Codependency and Beyond - part 13
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright - 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
Detachment in Love
April 5
Detachment is a key to recovery from codependency. It strengthens our healthy relationships - the ones that we want to grow and flourish. It benefits our difficult relationships - the ones that are teaching us to cope. It helps us!
Detachment is not something we do once. It's a daily behavior in recovery. We learn it when we're beginning our recovery from codependency and adult children issues. And we continue to practice it along the way as we grow and change, and as our relationships grow and change.
We learn to let go of people we love, people we like, and those we don't particularly care for. We separate ourselves and our process, from others and their process.
We relinguish our tight hold and our need to control in our relationships. We take responsibility for ourselves; we allow others to do the same. We detach with the understanding that life is unfolding exactly as it needs to, for others and ourselves. The way life unfolds is good, even when it hurts. And ultimately, we can benefit from even the most difficult situations. We do this with the understanding that a Power greater than ourselves is in charge, and all is well.
Today, I will apply the concept of detachment, to the best of my ability, in my relationships. If I can't let go completely, I'll try to "hang on loose."
Detachment in Love
April 5
Detachment is a key to recovery from codependency. It strengthens our healthy relationships - the ones that we want to grow and flourish. It benefits our difficult relationships - the ones that are teaching us to cope. It helps us!
Detachment is not something we do once. It's a daily behavior in recovery. We learn it when we're beginning our recovery from codependency and adult children issues. And we continue to practice it along the way as we grow and change, and as our relationships grow and change.
We learn to let go of people we love, people we like, and those we don't particularly care for. We separate ourselves and our process, from others and their process.
We relinguish our tight hold and our need to control in our relationships. We take responsibility for ourselves; we allow others to do the same. We detach with the understanding that life is unfolding exactly as it needs to, for others and ourselves. The way life unfolds is good, even when it hurts. And ultimately, we can benefit from even the most difficult situations. We do this with the understanding that a Power greater than ourselves is in charge, and all is well.
Today, I will apply the concept of detachment, to the best of my ability, in my relationships. If I can't let go completely, I'll try to "hang on loose."
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Anna, Happy Birthday!
I hope you have a day filled with love, light, and seriously decadent chocolate cake!!!
:day1
Wake-up, I can totally relate!
I used to worry unnecessarily, and have obsessive thoughts about what everyone else was thinking about me..
When I started focusing on me and my issues, it really helped, as I started to gain some perspective about myself in relationship to others...but when I began my codie recovery, wow, it opened up a whole new world!!
Amy, glad you got home safe, and that you have a day off on Sunday!
I hope you have a day filled with love, light, and seriously decadent chocolate cake!!!
:day1
Wake-up, I can totally relate!
I used to worry unnecessarily, and have obsessive thoughts about what everyone else was thinking about me..
When I started focusing on me and my issues, it really helped, as I started to gain some perspective about myself in relationship to others...but when I began my codie recovery, wow, it opened up a whole new world!!
Amy, glad you got home safe, and that you have a day off on Sunday!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANNA!!!!
Gee, time flies, lately!! I just went looking for Elvis, calling his name (I'm sure my neighbors think I'm crazy, yelling ELVIS!!!!) Couldn't find him, got worried, then dad walked outside, and here comes Elvis, climbing down the brick wall from the attic. Got just a few minutes to snuggle with him before getting ready for work.
BTW, I did get my passport, so if dad were to get a trip to Canada and I were to have time off, I could legally go, now. Thing is, I don't see getting that much time off for a while, but hey, who knows?
I'm hoping to be able to hang out here on Sunday....I miss you all!!!
BTW, ((Anna)), I'm a night-owl, so the late night is okay with me. I've also heard that's probably going to be my new schedule?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Gee, time flies, lately!! I just went looking for Elvis, calling his name (I'm sure my neighbors think I'm crazy, yelling ELVIS!!!!) Couldn't find him, got worried, then dad walked outside, and here comes Elvis, climbing down the brick wall from the attic. Got just a few minutes to snuggle with him before getting ready for work.
BTW, I did get my passport, so if dad were to get a trip to Canada and I were to have time off, I could legally go, now. Thing is, I don't see getting that much time off for a while, but hey, who knows?
I'm hoping to be able to hang out here on Sunday....I miss you all!!!
BTW, ((Anna)), I'm a night-owl, so the late night is okay with me. I've also heard that's probably going to be my new schedule?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: somewhere
Posts: 917
Happy Brithday Anna 
7
I can see how the more I work on my codependency the better my recovery gets and vice versa. My sister just came home with her fiancee. she'll be here for a week only. She made it sound as if we should all be at her service. I enjoyed her company at first but now she's bothering me. She plays on my feelings and my increased sense of guilt .She would tell me like bare me only few days and Im leaving then you wont see my face.. I love her and she knows this. She's just a selfish posessive person.
I liked what the readings said that we detache not because we hate somone but to maintain a healthy relationship.I want to learn how to balance between giving and taking. Im still struggling to know when I should give and when I should maintain my boundaries. The NA program talks about giving but I have always been giving in a codependent way.I have even looked for love in the wrong places before so that I would feel accepted. I was always giving thinking this would make someone love me. I didnot know how wrong I was . lately Ive noticed that I cant give what I dont have.I cant give love when I dont love myself.I cant care when I dont care for myself. That's why I should detache even if I was selfish for while to protect my recovery first then to learn how to balance. I know if I give more than I have I will form resentments and this is very dangerous.
But I am happy I have 7 months clean.I feel this thread saved my life or else I would have relapsed a long time ago. Thank you all.
7 I can see how the more I work on my codependency the better my recovery gets and vice versa. My sister just came home with her fiancee. she'll be here for a week only. She made it sound as if we should all be at her service. I enjoyed her company at first but now she's bothering me. She plays on my feelings and my increased sense of guilt .She would tell me like bare me only few days and Im leaving then you wont see my face.. I love her and she knows this. She's just a selfish posessive person.
I liked what the readings said that we detache not because we hate somone but to maintain a healthy relationship.I want to learn how to balance between giving and taking. Im still struggling to know when I should give and when I should maintain my boundaries. The NA program talks about giving but I have always been giving in a codependent way.I have even looked for love in the wrong places before so that I would feel accepted. I was always giving thinking this would make someone love me. I didnot know how wrong I was . lately Ive noticed that I cant give what I dont have.I cant give love when I dont love myself.I cant care when I dont care for myself. That's why I should detache even if I was selfish for while to protect my recovery first then to learn how to balance. I know if I give more than I have I will form resentments and this is very dangerous.
But I am happy I have 7 months clean.I feel this thread saved my life or else I would have relapsed a long time ago. Thank you all.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Whoa. . .I just paid $20 to sign up for a stained glass class at our local continuing ed. I tried for a friday night ceramics but I am wait-listed. My comfort zone is scared=)
I have been pretty lonely, which is ok sometime and sucks others. I go to meetings, but none of the people I have met (besides the new guy, who I will refer to as Santa from now on) go out after meetings and do anything social, even when I ask.
I am really close to looking for a few nights a week part time work caring for elder shut ins as well. I thank the powers that be for my job, it is tremendously physical, out doors in the beauty, and I am by myself. I needed all of that so much when I first got the job. I am really good at working with people though, so I think the time is coming to spread my newly healing wings.
It would be so much easier and more comfortable just to come here every night after a hot tub and a swim at the ranch, read and cocoon, but the lonely in me is sad, and I reckon I know how to fix it.
I have been pretty lonely, which is ok sometime and sucks others. I go to meetings, but none of the people I have met (besides the new guy, who I will refer to as Santa from now on) go out after meetings and do anything social, even when I ask.
I am really close to looking for a few nights a week part time work caring for elder shut ins as well. I thank the powers that be for my job, it is tremendously physical, out doors in the beauty, and I am by myself. I needed all of that so much when I first got the job. I am really good at working with people though, so I think the time is coming to spread my newly healing wings.
It would be so much easier and more comfortable just to come here every night after a hot tub and a swim at the ranch, read and cocoon, but the lonely in me is sad, and I reckon I know how to fix it.
That's terrific..keep up the good work One day at a Time
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Thanks for all your good wishes everybody, and I did have a wonderful day!
I spent several hours babysitting Dylan and then went to work.
Jane, I'm working on the giving/taking thing too. Sometimes it feels like I'm balancing on a high-wire, but I know it works when I get it right. Something that really surprised me is that when I was 'giving' to my family, it was actually selfish. It was selfish in the sense that I was giving, with the intention of receiving, rather than giving in an open, genuine way. I am learning to give in a spontaneous, transparent way, expecting nothing in return. It's another hard lesson that I'm working on.
Gypsy, it sounds like you are really progessing. You took a job in the past, that gave you what you wanted and needed at the time. But, now you recognize that your needs have shifted a bit, and you are ready to move forward. Good for you!
I spent several hours babysitting Dylan and then went to work.
Jane, I'm working on the giving/taking thing too. Sometimes it feels like I'm balancing on a high-wire, but I know it works when I get it right. Something that really surprised me is that when I was 'giving' to my family, it was actually selfish. It was selfish in the sense that I was giving, with the intention of receiving, rather than giving in an open, genuine way. I am learning to give in a spontaneous, transparent way, expecting nothing in return. It's another hard lesson that I'm working on.
Gypsy, it sounds like you are really progessing. You took a job in the past, that gave you what you wanted and needed at the time. But, now you recognize that your needs have shifted a bit, and you are ready to move forward. Good for you!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
Today, I will apply the concept of detachment, to the best of my ability, in my relationships. If I can't let go completely, I'll try to "hang on loose."
I so much needed to hear this today. I am still no contact with the two kids tho their well being worries me. My family, as well as you here, tells me to just 'cool my heels' and let them come to me if/when they decide to do so. I am enjoying my peace and quiet, yet a vague undercurrent of disquiet is running thru it all. I am holding on to what I know to be the right thing to do right now but it still makes me sad.
It is such a relief to have this place to go to for reinforcement and affirmation.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright - 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
Using Others To Stop Our Pain
April 10
Our happiness is not a present someone else holds in his or her hand. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. If we reach out to try to force someone to give us what we believe he or she holds, we will be disappointed. We will discover that it is an illusion. The person didn't hold it. He or she never shall. That beautifully wrapped box with the ribbon on it that we believed contained our happiness that someone was holding - It's an illusion!
In those moments when we are trying to reach out and force someone to stop our pain and create our joy, if we can find the courage to stop flailing about and instead stand still and deal with our issues, we will find our happiness.
Yes, it is true that if someone steps on our foot, he or she is hurting us and therefore holds the power to stop our pain by removing his or her foot. But the pain is still ours. And so it the responsibility to tell someone to stop stepping on our feet.
Healing will come when we're aware of how we attempt to use others to stop our pain and create our happiness. We will heal from the past. We will receive insights that can change the course of our relationships.
We will see that, all along, our happiness and our wellbeing have been in our hands. We have held that box. The contents are ours for the opening.
God, help me remember that I hold the key to my own happiness. Give me the courage to stand still and deal with my own feelings. Give me the insights I need to improve my relationships. Help me stop doing the codependent dance of recovery.
Using Others To Stop Our Pain
April 10
Our happiness is not a present someone else holds in his or her hand. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. If we reach out to try to force someone to give us what we believe he or she holds, we will be disappointed. We will discover that it is an illusion. The person didn't hold it. He or she never shall. That beautifully wrapped box with the ribbon on it that we believed contained our happiness that someone was holding - It's an illusion!
In those moments when we are trying to reach out and force someone to stop our pain and create our joy, if we can find the courage to stop flailing about and instead stand still and deal with our issues, we will find our happiness.
Yes, it is true that if someone steps on our foot, he or she is hurting us and therefore holds the power to stop our pain by removing his or her foot. But the pain is still ours. And so it the responsibility to tell someone to stop stepping on our feet.
Healing will come when we're aware of how we attempt to use others to stop our pain and create our happiness. We will heal from the past. We will receive insights that can change the course of our relationships.
We will see that, all along, our happiness and our wellbeing have been in our hands. We have held that box. The contents are ours for the opening.
God, help me remember that I hold the key to my own happiness. Give me the courage to stand still and deal with my own feelings. Give me the insights I need to improve my relationships. Help me stop doing the codependent dance of recovery.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
BTW, I did get my passport, so if dad were to get a trip to Canada and I were to have time off, I could legally go, now. Thing is, I don't see getting that much time off for a while, but hey, who knows?
We'll rev up the codie bus and meet you at Niagara Falls, Amy
Jane, congratulations on your seven months! I love to hear about your journey, it seems you are really working both of your recoveries so well
(((Lisa))) you inspire me..you just keep showing up to put in a good day of recovery..I'm sorry about the lonely patch...but the good thing about it is that when you finally deal with it once and for all we soon get to be through it and on to another new and exciting part of the journey...gentle hugs...
Least, I found that, that vague undercurrent of disquiet eventually did disappear with time..if that helps..
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Anna)) - glad you had a good day!
((Jane)) - Congrats on 7 months!!! I truly believe that working on BOTH our recoveries is the way to go...at least it has helped me way more than just working on one.
I found out, last night, that plans are for me to be the night shift shift mgr. The other lady who is training me on night shift stuff is also going to be a shift mgr (She's been there a year) and she likes to remind me "you've got a lot to learn". Me thinks she's quite codie, too. I wanted to ask her, last night "and just how much did YOU know when you'd been here TWO WEEKS?!"
She did mention that she was going to let me "do it all" by myself tonight, and I calmly reminded her that I get off at 2, and was most certainly NOT going to do the work that SHE does from 11-7, by 2 a.m. Hmmmmm, this standing up for yourself and not letting people walk all over you is pretty darned awesome!! I believe she sees me as competition, which I'm not, so it's almost like a darned mental game going on....sigh.
There are several people that want to teach me several things at one time, that part of me that feels like I SHOULD be "getting it", and the other part that says "whoa...I'm human" but is quieter.
I know I'm talking a lot about work, but it's been so much about setting boundaries! I'm trying to let it be known that I'm a hard worker, reliable and all that stuff, but I'm NOT going to be walked all over, yelled at, or abused...some things I DID put up with at the last job.
The pollen is still bad, poor Elvis is green, but he's doing good. He swiped my chicken leg that I was eating this morning when I got home from work
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
((Jane)) - Congrats on 7 months!!! I truly believe that working on BOTH our recoveries is the way to go...at least it has helped me way more than just working on one.
I found out, last night, that plans are for me to be the night shift shift mgr. The other lady who is training me on night shift stuff is also going to be a shift mgr (She's been there a year) and she likes to remind me "you've got a lot to learn". Me thinks she's quite codie, too. I wanted to ask her, last night "and just how much did YOU know when you'd been here TWO WEEKS?!"
She did mention that she was going to let me "do it all" by myself tonight, and I calmly reminded her that I get off at 2, and was most certainly NOT going to do the work that SHE does from 11-7, by 2 a.m. Hmmmmm, this standing up for yourself and not letting people walk all over you is pretty darned awesome!! I believe she sees me as competition, which I'm not, so it's almost like a darned mental game going on....sigh.
There are several people that want to teach me several things at one time, that part of me that feels like I SHOULD be "getting it", and the other part that says "whoa...I'm human" but is quieter.
I know I'm talking a lot about work, but it's been so much about setting boundaries! I'm trying to let it be known that I'm a hard worker, reliable and all that stuff, but I'm NOT going to be walked all over, yelled at, or abused...some things I DID put up with at the last job.
The pollen is still bad, poor Elvis is green, but he's doing good. He swiped my chicken leg that I was eating this morning when I got home from work
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by grateful2b
You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright - 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
Using Others To Stop Our Pain
April 10
Our happiness is not a present someone else holds in his or her hand. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. If we reach out to try to force someone to give us what we believe he or she holds, we will be disappointed. We will discover that it is an illusion. The person didn't hold it. He or she never shall. That beautifully wrapped box with the ribbon on it that we believed contained our happiness that someone was holding - It's an illusion!
[/I]
Using Others To Stop Our Pain
April 10
Our happiness is not a present someone else holds in his or her hand. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. If we reach out to try to force someone to give us what we believe he or she holds, we will be disappointed. We will discover that it is an illusion. The person didn't hold it. He or she never shall. That beautifully wrapped box with the ribbon on it that we believed contained our happiness that someone was holding - It's an illusion!
[/I]
Jean
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
I had a morning so sad I don't want to share it for fear of ruining your day. But I did want to come here and affirm that recovery happens even on the sh!tty days, and I am not where I was 15 months ago, thank God. There are no accidents in His word, but some days we are still left wondering wtf was He thinking.
My mom lost 2 pets in unrelated deaths within an hour of each other this morning. When I got the news, I ran around my studio like a crazy person, wanting to pack up and rush down there.
Instead, I went to a meeting.I will go to another at 530 and another at 8, because I am in recovery, and thats what I do. My sister is out bar hopping getting hammered to erase the hurt, my mom is home alone, maybe doing the same. I offered to both to come if they need me.
Grief is the thing I fear most dealing with sober. My codie/alcoholic/addict/ACoA self is going to learn to ride this out, today, right now.
My mom lost 2 pets in unrelated deaths within an hour of each other this morning. When I got the news, I ran around my studio like a crazy person, wanting to pack up and rush down there.
Instead, I went to a meeting.I will go to another at 530 and another at 8, because I am in recovery, and thats what I do. My sister is out bar hopping getting hammered to erase the hurt, my mom is home alone, maybe doing the same. I offered to both to come if they need me.
Grief is the thing I fear most dealing with sober. My codie/alcoholic/addict/ACoA self is going to learn to ride this out, today, right now.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
I'm so sorry to hear that sad news, Gypsy.
Yes, grief is a tough one, but you can get through it. Just allow yourself to feel the feelings of sadness and loss and be with yourself. We are here for you!
Yes, grief is a tough one, but you can get through it. Just allow yourself to feel the feelings of sadness and loss and be with yourself. We are here for you!
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
just popping in quick, I have had a rough day pain wise, my knees, especially the left, gnawing, relentless...fortunately the rain will bring relief soon..
Amy your work share is very codie-related, no worries, ...and you are doing great!!
(((Gyps)))), oh no, that is quite a shock, I am real sorry to hear that..I CANNOT imagine how she nust be feeling
gentle hugs and prayers of serenity for you and your mom...
Amy
your work share is very codie-related, no worries, ...and you are doing great!!(((Gyps)))), oh no, that is quite a shock, I am real sorry to hear that..I CANNOT imagine how she nust be feeling
gentle hugs and prayers of serenity for you and your mom...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Lisa)) - awwww, sweetie, I'm so very sorry, but also very proud of you and the way you are handling it.
Work actually went well, the codie's daughter (who also works there) got mad about something I said, I told her EXACTLY what I said and she had to back down because it was the truth and she HAD "dropped the ball". Two different mgrs said I was doing fine, I will "get it" and it will just take time. The one who yells still yells, but not at me
Got home, Mots met me in the driveway and I now have all 3 cats surrounding me. Elvis has bad days, it takes a lot to not fall apart, but tonight he's having a good night...tried to eat my roast beef sandwich. They will be thrilled when I go to full time nights...awake all night, sleep all day.
I am blessed to be working again, but I sure am glad to now have a day off!!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Work actually went well, the codie's daughter (who also works there) got mad about something I said, I told her EXACTLY what I said and she had to back down because it was the truth and she HAD "dropped the ball". Two different mgrs said I was doing fine, I will "get it" and it will just take time. The one who yells still yells, but not at me
Got home, Mots met me in the driveway and I now have all 3 cats surrounding me. Elvis has bad days, it takes a lot to not fall apart, but tonight he's having a good night...tried to eat my roast beef sandwich. They will be thrilled when I go to full time nights...awake all night, sleep all day.
I am blessed to be working again, but I sure am glad to now have a day off!!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright - 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
Financial Goals
April 11
Taking responsibility for our financial affairs will improve our self-esteem and lessen anxiety.
Each of us, today, has a present set of financial circumstances. We have a certain amount of money in hand, and money due to us. We have a pile of bills we owe. We have taxes to pay. Those are our present financial circumstances. No matter what the details are, acceptance, gratitude, and self-responsibility will lessen the stress.
Each of us today has a financial future. There are few future aspects of our life we can control, but one part we play to assist our future is setting goals.
We don't have to obsess about our goals. We don't have to constantly watch and mark our progress toward them. But it is beneficial to think about our goals and write them down. What do we want to happen in our future? What financial problems would we like to solve? What bills would we like to be rid of? What would we like to be earning at the end of the year? The end of next year? Five years from now?
Are we willing to work for our goals and trust our Higher Power to guide us?
Pay bills on time. Contact creditors. Make arrangements. Do your best, today, to take responsibility for your finances. Set goals for the future. Then, let go of money and concentrate on living. Taking responsibility for our financial affairs does not mean making money our focus. Taking responsibility for our finances enables us to take our focus off money.
It frees us to do our work and live the life we want.
We deserve to have the self-esteem and peace that accompanies financial responsibility.
Today, I will take the time necessary to be responsible for myself financially. If it is time to pay bills or talk to creditors, I will do that. If it is time to set goals, I will do that. Once I have done my part, I will let the rest go.
Financial Goals
April 11
Taking responsibility for our financial affairs will improve our self-esteem and lessen anxiety.
Each of us, today, has a present set of financial circumstances. We have a certain amount of money in hand, and money due to us. We have a pile of bills we owe. We have taxes to pay. Those are our present financial circumstances. No matter what the details are, acceptance, gratitude, and self-responsibility will lessen the stress.
Each of us today has a financial future. There are few future aspects of our life we can control, but one part we play to assist our future is setting goals.
We don't have to obsess about our goals. We don't have to constantly watch and mark our progress toward them. But it is beneficial to think about our goals and write them down. What do we want to happen in our future? What financial problems would we like to solve? What bills would we like to be rid of? What would we like to be earning at the end of the year? The end of next year? Five years from now?
Are we willing to work for our goals and trust our Higher Power to guide us?
Pay bills on time. Contact creditors. Make arrangements. Do your best, today, to take responsibility for your finances. Set goals for the future. Then, let go of money and concentrate on living. Taking responsibility for our financial affairs does not mean making money our focus. Taking responsibility for our finances enables us to take our focus off money.
It frees us to do our work and live the life we want.
We deserve to have the self-esteem and peace that accompanies financial responsibility.
Today, I will take the time necessary to be responsible for myself financially. If it is time to pay bills or talk to creditors, I will do that. If it is time to set goals, I will do that. Once I have done my part, I will let the rest go.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
The other night, when dad and I drove to TN, one of the discussions we had was him complaining (whining) about having "no life, no friends, no future" because of my stepmom.
I, again, told him he's a big boy and has choices, that just because SHE prefers to isolate in the house and watch TV, it doesn't mean HE has to do the same and also recommended he go back to the church that was so much a part of our lives, but mostly mom's (she was secretary). We joined it when I was 15, the pastor and his wife are like family, and mom-Kay and her hubby go there. He said he thought he'd go this week.
I forgot it was Sun...was so tired I didn't even wake up 'til this afternoon, but he went!!!!!! He said it was great, he hugged the pastor and his wife's neck, as well as mom-Kay and hubby's. He also "did a bit of crying" which I told him I thought he needed...when he and his gf went the first Christmas eve service (6 mos after mom's death) he seemed to not even be affected...I was at the other end of the pew, an emotional wreck, in between Kay and her husband. I've always felt dad never really dealt with mom's death but it's not anything I can do something about.
He enjoyed it so much, he wants to go back next week I'd also mentioned something about resentments and "they talk about this stuff in al-anon" so I planted that seed again. Maybe one day he'll seek out help in that area, too.
It feels SOOOO good to see him do something for himself. I feel like he's finally taken a step forward on that bridge I've wanted to drag him across for so long. I know it all has to be HIS decisions, his work, but this is a huge step for him, and I'm a happy camper!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I, again, told him he's a big boy and has choices, that just because SHE prefers to isolate in the house and watch TV, it doesn't mean HE has to do the same and also recommended he go back to the church that was so much a part of our lives, but mostly mom's (she was secretary). We joined it when I was 15, the pastor and his wife are like family, and mom-Kay and her hubby go there. He said he thought he'd go this week.
I forgot it was Sun...was so tired I didn't even wake up 'til this afternoon, but he went!!!!!! He said it was great, he hugged the pastor and his wife's neck, as well as mom-Kay and hubby's. He also "did a bit of crying" which I told him I thought he needed...when he and his gf went the first Christmas eve service (6 mos after mom's death) he seemed to not even be affected...I was at the other end of the pew, an emotional wreck, in between Kay and her husband. I've always felt dad never really dealt with mom's death but it's not anything I can do something about.
He enjoyed it so much, he wants to go back next week
I'd also mentioned something about resentments and "they talk about this stuff in al-anon" so I planted that seed again. Maybe one day he'll seek out help in that area, too.It feels SOOOO good to see him do something for himself. I feel like he's finally taken a step forward on that bridge I've wanted to drag him across for so long. I know it all has to be HIS decisions, his work, but this is a huge step for him, and I'm a happy camper!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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