board. You will find great friends and a great source of support here. I love Malibu - been there many times on business and I even stayed in a dorm at Pepperdine for a weeklong course I was taking. Not sure how anyone can study with those views!
BD - I did visit the 19th hole, but that was to pick up take out dinner for my grandmother. She is not doing so well these days and she especially enjoys one of the entrees on the menu. That said.....
I did have a glass of wine tonight with dinner and that was that. I know, I know. Moderation only lasts so long. My husband told me he is committed to being able to help me enjoy having single glass of wine with dinner and nothing more. So he pours my one glass and then hides the bottle. I have to laugh at the irony. My husband has to hide the bottle. So what does that say? I have a problem, eh? What if he is not around to hide the bottle? Then what?
No good, this booze. It's gotta go for good. I appreciate his trying to "help", but he still has to realize that one is not enough. Even though his hiding the bottle is working...for now.
OK - off to bed. It's been a long day and it will be a long week. I continue to try hard.
KC
BD - I did visit the 19th hole, but that was to pick up take out dinner for my grandmother. She is not doing so well these days and she especially enjoys one of the entrees on the menu. That said.....
I did have a glass of wine tonight with dinner and that was that. I know, I know. Moderation only lasts so long. My husband told me he is committed to being able to help me enjoy having single glass of wine with dinner and nothing more. So he pours my one glass and then hides the bottle. I have to laugh at the irony. My husband has to hide the bottle. So what does that say? I have a problem, eh? What if he is not around to hide the bottle? Then what?
No good, this booze. It's gotta go for good. I appreciate his trying to "help", but he still has to realize that one is not enough. Even though his hiding the bottle is working...for now.
OK - off to bed. It's been a long day and it will be a long week. I continue to try hard.
KC
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Yay KC, second. "Two over par." Whatever that means... I know what second means. And I surely know about competitive people, heh.
Scout, I only ever remembered one thing from that book... never ask a question you don't know what the answer is. Atticus said that to Scout or Jem, it's been over a decade, I don't remember.
One thing I might add... when the pressure gets to you, *don't* drink. Honestly, I know how appealing it sometimes seems to be (for no apparant reason) but... someone told me once, "I never once regretted not having drank the night before." Got no clue what to do in drinking's stead, else I'd gladly tell you, but just don't drink.
I didn't listen to me before I did.
I got a lot of thinking/ priorities to think about. My ex-spnosor was convinced I wasn't finished, and I've been told I should stoop just going out "lightly," just go out all the way and get it out of my system. Truth is, I no longer can go out for months and months, stupid sobriety done ruined me y'alll. And I'm afraid of the "bottom" concept--when my life gets bad, I've learned to accept it and keep going. I'm afraid there is no bottom for me. I wish there were. I also wish I hadda just "gotten" it, just up and quit and stayed that way. But that ain't for Bubba, I suppose, I gotta learn the hard way (so I *do* learn it... I'm notoriously bad at not learning lessons, hence my familiarity with this here site).
Sorry y'all.
TB
TB
Scout, I only ever remembered one thing from that book... never ask a question you don't know what the answer is. Atticus said that to Scout or Jem, it's been over a decade, I don't remember.
One thing I might add... when the pressure gets to you, *don't* drink. Honestly, I know how appealing it sometimes seems to be (for no apparant reason) but... someone told me once, "I never once regretted not having drank the night before." Got no clue what to do in drinking's stead, else I'd gladly tell you, but just don't drink.
I didn't listen to me before I did.
I got a lot of thinking/ priorities to think about. My ex-spnosor was convinced I wasn't finished, and I've been told I should stoop just going out "lightly," just go out all the way and get it out of my system. Truth is, I no longer can go out for months and months, stupid sobriety done ruined me y'alll. And I'm afraid of the "bottom" concept--when my life gets bad, I've learned to accept it and keep going. I'm afraid there is no bottom for me. I wish there were. I also wish I hadda just "gotten" it, just up and quit and stayed that way. But that ain't for Bubba, I suppose, I gotta learn the hard way (so I *do* learn it... I'm notoriously bad at not learning lessons, hence my familiarity with this here site).
Sorry y'all.
TB
TB
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,262
Sorry TB --- (((TB)))
I'm okay. I'm sure some of you read my blog so you know that I drank on Friday and got quite sick. I like blogging and like reading the blogs here. Some of them are quite deep and helpful.
I had a nice phone conversation with someone from this thread (she didn't want me to mention her name
) on Sunday and it was very helpful. It shed some light on the reasons why I drink/feel the need to drink, etc.
I think I hit a "bottom" with this drinking --- I know I could get worse if I wanted it to, but I don't think I want to go any further. I'm not a classic alcoholic -- I never drink during the day, I don't think about drinking first thing in the morning (whether hungover or not), I don't hide bottles, I drink only wine, and only in the evenings, and am not really tempted by other types of alcohol, BUT.... I don't think it means I'm a safe drinker. Clearly I am not. I also get drunk on a relatively small amount since I'm a small person. But all that doesn't matter. What does matter is that alcohol is a problem for me.
Honestly,the reason why I posted that story on my blog is that I don't want to forget about how bad it can get. The next time I feel like having a nice cold one I should go back and read that story to see where it can end up.
Yesterday I was overwhelmed with emotions. Had kind of a roller coaster day. I could see that my tendency was to want to run to the store and get a bottle to kind of numb it all out. That is how I have dealt with my emotions in the past. But last night I just let it ride and got through it. What I experienced was a full range of emotions re: my divorce, being without a partner at this point in my life, etc. It was intense but you know what --- it was good. Better to feel it all and deal with it than try to numb it out with wine.
I haven't given up on SR being able to help me and have decided to explore other parts of the website that are helpful. It would be silly to toss away a valuable resource.
Thanks all
p.s. Welcome, Scout!
I'm okay. I'm sure some of you read my blog so you know that I drank on Friday and got quite sick. I like blogging and like reading the blogs here. Some of them are quite deep and helpful.
I had a nice phone conversation with someone from this thread (she didn't want me to mention her name
) on Sunday and it was very helpful. It shed some light on the reasons why I drink/feel the need to drink, etc. I think I hit a "bottom" with this drinking --- I know I could get worse if I wanted it to, but I don't think I want to go any further. I'm not a classic alcoholic -- I never drink during the day, I don't think about drinking first thing in the morning (whether hungover or not), I don't hide bottles, I drink only wine, and only in the evenings, and am not really tempted by other types of alcohol, BUT.... I don't think it means I'm a safe drinker. Clearly I am not. I also get drunk on a relatively small amount since I'm a small person. But all that doesn't matter. What does matter is that alcohol is a problem for me.
Honestly,the reason why I posted that story on my blog is that I don't want to forget about how bad it can get. The next time I feel like having a nice cold one I should go back and read that story to see where it can end up.
Yesterday I was overwhelmed with emotions. Had kind of a roller coaster day. I could see that my tendency was to want to run to the store and get a bottle to kind of numb it all out. That is how I have dealt with my emotions in the past. But last night I just let it ride and got through it. What I experienced was a full range of emotions re: my divorce, being without a partner at this point in my life, etc. It was intense but you know what --- it was good. Better to feel it all and deal with it than try to numb it out with wine.
I haven't given up on SR being able to help me and have decided to explore other parts of the website that are helpful. It would be silly to toss away a valuable resource.
Thanks all
p.s. Welcome, Scout!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,429
Very good post Zebra. I can relate to feeling deserving of a few drinks to relax after an intense day. I often think mental exhaustion is more taxing that physical exhaustion. I used alcohol to unwind in college, and now in my career. Look where it got me/us.
KC- Sorry about your drinking. I think people that are not alcoholic just don't understand how we work. Your husband trying to make you a responsible drinker is like trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. It just doesn't work. It almost sounds like your husband is toxic to your recovery. I am sorry he is doing this to you. But in his defense, he just doesn't understand. But putting this all on him is not a justification. Bottom line is you took the wine and drank it. Your sobriety has to be number one. If he is upset that you refuse the drink, oh well! Better that than dieing as a result of your disease.
Happy Tuesday everyone. I pray all of you are sober and on your way to recovery today. Not sure if you all know it, but I pray for everyone in this group EVERY day.
KC- Sorry about your drinking. I think people that are not alcoholic just don't understand how we work. Your husband trying to make you a responsible drinker is like trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. It just doesn't work. It almost sounds like your husband is toxic to your recovery. I am sorry he is doing this to you. But in his defense, he just doesn't understand. But putting this all on him is not a justification. Bottom line is you took the wine and drank it. Your sobriety has to be number one. If he is upset that you refuse the drink, oh well! Better that than dieing as a result of your disease.
Happy Tuesday everyone. I pray all of you are sober and on your way to recovery today. Not sure if you all know it, but I pray for everyone in this group EVERY day.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,429
TB- Your bottom can be whenever you decide to stop digging. You don't have to end up in the depths of hell before you stop going down. The sooner you make the decision to start climbing out of the hole you are in, the quicker you get to the top.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Happy Tuesday Augustites!
I cannot believe it is the end of April. It seems like it was just January.
Crazy busy day today, hoping I can make my noon meeting for a touch of sanity!
You know each of us may have had different drinking patterns, drink different drinks, at different times.
The one common denominator we all have is that we don't process alcohol the same way others do. We can't stop, if we start, plain and simple.
This doesn't makes us less then anyone, or freaks of nature, it is just us.
I cannot believe it is the end of April. It seems like it was just January.
Crazy busy day today, hoping I can make my noon meeting for a touch of sanity!
You know each of us may have had different drinking patterns, drink different drinks, at different times.
The one common denominator we all have is that we don't process alcohol the same way others do. We can't stop, if we start, plain and simple.
This doesn't makes us less then anyone, or freaks of nature, it is just us.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 711
Hey everybody and welcome Scout!
I am having a good week so far. I did have a drinking dream last night and I woke up with a hangover! Freaky. It lasted until lunch. I am not sure what is is up with that. There is an article in this month's Grapevine about drinking dreams and I need to read it.
I have a dentist appointment tomorrow- I have been putting it off for over a year, and I have a feeling that after they clean my teeth they are going to tell me I need a root canal. ;(
I loathe the drill, I have had one before about 4 years ago.
Take care everyone.
I am having a good week so far. I did have a drinking dream last night and I woke up with a hangover! Freaky. It lasted until lunch. I am not sure what is is up with that. There is an article in this month's Grapevine about drinking dreams and I need to read it.
I have a dentist appointment tomorrow- I have been putting it off for over a year, and I have a feeling that after they clean my teeth they are going to tell me I need a root canal. ;(
I loathe the drill, I have had one before about 4 years ago.
Take care everyone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Made my noon meeting...and I am so glad I did.
Topic: living life on lifes terms.
When I was drinking, or when I drink I try to live life on my terms. I want to change or control people, places and things. Crappy stuff happens., and I control anything about it but my reactions to it.
I need to accept things as they are, when they are.
Was getting kind of prickly because of pressure and stress earlier, now..I feel like I can exhale.
Topic: living life on lifes terms.
When I was drinking, or when I drink I try to live life on my terms. I want to change or control people, places and things. Crappy stuff happens., and I control anything about it but my reactions to it.
I need to accept things as they are, when they are.
Was getting kind of prickly because of pressure and stress earlier, now..I feel like I can exhale.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,911
I had a meeting today as a follow up to my short detox a couple of weeks ago. I was kind of nervous not knowing what to expect. I have a couple of options that I can choose from, and it's up to me. I'm going to go to a group meeting of the Relapse Prevention Group next Tuesday. The title of it pretty much describes what I want to do, prevent a relapse. I met the guy who runs it, and it basically focuses on practical strategies to cope with the hectic, stressful crap that happens in life. It seems to describe my job description here at work the past year. It's open ended, so I can start and stop when I like. My plan is to use it as a supplement to the AA group that I have connected with. Anyway, the meeting turned out to be good, and it seems like I have a pretty good plan coming together.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Zebra...that Relapse Prevention Group sounds good. You are headed in a good direction!
One meeting, a chronic relapser said, I just keep relapsing..one old timer said, you aren't relapsing, you just never got sober, to relapse means you have to be doing something in recovery, taking some action.
At that time I thought, geez..harsh words. But, now I understand what the oldtimer was saying.
One meeting, a chronic relapser said, I just keep relapsing..one old timer said, you aren't relapsing, you just never got sober, to relapse means you have to be doing something in recovery, taking some action.
At that time I thought, geez..harsh words. But, now I understand what the oldtimer was saying.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: over the seas and far away
Posts: 862
hi all
just had a long weekend here and im trying to get back into swing of things... catching up on posts
ditto ditto anew!
l had a 'god job' last night...tuesday nights my night off meetings, stay home with my girls, but things were going badly with my younger one... turning into the old routine of a slanging match between 2 immature teens! lol me beng one... i left and went to a steps meeting which was step 10... daily inventory.. well i certainly heard what i needed to hear... especially the stop and pause when agitated message!
i came home to a smiling girl, who had made up my bed all nicely and was quick to say she was sorry.. i was quick to say sorry to her as well. we then had a big hug xxx
i love this program!!!!
I that sounds good.. we dont have much on offer here other than NA, AA AcOA, but im lucky i found a group i relate to .. finding friends with , i'm happy
banana girl.. be brave
scout... welcome
tj......
I
this mirrors my drinking laura.. even to the drunk on small amounts of wine! i was always known as the lightweight!
i also know I am an alcoholic.. and a lot of the things you mentioned are 'yets' for me.. as in hasnt happened yet!
i didnt think i was a morning drinker.. until someone asked me 'what about christmas.. did you ever start the day with champagne breakfast? or holidays, ever start drinking earlier in the day? any other 'occasions' you drank before midday? to all these i had to answer yes...
i have a 6 pack of beer in my fridge that has been there since august 2009.. it hardly gets a passing thought.. wine?? wouldnt last a day
after my last drink in march.. i spent a lot of time trying to work out why i did it,,, so it wouldnt happen again, similar issues again, i work full-time, single mother of 2 girls, financial insecurity, lonliness,, the list goes on..
again it was pointed out to me..... quite plainly... the reason you drank? you are an alcoholic...
i had to sit on that one and think for a few days.. as i was sure it was due to lots of the other reasons mentioned.. but you know what? she was right , it is because i am an alcoholic... everyone has stresses and worries, gets lonely, etc.. but they dont all drink.
i went and read your blog... it is good for you to write it, both for yourself,. and for others... it does me to world of good to read stuff like that ,and your post.. it has done me good to write all this stuff down.. it reinforces to me, that i am an alcoholic
thanks for you post TJ, it does help others when posts like that make it here.. as i mentioned , i got a lot out of responding
take care.. and dont forget to read your blog,, before picking up a drink!
pm if you want, if anything i said has upset you.. i hope it hasnt
it is my story xxxx kate
just had a long weekend here and im trying to get back into swing of things... catching up on posts
When I was drinking, or when I drink I try to live life on my terms. I want to change or control people, places and things. Crappy stuff happens., and I control anything about it but my reactions to it.
l had a 'god job' last night...tuesday nights my night off meetings, stay home with my girls, but things were going badly with my younger one... turning into the old routine of a slanging match between 2 immature teens! lol me beng one... i left and went to a steps meeting which was step 10... daily inventory.. well i certainly heard what i needed to hear... especially the stop and pause when agitated message!
i came home to a smiling girl, who had made up my bed all nicely and was quick to say she was sorry.. i was quick to say sorry to her as well. we then had a big hug xxx
i love this program!!!!
I
'm going to go to a group meeting of the Relapse Prevention Group next Tuesday. The title of it pretty much describes what I want to do, prevent a relaps
banana girl.. be brave scout... welcome
tj......
I
'm not a classic alcoholic -- I never drink during the day, I don't think about drinking first thing in the morning (whether hungover or not), I don't hide bottles, I drink only wine, and only in the evenings, and am not really tempted by other types of alcohol, BUT.... I don't think it means I'm a safe drinker. Clearly I am not. I also get drunk on a relatively small amount since I'm a small person. But all that doesn't matter. What does matter is that alcohol is a problem for me.
this mirrors my drinking laura.. even to the drunk on small amounts of wine! i was always known as the lightweight!
i also know I am an alcoholic.. and a lot of the things you mentioned are 'yets' for me.. as in hasnt happened yet!
i didnt think i was a morning drinker.. until someone asked me 'what about christmas.. did you ever start the day with champagne breakfast? or holidays, ever start drinking earlier in the day? any other 'occasions' you drank before midday? to all these i had to answer yes...
i have a 6 pack of beer in my fridge that has been there since august 2009.. it hardly gets a passing thought.. wine?? wouldnt last a day
after my last drink in march.. i spent a lot of time trying to work out why i did it,,, so it wouldnt happen again, similar issues again, i work full-time, single mother of 2 girls, financial insecurity, lonliness,, the list goes on..
again it was pointed out to me..... quite plainly... the reason you drank? you are an alcoholic...
i had to sit on that one and think for a few days.. as i was sure it was due to lots of the other reasons mentioned.. but you know what? she was right , it is because i am an alcoholic... everyone has stresses and worries, gets lonely, etc.. but they dont all drink.
i went and read your blog... it is good for you to write it, both for yourself,. and for others... it does me to world of good to read stuff like that ,and your post.. it has done me good to write all this stuff down.. it reinforces to me, that i am an alcoholic
thanks for you post TJ, it does help others when posts like that make it here.. as i mentioned , i got a lot out of responding
take care.. and dont forget to read your blog,, before picking up a drink!
pm if you want, if anything i said has upset you.. i hope it hasnt
it is my story xxxx kate
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,262
Thanks, Kate -- yeah, we have a lot in common
I have a work Happy Hour tonight. I decided this morning that I'm not going. I'll go to the training (work) part and skip the fun part afterwards. Such is life. I have been doing so well since last Friday and starting to heal from all of this. I don't want to start all over again. I spent a lot of time reading people's stories on here (SR) and I think it helped me make the decision not to go tonight.
Good day to all.
I have a work Happy Hour tonight. I decided this morning that I'm not going. I'll go to the training (work) part and skip the fun part afterwards. Such is life. I have been doing so well since last Friday and starting to heal from all of this. I don't want to start all over again. I spent a lot of time reading people's stories on here (SR) and I think it helped me make the decision not to go tonight.
Good day to all.
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