Bottoms Part 123
I don't think that people being my friend is enabling me. I do understand how it is hard for people to watch this though. If you are my friend you are my friend whether I drink or not, nothing you do is enabling or not. If your friendship is contingent on whether I drink or not I am not your friend I am a project. If watching me do this is genuinely painful to you and you cannot witness it then I am really sorry, and I undestand.
I could just leave SR but how would that help? Like Ro said, I admit when I drink but I don't post threads about it, I don't ask for it to be validated.
I can only judge by what I would do, if I had a friend who couldn't stop....I would evaluate whether I truly cared about the person and if I did I would continue to be their friend, whatever.
Being a friend is not enabling.
I could just leave SR but how would that help? Like Ro said, I admit when I drink but I don't post threads about it, I don't ask for it to be validated.
I can only judge by what I would do, if I had a friend who couldn't stop....I would evaluate whether I truly cared about the person and if I did I would continue to be their friend, whatever.
Being a friend is not enabling.
Stoney..
I am learning a powerful lesson with my mother. This is not the grievous one I'm dealing
with..that I can't share openly yet.
My mom refuses to take her meds right..and eat right. She has bronchitis..and
chronic congestive heart failure. My sister and I went to get her antibiotics script
filled after waiting at the doctor's for hours..then the pharmacy. When we finally
got home..she wouldn't take the medicine..fearing it would interfere with her
"other medicine." I threw the pack on the table and said "I give up!"
I felt guilty..and detached immediately. I told her to take when she thought it was "safe"
to do so.
She is a stubborn old lady..but when she had a severe coughing fit a few hours later,
she got up from bed and said.."sherry.where is "that other medicine?"
My sister and I just smiled..and I had tears. I love her so darn much exasperating as
she is.
You see..I am powerless over her. I cannot make her eat right.
I can't make her take her meds right.
I've tried..I've tried anger..nothing has worked. But I have resolved that if this is
her last day...that she will have not heard mean things come from her daughter's
mouth towards her. Because of my own frustration.
I feel the same way about you..or anyone else who relapses.
I certainly am powerless Stoney.
You've got my support..when you need it.
Love you.
I am learning a powerful lesson with my mother. This is not the grievous one I'm dealing
with..that I can't share openly yet.
My mom refuses to take her meds right..and eat right. She has bronchitis..and
chronic congestive heart failure. My sister and I went to get her antibiotics script
filled after waiting at the doctor's for hours..then the pharmacy. When we finally
got home..she wouldn't take the medicine..fearing it would interfere with her
"other medicine." I threw the pack on the table and said "I give up!"
I felt guilty..and detached immediately. I told her to take when she thought it was "safe"
to do so.
She is a stubborn old lady..but when she had a severe coughing fit a few hours later,
she got up from bed and said.."sherry.where is "that other medicine?"
My sister and I just smiled..and I had tears. I love her so darn much exasperating as
she is.
You see..I am powerless over her. I cannot make her eat right.
I can't make her take her meds right.
I've tried..I've tried anger..nothing has worked. But I have resolved that if this is
her last day...that she will have not heard mean things come from her daughter's
mouth towards her. Because of my own frustration.
I feel the same way about you..or anyone else who relapses.
I certainly am powerless Stoney.
You've got my support..when you need it.
Love you.
I forgot to mention Stoney:
That you are my friend and always will be rather your still drinking or not. I still hope you find your way back. I don't like worrying about you. Keep reading and posting on here. Try out my feelings thread on here, you can write down your feelings everyday.
We have a local girl I worry about. She always comes to the meetings drunk. I always give her a hug when I see her. She reminds me so much of me. She is so lost and scared just like i was. I pray she finds her way too and figures out that she doesn't deserve to be abused anymore.
That you are my friend and always will be rather your still drinking or not. I still hope you find your way back. I don't like worrying about you. Keep reading and posting on here. Try out my feelings thread on here, you can write down your feelings everyday.
We have a local girl I worry about. She always comes to the meetings drunk. I always give her a hug when I see her. She reminds me so much of me. She is so lost and scared just like i was. I pray she finds her way too and figures out that she doesn't deserve to be abused anymore.
Good to see ye still here Stoney
My opinion for what its worth, don't think that this thread is enough to make you stop drinking or make you start drinking, its something inside that either makes you want to start or makes you stay stopped and thats different for each of us.
I don't reckon that I have any different thoughts when it comes to drink then you do, the only difference is that I manage to not act on mine.
While I credit SR for helping me stop this time round, we don't actually know, maybe I'd have manged it this time on me todd, maybe its just my time, or maybe its not, I can only say for sure that I'll stay sober today.
Not really fair to pin blame to you, not like your on here bragging about it, if I was to relapse myself, I hope I'd have a better excuse then I was copying a bloke I only know through an internet recovery site to be honest.
Hope things work out mate
My opinion for what its worth, don't think that this thread is enough to make you stop drinking or make you start drinking, its something inside that either makes you want to start or makes you stay stopped and thats different for each of us.
I don't reckon that I have any different thoughts when it comes to drink then you do, the only difference is that I manage to not act on mine.
While I credit SR for helping me stop this time round, we don't actually know, maybe I'd have manged it this time on me todd, maybe its just my time, or maybe its not, I can only say for sure that I'll stay sober today.
Not really fair to pin blame to you, not like your on here bragging about it, if I was to relapse myself, I hope I'd have a better excuse then I was copying a bloke I only know through an internet recovery site to be honest.
Hope things work out mate
Headache and tired. I love yoga, I love my course but I am exhausted this weekend.
I'm too tired to lecture, or debate.
Just know that I care for you stoney. I can't do more than that.Yes, I am your friend regardless.
I'm too tired to lecture, or debate.
Just know that I care for you stoney. I can't do more than that.Yes, I am your friend regardless.
stone'y
for me, your just like anyone in the rooms i know...
if they fall, all i do is say...
"welcome back"
would much rather see them back, then dead!
i never blew smoke up your ass, just kicked it a few times! (_S_)
Blymy!
for me, your just like anyone in the rooms i know...
if they fall, all i do is say...
"welcome back"
would much rather see them back, then dead!
i never blew smoke up your ass, just kicked it a few times! (_S_)
Blymy!
FROM AN ALANON WEBSITE ...
One of the things that I've learned in Al-Anon is that I'm not responsible for someone else's drinking. The slogan that captures this is "I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it". A lot of people come into the program trying to find a way to stop their alcoholic from drinking. Look at the writings of Lois Wilson and all that she tried to do for Bill W. She tried everything including getting drunk herself to show him what the terrible effects of alcohol were. There are a lot of people who come to Al-Anon to find that answer. But what they hear is that they can't stop anyone from doing anything (Step One) but that we ourselves have problems that have to be dealt with. Some of these issues that we bring into the program are very self-destructive. The controlling behavior, the anger, sadness and fear can make life miserable. We think that it's possible to exert control over another, yet we don't want to be controlled ourselves and, in many cases, our emotions are out of control. Some, including myself, have just been ready to give up on everything when we first went to a meeting.
What I've come to learn through Al-Anon, is that the alcoholics in my life don't drink because of me. They drink because they are alcoholics. Nothing that I can say or do will change that. Instead I have learned through the steps to deal with my own issues and to take care of myself. When I do that, then I can begin to recover from the effect that the disease has had on me.
The first part of the Three C's is that I didn't cause my loved one's alcoholism. Nothing I did caused the alcoholic to drink. The drinking started many years before I even knew the alcoholics in my life. What I have heard from my S.O. is a lot of blame thrown at me for just being me. It's not unusual for alcoholics to cast blame on the people who are closest to them. This is simply an attempt to justify the drinking. By accepting that I didn't cause alcoholism, I am relieved of guilt that I have felt about my father and my spouse. If only I had been a better son or if only I had been a better husband....well, I've learned that no matter what I would have done, nothing would have been different for the alcoholic. It's an illness/disease that caused the problem, not me.
Learning that you can't control your loved one's behavior is another crucial part of recovery. You can share your thoughts and feelings with an alcoholic. You can even impose certain consequences if your loved one drinks. But the decision to seek treatment is one that only your loved one can make. For some, this means watching a descent into the abyss. For all who love the alcoholic, it means that they have to detach and no longer manipulate situations so that the alcoholic won't drink. In Step One, I learned that I am powerless over people, places, and things.
The final part of the trilogy is that you can't cure your loved one's alcoholism. There is no cure for alcoholism. Alcoholics will always be recovering but not cured. There's no treatment that allows alcoholics to return to moderate drinking. The Big Book indicates that it's best to completely abstain from alcohol. But again, the decision to abstain rests with the alcoholic, not me. By not being able to cure alcoholism, I don't need to repeat all the same old things over and over hoping to find a solution. There is no magic cure, and I've learned that I don't need to exhaust myself hoping that the "last ditch" effort will make the drinking stop. I know now that the best thing to help an alcoholic is another alcoholic.
Remembering these three points has allowed me to respond to an alcoholic's behavior by taking care of myself rather than reacting based on anxiety or resentment. If I start feeling anger, fear and resentment, then I will take the steps necessary to stop my destructive thoughts and get back into myself. This may involve leaving for a while, calling my sponsor, going to do something that I want to do or a host of other things that will get the focus off the alcoholic and onto me. And this is the essence of detaching with love.
One of the things that I've learned in Al-Anon is that I'm not responsible for someone else's drinking. The slogan that captures this is "I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it". A lot of people come into the program trying to find a way to stop their alcoholic from drinking. Look at the writings of Lois Wilson and all that she tried to do for Bill W. She tried everything including getting drunk herself to show him what the terrible effects of alcohol were. There are a lot of people who come to Al-Anon to find that answer. But what they hear is that they can't stop anyone from doing anything (Step One) but that we ourselves have problems that have to be dealt with. Some of these issues that we bring into the program are very self-destructive. The controlling behavior, the anger, sadness and fear can make life miserable. We think that it's possible to exert control over another, yet we don't want to be controlled ourselves and, in many cases, our emotions are out of control. Some, including myself, have just been ready to give up on everything when we first went to a meeting.
What I've come to learn through Al-Anon, is that the alcoholics in my life don't drink because of me. They drink because they are alcoholics. Nothing that I can say or do will change that. Instead I have learned through the steps to deal with my own issues and to take care of myself. When I do that, then I can begin to recover from the effect that the disease has had on me.
The first part of the Three C's is that I didn't cause my loved one's alcoholism. Nothing I did caused the alcoholic to drink. The drinking started many years before I even knew the alcoholics in my life. What I have heard from my S.O. is a lot of blame thrown at me for just being me. It's not unusual for alcoholics to cast blame on the people who are closest to them. This is simply an attempt to justify the drinking. By accepting that I didn't cause alcoholism, I am relieved of guilt that I have felt about my father and my spouse. If only I had been a better son or if only I had been a better husband....well, I've learned that no matter what I would have done, nothing would have been different for the alcoholic. It's an illness/disease that caused the problem, not me.
Learning that you can't control your loved one's behavior is another crucial part of recovery. You can share your thoughts and feelings with an alcoholic. You can even impose certain consequences if your loved one drinks. But the decision to seek treatment is one that only your loved one can make. For some, this means watching a descent into the abyss. For all who love the alcoholic, it means that they have to detach and no longer manipulate situations so that the alcoholic won't drink. In Step One, I learned that I am powerless over people, places, and things.
The final part of the trilogy is that you can't cure your loved one's alcoholism. There is no cure for alcoholism. Alcoholics will always be recovering but not cured. There's no treatment that allows alcoholics to return to moderate drinking. The Big Book indicates that it's best to completely abstain from alcohol. But again, the decision to abstain rests with the alcoholic, not me. By not being able to cure alcoholism, I don't need to repeat all the same old things over and over hoping to find a solution. There is no magic cure, and I've learned that I don't need to exhaust myself hoping that the "last ditch" effort will make the drinking stop. I know now that the best thing to help an alcoholic is another alcoholic.
Remembering these three points has allowed me to respond to an alcoholic's behavior by taking care of myself rather than reacting based on anxiety or resentment. If I start feeling anger, fear and resentment, then I will take the steps necessary to stop my destructive thoughts and get back into myself. This may involve leaving for a while, calling my sponsor, going to do something that I want to do or a host of other things that will get the focus off the alcoholic and onto me. And this is the essence of detaching with love.
K, I can't answer for Stoney but I can tell you why I didn't reach out before I used in the past. It was because I wanted to use more than I wanted to be clean. Easy as that.
Stoney, I hope you can get done. My getting done was extremely painful and LONG. I realize that it takes what it takes. It took a LOT for me. I sure have no room to pass judgment.
My friend is still hanging on. Bless her heart. She now has a fever and her pulse is around 130. The doctor's don't think she will make it until tomorrow. She still says she is getting better. She now has a fungal infection in her face. She is blind in one eye and the infection is eating away at her skin and bone. She says she's had a little setback and that a little plastic surgery never hurt anyone. She is my hero.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
Love to all you idiots.
Stoney, I hope you can get done. My getting done was extremely painful and LONG. I realize that it takes what it takes. It took a LOT for me. I sure have no room to pass judgment.
My friend is still hanging on. Bless her heart. She now has a fever and her pulse is around 130. The doctor's don't think she will make it until tomorrow. She still says she is getting better. She now has a fungal infection in her face. She is blind in one eye and the infection is eating away at her skin and bone. She says she's had a little setback and that a little plastic surgery never hurt anyone. She is my hero.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
Love to all you idiots.
I haven't been on Bottoms in ages and it just got really serious! I was going to post about my very fine chicken fajitas I had just made.
((Stone)) come back ASAP. I know these things have to run their course, I know what I'm like, but I hope you survive. My ex b/friend, father of my youngest, is in a wheelchair from alcoholic neuropathy and has been give months to live. Also his sight is getting affected. In spite of everything that happened between us, I need to say goodbye to him, even if it is just a letter.
So that al-anon post was really significant to me, thanks. Take care Stone. LBx
((Stone)) come back ASAP. I know these things have to run their course, I know what I'm like, but I hope you survive. My ex b/friend, father of my youngest, is in a wheelchair from alcoholic neuropathy and has been give months to live. Also his sight is getting affected. In spite of everything that happened between us, I need to say goodbye to him, even if it is just a letter.
So that al-anon post was really significant to me, thanks. Take care Stone. LBx
A grey and rainy day here. Quite dull, but my classical music station is playing the Violin Concerto in D (with Joshua Bell) and that, and being here, is enough to suit me today. Just a quiet day at home with the dogs and the radio and the rain...
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