Codependency And Beyond - Part 11
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Codependency And Beyond - Part 11
Part 10 can be found here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-a-20.html
Amy, yes, and I am glad..
.the really big part for me apart from the pain issues is my vulnerability to accidents in relationship to aging...but I know at this point it is mostly fear based.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-a-20.html
Amy, yes, and I am glad..
.the really big part for me apart from the pain issues is my vulnerability to accidents in relationship to aging...but I know at this point it is mostly fear based.
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((((Live)))
How hard it must be to see your mom slip away. I am so sorry. Thank goodness you have a guy that is sympathetic and loving to help you through.
(((Grateful))) Thanks for always being so transparent. Your willingness to be real with us is so healing. So many times it has helped me to know I'm not alone.
(((Anna))) Thanks for your prayers and good wishes for my son and I.
(((Gypsy))) Love you
I know I shouldn't be surprised or hurt...because it was expected, but I tried calling my son last night to ask him if he would consider a carbon monoxide detector. He wouldn't pick up even though I know he was near his cell phone...cuz my daughter was able to get through just a little later.
I know he is detaching...but having him ignore me feels like he is dissing me and the rejection hurts. It may seem petty...but I had to put away the pictures of my son on my desk today...it just hurt too much having to look at him in the days where (I thought) we had a good relationship.
Despite that...I'm having a pretty good day. Classes are going well, and my teenagers fill me with love...
Hoping you all have a great weekend
Love,
Annie
How hard it must be to see your mom slip away. I am so sorry. Thank goodness you have a guy that is sympathetic and loving to help you through.
(((Grateful))) Thanks for always being so transparent. Your willingness to be real with us is so healing. So many times it has helped me to know I'm not alone.
(((Anna))) Thanks for your prayers and good wishes for my son and I.
(((Gypsy))) Love you
I know I shouldn't be surprised or hurt...because it was expected, but I tried calling my son last night to ask him if he would consider a carbon monoxide detector. He wouldn't pick up even though I know he was near his cell phone...cuz my daughter was able to get through just a little later.
I know he is detaching...but having him ignore me feels like he is dissing me and the rejection hurts. It may seem petty...but I had to put away the pictures of my son on my desk today...it just hurt too much having to look at him in the days where (I thought) we had a good relationship.
Despite that...I'm having a pretty good day. Classes are going well, and my teenagers fill me with love...
Hoping you all have a great weekend
Love,
Annie
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(((Annie))) - Brit is doing the same thing to me, and yes, it does hurt, but I am giving her some space. I know she still loves me, and she won't ALWAYS be this distant, but yeah....this is tough. She's pretty much moved out...has only been home 2 nights since Christmas, and one of those is when she threw a fit.
I go back to work this afternoon. I'm hoping if it's not THE last weekend I work, it's one of the last. Only one person at work knows of the lawsuit, so it's not anything I talk about.
Still coughing, so will stop and get some cough drops on the way in. Trying to get my head in a good place for work, but it's not wanting to go there.....sigh.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I go back to work this afternoon. I'm hoping if it's not THE last weekend I work, it's one of the last. Only one person at work knows of the lawsuit, so it's not anything I talk about.
Still coughing, so will stop and get some cough drops on the way in. Trying to get my head in a good place for work, but it's not wanting to go there.....sigh.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Thank you, Annie
(((Annie)))...I remember, not having any pictures of her out for a while...just didn't want to be reminded of "before", too painful...we do what we need to for us, to get through......
Good for you, Annie, for taking care of you, and you are right, he is detaching, and that it good. He is not in the best place but by detaching he has made his move and that is one step closer to him realizing that his life is his responsibility... but it does hurt when they choose to shut us out, however necessary it is....gentle momma hugs...
((Amy))...I hope you day goes well and supports you as needed
(((Annie)))...I remember, not having any pictures of her out for a while...just didn't want to be reminded of "before", too painful...we do what we need to for us, to get through......
Good for you, Annie, for taking care of you, and you are right, he is detaching, and that it good. He is not in the best place but by detaching he has made his move and that is one step closer to him realizing that his life is his responsibility... but it does hurt when they choose to shut us out, however necessary it is....gentle momma hugs...
((Amy))...I hope you day goes well and supports you as needed
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Just got a notice from workmen's comp, in the mail, notifying me of the hearing date in March. Called my lawyer and left a voice mail. Guess we're not settling. I WAS okay with all of this, but not right now...trying to get back to calm, but not doing so well today.
Think I'll just say the serenity prayer a few 100 times or so.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Think I'll just say the serenity prayer a few 100 times or so.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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((((((Amy))))))
breathe and remind yourself it is not in your hands, nothing you can do at this point but "you know"...your HP has got this so you can let go..squishy hugs and prayers continue for the best outcome for you
breathe and remind yourself it is not in your hands, nothing you can do at this point but "you know"...your HP has got this so you can let go..squishy hugs and prayers continue for the best outcome for you
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Oh darn, Amy, I can't believe they're dragging it out longer! What will happen in the hearing? Will a decision be made then?
Annie, your son is finding his way, though I know how painful it is for you. Hugs to you!
Annie, your son is finding his way, though I know how painful it is for you. Hugs to you!
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Never mind....lawyer just called back - said the letter was a "formality", they have settled in the case and workmen's comp actually came back with MORE than he was asking for. It will take a couple of weeks, but once I sign the papers (should be by the end of the month) and get my check, I can start the next chapter of my life.
Go ahead....remind me...let go and let God. Why, oh why, can't I just remember that in the first place?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Go ahead....remind me...let go and let God. Why, oh why, can't I just remember that in the first place?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
Go ahead....remind me...let go and let God. Why, oh why, can't I just remember that in the first place?
we're gonna have a party, right?!?
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You are reading from The Language Of Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright - 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
Standing Up For Ourselves
January 15
We learn some behaviors have self-defeating consequences while others have beneficial consequences. We learn we have choices.
- Beyond Codependency
It is so easy to come to the defense of others. How clear it is when others are being used, controlled, manipulated, or abused. It is so easy to fight their battles, become righteously indignant, rally to their aid, and spur them on to victory.
"you have rights." we tell them. "And those rights are being violated. Stand up for yourself, without guilt."
Why is it so hard, then, for us to rally to our own behalf? Why can't we see when we are been used, victimized, lied to, manipulated or otherwise violated? Why is it so difficult for us to stand up for ourselves?
There are times in life when we can walk a gentle, loving path. There are times, however, when we we need to stand up for ourselves - when walking the gentle, loving path puts us deeper into the hands of those who could mistreat us.
Some days, the lesson we're to be learning and practicing is one of setting boundaries. Some days, the lesson we're learning is that of fighting for ourselves and our own rights.
Sometimes, the lesson won't stop until we do
Today, I will rally to my own cause. I will remember that it is okay to stand up for myself when that action is appropriate. Help me, God, to let go of my need to be victimized. Help me appropriately, and with confidence, stand up for myself.
Standing Up For Ourselves
January 15
We learn some behaviors have self-defeating consequences while others have beneficial consequences. We learn we have choices.
- Beyond Codependency
It is so easy to come to the defense of others. How clear it is when others are being used, controlled, manipulated, or abused. It is so easy to fight their battles, become righteously indignant, rally to their aid, and spur them on to victory.
"you have rights." we tell them. "And those rights are being violated. Stand up for yourself, without guilt."
Why is it so hard, then, for us to rally to our own behalf? Why can't we see when we are been used, victimized, lied to, manipulated or otherwise violated? Why is it so difficult for us to stand up for ourselves?
There are times in life when we can walk a gentle, loving path. There are times, however, when we we need to stand up for ourselves - when walking the gentle, loving path puts us deeper into the hands of those who could mistreat us.
Some days, the lesson we're to be learning and practicing is one of setting boundaries. Some days, the lesson we're learning is that of fighting for ourselves and our own rights.
Sometimes, the lesson won't stop until we do
Today, I will rally to my own cause. I will remember that it is okay to stand up for myself when that action is appropriate. Help me, God, to let go of my need to be victimized. Help me appropriately, and with confidence, stand up for myself.
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I think a party is in order
I had told Tess/Anvil that I had decided that somehow, if this got settled, I was going to take a couple days, during the middle of the week, and go to the beach...find an inexpensive room (with wi-fi, because I've got to have my internet and SR) and just relax. I'm always closer to God on the beach and do you know, I'd already forgotten about this until she mentioned it?
I already feel guilty about it...dad never gets to do stuff like that, wouldn't do it if I offered him the money TO do it, but I'm going to get past the guilt. The ocean revives me...helps me refocus, re-grounds me. Just need a day or two, and I'll be good as new. It also gives me something to look forward to. A little bit of "me time"
THEN, I'll come back and find a good therapist!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I had told Tess/Anvil that I had decided that somehow, if this got settled, I was going to take a couple days, during the middle of the week, and go to the beach...find an inexpensive room (with wi-fi, because I've got to have my internet and SR) and just relax. I'm always closer to God on the beach and do you know, I'd already forgotten about this until she mentioned it?
I already feel guilty about it...dad never gets to do stuff like that, wouldn't do it if I offered him the money TO do it, but I'm going to get past the guilt. The ocean revives me...helps me refocus, re-grounds me. Just need a day or two, and I'll be good as new. It also gives me something to look forward to. A little bit of "me time"
THEN, I'll come back and find a good therapist!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Amy- I hope everything turns out ok. If it doesnot, not a problem. You know you are not alone and we'll be here for you in anyway.
Annie- I am so sorry. I hope you are feeling better. It must be hard for you.
As for the reading:
I guess the answer for me is simple. When I treat my self as sh*t, I allow others to treat me in the same way. They say we teach people how to treat us. When I dont care about me why should somebody else care for me even my bf. For a long long time, I've been trying to find that person that would fix even if that meant baring manipulation , lies and being treated bad. I was extremely insecure with a low self esteem. But today, my relation with myself is getting better. The more I accept myself as I am ,with my assets and weakness, the more I have the chance to stand up for myself and say: No I deserve better than this. I'm striving to build peace with myself because when Im in peace with msyelf and love myself then and only then I can face the world. i learned to depend on a HP that is prefect and will never fail me. All humans failed me because I asked too much from them and I depended on them for my happiness.
Annie- I am so sorry. I hope you are feeling better. It must be hard for you.
As for the reading:
Why is it so hard, then, for us to rally to our own behalf? Why can't we see when we are been used, victimized, lied to, manipulated or otherwise violated? Why is it so difficult for us to stand up for ourselves?
IT DOESNOT MATTER HOW I AM TREATED BY LIFE. MY REAL LIFE LIES WITHIN
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Amy, I love your plan and your resolve to give yourself what you know you need, no matter what!....sounds sooo wonderful....it is my "place" to cleanse my body and soul as well...I will be there with you in spirit!
Jane, I enjoyed your post! wonderful recovery...
Jane, I enjoyed your post! wonderful recovery...
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((Jane)) - great post. People have let me down, I have let me down....HP....He's always "had my back", no matter what. I may have had to struggle a lot, but it was usually because I was stubborn and trying to do things MY way. The lessons I've learned best were the ones I had to work the hardest to learn.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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I may have had to struggle a lot, but it was usually because I was stubborn and trying to do things MY way.
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