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Living in Sobriety Part 7

Old 07-19-2009, 03:10 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Thanks everyone, for the input.

No, Bee, I'm not mad at all...I think what took me aback was not what she said (which was reasonable...I asked HER after all) but MY REACTION TO IT. I felt defensive...scared...squirmy about being pinned down, ect and I am trying to look at this objectively and question WHY I am feeling this way. I DO want to do these steps and have felt that way for some time, but the old "be careful what you wish for" syndrome comes to mind. I am totally with you Bee, on my HP doing a little driving here and I'm OK with that. I guess another thing that is subteranneanly bothering me is that, as I said, I am not an AA or no way person and the people in my area ARE. Still, as her HUSBAND said in yesterday's meeting, re Step 2, don't knock it until you try it. So I am receptive, yes, but a zealot, no, if that makes sense. It certainly can't hurt, I know that and I'm all for self-exploration (ya think?), but I'm used to being IN CONTROL. hmmm, lots to ponder....

Another thought, though....for those of you with sponsors and sponsees. This woman and I have been on an equal footing in the past. Does this change things? Am I now in the student role? I'd PREFER to see it as 2 people helping each other on their life's journeys, but I feel the same way about my therapist (and I doubt he agrees. Yes, she has more sobriety than me and that definitely counts for something, but....

See, I told you I was muddled.

Thanks, AGAIN, for letting me mutter along....
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Old 07-19-2009, 03:20 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Well, we turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him..

it doesn't say "to the care of our sponsors"..lol, in Step 3.

Your sponsor has taken the suggested Steps, and will guide you through them.

You will be the one "doing the work", taking the Steps...

Sponsors and sponsees can become very close...some don't.

I view mine as a sort of mentor...other sponsees don't.

I don't know if this helps at all, Liz.
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Old 07-19-2009, 03:23 PM
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Hey Nelcs

I'm tired ..see you all later..
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Old 07-19-2009, 03:33 PM
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My sponsor and I were friends before I asked her, well I didn't even ask her because I have an issue with the word sponsor, I have been friends with people and when I asked for them to sponsor me, I started not liking them for some reason, my issues!! Well I spoke to a wonderful woman with much sobriety and we just talked and she described to me a sponsor is like a "mother figure" someone you can pour your heart out to and she will never judge you. Someone you could always go to no matter what, when you are happy she will be happy for you, when you are sad she will be sad for you, but she will always be there for you. Well, that was and is my problem with the word, I haven't had a "mother" in my life since I first picked up and my mom was anything but that towards the end of her addiction, so that was where my problem was, I could be friends with someone, but if they got that close, no way, couldn't handle it. Anyway, I shared all this with my girlfriend lee ann (my sponsor) and then I said maybe you could be my sponsor, her reply was "no way" I don't want you to end our friendship, and then I knew she was probably the right one for me. We have very similar backgrounds in regards to the drugs/alcohol we used and the end of our using was very much the same. She was in the program before a couple of times, the last time, she was very much involved with AA, and after 4 years she married another guy from AA. They were married 2 years and She got pregnant, had the baby, the baby was 1 week old, she came home from hospital with him and found her husband dead from an overdose of drugs, he had picked up again while she was in the hospital, but didn't make it he died. Can you imagine that! She went out again after that big time and just made it back into rooms 3 years ago, her son just turned 12 last month.
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Old 07-19-2009, 03:49 PM
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Io
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Old 07-19-2009, 03:59 PM
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I've had my bath and put away the laundry, changed my bedding. Going to tuck into bed and watch a movie soon then .. blessed sleep.
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Old 07-19-2009, 04:04 PM
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Thanks IQ and Nel'sBell, and BIG TIME, Bee for sharing that. You know the more I ponder this (my word of the day, obviously), the more I sense that I want absolutes and a VERY DETAILED roadmap...and there are none. I've always had an issue (another ONE, lol) with uncertainty...and maybe THERE is the splinter Ive been feeling, but unable to see...that there are NO absolutes, maybe this is my HP saying...jump..Elizabeth and have FAITH that it will be OK...

Wow, thanks for walking me through this. By exploring my feelings and questions and then thinking about your thoughts, I feel clearer. REALLY, thank you.
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Old 07-19-2009, 04:08 PM
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Thats a hell of a story Bee. Thanks for sharing it.

It was an exercise in itself for me to ask someone for help (I really did not like to ask anyone for help) and I was asking someone who had taken the steps and had more sobriety than me so yes i was the student in this case. To become teachable I had to get humble and respect that the other person was sober was staying sober one day at a time and had a good sober life , I wanted what she had...my life on the other hand was unmanagable. I ask for help every time I need it now, sometimes I find it difficult still but I need to do it. I know very little I discover this more and more each day. Life is good and we get those glimpses you talked about lizzy and I want more and more of them. balance, peace.....
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Old 07-19-2009, 04:11 PM
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Rowan......I have also changed the sheets but only hopping into bath now. Im jealous of you and your movie..... I blame LIS lol
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Old 07-19-2009, 04:22 PM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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I love you gals, I'm gonna be going soon too. Meeting my sponsor at 9 to show her my Step 8 and then onward to Step 9 WOO HOO. This was put off last week but I need to keep moving, I want them Promises after Step 9!!!!!!!!

Lizabeth, pray on it honey, just pray for the willingness to take this Leap of Faith.

Nighty night all of you beautiful friends.
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Old 07-19-2009, 05:01 PM
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Hey good for you Bee!! WOO HOO to the promises If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
,....... some of which I think you are already reaping, especially...........We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. thank you Bee!!
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Old 07-19-2009, 05:02 PM
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One last thought and then I'm off for dinner...I started off the day posting about the need for balance and the paradoxes of life and comming to terms with them...about knowing when I'm off and trying to figure out why and then re-balance...then my confusion later today...not sure what I was feeling...trying to figure it out, asking for help, accepting my uncertainties, feeling that "glimpse of truth", finally that there are no set answers, only questions and the need for FAITH.

In looking at my thought processes coming full circle...and the greatest growth came not from my own head, but from what others gave me. That is ANOTHER glimpse of truth...

Again, many thanks, my friends for your love and guidance.

lizzy
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Old 07-19-2009, 05:08 PM
  # 53 (permalink)  
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Good Night HOS, enjoy your dinner. See ya in the morning. Don't think any more tonight, your brain has been electrified today!!!!
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Old 07-19-2009, 05:10 PM
  # 54 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by nelco View Post
Stone I am not going to worry about you until I see you post lots of answers with smilies or talk of lots of naps. If you are doing the suggested things like you said you are then you will be ok. You have to trust that hp you are trying to turn your will and life over too.
I wouldn't say it if I wasn't! I still take naps when needed (headaches) and here is another smiley....




But yea, I am not worried about me either, I am also not taking anything for granted. Balance again, not afraid but not cocky. Wary.

On the subject of following suggestions I phoned my sponsor and another AA friend today and when they asked, "how are you?", instead of saying "fine" I said, "I feel weird". I had a pretty good chat with both of them and felt quite a bit better after it.
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Old 07-19-2009, 05:13 PM
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On the subject of following suggestions I phoned my sponsor and another AA friend today and when they asked, "how are you?", instead of saying "fine" I said, "I feel weird". I had a pretty good chat with both of them and felt quite a bit better after it.
By Jove, I think he's got it this time! WOO HOO

Why are you still up, you should be sleeping?
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Old 07-19-2009, 05:17 PM
  # 56 (permalink)  
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I'm still here Nel Why are you and stoney still awake?

Oh by the way, I love My new avatar. I can't believe all the beautiful pictures I find with the word Believe in them.
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Old 07-19-2009, 05:17 PM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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that all sounds good stone but still I cant resist........

oh and another thing......you said fall earlier instead of autumn. You are getting an american accent here.
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Old 07-19-2009, 05:18 PM
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yes but I should be asleep. My yorkie is fretting over something!!
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Old 07-19-2009, 05:19 PM
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In looking at my thought processes coming full circle...and the greatest growth came not from my own head, but from what others gave me. That is ANOTHER glimpse of truth...
exactly why we need sponsors......lol
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Old 07-19-2009, 05:20 PM
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Yeah, our little English Chap is becoming Americanized.

Is it thundering out Nel? My yorkie gets loony when she hears it, I don't even hear it yet and she knows its coming.
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