Codependency and Beyond Part 6
To thine own self be true
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Hi all,
Hope everyone is doing good
I've been slacking a little bit on my reading, but planning on getting back to it this week. I think I am going to do some tonight. I am about half way through "Codependent No More".
I've been really trying to work on changing alot of my thought processes on certain things, but it really is TOUGH. One of the biggest problems I have as being Codependent is the way I let people affect me. I have been doing better with this, but I have been letting certain things get to me.
Ofcourse to me certain things seem like a big deal, but in the grand scheme of things I know alot of them aren't a big deal. I think it's just the principle of certain things that people do that bother me. I'm always asking myself why this and why that, and constantly finding myself agitated and disgusted.
I don't like my mood being affected by people, but I have always been that way. I also think my choices in people I allow in my life have not been the best, which also adds to me being disappointed often. When my mood gets affected I slack at the gym and struggle to do my day to day errands. Plus, my concentration goes way off, and I can't seem to think about anything else other than the situation that is bothering me. Now I am aware of it and I am trying to change, but it's very difficult.
Has anyone found that with work and time you don't let things get to you as much? And have you also been able to accept and let go of things you can't control? Oh and one more, lol... Do you find in time you actually get comfortable being alone with yourself and enjoy it?
I know I enjoy my alone time, but I never felt happy unless I am seeing someone. That sounds terrible as I type it, but it's true. I have started to feel better being alone with myself, but not entirely.
Hope everyone is doing good
I've been slacking a little bit on my reading, but planning on getting back to it this week. I think I am going to do some tonight. I am about half way through "Codependent No More".
I've been really trying to work on changing alot of my thought processes on certain things, but it really is TOUGH. One of the biggest problems I have as being Codependent is the way I let people affect me. I have been doing better with this, but I have been letting certain things get to me.
Ofcourse to me certain things seem like a big deal, but in the grand scheme of things I know alot of them aren't a big deal. I think it's just the principle of certain things that people do that bother me. I'm always asking myself why this and why that, and constantly finding myself agitated and disgusted.
I don't like my mood being affected by people, but I have always been that way. I also think my choices in people I allow in my life have not been the best, which also adds to me being disappointed often. When my mood gets affected I slack at the gym and struggle to do my day to day errands. Plus, my concentration goes way off, and I can't seem to think about anything else other than the situation that is bothering me. Now I am aware of it and I am trying to change, but it's very difficult.
Has anyone found that with work and time you don't let things get to you as much? And have you also been able to accept and let go of things you can't control? Oh and one more, lol... Do you find in time you actually get comfortable being alone with yourself and enjoy it?
I know I enjoy my alone time, but I never felt happy unless I am seeing someone. That sounds terrible as I type it, but it's true. I have started to feel better being alone with myself, but not entirely.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
"Has anyone found that with work and time you don't let things get to you as much?"
Yes. Working on letting people have their own lives and focusing on mine has saved me countless hours of needless worry, stress and agitation. The grouchy people at work I just let be grouchy and hope they will find their way.
And have you also been able to accept and let go of things you can't control?
Yes. Again, I have seen a huge improvement in my life since I started practicing this. For instance, when the pound put that dog down, the old me would have written letters, gone down to yell at them and carried on for days. None of this would have made that dog healthy, which is all I wanted, so I just let it all go.
Do you find in time you actually get comfortable being alone with yourself and enjoy it?
Honestly, I think when we are desperate for companionship it comes out of our pours, and its a big turn off. I have had to work hard at letting go of the things I think I want, and just letting life provide what I need. I truly believe if I stop looking for a companion, the right one will come along when it is time.
Plus I work so much and I am so tired, I don't have time to worry about ANY of that other stuff=)
Progress, not perfection!!
Yes. Working on letting people have their own lives and focusing on mine has saved me countless hours of needless worry, stress and agitation. The grouchy people at work I just let be grouchy and hope they will find their way.
And have you also been able to accept and let go of things you can't control?
Yes. Again, I have seen a huge improvement in my life since I started practicing this. For instance, when the pound put that dog down, the old me would have written letters, gone down to yell at them and carried on for days. None of this would have made that dog healthy, which is all I wanted, so I just let it all go.
Do you find in time you actually get comfortable being alone with yourself and enjoy it?
Honestly, I think when we are desperate for companionship it comes out of our pours, and its a big turn off. I have had to work hard at letting go of the things I think I want, and just letting life provide what I need. I truly believe if I stop looking for a companion, the right one will come along when it is time.
Plus I work so much and I am so tired, I don't have time to worry about ANY of that other stuff=)
Progress, not perfection!!
Last edited by Gypsy Feet; 07-03-2009 at 06:43 PM. Reason: Progress, not perfection!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Sweets))) - I have been able to let go of things a lot quicker, and not let things or people get to me as much, though from my last post you wouldn't think so. I also am quite content with not being in a relationship. I've only been in relationships with men who are alcoholics or addicts, so the biggest thing I got from them was how to be a really good codie. Now, I focus on me and know that I don't need anyone to complete me, and it's gotten quite comfortable.
Thanks for the good thoughts and prayers. When I typed the post, I was so angry and frustrated, my hands were shaking and tears were rolling down my face - Mots came up and got nose-to-nose with me, Elvis climbed up on me, and it was like they were saying "mom..it's gonna be okay". Amazing how much comfort my little furbabies brought me, as well as just reaching out to you all
I made it to work 30 minutes late and am glad I went. It was really busy, just said I had a family emergency (told mgr about stepmom couldn't walk). One of the people who have been giving me problems has quit. Everyone else got along great.
When I got home, stepmom woke up. She got up to get something to drink and her legs went out on her again. It took us 30 minutes to get her back on the couch. I'm thinking it's a ruptured disc, but don't know for sure. She's scared (hell, I'M scared) and feels horrible that dad and I are having to help her. As irritable as I've been, I am full of compassion for her, and in fact, she is the only one I want anything to do with right now. I'm pretty angry with dad and Brit.
Brit called me at 2 a.m., wanting to know the code for dad's internet network. I explained to her that she can't use his network as she is 2 miles from the house. I WANTED to tell her she gave up that privilege when she walked out the door, but just kept my mouth shut. She has spent weeks helping out her best friend's grandmother, when she is sick or ill, but doesn't want to do anything for stepmom. When I got stepmom up onto the couch, she was crying and said "my own daughter wouldn't do that for me". It just broke my heart.
So, it's been an emotional day. I know my dad and stepmom are getting older, as are aunts and uncles, heck I'M getting older. I just don't want to deal with what to do if they can't take care of themselves, and I may have to anyway. I'm not awfulizing, and I'm still taking one day at a time, but I'm also trying to think of options that might be available.
Sorry this is so long. The good news is, I didn't smoke any cigarettes and I didn't use. Actually never even thought about it, once I got to work.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Thanks for the good thoughts and prayers. When I typed the post, I was so angry and frustrated, my hands were shaking and tears were rolling down my face - Mots came up and got nose-to-nose with me, Elvis climbed up on me, and it was like they were saying "mom..it's gonna be okay". Amazing how much comfort my little furbabies brought me, as well as just reaching out to you all
I made it to work 30 minutes late and am glad I went. It was really busy, just said I had a family emergency (told mgr about stepmom couldn't walk). One of the people who have been giving me problems has quit. Everyone else got along great.
When I got home, stepmom woke up. She got up to get something to drink and her legs went out on her again. It took us 30 minutes to get her back on the couch. I'm thinking it's a ruptured disc, but don't know for sure. She's scared (hell, I'M scared) and feels horrible that dad and I are having to help her. As irritable as I've been, I am full of compassion for her, and in fact, she is the only one I want anything to do with right now. I'm pretty angry with dad and Brit.
Brit called me at 2 a.m., wanting to know the code for dad's internet network. I explained to her that she can't use his network as she is 2 miles from the house. I WANTED to tell her she gave up that privilege when she walked out the door, but just kept my mouth shut. She has spent weeks helping out her best friend's grandmother, when she is sick or ill, but doesn't want to do anything for stepmom. When I got stepmom up onto the couch, she was crying and said "my own daughter wouldn't do that for me". It just broke my heart.
So, it's been an emotional day. I know my dad and stepmom are getting older, as are aunts and uncles, heck I'M getting older. I just don't want to deal with what to do if they can't take care of themselves, and I may have to anyway. I'm not awfulizing, and I'm still taking one day at a time, but I'm also trying to think of options that might be available.
Sorry this is so long. The good news is, I didn't smoke any cigarettes and I didn't use. Actually never even thought about it, once I got to work.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
((Amy)) Hope you are resting and that tempers have cooled off a bit today. I'm sorry to hear about your step mom! I know she must be scared, it would certainly scare me!!! Hugs and prayers for healing and for cooler heads to prevail.....
Miss Lisa (Gypsy Feet) I never got to tell you how much I love the new name!!! I'm sorry to hear about your young lady's misadventures out west and glad to know she has returned safely.
SG, I'm glad you were able to visit and enjoy some of the time spent!
Anna, I hope things work out with your job and that you won't have to quit!! Keep us posted.
Thank you, G2B, for my daily educational readings!!!
Hugs and Happy 4th to all!!!!!
HG
Miss Lisa (Gypsy Feet) I never got to tell you how much I love the new name!!! I'm sorry to hear about your young lady's misadventures out west and glad to know she has returned safely.
SG, I'm glad you were able to visit and enjoy some of the time spent!
Anna, I hope things work out with your job and that you won't have to quit!! Keep us posted.
Thank you, G2B, for my daily educational readings!!!
Hugs and Happy 4th to all!!!!!
HG
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Happy 4th!!!
I woke up to the ka-thunk of stepmom falling. She says that when dad lifts her from under the arms it is hurting her in the collarbone area, so now she's scooting around on her butt 'til she gets to where she can pull up on the couch...sigh. She has been using the walker she already had. I really hope this improves for her sake.
Dad and I had a talk and I, again, asked him to watch how Brit and I relate. I know I'm not the relationship expert, but she respects me and she doesn't pull any of the stuff with me that she does with them. Even stepmom said "she would never talk like that to Amy".
I explained to him that she and I used to argue and scream at each other all the time, but I kept paying attention here, learned that "nothing changes if nothing changes" and started trying out things that had worked for my friends from SR.
He said he really appreciated it and would try to put what I told him into action. Since we have had these types of talks before, I have hope but no expectations
I hope everyone has a great day. We are actually supposed to have a "cool" day, only up to about 89 degrees!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I woke up to the ka-thunk of stepmom falling. She says that when dad lifts her from under the arms it is hurting her in the collarbone area, so now she's scooting around on her butt 'til she gets to where she can pull up on the couch...sigh. She has been using the walker she already had. I really hope this improves for her sake.
Dad and I had a talk and I, again, asked him to watch how Brit and I relate. I know I'm not the relationship expert, but she respects me and she doesn't pull any of the stuff with me that she does with them. Even stepmom said "she would never talk like that to Amy".
I explained to him that she and I used to argue and scream at each other all the time, but I kept paying attention here, learned that "nothing changes if nothing changes" and started trying out things that had worked for my friends from SR.
He said he really appreciated it and would try to put what I told him into action. Since we have had these types of talks before, I have hope but no expectations
I hope everyone has a great day. We are actually supposed to have a "cool" day, only up to about 89 degrees!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Wow, I am so far behind on this thread....
Amy, sorry but I absolutely hate the idea of your father getting away with hitting Brit. I have zero tolerance for that. I wish she had called the police. Violence is never the answer and it probably won't stop, unless Brit does something serious about it. I am sending prayers for you and Brit.
Sweets, things will become much easier for you to dismiss, when you know you can't control them. It will take a load off your mind when you can let go. And, I was someone who hated being alone, too and, now, I love it, and in fact, I need it. I think it's about the process of learning to like yourself and to enjoy your own company.
Love after Love
The day will come when with elation
you will greet yourself arriving at your own door in your own mirror
and each will smile at the others welcome saying,
sit here, eat, you will love again
the stranger who was yourself give wine, give bread,
give back your heart to itself to the stranger who has loved you all your life
whom you ignored for another
who knows you by heart
take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes.
peel your own image from the mirror
sit
feast on your life.
- Derik Walker
Amy, sorry but I absolutely hate the idea of your father getting away with hitting Brit. I have zero tolerance for that. I wish she had called the police. Violence is never the answer and it probably won't stop, unless Brit does something serious about it. I am sending prayers for you and Brit.
Sweets, things will become much easier for you to dismiss, when you know you can't control them. It will take a load off your mind when you can let go. And, I was someone who hated being alone, too and, now, I love it, and in fact, I need it. I think it's about the process of learning to like yourself and to enjoy your own company.
Love after Love
The day will come when with elation
you will greet yourself arriving at your own door in your own mirror
and each will smile at the others welcome saying,
sit here, eat, you will love again
the stranger who was yourself give wine, give bread,
give back your heart to itself to the stranger who has loved you all your life
whom you ignored for another
who knows you by heart
take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes.
peel your own image from the mirror
sit
feast on your life.
- Derik Walker
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Anna)) - I agree, and I told him that. He said she said "F-- you, you SOB, and he slapped her". I don't believe there is any justified reason for hitting anyone. On the other hand, if he goes to jail, Brit gets taken to DFACS, we lose the house, and my stepmom and I are on the street because I can't bond him out. The courts in this county are backlogged for almost a year. The only reason my stepmom isn't still in jail is because we bonded HER out with the house. She goes back to court on the 27th, and dad has to go with her.
He told Brit to call the cops, he didn't care if he went to jail, and in all honesty, I don't know if he does care any more. Brit's mad now, but as soon as she wants something, she'll be as sweet as can be. It's almost like a sick game they play. Brit has hit him, before.
I am trying really, really hard to detach from all this stuff again. because right now I feel like I'm suffocating. There really is no "right" way to deal with this. Doing the "right" thing will put dad in jail, Brit in DFACS, we will lose the house and I will be left trying to find a place for my stepmom and I as no one in her family can take care of her and I will not just leave her on her own. That's reality. She annoys me, but I love her and she is family.
I'm going to try to go back to sleep.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
He told Brit to call the cops, he didn't care if he went to jail, and in all honesty, I don't know if he does care any more. Brit's mad now, but as soon as she wants something, she'll be as sweet as can be. It's almost like a sick game they play. Brit has hit him, before.
I am trying really, really hard to detach from all this stuff again. because right now I feel like I'm suffocating. There really is no "right" way to deal with this. Doing the "right" thing will put dad in jail, Brit in DFACS, we will lose the house and I will be left trying to find a place for my stepmom and I as no one in her family can take care of her and I will not just leave her on her own. That's reality. She annoys me, but I love her and she is family.
I'm going to try to go back to sleep.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
July 4
Celebrate
Take time to celebrate.
Celebrate your successes, your growth, your accomplishments. Celebrate you and who you are.
For too long you have been too hard on yourself. Others have spilled their negative energy - their attitudes, beliefs, pain - on you. It had nothing to do with you! All along, you have been a gift to yourself and to the universe.
You are a child of God. Beautiful, a delight, a joy. You do not have to try harder, be better, be perfect, or be anything you are not. Your beauty is in you, just as you are each moment.
Celebrate that.
When you have a success, when you accomplish something, enjoy it. Pause, reflect, rejoice. Too long you have listened to admonitions not to feel good about what you have done, lest you travel the downward road to arrogance.
Celebration is a high form of praise, of gratitude to the creator for the beauty of God's creation. To enjoy and celebrate the good does not mean that it will be taken from you. To celebrate is to delight in the gift, to show gratitude.
Celebrate your relationships! Celebrate the lessons from the past and the love and warmth that is there today. Enjoy the beauty of others and their connection to you.
Celebrate all that is in your life. Celebrate all that is good.
Celebrate you!
Today, I will indulge in the joy of celebrating
July 4
Celebrate
Take time to celebrate.
Celebrate your successes, your growth, your accomplishments. Celebrate you and who you are.
For too long you have been too hard on yourself. Others have spilled their negative energy - their attitudes, beliefs, pain - on you. It had nothing to do with you! All along, you have been a gift to yourself and to the universe.
You are a child of God. Beautiful, a delight, a joy. You do not have to try harder, be better, be perfect, or be anything you are not. Your beauty is in you, just as you are each moment.
Celebrate that.
When you have a success, when you accomplish something, enjoy it. Pause, reflect, rejoice. Too long you have listened to admonitions not to feel good about what you have done, lest you travel the downward road to arrogance.
Celebration is a high form of praise, of gratitude to the creator for the beauty of God's creation. To enjoy and celebrate the good does not mean that it will be taken from you. To celebrate is to delight in the gift, to show gratitude.
Celebrate your relationships! Celebrate the lessons from the past and the love and warmth that is there today. Enjoy the beauty of others and their connection to you.
Celebrate all that is in your life. Celebrate all that is good.
Celebrate you!
Today, I will indulge in the joy of celebrating
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
"You do not have to try harder, be better, be perfect, or be anything you are not. Your beauty is in you, just as you are each moment."
This is the sentence I need to print out and look at every day, I think!
I hope everyone had a good holiday. We had gorgeous weather here. I didn't get to see any fireworks from work
Business was incredibly slow, with just a couple of rushes. I am amazed at how people can eat out and not tip.
My mind wants to go into overdrive about all that's going on, so on my way home, I cranked my stereo up so loud I couldn't think of anything but the music Now, I'm too tired to think...it may not be the BEST way of dealing with stuff, but it works for tonight!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
This is the sentence I need to print out and look at every day, I think!
I hope everyone had a good holiday. We had gorgeous weather here. I didn't get to see any fireworks from work
Business was incredibly slow, with just a couple of rushes. I am amazed at how people can eat out and not tip.My mind wants to go into overdrive about all that's going on, so on my way home, I cranked my stereo up so loud I couldn't think of anything but the music Now, I'm too tired to think...it may not be the BEST way of dealing with stuff, but it works for tonight!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Livingroom
Posts: 323
Originally Posted by Sweets79 
I know I enjoy my alone time, but I never felt happy unless I am seeing someone. That sounds terrible as I type it, but it's true. I have started to feel better being alone with myself, but not entirely.
Not a easy lessen to learn for me...
Be Well
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Originally Posted by Sweets79
Hi all,
Has anyone found that with work and time you don't let things get to you as much? And have you also been able to accept and let go of things you can't control? Oh and one more, lol... Do you find in time you actually get comfortable being alone with yourself and enjoy it?
I know I enjoy my alone time, but I never felt happy unless I am seeing someone. That sounds terrible as I type it, but it's true. I have started to feel better being alone with myself, but not entirely.
Has anyone found that with work and time you don't let things get to you as much? And have you also been able to accept and let go of things you can't control? Oh and one more, lol... Do you find in time you actually get comfortable being alone with yourself and enjoy it?
I know I enjoy my alone time, but I never felt happy unless I am seeing someone. That sounds terrible as I type it, but it's true. I have started to feel better being alone with myself, but not entirely.
With my recovery, in time I learned that it was not my job to control or fix everyone as I struggled to learn to bring the focus back to me(that was my hard part) and that I could just let go...and I did and it worked, my life worked...today I have to keep an eye on that line and practice staying in my hula hoop everyday, but I am happy to finally be free to be me and live my life.
Anna
I love that piece! I have seen it a couple of times before and it always evokes this wonderful warm and exciting feeling in my heart. (((Amy))) You , your family and especially your step-mom are in my thoughts and prayers today.
Kendra, ..you rock too
Hugs to everyone
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Gee, Amy...is there somewhere you can take yourself...a park, botanical gardens or something like that where it is intrinsically a peaceful place?
I love to go sit next to the water and just listen. (miss the ocean!)
Hey, I really am learning! grin.
I needed to say some very direct things to someone this week, and it has never been something I have been comfortable doing. I care about them, I don't want to hurt them, they easily get their feelings hurt and etc.....however, my last assignment from counselor was to set some boundaries in that area...and yes, I let myself get annoyed enough that it was no longer an option. I had to address it and speak up. And I am glad I did, if I had not..things might have gone on and become unsalvagable.
But, dangit, don't rain on my parade...enough all ready!
I can be happy and enjoy it, one day at a time....without searching for fault and over-analyzing each thing. And I don't need someone feeding pessimism and self-doubt in my ear couched as concern....and telling me my own thinking isn't good enough.
So, I put a stop to it.
I am happy and well, just haven't been on the computer as much.
Ate well at bf's aunt's yesterday and then bf put on an imax of The Magic of Flight, which he knew I would love. Roomie stopped by and he fixed us each a plate of angel food cake, strawberries and whipped cream.
I have been dividing my time between the two places.
So, my diet is not on track....I can only remember when I had a waistline!
UGH!
Back to spinach salads with mandarin oranges and yogurts...which I like...but set that fattening stuff in front of me and all control goes out the window....home cooking is too great a temptation.
And, gee, I promised I would make a big brunch today!
Rolls eyes.
thank you for each post and the readings, they mean so much to me!
hugs to all!
Tena
But I am not giving up.
Just an FYI, but when I had plenty of time to myself, I learned a meditation, that relaxes me and empties (clears) my mind,....I was supposed to continue to an advanced degree...but have simply been using this simplest one, which is now so habitual it is like self-hypnosis...and it really does clear my mind and give me rest...so no more worrying the day over when I lay down at night....I go to sleep in a peaceful state.
I mention it because I hear so many people talk about obsessive or racing thoughts when they lie down at night to sleep.
I am prone to nightmares so it is a crucial practice for me.
I love to go sit next to the water and just listen. (miss the ocean!)
Hey, I really am learning! grin.
I needed to say some very direct things to someone this week, and it has never been something I have been comfortable doing. I care about them, I don't want to hurt them, they easily get their feelings hurt and etc.....however, my last assignment from counselor was to set some boundaries in that area...and yes, I let myself get annoyed enough that it was no longer an option. I had to address it and speak up. And I am glad I did, if I had not..things might have gone on and become unsalvagable.
But, dangit, don't rain on my parade...enough all ready!
I can be happy and enjoy it, one day at a time....without searching for fault and over-analyzing each thing. And I don't need someone feeding pessimism and self-doubt in my ear couched as concern....and telling me my own thinking isn't good enough.
So, I put a stop to it.
I am happy and well, just haven't been on the computer as much.
Ate well at bf's aunt's yesterday and then bf put on an imax of The Magic of Flight, which he knew I would love. Roomie stopped by and he fixed us each a plate of angel food cake, strawberries and whipped cream.
I have been dividing my time between the two places.
So, my diet is not on track....I can only remember when I had a waistline!
UGH!
Back to spinach salads with mandarin oranges and yogurts...which I like...but set that fattening stuff in front of me and all control goes out the window....home cooking is too great a temptation.
And, gee, I promised I would make a big brunch today!
Rolls eyes.
thank you for each post and the readings, they mean so much to me!
hugs to all!
Tena
But I am not giving up.
Just an FYI, but when I had plenty of time to myself, I learned a meditation, that relaxes me and empties (clears) my mind,....I was supposed to continue to an advanced degree...but have simply been using this simplest one, which is now so habitual it is like self-hypnosis...and it really does clear my mind and give me rest...so no more worrying the day over when I lay down at night....I go to sleep in a peaceful state.
I mention it because I hear so many people talk about obsessive or racing thoughts when they lie down at night to sleep.
I am prone to nightmares so it is a crucial practice for me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Grateful, I, too, have always sought out solitude...as a kid I would be in my room either writing or reading and would be told to come out to the family room with tv to spend time with family.....me, sneaky, would get in the bean bag in front of everyone, snuggle down in it and just keep reading. LOL
I still need time to myself....probably more than most people, but I get overstimulated easily...and can't think without going off and having a talk with myself. LOL
I still need time to myself....probably more than most people, but I get overstimulated easily...and can't think without going off and having a talk with myself. LOL
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
You are reading from the Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie copyright 1990 The Hazelden Foundation
July 5
Survivor Guilt
We begin recovering. We begin taking care of ourselves. Our recovery program starts to work in our life, and we begin to feel good about ourselves.
Then , it hits. Guilt.
Whenever we begin to experience the fullness and joy of life, we may feel guilty about those we've left behind - those not recovering, those still in pain. This survivor guilt is a symptom of codependency.
We may think about the husband we've divorced who is still drinking. We may dwell upon a child, grown or adult still in pain. We may get a phone call from a nonrecovering parent who relates his or her misery to us. And we feel pulled into their pain.
How can we fell so happy, so good, when those we love are still in misery? Can we really break away and have satisfying lives, despite their circumstances? Yes we can.
And yes it hurts to leave behind those we love. But keep moving forward anyway. Be patient. Other people's recovery is not our job. We cannot make them recover. We cannot make them happy.
We may ask why we were chosen for a fuller life. We may never know the answer. Some may catch up in their own time but their recovery is not our business. The only recovery we can truly claim is our own.
We can let go of others with love, and love ourselves without guilt.
Today, I am willing to work through my sadness and guilt. I will let myself be healthy and happy, even though someone I love has not chosen the same path.
July 5
Survivor Guilt
We begin recovering. We begin taking care of ourselves. Our recovery program starts to work in our life, and we begin to feel good about ourselves.
Then , it hits. Guilt.
Whenever we begin to experience the fullness and joy of life, we may feel guilty about those we've left behind - those not recovering, those still in pain. This survivor guilt is a symptom of codependency.
We may think about the husband we've divorced who is still drinking. We may dwell upon a child, grown or adult still in pain. We may get a phone call from a nonrecovering parent who relates his or her misery to us. And we feel pulled into their pain.
How can we fell so happy, so good, when those we love are still in misery? Can we really break away and have satisfying lives, despite their circumstances? Yes we can.
And yes it hurts to leave behind those we love. But keep moving forward anyway. Be patient. Other people's recovery is not our job. We cannot make them recover. We cannot make them happy.
We may ask why we were chosen for a fuller life. We may never know the answer. Some may catch up in their own time but their recovery is not our business. The only recovery we can truly claim is our own.
We can let go of others with love, and love ourselves without guilt.
Today, I am willing to work through my sadness and guilt. I will let myself be healthy and happy, even though someone I love has not chosen the same path.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I remember this reading about survivor guilt, probably because it's something I feel Most days I don't, but every now and then it comes creeping back in. Thanks for reminding me this is something I need to keep working on and will mention to my therapist on Wed.
((Grateful)) and ((Tena)) you also reminded me of another trait I have of seeking solitude. As an only child, I had friends growing up, but usually couldn't go out to play after school until mom or dad got home from work. I got used to that time by myself. When mom quit her job when I was a teen, I remember getting mad and telling her "your in my space!!!"
I am about to head to work, hoping it is busier than last night. It was pretty disheartening, giving people really good service and getting either no tip or, at the most, a dollar or two sometimes.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Most days I don't, but every now and then it comes creeping back in. Thanks for reminding me this is something I need to keep working on and will mention to my therapist on Wed.((Grateful)) and ((Tena)) you also reminded me of another trait I have of seeking solitude. As an only child, I had friends growing up, but usually couldn't go out to play after school until mom or dad got home from work. I got used to that time by myself. When mom quit her job when I was a teen, I remember getting mad and telling her "your in my space!!!"
I am about to head to work, hoping it is busier than last night. It was pretty disheartening, giving people really good service and getting either no tip or, at the most, a dollar or two sometimes.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi Friends,
I have been scarce the last few days as I have been working a lot. That's a good thing, just a bit short on spare time.
Amy,
Hugs to you and Brit.
Tena,
I'm glad you're doing well and that your life is moving forward.
Sweets,
You are doing great and I hope you can celebrate where you are today. Letting go and focusing on yourself is a really hard thing to do. I think that just being aware that we need to focus on ourselves is a big step.
Hugs to everyone!
I'm heading out for a walk with grandson, daughter and son-in-law. I am SO grateful for those relationships!
I have been scarce the last few days as I have been working a lot. That's a good thing, just a bit short on spare time.
Amy,
Hugs to you and Brit.
Tena,
I'm glad you're doing well and that your life is moving forward.
Sweets,
You are doing great and I hope you can celebrate where you are today. Letting go and focusing on yourself is a really hard thing to do. I think that just being aware that we need to focus on ourselves is a big step.
Hugs to everyone!
I'm heading out for a walk with grandson, daughter and son-in-law. I am SO grateful for those relationships!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
Originally Posted by grateful2b
We may dwell upon a child, grown or adult still in pain. We may get a phone call from a nonrecovering parent who relates his or her misery to us. And we feel pulled into their pain.
How can we fell so happy, so good, when those we love are still in misery? Can we really break away and have satisfying lives, despite their circumstances? Yes we can.
And yes it hurts to leave behind those we love. But keep moving forward anyway. Be patient. Other people's recovery is not our job. We cannot make them recover. We cannot make them happy.
We may ask why we were chosen for a fuller life. We may never know the answer. Some may catch up in their own time but their recovery is not our business. The only recovery we can truly claim is our own.
We can let go of others with love, and love ourselves without guilt.
Today, I am willing to work through my sadness and guilt. I will let myself be healthy and happy, even though someone I love has not chosen the same path.
How can we fell so happy, so good, when those we love are still in misery? Can we really break away and have satisfying lives, despite their circumstances? Yes we can.
And yes it hurts to leave behind those we love. But keep moving forward anyway. Be patient. Other people's recovery is not our job. We cannot make them recover. We cannot make them happy.
We may ask why we were chosen for a fuller life. We may never know the answer. Some may catch up in their own time but their recovery is not our business. The only recovery we can truly claim is our own.
We can let go of others with love, and love ourselves without guilt.
Today, I am willing to work through my sadness and guilt. I will let myself be healthy and happy, even though someone I love has not chosen the same path.
About spending time alone, I love it, I spent alot of time alone when I was a kid too, so am comfortable with it...
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