Codependency and Beyond Part 6
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
I had an epiphany this weekend. My on again off again husband was being clingy and antisocial (not unusual for him). I was wishing he would either learn to enjoy going places more, or mind less if I went without him. Then I saw a thread that caught my eye about ruined picnics or something in the F&F section. As I read this post about the parties ruined by this woman's alcoholic S.O., I got really angry and sad remembering just how many times I had to clean puke up, or find him asleep under the bushes, or how his little sister used to "plot" to trick him into smoking a bowl so he would pass out early and not ruin anyone's night.
He is sober now. I know it is not good to hold resentments, but painful memories still hurt, and I obviously have some work to do. I am going to venture into that section a bit more, and plan to research a bit into al anon.
I hope my time here in his garage is near an end.
He is sober now. I know it is not good to hold resentments, but painful memories still hurt, and I obviously have some work to do. I am going to venture into that section a bit more, and plan to research a bit into al anon.
I hope my time here in his garage is near an end.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Lisa)) - I learned a LOT from the friends & family forum; in fact, I spent more time there than I did the substance abuse forum, once I found it. That's when I realized how much my codie-ness and addiction are intertwined. I realized, one day, there aren't many forums I DON'T "fit" in....sheez!!
((Anna)) - I hope you enjoyed your walk yesterday. It has actually been a bit cooler here, only up to the high 80's, but now it's raining.
Stepmom is still unable to walk without falling. This is pretty distressing to us all, but mostly to her. She's terrified this is permanent; I don't think it is, but assured her that no matter what, we will deal with it - and we will. As much as she can annoy me, I still love her and she and Brit are my family so I'll do what I can.
Work just seems to be an effort lately. Maybe I'm burned out. I keep filling out applications, but haven't gotten one single response. I know it's in HP's time, and time's are tough, but it's still frustrating. However, I will just keep on keepin' on
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
((Anna)) - I hope you enjoyed your walk yesterday. It has actually been a bit cooler here, only up to the high 80's, but now it's raining.
Stepmom is still unable to walk without falling. This is pretty distressing to us all, but mostly to her. She's terrified this is permanent; I don't think it is, but assured her that no matter what, we will deal with it - and we will. As much as she can annoy me, I still love her and she and Brit are my family so I'll do what I can.
Work just seems to be an effort lately. Maybe I'm burned out. I keep filling out applications, but haven't gotten one single response. I know it's in HP's time, and time's are tough, but it's still frustrating. However, I will just keep on keepin' on
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
To thine own self be true
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by 51anna 
Hi Friends,
I have been scarce the last few days as I have been working a lot. That's a good thing, just a bit short on spare time.
Amy,
Hugs to you and Brit.
Tena,
I'm glad you're doing well and that your life is moving forward.
Sweets,
You are doing great and I hope you can celebrate where you are today. Letting go and focusing on yourself is a really hard thing to do. I think that just being aware that we need to focus on ourselves is a big step.
Hugs to everyone!
I'm heading out for a walk with grandson, daughter and son-in-law. I am SO grateful for those relationships!
I have been scarce the last few days as I have been working a lot. That's a good thing, just a bit short on spare time.
Amy,
Hugs to you and Brit.
Tena,
I'm glad you're doing well and that your life is moving forward.
Sweets,
You are doing great and I hope you can celebrate where you are today. Letting go and focusing on yourself is a really hard thing to do. I think that just being aware that we need to focus on ourselves is a big step.
Hugs to everyone!
I'm heading out for a walk with grandson, daughter and son-in-law. I am SO grateful for those relationships!
Hi Anna,
Thanks for the encouraging words
And yes, it is EXTREMELY hard. I am really struggling with it. I feel like I am pushing myself to do things for ME, but I am not used to it and, well, it feels kind of awkward. I am going to keep on doing what I am doing. I know I am on the right track. I do find my old way of thinking is still in me, and it creeps up on me, but I try to push it away.
I still sometimes think, "What good is it anyway" and want a drink, but I know I won't. I just want to keep learning more about this, and stay strong and not go back to drinking.
A big thank you to everyone here for listening and your good advice and kind words. It's nice to finally know what is going on with me, and that I'm not the only one.
To thine own self be true
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by 51anna
Wow, I am so far behind on this thread....
Amy, sorry but I absolutely hate the idea of your father getting away with hitting Brit. I have zero tolerance for that. I wish she had called the police. Violence is never the answer and it probably won't stop, unless Brit does something serious about it. I am sending prayers for you and Brit.
Sweets, things will become much easier for you to dismiss, when you know you can't control them. It will take a load off your mind when you can let go. And, I was someone who hated being alone, too and, now, I love it, and in fact, I need it. I think it's about the process of learning to like yourself and to enjoy your own company.
Love after Love
The day will come when with elation
you will greet yourself arriving at your own door in your own mirror
and each will smile at the others welcome saying,
sit here, eat, you will love again
the stranger who was yourself give wine, give bread,
give back your heart to itself to the stranger who has loved you all your life
whom you ignored for another
who knows you by heart
take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes.
peel your own image from the mirror
sit
feast on your life.
- Derik Walker
Amy, sorry but I absolutely hate the idea of your father getting away with hitting Brit. I have zero tolerance for that. I wish she had called the police. Violence is never the answer and it probably won't stop, unless Brit does something serious about it. I am sending prayers for you and Brit.
Sweets, things will become much easier for you to dismiss, when you know you can't control them. It will take a load off your mind when you can let go. And, I was someone who hated being alone, too and, now, I love it, and in fact, I need it. I think it's about the process of learning to like yourself and to enjoy your own company.
Love after Love
The day will come when with elation
you will greet yourself arriving at your own door in your own mirror
and each will smile at the others welcome saying,
sit here, eat, you will love again
the stranger who was yourself give wine, give bread,
give back your heart to itself to the stranger who has loved you all your life
whom you ignored for another
who knows you by heart
take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes.
peel your own image from the mirror
sit
feast on your life.
- Derik Walker
I think the idea that I can't have control over certain things and outcomes drives me mad. That's what I really have to work on. I'm not really sure where to start though. Reading has helped me alot thus far.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Originally Posted by grateful2b
How can we feel so happy, so good, when those we love are still in misery? Can we really break away and have satisfying lives, despite their circumstances? Yes we can.
And yes it hurts to leave behind those we love. But keep moving forward anyway. Be patient. Other people's recovery is not our job. We cannot make them recover. We cannot make them happy.
And yes it hurts to leave behind those we love. But keep moving forward anyway. Be patient. Other people's recovery is not our job. We cannot make them recover. We cannot make them happy.
And an unexpected blessing was seeing her watching me work my recovery, and the positive impact it had on her.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie copyright 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
uly 6
Step Seven
Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings
- Step Seven of Al-Anon
In the Sixth and Seventh Steps of the program, we become willing to let go of our defects of character - issues, behaviors, old feelings, unresolve grief, and beliefs that are blocking us from the joy that is ours. Then we ask God to take them from us.
Isn't that simple? We don't to contort ourselves to make ourselves change. We don't have to force change. For once, we don't have to "do it ourselves." All we have to do is strive for an attitude of willingness and humility. All we have to do is ask God for what we want and need, and then trust God to do for us that which we cannot do and do not have to do for ourselves.
We do not have to watch with bated breath for how and when we shall change. This is not a self-help program. In this miraculous and effective program that has brought about recovery and change for millions, we become changed by working the Steps.
Today, God, help me surrender to recovery and to the process by which I become changed. Help me focus on the Step I need. Help me do my part, relax, and allow the rest to happen.
uly 6
Step Seven
Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings
- Step Seven of Al-Anon
In the Sixth and Seventh Steps of the program, we become willing to let go of our defects of character - issues, behaviors, old feelings, unresolve grief, and beliefs that are blocking us from the joy that is ours. Then we ask God to take them from us.
Isn't that simple? We don't to contort ourselves to make ourselves change. We don't have to force change. For once, we don't have to "do it ourselves." All we have to do is strive for an attitude of willingness and humility. All we have to do is ask God for what we want and need, and then trust God to do for us that which we cannot do and do not have to do for ourselves.
We do not have to watch with bated breath for how and when we shall change. This is not a self-help program. In this miraculous and effective program that has brought about recovery and change for millions, we become changed by working the Steps.
Today, God, help me surrender to recovery and to the process by which I become changed. Help me focus on the Step I need. Help me do my part, relax, and allow the rest to happen.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Sweets)))
I think the way it finally started "sinking in" for me about the control thing was that I read a lot (both here and Melody's books) about it. Then when I would find myself getting frustrated about something, I would make myself take the time to figure out what it was I was really getting frustrated about. A lot of times it was that I was not in control of the situation - someone wasn't doing what I wanted.
The more I've become aware of this, the better I've become at accepting I can't control people and things. I still have my moments/days, but I'm a lot better than I used to be.
Hugs and prayers!!
Amy
I think the way it finally started "sinking in" for me about the control thing was that I read a lot (both here and Melody's books) about it. Then when I would find myself getting frustrated about something, I would make myself take the time to figure out what it was I was really getting frustrated about. A lot of times it was that I was not in control of the situation - someone wasn't doing what I wanted.
The more I've become aware of this, the better I've become at accepting I can't control people and things. I still have my moments/days, but I'm a lot better than I used to be.
Hugs and prayers!!
Amy
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Originally Posted by Sweets79
The problem with me is I know I can't control them, but I let it get to me that I can't. Actually, I think a couple of years ago, I thought maybe I could control things to a certain extent, but deep down I knew it was impossible.
I think the idea that I can't have control over certain things and outcomes drives me mad. That's what I really have to work on. I'm not really sure where to start though. Reading has helped me alot thus far.
I think the idea that I can't have control over certain things and outcomes drives me mad. That's what I really have to work on. I'm not really sure where to start though. Reading has helped me alot thus far.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
sweets, as I go through this, I constant remind myself "Their problem, not mine". I first had to accept that rather than that being selfish, it was empowering for them. Rather than believe that I know whats best for someone, I will trust them to live their own best life. So now when I say "Their problem not mine", I can be instantly absolved of trying to control an outcome, or "fix" someone, and guiding my own life is so much easier when it's the only life I am trying to run=)
To thine own self be true
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by Impurrfect
((Sweets)))
I think the way it finally started "sinking in" for me about the control thing was that I read a lot (both here and Melody's books) about it. Then when I would find myself getting frustrated about something, I would make myself take the time to figure out what it was I was really getting frustrated about. A lot of times it was that I was not in control of the situation - someone wasn't doing what I wanted.
The more I've become aware of this, the better I've become at accepting I can't control people and things. I still have my moments/days, but I'm a lot better than I used to be.
Hugs and prayers!!
Amy
I think the way it finally started "sinking in" for me about the control thing was that I read a lot (both here and Melody's books) about it. Then when I would find myself getting frustrated about something, I would make myself take the time to figure out what it was I was really getting frustrated about. A lot of times it was that I was not in control of the situation - someone wasn't doing what I wanted.
The more I've become aware of this, the better I've become at accepting I can't control people and things. I still have my moments/days, but I'm a lot better than I used to be.
Hugs and prayers!!
Amy
Hi Amy,
Thank you so much for that. I got alot out of it. "Someone wasn't doing what I wanted". That really strikes a chord with me, because many times that has happened and I would drive myself mad trying to figure out why, and wondering if there was anything I could do to change it. That really can drive someone crazy!
I am still about half way through the book. I need to lay down, get comfy with it, and read some more
To thine own self be true
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by grateful2b
Sweets, it took me getting real fed up with banging my head against the wall for me to finally accept that no matter what I did or wanted to do to control someone or something outside my hula hoop, it was futile. I WAS powerless and when I gave in, that is when I could see how powerless I really was. the, finally letting go of that, was an unexpected relief.
Hi grateful,
I guess I am still in that middle zone, where I know I can't control things, but find it hard to accept. I'm hoping with time, and reading, and learning, plus talking to all you wonderful ladies on here, I will be able to move forward and change.
It is truly difficult because when you are used to thinking a certain way for so long, it seems almost impossible to change it. I know I know it can be done though. I will keep posting and reading
Thanks again!
To thine own self be true
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by Gypsy Feet
sweets, as I go through this, I constant remind myself "Their problem, not mine". I first had to accept that rather than that being selfish, it was empowering for them. Rather than believe that I know whats best for someone, I will trust them to live their own best life. So now when I say "Their problem not mine", I can be instantly absolved of trying to control an outcome, or "fix" someone, and guiding my own life is so much easier when it's the only life I am trying to run=)
Thanks Gypsy
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Originally Posted by Sweets79
Hi grateful,
I guess I am still in that middle zone, where I know I can't control things, but find it hard to accept. I'm hoping with time, and reading, and learning, plus talking to all you wonderful ladies on here, I will be able to move forward and change.
It is truly difficult because when you are used to thinking a certain way for so long, it seems almost impossible to change it. I know I know it can be done though. I will keep posting and reading
Thanks again!
I guess I am still in that middle zone, where I know I can't control things, but find it hard to accept. I'm hoping with time, and reading, and learning, plus talking to all you wonderful ladies on here, I will be able to move forward and change.
It is truly difficult because when you are used to thinking a certain way for so long, it seems almost impossible to change it. I know I know it can be done though. I will keep posting and reading
Thanks again!
It took me a long time to get to that point. and we all have our own timetable. I think you're doing great. If it weren't for my daughter and her addiction, I would be still completely unaware that I am a codie!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
((Sweets)) It took me a long time to finally realize I can't control what someone else does, I think I had to hit a bottom and finally just give up. I was so tired of worrying and having a knot in my stomache, and being angry and afraid. I had been sober for a long time but my life was still out of control. So now I am learning to let go and let God a little more each day...Melodie Beatties books are what got me started in understanding this codependency thing. Then I found SR and now this thread is a life-saver for me to keep going. I also think your doing a great job with your recovery!!
To thine own self be true
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by SerenityGirl
((Sweets)) It took me a long time to finally realize I can't control what someone else does, I think I had to hit a bottom and finally just give up. I was so tired of worrying and having a knot in my stomache, and being angry and afraid. I had been sober for a long time but my life was still out of control. So now I am learning to let go and let God a little more each day...Melodie Beatties books are what got me started in understanding this codependency thing. Then I found SR and now this thread is a life-saver for me to keep going. I also think your doing a great job with your recovery!!
I know about the knot in your stomach feeling and waiting for the worst to happen. Not knowing what the person was going to do/not do and what was/wasn't going to happen used to drive me nuts.
I think right now, me not being involved with anyone is the best thing. I'm sure I would be doing the same thing I've been doing, and maybe even drinking again. That's why I think it's so important for me to change this before getting deeply involved with someone.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
I expect to be nearly unrecognizable after a year of recovery work, and I expect my choice in partners will change quite a bit as well. I am not working the AA recovery program, but I do think waiting a year to become seriously involved is a good idea. Its funny because 6 months ago, I would have already "fallen" for lots of the sweeties on these forums
instead I find I am falling for myself
instead I find I am falling for myself
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Yes, I think my first vague understanding was like Lisa's....that is not my problem, that is their problem. I am now trying to reconcile and balance that with compassion.
I did have to make amends to someone because I had not given them dignity and respect because I hated their addiction and the way they treated me.
I am just now beginning to learn that I don't have to be struggling to better (read perfect) myself all the time.
I am learning to relax, to trust and go with the flow.
I am ambivalent about that... part of me says that's just too passive, and the other part loves it.
I will have to find the happy medium there.
I do spend time dodging others' efforts to control me, there has always been a rub there.
But as boundaries become more natural...this becomes somewhat easier..and like Grateful, I am hard-headed...so that those who have known me a long time, know that there isn't much use trying to control me, since I am going to do what I want anyway....and tell them, should they forget, that it is MY life, my business.
Am meeting BF's parents today. I understand that they have a critical nature.
I am truly grateful that I like myself enough now to be fairly certain that I will handle it smoothly overall.
From what I understand, they want their son to be with someone but no one is ever good enough. LOL
We did spend yesterday working like dogs to put his house in order, since he just moved here...and I "crossed the line" and brought some of my things here so that the house is better, more attractively furnished. Some thing I have lots of practice with from the times my mother visits me
....geez, I used to panic so badly that I would clean the bathroom with a toothbrush! LMAO......I was tired and went to bed early so need to get moving to finish up the things I Want to have done....but I will only be using the toothbrush to brush my teeth....I have learned a little bit about "good enough".
For the record, the last time (20 plus) years ago that she blasted and humiliated me about being a terrible housekeeper, I thought about it for a few days after they left and then wrote them a letter telling them I would be happy to make reservations for them to stay at the nearby hotel next time since she was so offended by my home.
The hard-headed part comes to me naturally...they have never again stayed over night in my home and always get a room.
And, yes, my mom's house is cleaner than any hospital!
I did have to make amends to someone because I had not given them dignity and respect because I hated their addiction and the way they treated me.
I am just now beginning to learn that I don't have to be struggling to better (read perfect) myself all the time.
I am learning to relax, to trust and go with the flow.
I am ambivalent about that... part of me says that's just too passive, and the other part loves it.
I will have to find the happy medium there.
I do spend time dodging others' efforts to control me, there has always been a rub there.
But as boundaries become more natural...this becomes somewhat easier..and like Grateful, I am hard-headed...so that those who have known me a long time, know that there isn't much use trying to control me, since I am going to do what I want anyway....and tell them, should they forget, that it is MY life, my business.
Am meeting BF's parents today. I understand that they have a critical nature.
I am truly grateful that I like myself enough now to be fairly certain that I will handle it smoothly overall.
From what I understand, they want their son to be with someone but no one is ever good enough. LOL
We did spend yesterday working like dogs to put his house in order, since he just moved here...and I "crossed the line" and brought some of my things here so that the house is better, more attractively furnished. Some thing I have lots of practice with from the times my mother visits me
....geez, I used to panic so badly that I would clean the bathroom with a toothbrush! LMAO......I was tired and went to bed early so need to get moving to finish up the things I Want to have done....but I will only be using the toothbrush to brush my teeth....I have learned a little bit about "good enough".For the record, the last time (20 plus) years ago that she blasted and humiliated me about being a terrible housekeeper, I thought about it for a few days after they left and then wrote them a letter telling them I would be happy to make reservations for them to stay at the nearby hotel next time since she was so offended by my home.
The hard-headed part comes to me naturally...they have never again stayed over night in my home and always get a room.
And, yes, my mom's house is cleaner than any hospital!
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie copyright 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
July 7
Getting It All Out
Let yourself have a good gripe session.
- Woman, Sex, and Addiction
Charlotte Davis Kasl, Ph.D.
Get it out. Go ahead. Get it all out. Once we begin recovery, we may feel like it's not okay to gripe and complain. We may tell ourselves that if we were really working a good program, we wouldn't need to complain.
What does that mean? We won't have feelings? We won't feel overwhelmed? We don't need to blow off steam or work through some not-so-pleasant, not-so-perfect, and not-so-pretty parts of life?
We can let ourselves get our feelings out, take risks, and be vulnerable, with others. We don't have to be all put together, all the time. That sounds more like codependency than recovery.
Getting it all out doesn't mean we need to be victims. It doesn't mean we need to revel in our misery, finding status in our martyrdom. It doesn't mean we won't go on to set boundaries. It doesn't mean we won't take care of ourselves.
Sometimes, getting it all out is an essential part of taking care of ourselves. We reach a point of surrender so we can move forward.
Self-disclosure does not mean only quietly reporting our feelings. It means we occasionally take the risk to share our human side - the side with fears, sadness, hurt, rage, unreasonable anger, weariness, or lack of faith.
We can let our humanity show. In the process, we give others permission to be human too. "Together" people have their not-so-together moments. Sometimes, falling apart - getting it all out - is how we put it back together again.
Today, I will let it all out if I need a release.
July 7
Getting It All Out
Let yourself have a good gripe session.
- Woman, Sex, and Addiction
Charlotte Davis Kasl, Ph.D.
Get it out. Go ahead. Get it all out. Once we begin recovery, we may feel like it's not okay to gripe and complain. We may tell ourselves that if we were really working a good program, we wouldn't need to complain.
What does that mean? We won't have feelings? We won't feel overwhelmed? We don't need to blow off steam or work through some not-so-pleasant, not-so-perfect, and not-so-pretty parts of life?
We can let ourselves get our feelings out, take risks, and be vulnerable, with others. We don't have to be all put together, all the time. That sounds more like codependency than recovery.
Getting it all out doesn't mean we need to be victims. It doesn't mean we need to revel in our misery, finding status in our martyrdom. It doesn't mean we won't go on to set boundaries. It doesn't mean we won't take care of ourselves.
Sometimes, getting it all out is an essential part of taking care of ourselves. We reach a point of surrender so we can move forward.
Self-disclosure does not mean only quietly reporting our feelings. It means we occasionally take the risk to share our human side - the side with fears, sadness, hurt, rage, unreasonable anger, weariness, or lack of faith.
We can let our humanity show. In the process, we give others permission to be human too. "Together" people have their not-so-together moments. Sometimes, falling apart - getting it all out - is how we put it back together again.
Today, I will let it all out if I need a release.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
We don't have to be all put together, all the time. In the process we give others the permission to be human too. Sometimes, falling apart, getting it all out, is how we put it back together again.
I love this and for me, it is a matter of balancing me....the more grounded I become in my recovery, the more free I feel about letting out my feelings, warts and all. I need to be able to purge some of my feelings at points along the way so I can be truly free to move on.
I love this and for me, it is a matter of balancing me....the more grounded I become in my recovery, the more free I feel about letting out my feelings, warts and all. I need to be able to purge some of my feelings at points along the way so I can be truly free to move on.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I posted this morning, then when I just woke up, there was my post - I'd never hit the "submit" button before falling asleep
I was a very different person a year into recovery; another year later...much different again. I truly suspect that I will be quite different again, by the time my 3rd anniversary roles around in March, considering all that I am still working on. I think of things that were HUGE issues, got me all worked up 2 years ago, and am grateful that I have, at least, made some progress, though I still have a long way to go.
I did get a bit of good news at work. I found out that because I have now been there 4 years (today) I am eligible to get my old insurance back, regardless of the hours/week I work. It doesn't cover therepy either, darn it, but it is WAY better coverage and I can also get $1500 dental, compared to essentially none that I have right now.
Today is mom's birthday. She would have been 69, and has been gone 18 years (she died a month before her 51st b'day). I miss her, but am very grateful I have such great memories of her.
Stepmom is able to walk more, now, so this is very good. I was really worried when she couldn't stand without her legs going out underneath her. Brit is still at her friend's, but it's only been 4 days so this is normal for her. She needs time away, but knows I love her and I'll call her in a day or so just to remind her
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I was a very different person a year into recovery; another year later...much different again. I truly suspect that I will be quite different again, by the time my 3rd anniversary roles around in March, considering all that I am still working on. I think of things that were HUGE issues, got me all worked up 2 years ago, and am grateful that I have, at least, made some progress, though I still have a long way to go.
I did get a bit of good news at work. I found out that because I have now been there 4 years (today) I am eligible to get my old insurance back, regardless of the hours/week I work. It doesn't cover therepy either, darn it, but it is WAY better coverage and I can also get $1500 dental, compared to essentially none that I have right now.
Today is mom's birthday. She would have been 69, and has been gone 18 years (she died a month before her 51st b'day). I miss her, but am very grateful I have such great memories of her.
Stepmom is able to walk more, now, so this is very good. I was really worried when she couldn't stand without her legs going out underneath her. Brit is still at her friend's, but it's only been 4 days so this is normal for her. She needs time away, but knows I love her and I'll call her in a day or so just to remind her
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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