Codependency And Beyond - Part 11
Leap of Faith Survivor
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright - 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
New Beginnings
January 20
Resentments are the blocks that hold us back from loving ourselves and others. Resentments do not punish the other person; they punish us. They become barriers to feeling good and enjoying life. They prevent us from being in harmony with the world. Resentments are hardened chunks of anger. They loosen up and dissolve with forgiveness and letting go.
Letting go of resentments does not mean we allow the other person to do anything to us that he or she wants, It means we accept what happened in the past, and we see boundaries for the future. We can let go of resentments and still have boundaries!
We try to see the good in the person, or the good that ultimately evolved from whatever incident we feel resentful about. We try to see our part.
Praying for those we resent helps. Asking God to take our resentments from us helps too.
What better way to begin a new year than by cleaning the slate of the past, and entering this one, free of resentments.
Higher Power, help me become ready to let go of my resentments. Bring any resentments that are hidden within me, and blocking me, to the surface. Show me what I need to do to take care of myself by letting go of resentments, and then help me to do that.
New Beginnings
January 20
Resentments are the blocks that hold us back from loving ourselves and others. Resentments do not punish the other person; they punish us. They become barriers to feeling good and enjoying life. They prevent us from being in harmony with the world. Resentments are hardened chunks of anger. They loosen up and dissolve with forgiveness and letting go.
Letting go of resentments does not mean we allow the other person to do anything to us that he or she wants, It means we accept what happened in the past, and we see boundaries for the future. We can let go of resentments and still have boundaries!
We try to see the good in the person, or the good that ultimately evolved from whatever incident we feel resentful about. We try to see our part.
Praying for those we resent helps. Asking God to take our resentments from us helps too.
What better way to begin a new year than by cleaning the slate of the past, and entering this one, free of resentments.
Higher Power, help me become ready to let go of my resentments. Bring any resentments that are hidden within me, and blocking me, to the surface. Show me what I need to do to take care of myself by letting go of resentments, and then help me to do that.
Leap of Faith Survivor
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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I am going to take a walk today for the first time in a couple of weeks...I love walking and I have missed it....it is a nice day here, not too cold, and I am looking forward to it...
Live, I am sorry there are some issues with your family and whether they will all come or not...I hope things get resolved one way or another...it is important that our loved ones come and celebrate with us and show their love and support for our happiness, but if it does not work out the way you hoped, you and David, I am sure can still have the day of happiness you are hoping for in your circle of love..
Your plans sound wonderful, Live...Prayers for your sister..
Live, I am sorry there are some issues with your family and whether they will all come or not...I hope things get resolved one way or another...it is important that our loved ones come and celebrate with us and show their love and support for our happiness, but if it does not work out the way you hoped, you and David, I am sure can still have the day of happiness you are hoping for in your circle of love..
Your plans sound wonderful, Live...Prayers for your sister..
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I enjoyed getting outside today too. It's really beautiful weather here and we have no snow at all. Amazing! Grateful, I hope the walking isn't too hard on your knee, but I'm sure it's good to exercise it.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Haha!! I worked outside all day. We had winds that were threatening to be tornadoes, hail and lightening!! My rain gear tore at the fanny at 730 am, so I was one wet puppy all day.
I am happy to hear you ladies got to enjoy the great outdoors in a less adventurous fashion.
I am happy to hear you ladies got to enjoy the great outdoors in a less adventurous fashion.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Grateful)) - thanks for the reading. I hope you enjoyed your walk.
After gathering up the motivation to get out the door, my day was okay. My last store is one where I know the staff pretty well and can joke with them, so that's good.
Coming home, however, I noticed the uneasiness arising within me and I just repeated the serenity prayer and "let it go"...alternating the two over and over and over.
Everyone else is fine, and I'm trying to get there. I admit I'm struggling and I can't even pinpoint what it is that I'm struggling with, except maybe that I can't control anything (can you say CODIE?!?!?!?!) I also cut my nicotine patches in half, so that might have something to do with it
Anyway, I'm going to be okay. I've got a zillion things to be grateful for, and lest I forget, I have a pad of paper sitting right next to me that I can start writing out a list. A friend here pointed me to a cool meditation video on youtube I might just revisit.
I truly feel like I'm back at codie 101...haven't learned a darned thing
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
After gathering up the motivation to get out the door, my day was okay. My last store is one where I know the staff pretty well and can joke with them, so that's good.
Coming home, however, I noticed the uneasiness arising within me and I just repeated the serenity prayer and "let it go"...alternating the two over and over and over.
Everyone else is fine, and I'm trying to get there. I admit I'm struggling and I can't even pinpoint what it is that I'm struggling with, except maybe that I can't control anything (can you say CODIE?!?!?!?!) I also cut my nicotine patches in half, so that might have something to do with it
Anyway, I'm going to be okay. I've got a zillion things to be grateful for, and lest I forget, I have a pad of paper sitting right next to me that I can start writing out a list. A friend here pointed me to a cool meditation video on youtube I might just revisit.
I truly feel like I'm back at codie 101...haven't learned a darned thing
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 346
Awww...I'm jealous! We had an ice storm last night. 4th snow day this year...so I was stuck inside all day again...as the roads (even for veteran winter drivers like us) were trecherous (jacknifed semi's and such).
At least it gave me a chance to finally get the Christmas decorations put away and my daughters birthday cake made. As I guessed...son never acknowledged daughter's bd...but then again...he ignored mine this year too...ah well....I can't change it I know...but it still hurts.
I blocked his name from facebook so we can't contact each other that way. It was kind of like my last goodbye to the son I knew (Does it sound sappy to say that it feels like I no longer have a son?...so I'm trying to work through the grieving process....my only question is... how do I let him back in if he ever straightens up his act and tries to come back?"
Gratitude...gratitude...gratitiude.
Peaceful prayers to you all
Annie
At least it gave me a chance to finally get the Christmas decorations put away and my daughters birthday cake made. As I guessed...son never acknowledged daughter's bd...but then again...he ignored mine this year too...ah well....I can't change it I know...but it still hurts.
I blocked his name from facebook so we can't contact each other that way. It was kind of like my last goodbye to the son I knew (Does it sound sappy to say that it feels like I no longer have a son?...so I'm trying to work through the grieving process....my only question is... how do I let him back in if he ever straightens up his act and tries to come back?"
Gratitude...gratitude...gratitiude.
Peaceful prayers to you all
Annie
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 346
((((Amy)))
So sorry the codie blues are back. I know you know this, but you are not back at square one...just a rough patch. I think you are doing outstanding...a role model for me in fact.
One step..one day at a time. We love you.
Annie
So sorry the codie blues are back. I know you know this, but you are not back at square one...just a rough patch. I think you are doing outstanding...a role model for me in fact.
One step..one day at a time. We love you.
Annie
Leap of Faith Survivor
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
I truly feel like I'm back at codie 101...haven't learned a darned thing
you are in a wonderful place indeed...your Higher Power has your complete attention
Annie, you have your recovery and he has his...stay focused on your recovery and if you do, you will "know" when it is the right time for him to come back or if he should come back at all...
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
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(((Annie))) when you're ready to let him back in, I think you'll know. I know that sounds pretty vague, but it's like when Brit and I were just not speaking for weeks, and I wasn't sure what the turning point was going to be. When someone hit her window with a rock and she was truly terrified, I was there...in a heartbeat. It wasn't something I had to think about, wonder if it was the right thing, etc. although I DID, for just a brief second, remember how she can over-react and how she had hurt me.
I just knew it was okay for me to make a move, although the next night I ended up detaching again...more like setting a boundary. I'm sure the other mom's here will be WAY more help here, than I am, as I'm floundering a bit myself. I know Brit is not my daughter, but I feel like I couldn't love her any more if she was. I've made mistakes with her, and I've had to try different things...mostly things I've learned here. The only constant in our relationship is that I've told her she can get as mad as she wants at me...as long as she knows that what I do, I do out of love. For some reason, that gets through..eventually.
BTW, I'm not a friend on Brit's facebook...never have been. I haven't asked and she hasn't offered, although on MY facebook, the picture is of her and I and she thinks that's cool.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I just knew it was okay for me to make a move, although the next night I ended up detaching again...more like setting a boundary. I'm sure the other mom's here will be WAY more help here, than I am, as I'm floundering a bit myself. I know Brit is not my daughter, but I feel like I couldn't love her any more if she was. I've made mistakes with her, and I've had to try different things...mostly things I've learned here. The only constant in our relationship is that I've told her she can get as mad as she wants at me...as long as she knows that what I do, I do out of love. For some reason, that gets through..eventually.
BTW, I'm not a friend on Brit's facebook...never have been. I haven't asked and she hasn't offered, although on MY facebook, the picture is of her and I and she thinks that's cool.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
hmmm, I'm not sure we ever give them up. For me, I just got to a place where I assume I won't hear from her, I assume she won't show up, but I am thrilled if and when she does. I don't dwell on what she is doing (she and gramps are looking for a condo to buy her, he has started up the free money train for school again, again with no auditing on his part, foolish man). None of this is what I would have her doing, but I remind myself of 3 things A) that it is her life, so it really has nothing to do with what I would want B) I've made my fill of mistakes running my own life and C) God has a plan for her, and I am sure her journey will be filled with sorrows, joys, laughs and tears, and loads of wonder and adventure along the way.
My child was raised in an alcoholic home. Neither of her dad or I had the best of coping skills to teach her. I am grateful she is not a junkie living on the streets, and that when I see her we hug, and she has a twinkle in her eyes. I hope for the best, and leave it in God's hands to decide what the best for her is.
My child was raised in an alcoholic home. Neither of her dad or I had the best of coping skills to teach her. I am grateful she is not a junkie living on the streets, and that when I see her we hug, and she has a twinkle in her eyes. I hope for the best, and leave it in God's hands to decide what the best for her is.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
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Thanks again!!
((Lisa)) - I like the way you deal with "the baby" - you've come quite a ways from when you would worry so much when she would "forget" to show up whens he said she would
((Grateful)) - Thanks for reminding me about my hands needing to be open in order to receive new things. I needed that reminder.
I'm much better. Walked by Brit, gave her a kiss on the top of her head and told her I loved her, and she said the same, and now I've got Elvis all sprawled on my lap. I was posting on another thread a phrase that I've used in the past to get me through turmoil, but I had forgotten until I read what she was going through...."rise above it" and that's what I plan on doing.
WHen all this is through, we are going to have one heck of a party!!!
Love you all!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
((Lisa)) - I like the way you deal with "the baby" - you've come quite a ways from when you would worry so much when she would "forget" to show up whens he said she would
((Grateful)) - Thanks for reminding me about my hands needing to be open in order to receive new things. I needed that reminder.
I'm much better. Walked by Brit, gave her a kiss on the top of her head and told her I loved her, and she said the same, and now I've got Elvis all sprawled on my lap. I was posting on another thread a phrase that I've used in the past to get me through turmoil, but I had forgotten until I read what she was going through...."rise above it" and that's what I plan on doing.
WHen all this is through, we are going to have one heck of a party!!!
Love you all!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Wow! Today has been quite a lesson and I have learned and acted on it.
Today has been all about: I have feelings too and my feelings count.
I got a business type (not family type) email from my sister which was very curt and basically said I am important I am busy, that would cost flight and hotel ....(she has flies and stays top dog anywhere everywhere as a way of life) and I cannot come.
At first I responded as usual, i.e., I am sorry to hear that etc...but I was crying and crying and then I decided that I would tell my feelings and I sent her an email titled "That hurt". She responded to me like I was a human being then but still says she can't come...which I really do not believe. And I wonder and asked...does that mean gown niece and nephew can't come either? Nor response.
I just got home...daughter waited all day to respond. She says she has made other social plans with my X in laws for the spring and can't afford both. Says she hopes I will understand. Then a second one..a response to me stating that I was hurt and how important it was to me, and how I felt about mom and how important that was. She replied saying "you said you were flexible, can't you make it another date?"
I sat here and cried again. I haven't responded yet.
You see, I did say I would work with family for setting the date...daughter and hubs went to Amsterdam with sister from the day after Christmas thru New Years. Sister just finished her 6-7 week world tour of Europe.
Any way, yes I had said that, but no one would get back to me and when I tossed around dates, it sounded fine but was not firmed or confimed by them or me at the time.
They knew about when I wanted and yet put it on the back burner and forgot about it until I just went ahead and chose the date. And I chose the day before Mother's day as highly symbolic. My granny died on Mother's day. I want my mother there. I am a mother with a daughter who is a mother. My sister is a mother and spends much time with my daughter and I have spent much time with her two...am pretty close with the nephew.
After I got sis's email, I sent one to my dad and said how important it was to me to have this mother-daughter thing with my mom and asked him to please work on getting her to agree even tho' sister was not coming AND had the audacity to ask why it depended upon my sister. Did I matter less? (Speaking feelings which I never do with them)
I am always the one in the family who takes the backseat. I don't deserve that. I have always accomodated their feelings. Well, now I am saying I have feelings and here there are and I think they count.
Re-scheduling.. don't even know what to think about that. I want it in the Spring and I don't want to wait a year. It would be easier financially to postpone it. However, I have been so excited, announced the date, reserved the park, and honey has asked his uncle minister to preside on that date. I have invited friends from here...and I know one will be here for sure.
This means I will have no family with me and no one to stand up with me...no attendants...while David has a huge family in this area and they are excited about it and will attend.
I am going to look like an orphan, in some ways I FEEL like one.
I rebel at the idea that I should have to ask...so when should I get married? You all get together and set the date for me. Ick. I don't like the way that feels and I don't like that I had to press so hard for so long now to get any response out of them.
In my heart, yes, I could re-schedule. But I don't like the reasons. And every day we get up and announce how many days are left before the wedding.
I am not finished crying. I am going to go ahead and hurt because it does hurt very deeply.
I don't have to decide anything right now.
What I feel and what I want counts.
I AM feeling very grateful for the thunder storm going on right now.
honey and I spent from 7 until 10 at the casino....he sits and reads and I play a bit and mostly socialize with other ladies....because there were drawings ever half an hour.
he himself got pained and cried today seeing me so heart broken and torn and went very much out of his way to be sweet, sensitive and do things with me that are important to me and enjoyable.
I haven't even been able to get a single member of my family to sign our online guest book! Only one (or is it 2) real life people have signed it.
My folks have looked at the wedding website.
I am thinking if my sis and my daughter don't care enough to even do that much or be able to talk about my plans and share any part of that with me, then they maybe don't deserve for me to try to do things differently to accomodate them.
feedback??????????
live
Today has been all about: I have feelings too and my feelings count.
I got a business type (not family type) email from my sister which was very curt and basically said I am important I am busy, that would cost flight and hotel ....(she has flies and stays top dog anywhere everywhere as a way of life) and I cannot come.
At first I responded as usual, i.e., I am sorry to hear that etc...but I was crying and crying and then I decided that I would tell my feelings and I sent her an email titled "That hurt". She responded to me like I was a human being then but still says she can't come...which I really do not believe. And I wonder and asked...does that mean gown niece and nephew can't come either? Nor response.
I just got home...daughter waited all day to respond. She says she has made other social plans with my X in laws for the spring and can't afford both. Says she hopes I will understand. Then a second one..a response to me stating that I was hurt and how important it was to me, and how I felt about mom and how important that was. She replied saying "you said you were flexible, can't you make it another date?"
I sat here and cried again. I haven't responded yet.
You see, I did say I would work with family for setting the date...daughter and hubs went to Amsterdam with sister from the day after Christmas thru New Years. Sister just finished her 6-7 week world tour of Europe.
Any way, yes I had said that, but no one would get back to me and when I tossed around dates, it sounded fine but was not firmed or confimed by them or me at the time.
They knew about when I wanted and yet put it on the back burner and forgot about it until I just went ahead and chose the date. And I chose the day before Mother's day as highly symbolic. My granny died on Mother's day. I want my mother there. I am a mother with a daughter who is a mother. My sister is a mother and spends much time with my daughter and I have spent much time with her two...am pretty close with the nephew.
After I got sis's email, I sent one to my dad and said how important it was to me to have this mother-daughter thing with my mom and asked him to please work on getting her to agree even tho' sister was not coming AND had the audacity to ask why it depended upon my sister. Did I matter less? (Speaking feelings which I never do with them)
I am always the one in the family who takes the backseat. I don't deserve that. I have always accomodated their feelings. Well, now I am saying I have feelings and here there are and I think they count.
Re-scheduling.. don't even know what to think about that. I want it in the Spring and I don't want to wait a year. It would be easier financially to postpone it. However, I have been so excited, announced the date, reserved the park, and honey has asked his uncle minister to preside on that date. I have invited friends from here...and I know one will be here for sure.
This means I will have no family with me and no one to stand up with me...no attendants...while David has a huge family in this area and they are excited about it and will attend.
I am going to look like an orphan, in some ways I FEEL like one.
I rebel at the idea that I should have to ask...so when should I get married? You all get together and set the date for me. Ick. I don't like the way that feels and I don't like that I had to press so hard for so long now to get any response out of them.
In my heart, yes, I could re-schedule. But I don't like the reasons. And every day we get up and announce how many days are left before the wedding.
I am not finished crying. I am going to go ahead and hurt because it does hurt very deeply.
I don't have to decide anything right now.
What I feel and what I want counts.
I AM feeling very grateful for the thunder storm going on right now.
honey and I spent from 7 until 10 at the casino....he sits and reads and I play a bit and mostly socialize with other ladies....because there were drawings ever half an hour.
he himself got pained and cried today seeing me so heart broken and torn and went very much out of his way to be sweet, sensitive and do things with me that are important to me and enjoyable.
I haven't even been able to get a single member of my family to sign our online guest book! Only one (or is it 2) real life people have signed it.
My folks have looked at the wedding website.
I am thinking if my sis and my daughter don't care enough to even do that much or be able to talk about my plans and share any part of that with me, then they maybe don't deserve for me to try to do things differently to accomodate them.
feedback??????????
live
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 346
(((Awww Live))))
Man, am I sorry. Family can bring us such highs AND such lows.
What would I do??? That's a hard one.
If you change the date...is there any certainty that they would come on the new date? Or would you be changing things to accomodate them...only to get your heart broken again later?
The only thing I can compare it to is my son. He so often has said he would be somewhere at a certain time...so we wait and wait and wait and postpone...and he doesn't show...so then everybody is put out and crabbby...and he still isn't there. I am learning to just go ahead without him and enjoy the people who cared enough to be there on time...and if he shows later...well I guess thats a good thing.
I know it's nowhere the same thing...but I guess I would go ahead with the date you and your honey have been dreaming about. What a blessing to be marrying your love. If the family decides to show...all the better. But I'm not you. You do what feels right in your gut...and know that all of us here will be there in spirit (and online....haha...you should open a computer at the wedding with the SR site open....just like being there
Whatever you decide we are behind you. Blessings and congratulations.
Annie
Man, am I sorry. Family can bring us such highs AND such lows.
What would I do??? That's a hard one.
If you change the date...is there any certainty that they would come on the new date? Or would you be changing things to accomodate them...only to get your heart broken again later?
The only thing I can compare it to is my son. He so often has said he would be somewhere at a certain time...so we wait and wait and wait and postpone...and he doesn't show...so then everybody is put out and crabbby...and he still isn't there. I am learning to just go ahead without him and enjoy the people who cared enough to be there on time...and if he shows later...well I guess thats a good thing.
I know it's nowhere the same thing...but I guess I would go ahead with the date you and your honey have been dreaming about. What a blessing to be marrying your love. If the family decides to show...all the better. But I'm not you. You do what feels right in your gut...and know that all of us here will be there in spirit (and online....haha...you should open a computer at the wedding with the SR site open....just like being there
Whatever you decide we are behind you. Blessings and congratulations.
Annie
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Eeesh, I am so sorry honey. I also am the back seat girl, although I can't imagine my family saying no to a wedding. I planned my wedding in 3 weeks. It was suppose to be the (ex) and I in a drive thru, but mom cried and said she had to be there, and then said her christmas party was that weekend and could I postpone haha
So we did it the weekend after, and our wedding of 2 ended up having about 30, both his and my immediate family. Pretty much everyone was local.
I agree with Annie mostly. The rational part of me says it depends on how important it is to have them, and if they would really pick a date and come.
The hurt for you part of me says screw em.
So we did it the weekend after, and our wedding of 2 ended up having about 30, both his and my immediate family. Pretty much everyone was local.I agree with Annie mostly. The rational part of me says it depends on how important it is to have them, and if they would really pick a date and come.
The hurt for you part of me says screw em.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
awwww (((Live)) I'm sorry. I just have to wonder if you DID change the date, would they #1 agree on a date? and #2 show up then? If you're talking about postponing for a YEAR, sweetie with the way your mom is forgetting things now, she may not be mentally present in a year....not trying to make you feel worse, but a year is a long, long time.
I can't imagine how much this hurts, but the two most important people in your wedding are you and honey. My mom had heard my g'pa complain about paying for my aunt's wedding so much, that when she and dad got married, they eloped. My g'pa cried like a baby when he found out, but mom told me "I focused on the man I loved, not the ceremony".
I'm sorry you're hurting, sweetie. Families can knock the wind out of us, temporarily, but I'm getting my feet back under me and you will, too.
Love, hugs and prayers!
Amy
I can't imagine how much this hurts, but the two most important people in your wedding are you and honey. My mom had heard my g'pa complain about paying for my aunt's wedding so much, that when she and dad got married, they eloped. My g'pa cried like a baby when he found out, but mom told me "I focused on the man I loved, not the ceremony".
I'm sorry you're hurting, sweetie. Families can knock the wind out of us, temporarily, but I'm getting my feet back under me and you will, too.
Love, hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
thank you so much for the love and support!
Annie, I was really thinking about you as I was deciding what do to do and you, too, Amy with Brit and family turmoil.
Y'all hit the nail on the head when you asked if I did set another date, would they come...I hadn't asked myself that.........and my unconscious tells me that I didn't because no, that isn't what it's about, the date that is, tho' I am being told so.
That is a smokescreen.
Amy, it is as you said with Mom, that is why I have made such a big issue of it, let's get together now while she is still here with us.
The X-MIL my daughter has chosen to vacation with has caused such grief and harm in the past...who was never there for the kids except during the divorce and after and in Eric's death was only present for causing damage with sick control manuevers. My father still hates her bitterly and I have forgiven my daughter for that past, but I have not forgotten the truth.
So, I broke the family rules and emailed a very direct message to my daughter...that she was free to make any mistake she wanted but she would bear her own consequences this time and it would change things, and etc. and I did send my dad a message, as some emails were mixed up and copied daughter on it.
I just received an email from daughter saying she wants no contact with me and that I am so selfish that I am sick and manipulative and cannot respect her.
Hogwash. I have been the one who has been there for her.
I pictured Anvil's Charlie Brown parents and the WHAW WHAW WHAW and Jadmack's duck and quack, quack.
It would have been nice to hear her say she would LIKE to be here and sorry she couldn't etc.....but that isn't what she has said at all. and I do not want anyone here who doesn't wish to be.
honey and I are very excited and want our wedding to be very special, doesn't everyone?
SO, that is what it will be and we are in agreement about all things regarding this.
Thus, those who are negative and trying to shame me are best left at home or elsewhere.
Annie, I had set myself firm and told honey.....they may not be there but there will be many spirits with me any way. He liked that and made silly jokes about spirits hanging around.
Thank you!
SO, it is now 107 days away! LOL
This is not the first time daughter has smacked herself between the eyes with hasty statements to me. The last time was when I was fully supporting her financially so that she could go to college and raise the first grandson and not have to work. One day she got "ducky" and said "I don't need your money." I said, "Fine, more for me." And left her to get by on her own. And that is what I will do again.
I do have a stubborn streak.
Lisa, I wonder if our screw 'em approach is what makes us backseat family?
Non-compliance. whatever.
hugs, y'all are the bestest!
live
Annie, I was really thinking about you as I was deciding what do to do and you, too, Amy with Brit and family turmoil.
Y'all hit the nail on the head when you asked if I did set another date, would they come...I hadn't asked myself that.........and my unconscious tells me that I didn't because no, that isn't what it's about, the date that is, tho' I am being told so.
That is a smokescreen.
Amy, it is as you said with Mom, that is why I have made such a big issue of it, let's get together now while she is still here with us.
The X-MIL my daughter has chosen to vacation with has caused such grief and harm in the past...who was never there for the kids except during the divorce and after and in Eric's death was only present for causing damage with sick control manuevers. My father still hates her bitterly and I have forgiven my daughter for that past, but I have not forgotten the truth.
So, I broke the family rules and emailed a very direct message to my daughter...that she was free to make any mistake she wanted but she would bear her own consequences this time and it would change things, and etc. and I did send my dad a message, as some emails were mixed up and copied daughter on it.
I just received an email from daughter saying she wants no contact with me and that I am so selfish that I am sick and manipulative and cannot respect her.
Hogwash. I have been the one who has been there for her.
I pictured Anvil's Charlie Brown parents and the WHAW WHAW WHAW and Jadmack's duck and quack, quack.
It would have been nice to hear her say she would LIKE to be here and sorry she couldn't etc.....but that isn't what she has said at all. and I do not want anyone here who doesn't wish to be.
honey and I are very excited and want our wedding to be very special, doesn't everyone?
SO, that is what it will be and we are in agreement about all things regarding this.
Thus, those who are negative and trying to shame me are best left at home or elsewhere.
Annie, I had set myself firm and told honey.....they may not be there but there will be many spirits with me any way. He liked that and made silly jokes about spirits hanging around.
Thank you!
SO, it is now 107 days away! LOL
This is not the first time daughter has smacked herself between the eyes with hasty statements to me.
The last time was when I was fully supporting her financially so that she could go to college and raise the first grandson and not have to work. One day she got "ducky" and said "I don't need your money." I said, "Fine, more for me." And left her to get by on her own. And that is what I will do again.I do have a stubborn streak.
Lisa, I wonder if our screw 'em approach is what makes us backseat family?
Non-compliance. whatever.
hugs, y'all are the bestest!
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