SerenityGirl

Thanks you guys, Oh Anna, you make me laugh, you are such a codie too...that would be my first instinct also...often when I have tried to protect my children, it has made things worse. I know that I have grown the most through hard times and trials, so I should be able to realize that it would be the same for my children...but it is so hard to see them in pain...
Annie, my husband has been sober for many years, he did go to AA at one time, I wish he would still go, but I can't force him, so I just work on myself getting better...

grateful2b

It took me a long time to realize I wasn't a victim. It took me longer still to let go of those victim -like behaviors.

What a wonderful blessing that we can and have a right to own our power, finally...

My victim-like behaviors, I came by honestly, but I do not need any longer to cling to them..I have found a new path....now that I have found my voice and my source of Power.

((Anna)), I understand completely the desire to want to help your son...maybe, if nothing sells, it will be good fodder for him in deciding his next move...

maybe, he will do well, either way it is his path for him to experience in his own way, and as he is meant to...only his HP knows at this point what is in store for him...

We cannot protect them from themselves...the most loving thing we can do, I think is to continue supporting and loving them....We can't protect them from their reality in the world...

I don't think I would buy his paintings unless I personally would have bought them anyway, whoever had painted them...

if you are buying them only to protect his feelings, I think it might be giving him a false sense of the worth of himself and his paintings..


Annie, I wold block his page...the less you know the better, no point in stressing over something that you have no control over....

I do hope he does remember his sister's birthday, but you are right, it is between them, btw, please give her my best birthday wishes:day1...


Amy, thank you for Ralph!....I am glad that you and Brit are connecting again, that is wonderful...I am sorry you are feeling the pressures of all that is going on around you. ...yes, I see the codie issues ...I don't know, Amy, if I were in your spot, the stress of all that would trigger my PTSD too...couldn't do it without a struggle...don't stop reaching for your own place to live, It is still on my prayer list.....It is hard to remember all the good that is in store for you with the difficulties in your life right now ...don't forget to take time out to dream ..

((SG)) boy, could we talk..I really hear you on the emotional impact, being sick has had on you..I think maybe, you could have used somebody being there for you the last while, ...being sick makes us feel more vulnerable...and a little scared, depending on the situation

Your post makes perfect sense, but you have been doing an awesome job with the boundaries with your daughters, but don't you think that maybe the stress around not knowing what was wrong, then discovering, it was the vertigo, was very stressful for you and made setting boundaries a bit more challenging?

I think you should be more gentle with yourself, SG

I know at one point I was feeling sorry for myself, but what I need was somebody to come and take care of me for a change, as I was having a rough time...I never get sick and I am always strong, but this time I needed someone to take care of me a little..

SerenityGirl

Thanks Grateful, I know what you mean, I have always been the strong one, rarely am sick...it just is so weird for me to feel so vulnerable, and needing help...I have to say, that although my H can sometimes be so very hard to live with, he was there to help me, I am thankful for that...
How are you doing by the way with your knee and shoulder, hopefully you had help during all that...

grateful2b

No I didn't have anyone close enough to give me some help...and it was a wake up call for me...I have never been in the situation where I have been so helpless and it scared me...If I were twenty, it would have been very different...I am 62, and I am thinking.."I need to be more careful, and take better care of myself...

and the reality that I was so needy, but did not have anyone close enough to me, brother is 60 miles away, to help me, was unsettling...My daughter popped in a few times but I don't think she got my "spot" and....here it comes: she is going through a rough patch and wants to use and also I didn't want to worry her so I did not ask her for much in the way of help...I know, I know...

The knee is slowly healing still painful to the touch....and the shoulder is going to take a while...the board on my bed broke..and I was on the floor for a while until it was fixed..THAT just made everything so much more difficult...standing back and looking at the situation, it is kinda funny! but I did get the message the Universe was trying to send me - loud and clear...

And at my age, for someone who has always been extremely independent, I acknowledge that I am going to have to work on the concept of needing help at some point and allowing myself to depend on others........that is difficult for this free spirit....but I will figure it out....no other choice...

Anna

It's good to see your sense of humor shining through after all this, Grateful! There was a time when I assumed that whatever might be wrong with me at the moment, would clear up. Now, I've learned that I have to live with some of these things!

I hope you feel better and of course, prayers for your daughter, as always!

Impurrfect

I'm trying to read everything here and catch up, but I have dad, Brit and stepmom screaming and cussing each other out. Brit started it, with stepmom. Apparently, they did call the cops about the window, he said could ask the friend but nothing could be done unless they admitted it so stepmom said "drop it" and Brit is furious...she wanted him to go over and ask.

Brit and stepmom kept arguing, stepmom was making it worse. Brit says she's going to become emancipated. I just talked to her briefly, and told her that whatever she does, to remember that I love her and please don't walk away from me...I'll always be here for her. She said "I love you too" and I hugged her. Then stepmom started in, again.

Brit started cussing again, dad had walked out and I said "dad's going to walk back in here and it's going to get ugly, but I love you both and I'm staying out of it" and went back to my room.

Dad came back in and Brit did everything she could to provoke dad to hit her....He didn't. She's screaming because she wants curtains for her room RIGHT NOW, but of course, has no money because she can't manage her money. She spends every cent she has on HER and expects dad to buy whatever else she needs. She has said horrible things about my dad, and that hurts me.

I'm doing better than I usually do...not crying and shaking, and I'm staying out of it, but it is literally tearing my heart out.

I know this will blow over...it always does. It just rips at the codie in me...I want to shake Brit and tell her how selfish she is and make her LISTEN for once, but it does no good. I did point out that we had told her, time and time again, that her friend was no good for her and she screamed, cussed and told us to stay the heck out of her life...and now she sees we were right, so just think about it....maybe we DO know what we're talking about sometimes.

I'm sorry....I'm all about "me" right now. I really had a better day, got out in the sunshine, joked with Tess over e-mail, and was doing better and now this. Tomorrow has GOT to be a better day.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

grateful2b

(((Amy)))...I am so sorry, Hon...can you go for a walk?...if not, putting your plugs in and listening to some music through your headphones should drown out what is going on outside your bedroom door. Good for you for being so clear and drawing your boundaries

Impurrfect

I'm sorry...just got brought to my attention that what I posted may trigger some people and that's the last thing I meant to do. I tried to come back and edit some of it, but it's too late.

No walking, ((Grateful)) - it's really dark, out here in the country and the roads are curvy with no shoulder. I'd go for a drive, but not enough gas to do that and do stores the rest of the week.

Just say a prayer for my dad. The rest of us are safe, but I don't know where he is and I worry about some feelings of guilt (about a job he left years ago that he ties in with mom's death) being ripped open that I don't think he ever dealt with and they may have just gotten ripped open by a kid. Heck, pray for us all.

I'm staying in my room. The tears have started, but I'll be okay. I've got some mindless TV on and taking deep breaths.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

grateful2b

((((((Amy))))))...yes, I am thinking about your dad, too...I will keep him in my prayers tonight, and all of you, of course..

BigDreams1

((((AMY)))

My thoughts and prayers too. Feel free to PM me if you need more loving than I can give here.

Mantra: It will get better. You are ok. We love you.

Hang in there.

Annie

Gypsy Feet

I love you Amy!! I was pretty rough as a teen, my teens were pretty hard to live with. Thank God for growing up!!!

Impurrfect

(((Annie)) ((Grateful)) ((Lisa))

Thanks. I've talked to dad, and he's been driving around. Had a brief period of doing something irrational but didn't follow through. He's even laughing about an e-mail he sent me of a cat that sticks her head totally under a faucet, with the water pouring over her head to get a drink of water.

I told him he and Brit have anger issues, and I've done my best to lead by example, calmly discuss what works for me, but they won't do anything on their own, and I can't and won't even try to fix it. I am removing myself from the drama.

I also told him that I will see if I can get a decent job and use some of this settlement money to find my own place..even without furniture. All I need is my laptop, internet connection and a mattress (a blow up one will work, as long as it's tough since the cats still have claws). I actually HAVE a waterbed, just no mattress. Even have bookcases (can you tell I was a bookworm ) and a large computer desk...just nothing to sit on. The rest will come.

It will be a challenge. All apt. complexes, except the ones in the hood, go by your credit rating and mine's in the dumps. I'm not losing hope, though. It's a goal and something to work for.

Tonight it was hard NOT to get sucked back into codie mode, and I did for a short while, but I recovered pretty quick, and for that I am grateful.

I will now stop hogging the thread

Love you all!!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Gypsy Feet

just for kindling the hope: When I made my move to paradise, I had no where to land until THE DAY my transfer came through unexpectedly. I ended up at the old guys house, and if that was the end of the story I would be content to have met him, hes a gem.

When his kids made staying there a bit uncomfortable the universe immediately put me in the room I am in now, for a ridiculously low price, with one of my oldest and dearest friends.

And for the next chapter, when the gf and I went looking for a place (her credit is tanked from a recent messy divorce, no idea what mine is) I found our studio on the second day of looking. The land lady goes with her gut for references, wanted less than a months rent for a deposit, and we are off to the races again.


All things are possible with faith honey.

Impurrfect

((Lisa)) that's one thing I DO have a good amount of, when my roller coaster is on the top Even when it's down in the valley, I still tell myself that HP is taking care of me and just keep doing my part.

I did have to laugh at Brit...talking about how good HER job is (because she gets paid every 2 weeks) compared to my dad (who pays more in bills in one month than she makes in 6 or more), then 10 minutes later she's crying because she has to work soooooo hard and only gets $7.25/hour

The cats are my main thing. I know HP knows how much they mean to me, and surely somewhere there is a friendly landlord (or one who doesn't care). It also helps if you have money up front.

I'll get the job first, then depending on where it is, look for a place. Don't want to rent a place down here, then (hopefully) get on with the IRS which is another 40 miles away. My car says it would like a break

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

SerenityGirl

(((Amy)) So sorry for what you were going through today, sounds like you got through it just great...and that your Higher Power is taking good care of you..

(((Lisa)) and you too!!! Your Higher Power is looking after you also...

Live

We strive to have compassion for the person who victimized us, but understand that compassion often comes later; after we've removed ourselves as victims in body, mind, and spirit. We also understand that too much compassion can put us right back in the victim slot. Too much pity for a person who is victimizing us may set up a situation where the person can victimize us again.

We try not to force consequences or crises upon another person, but we also do not rescue that person from the logical consequences of his or her behavior. If there is a part that is our responsibility to play in delivering those consequences, we do our part - not to control or punish, but to be responsible for ourselves and to others



OHBROTHER! Does that ever hit a nerve! I have been getting increasingly mad about my special furniture and things not being returned and never having received that paycheck.
I have been furious with those two people. But also tried to rationalize their problems.
Crap, it is me I have to be mad at. I didn't take action to protect myself legally when I had the chance and haven't filed a small claims action. PFFFT!!!!!

Amy, I really couldn't stand to be in a house with that kind of turmoil, no matter how much I loved them. It is just too much stress and leaves me no peace and freedom in what should be my home and sanctuary. I am very high strung to begin with, so I need alot of quiet alone time, but hiding in a room is not the same.

I am excited! We booked the park for our wedding today! It wasn't what I had imagined and wanted but that GORGEOUS botanical garden is $200/hr. No can do. The downtown park is free and I have it booked from 6am to 9pm. It has a gazebo and I have been having great fun searching for decorating ideas and photos. It's a bit too small, and I don't like the traffic....but it is cute and has bricks laid in a pattern and nice park benches...a side of a big building adjacent has a full mural on it. I should have 72 mini "silver" kissing bells coming in any time...I was thinking I might string some on fishing line and hang them near to the roof of the gazebo to tinkle in the wind. What do you all think? Tulle is the classic for decor...but I am still looking. This is my fairytale! WOW!
My mom had sent me a nice enough letter and asked me to call...so I did, it is a joy to hear her getting interested in it!!!!!
Please pray my sis and her family will be able to come,...if they don't mom and dad won't either. I wish Sis would talk to me....I really can't imagine that she wouldn't be able to come but she wrote dad an email and said she didn't know if she would be able. I left her 2 phone messages yesterday and am paranoid she is avoiding talking to me about it.
And maybe paranoid that there may be some underlying sibling rivalry things subconsiously going on.

hugs around,
live

jane_668

Amy- I am sorry you for what you are going through. Iam exactly in the same situation . My two young brothers are always fighting . Dad trys to help but make it worse. I remember how I used to shake and cry after each argument. The worst part is that I try to help too and end up fighting both of them and feeling hurt. They turn this on me and start using personal information from my past to make me feel bad. Then I would leave and cry my eyes out. "Chaous and more chaous", that's my life's story. I couldnot back off. I had to recue everyone and make sure everyone is happy . I burdened myself with responsiibilities that I couldnot handle. It was my choice. I put myself in the way of harm.

Live- You are so right. whenever someone treats me badly , I would give him/her excuses thinking that by this Im not holding resentments . I can see how wrong I was. I thought I was being understanding and responsible where infact I was giving that person the opportunity to victimize me again.Some use our good hearts and easy forgiving nature against us. I was reading about the emotional manipulation and it makes sense.

Live

Thank you Jane for your understanding and validation.

This thought had never ocurred to me before! Hello?!

Right now I am thinking I will have one huge resentment if my sis and her family and my daugher and her family do not come to my wedding....because if they don't mom says she won't come and her mind really seems to be slipping quickly and progressively. It may sound harsh...but I sent my sis and daughter an email and talked to them about it and said I sure would rather have our get together while she is still with us than later or at her funeral.

I talk to her more than any of them do, so I notice it so much more.
I tried to talk to Dad about it, but I think it hurts him too much and he doesn't want her to know she is slipping, so no Dr. now.
But we are on the same page to just be loving and kind.

Yesterday honey sang Ring of Fire to her on the phone.

this is breaking my heart.

Impurrfect

((Live)) I pray your family will make it to your wedding and glad you found a great place for it.

((Jane)) the family turmoil is just getting to be too much. It HAD calmed down for several months, but is stirring up again and I'm hoping to get out of here.

I got some sleep and am about to head out and do some merchandising. Hope everyone has a good day!

Oh, and my car insurance went up $1300/6 months (don't think I mentioned that) from the 2 wrecks...I'm not stressing it. I'll just deal with it.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

SerenityGirl

(((Live)) I'm sure everything will work out for you just as it is suppose to..Hugs!!!!