Codependency and Beyond Part 6
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Codependency and Beyond Part 6
Here is a link for Codependency and Beyond Part 5:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-5-a-20.html
You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
July 2
Who Knows Best
Others do not know what's best for us.
We do not know what's best for others.
It is our job to determine what's best for ourselves.
"I do know what you need."... "I know what you should do."... "Now listen, this is what I think you should be working on right now.
These are audacious statements, beliefs that take us away from how we operate on a spiritual plane of life. Each of us is given the ability to be able to discern and detect our own path, on a daily basis. This is not always easy. We may have to struggle to reach that quiet, still place.
Giving advice, making decisions for others, mapping out their strategy, is not our job. Nor is it their job to direct us. Even if we have a clean contract with someone to help us - such as in a sponsorship relationship - we cannot trust that others always know what is best for us. We are responsible for listening to the information that come to us. But it is our responsibility to sift and sort through information, and then listen to ourselves about what is best for us.
Nobody can do that for us but ourselves.
A great gift we can give to others is to be able to trust in them - that they have their own source of guidance and wisdom, that they have the ability to discern what is best for them and the right to find that path by making mistakes and learning.
To trust ourselves to be able to discover - through that same imperfect process of struggle, trial, and error - is a great gift we can give ourselves.
Today, I will remember that we are each given the gift of being able to discover what is best for ourselves. God, help me trust that gift.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-5-a-20.html
You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
July 2
Who Knows Best
Others do not know what's best for us.
We do not know what's best for others.
It is our job to determine what's best for ourselves.
"I do know what you need."... "I know what you should do."... "Now listen, this is what I think you should be working on right now.
These are audacious statements, beliefs that take us away from how we operate on a spiritual plane of life. Each of us is given the ability to be able to discern and detect our own path, on a daily basis. This is not always easy. We may have to struggle to reach that quiet, still place.
Giving advice, making decisions for others, mapping out their strategy, is not our job. Nor is it their job to direct us. Even if we have a clean contract with someone to help us - such as in a sponsorship relationship - we cannot trust that others always know what is best for us. We are responsible for listening to the information that come to us. But it is our responsibility to sift and sort through information, and then listen to ourselves about what is best for us.
Nobody can do that for us but ourselves.
A great gift we can give to others is to be able to trust in them - that they have their own source of guidance and wisdom, that they have the ability to discern what is best for them and the right to find that path by making mistakes and learning.
To trust ourselves to be able to discover - through that same imperfect process of struggle, trial, and error - is a great gift we can give ourselves.
Today, I will remember that we are each given the gift of being able to discover what is best for ourselves. God, help me trust that gift.
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"Now they want me to cover the one shift when she closes. "I told him sorry can't do it as I have another job." I am not going to rescue them anymore when shifts aren't covered because they've scheduled people who don't want to work - especially people who have been giving me fits and they don't back me up as supervisor in conflicts with these people.
It felt good to know I didn't have to worry about who is going to cover the shift.....not my problem!
Amy
, way to stay in your own hula hoop!
I can really appreciate how good it must feel to let yourself off the hook and step away from the drama....yay!
Amy, thank you so much for that reading from Ralph Marston, another good one!
It felt good to know I didn't have to worry about who is going to cover the shift.....not my problem!
Amy
, way to stay in your own hula hoop!I can really appreciate how good it must feel to let yourself off the hook and step away from the drama....yay!
Amy, thank you so much for that reading from Ralph Marston, another good one!
Last edited by grateful2b; 07-02-2009 at 08:29 AM.
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Grateful, as often is the case, a totally appropriate reading for me.
I am having issues at work. I believe my job will be changing, I'm not positive, but that's what I think. It will involve much more stress for me and I KNOW that I don't want it. I may have no option, but to quit. I KNOW what is right for me. I am already out of my comfort zone in this job and I cannot go further. But, it's hard not to be affected by other people's opinions.
(((Amy)))
I am having issues at work. I believe my job will be changing, I'm not positive, but that's what I think. It will involve much more stress for me and I KNOW that I don't want it. I may have no option, but to quit. I KNOW what is right for me. I am already out of my comfort zone in this job and I cannot go further. But, it's hard not to be affected by other people's opinions.
(((Amy)))
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Anna..I think this well turn out to be a wonderful thing in the end...there is always a purpose for the upheaval, and a door soon to open..God has a hand in everything, doesn't he
....I am excited for where this will take you...
..I think this well turn out to be a wonderful thing in the end...there is always a purpose for the upheaval, and a door soon to open..God has a hand in everything, doesn't he....I am excited for where this will take you...
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Yikes!! Just got my next book for school - business math. Anyone an expert on compounded interest, sinking funds, mutual funds, business stats, etc.? Looking at the test, it looks way over my head, but looking at the book, it looks like it starts with basics..hope so!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
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Good for you for standing up for yourself Amy, maybe they will learn to hire better people next time!!
checked my first batch of bids this morning, my lowest was 77 (76 people ahead of me) haha!!
Oh well, time to hunker down and just enjoy my fabulous job as is=)
checked my first batch of bids this morning, my lowest was 77 (76 people ahead of me) haha!!
Oh well, time to hunker down and just enjoy my fabulous job as is=)
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Thanks ((Grateful)) for today's reading, its a reminder that I need to just focus on what I need to do to change myself for the better, not worry about what others are doing. I agree what you said about God having a hand in everything....thanks goodness...that is comforting...
((Amy)) that's great that you are taking care of yourself at work, I just love telling myself "THATS NOT MY PROBLEM" because I have always felt that somehow I should fix everyone's problem..
((Anna)) worrying about others opinions is always the hard part about taking care of ourselves, but we can't let it stop us from doing what's best for us. wish you the best with your job situation...
((Lisa))
((Amy)) that's great that you are taking care of yourself at work, I just love telling myself "THATS NOT MY PROBLEM" because I have always felt that somehow I should fix everyone's problem..
((Anna)) worrying about others opinions is always the hard part about taking care of ourselves, but we can't let it stop us from doing what's best for us. wish you the best with your job situation...
((Lisa))
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You are reading from The Language fo Letting Go by Melody Beattie copyright 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
July 3
Directness
So much of our communication can reflect our need to control. We say what we think others want to hear. We try to keep others from getting angry, feeling afraid, going away, or disliking us. But our need to control traps us into feeling like victims and martyrs.
Freedom is just a few words away. Those words are our truths. Neither do we need to hide our light . Let go, and freely be who you are.
Today, I will be honest with myself and others, knowing that if I don't, my truth will come out some other way.
July 3
Directness
So much of our communication can reflect our need to control. We say what we think others want to hear. We try to keep others from getting angry, feeling afraid, going away, or disliking us. But our need to control traps us into feeling like victims and martyrs.
Freedom is just a few words away. Those words are our truths. Neither do we need to hide our light . Let go, and freely be who you are.
Today, I will be honest with myself and others, knowing that if I don't, my truth will come out some other way.
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Originally Posted by grateful2b 
Freedom is just a few words away. Those words are our truths. Neither do we need to hide our light . Let go, and freely be who you are.
/I]
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OMG, Grateful, you have NO IDEA how timely today's reading is for me!!!!!
Long story short.....I've been sick this week, sore throat, fever, throwing up (sorry). So yesterday, my fiance calls me at 6:15 a.m. from the ER (!). He has been having a problem with an in-grown hair getting infected near the site of his surgical incision from a few weeks ago, and Thursday morning it was the size of a golf ball and he was running a fever! Well, he called me and kept me informed of his progress, and I was able to pull myself together enough to pick him up from the ER and take him home (he was given 2 percocets and could not drive).
I told my mother about all of this yesterday, and she calls me this morning to ask how I am and to chastise me and him calling him a prima dona for not taking a cab. I was sooooooo angry, but did not say anything at first. AFter I cooled down a bit, I called her back (got her voicemail), and asked her if she was being a prima dona when both she and my father had a terrible flu, father was dizzy and had a fever, but took HER to the ER when she became dehydrated and needed fluids?
Yes, we are a family that needs lessons in knowing what is best....I need to believe in my own "adulthood" and what is best for me, and how to believe in my own self and decision to not let her opinions bother me......
Well, anyway, I'm off to the DR again to find out about my now 3-day sore throat!
Hugs and thanks all for everything you share! It is so helpful for me!!!!
HG
Long story short.....I've been sick this week, sore throat, fever, throwing up (sorry). So yesterday, my fiance calls me at 6:15 a.m. from the ER (!). He has been having a problem with an in-grown hair getting infected near the site of his surgical incision from a few weeks ago, and Thursday morning it was the size of a golf ball and he was running a fever! Well, he called me and kept me informed of his progress, and I was able to pull myself together enough to pick him up from the ER and take him home (he was given 2 percocets and could not drive).
I told my mother about all of this yesterday, and she calls me this morning to ask how I am and to chastise me and him calling him a prima dona for not taking a cab. I was sooooooo angry, but did not say anything at first. AFter I cooled down a bit, I called her back (got her voicemail), and asked her if she was being a prima dona when both she and my father had a terrible flu, father was dizzy and had a fever, but took HER to the ER when she became dehydrated and needed fluids?
Yes, we are a family that needs lessons in knowing what is best....I need to believe in my own "adulthood" and what is best for me, and how to believe in my own self and decision to not let her opinions bother me......
Well, anyway, I'm off to the DR again to find out about my now 3-day sore throat!
Hugs and thanks all for everything you share! It is so helpful for me!!!!
HG
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((HG)) - I hope you and your fiance get to feeling better soon!!
I realized, last night, I definitely have to work on my perfectionism. I had one last test to take in the old book. Had to guess at 4-5 questions, did that, put the answers in the computer. I was holding my breath, squinting my eyes, so I didn't have to really SEE the score when it came up (like that's going to do any good?). I made 100. I was ecstatic for a minute, then thought "how am I going to keep this up?"
I've been really irritated with just about everyone, lately in my f2f life, even Brit. Don't know what's up with that, but have been keeping to myself to prevent saying something I'll regret later.
I just went out to fix something to eat, and stepmom's on her usual spot on the couch, dad is cleaning the kitchen and says she's "really in bad shape today, she can't even walk". She says her legs keep buckling underneath her. Apparently, she has fallen every time she's tried to get up.
This is not good. We have no health insurance on her because dad couldn't afford the almost $900/mo. it was costing.
My problem is, it looks to me like she's taken a lot of pain pills - she went to her dr. yesterday and got her meds. I'm not saying anything because it will only cause a huge argument, and even if she HAS taken too many, nothing will be done.
I go back to work tonight, and will just keep biting my tongue. My next therapy appt. is Wed
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I realized, last night, I definitely have to work on my perfectionism. I had one last test to take in the old book. Had to guess at 4-5 questions, did that, put the answers in the computer. I was holding my breath, squinting my eyes, so I didn't have to really SEE the score when it came up (like that's going to do any good?). I made 100. I was ecstatic for a minute, then thought "how am I going to keep this up?"
I've been really irritated with just about everyone, lately in my f2f life, even Brit. Don't know what's up with that, but have been keeping to myself to prevent saying something I'll regret later.
I just went out to fix something to eat, and stepmom's on her usual spot on the couch, dad is cleaning the kitchen and says she's "really in bad shape today, she can't even walk". She says her legs keep buckling underneath her. Apparently, she has fallen every time she's tried to get up.
This is not good. We have no health insurance on her because dad couldn't afford the almost $900/mo. it was costing.
My problem is, it looks to me like she's taken a lot of pain pills - she went to her dr. yesterday and got her meds. I'm not saying anything because it will only cause a huge argument, and even if she HAS taken too many, nothing will be done.
I go back to work tonight, and will just keep biting my tongue. My next therapy appt. is Wed
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Okay, guys I need some serious good thoughts.
Dad went to pick up Brit, they got in an argument, she cussed at him, he hit her, she tried to jump out of the car, he grabbed her by the arm.
She came in the house, screaming about him hitting her, I went outside and she'd just gotten to the back door and was screaming "hit me again". I got between them, she went back inside. I was yelling at him "you don't hit a child, dammit" and told him he could go to jail. He said he didn't care.
I told him he's the adult, and was yelling, telling him that, no matter what, you don't HIT people, and the whole time I'm striking out like I was GOING to hit him (he's flinching) but I don't hit him...he says "go ahead, hit me". I stop, get very calm and say "now, how would you have felt if I had hit you.
I told him if he goes to jail there is no way we can get him out (the house is already bonded out for stepmom), and he will leave me with one helluva mess - he says he doesn't care, and nobody cares about him except me.
Brit did call the cops but then hung up. I think this is the 2nd time that's happened and they came to the house the first time anyway. Her friend Brooke saw all of this. I am shaking like a leaf, and can't stop crying. Stepmom really is having her legs buckle underneath her - she has bad discs and I guess they are pressing on the nerves.
I'm supposed to be at work in less than 2 hours, and I don't even know whether to go or not.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Dad went to pick up Brit, they got in an argument, she cussed at him, he hit her, she tried to jump out of the car, he grabbed her by the arm.
She came in the house, screaming about him hitting her, I went outside and she'd just gotten to the back door and was screaming "hit me again". I got between them, she went back inside. I was yelling at him "you don't hit a child, dammit" and told him he could go to jail. He said he didn't care.
I told him he's the adult, and was yelling, telling him that, no matter what, you don't HIT people, and the whole time I'm striking out like I was GOING to hit him (he's flinching) but I don't hit him...he says "go ahead, hit me". I stop, get very calm and say "now, how would you have felt if I had hit you.
I told him if he goes to jail there is no way we can get him out (the house is already bonded out for stepmom), and he will leave me with one helluva mess - he says he doesn't care, and nobody cares about him except me.
Brit did call the cops but then hung up. I think this is the 2nd time that's happened and they came to the house the first time anyway. Her friend Brooke saw all of this. I am shaking like a leaf, and can't stop crying. Stepmom really is having her legs buckle underneath her - she has bad discs and I guess they are pressing on the nerves.
I'm supposed to be at work in less than 2 hours, and I don't even know whether to go or not.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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(((((Amy))))) Sounds like a horrible situation. Maybe going to work will be a good thing? When I'm at work I can turn off what's going on at home. My workplace isn't always very peaceful but it's easier for me to disconnect from the drama.
You're in my thoughts as always.
Love,
Lenina
You're in my thoughts as always.
Love,
Lenina
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((Lenina)) - thanks hon - I was trying to post on the henhouse thread, but ended up taking Brit to her friend Brooke's house.
I am about to go to work. Brit is at her friends, said she's "never coming back". I'm already late for work
My nerves are a wreck, but hopefully work will distract me. It's like the whole damn family is falling apart (again) and it's up to me to try to hold it together. Dad's angry and having a pity party, Brit just wants to have fun, stepmom is truly scared about losing control of her legs and me? Hell, I don't even know right now, other than I'm clean, going to stay that way and try to stay in my hula hoop
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I am about to go to work. Brit is at her friends, said she's "never coming back". I'm already late for work
My nerves are a wreck, but hopefully work will distract me. It's like the whole damn family is falling apart (again) and it's up to me to try to hold it together. Dad's angry and having a pity party, Brit just wants to have fun, stepmom is truly scared about losing control of her legs and me? Hell, I don't even know right now, other than I'm clean, going to stay that way and try to stay in my hula hoop
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Oh, ((((Amy)))), I am so sorry..wow...that is a lot going on..is it up to you to hold it all together? I can only try to imagine how you must be feeling in the midst of it
they say there is a place in the center of a storm, "the eye of the storm"
if you can be clear about what is yours and find that spot, that eye in the storm, then maybe it will be easier to let go of what is not yours, what you can't fix, even though these people are so dear to you, and it is so hard watching their consequences play out in front of you...
Amy, you are in my thoughts and in my prayers tonight..please keep us posted, okay?
Lenina, its nice to see you pop in
they say there is a place in the center of a storm, "the eye of the storm"
if you can be clear about what is yours and find that spot, that eye in the storm, then maybe it will be easier to let go of what is not yours, what you can't fix, even though these people are so dear to you, and it is so hard watching their consequences play out in front of you...
Amy, you are in my thoughts and in my prayers tonight..please keep us posted, okay?
Lenina, its nice to see you pop in
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(((Amy))) I'm so sorry to hear about everything that is going on! Can't imagine what set everyone over the edge (full moon?). You are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep yourself safe, sane, and sober!!!!!
Huge hugs, HG
Huge hugs, HG
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