For Members with Less than 2 Weeks Part 8
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hampshire UK
Posts: 162
Hi all, I hope things are going great for you. I actually feel a lot better today having had an almost good sleep last night. I am hoping that this is a sign that week 3 will be easier than week 2. It is a funny thing this recovery business.....it waxes and wanes like the moon. Ther seems to be no explanation why one day can be so bad, and the next so good. I am just hoping that over time the bad days become less!
Well done 4D - glad you are still with us and making great progress. You sound pretty sorted at the moment. I hope the others are OK too - come on guys, give us a posting and let us know how things are - good, bad or ugly.
I am obsessing about my smoking now - but see that as an even bigger challenge than alcohol. But it keeps me awake at night when I think about the damage I am doing to myself. Wednesday is National No Smoking Day here in the UK and I am thinking of starting a quit then - but it fills me with horror. But I think it is best to try this while am strong in my recovery, rather than leave it until another day.
4D - good point about this thread - where do we go after 2 weeks?? Perhaps we should start a 2-4 weeks thread?? Or maybe just stick with this one - I've got to kind of like it!
DB (Day 15)
Well done 4D - glad you are still with us and making great progress. You sound pretty sorted at the moment. I hope the others are OK too - come on guys, give us a posting and let us know how things are - good, bad or ugly.
I am obsessing about my smoking now - but see that as an even bigger challenge than alcohol. But it keeps me awake at night when I think about the damage I am doing to myself. Wednesday is National No Smoking Day here in the UK and I am thinking of starting a quit then - but it fills me with horror. But I think it is best to try this while am strong in my recovery, rather than leave it until another day.
4D - good point about this thread - where do we go after 2 weeks?? Perhaps we should start a 2-4 weeks thread?? Or maybe just stick with this one - I've got to kind of like it!
DB (Day 15)
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
4-D....what great progress....Way To Go!
Yes...members may stay here to share and/or move into
other threads. I know the "Class of" are popular
so check out the class of Feb. in our Newcomers.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-february.html
Personally...I use several different Forums for information
and to share my journey on. I like the diversity.
Forward we go...side by side
Yes...members may stay here to share and/or move into
other threads. I know the "Class of" are popular
so check out the class of Feb. in our Newcomers.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-february.html
Personally...I use several different Forums for information
and to share my journey on. I like the diversity.
Forward we go...side by side
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 4
New to site
Hello all,
My name is Jason (was not sure where to post this), so decided on here. I am an alcoholic. I was sober for almost a year and started drinking again for the past 3 months. I drank yesterday but have resolved myself to not drink today. Alcohol is a monster for me, it changes me to the degree of a Jekyll and Hyde personality. I don't like myself when I drink. Heck, sometimes don't like myself when I don't drink but I am a fairly even keeled person when I don't drink. When I do all the anger, hatred, etc comes out. Sometimes I often wonder if it is a way to get the anger out.
I have a wonderful wife, who I still don't know how is still with me. No I am back to the starting over again, and am quite mad I threw my sobriety away. I am definitely not a happy camper today.
Jason
My name is Jason (was not sure where to post this), so decided on here. I am an alcoholic. I was sober for almost a year and started drinking again for the past 3 months. I drank yesterday but have resolved myself to not drink today. Alcohol is a monster for me, it changes me to the degree of a Jekyll and Hyde personality. I don't like myself when I drink. Heck, sometimes don't like myself when I don't drink but I am a fairly even keeled person when I don't drink. When I do all the anger, hatred, etc comes out. Sometimes I often wonder if it is a way to get the anger out.
I have a wonderful wife, who I still don't know how is still with me. No I am back to the starting over again, and am quite mad I threw my sobriety away. I am definitely not a happy camper today.
Jason
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
DragonLover/Jason
Welcome to SR and our Daily Support thread.
I too returned to drinking after I decided to quit.
I remember how sad and demoralized I felt.
I finally did stop and I know you can too...
Please take your past success and use it as a base
for your new fresh start.
Thanks for joining us and hope you will continue to share here.
Blessings to you and your wife
Welcome to SR and our Daily Support thread.
I too returned to drinking after I decided to quit.
I remember how sad and demoralized I felt.
I finally did stop and I know you can too...
Please take your past success and use it as a base
for your new fresh start.
Thanks for joining us and hope you will continue to share here.
Blessings to you and your wife
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
The collective strength here is so inspiring! I have been visiting this forum for almost a year and (don't laugh Carol), I just read the sticky "under the Influence". What struck me is the authors' conviction that alcoholics process liquor differently than non-alcoholics and THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT IT. That brought a sense of relief to me. No more, well maybe this times...I am what I am. And it's not going to change. Period. We are not BAD people, weak willed, evil or whatever other horrible names we call ourselves. We are just alcoholics, and our bodies will never let us be anything but. If I KNEW I was allergic to peanuts, would I eat them? Isn't that a relief? If I can't change it, I have to accept it and move on. That's not to say that it is easy, by any means, because there are reasons that we turn to alcohol, but, for me, it turns the key in the lock.
Great going everyone! Thank YOU for giving ME the courage to say "no" for another 24 hours.
Great going everyone! Thank YOU for giving ME the courage to say "no" for another 24 hours.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 4
Thanks Carol for the welcome and kind words of support! Today is day 2 for me. My nerves are wracked. I have things to do today and I just don't want to. But, I will push myself to do what I have to do and perhaps when the day is over I will feel accomplished. Time to push on!
Jason
Jason
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Hey Jason, welcome to SR! If you have had a year under your belt, you KNOW the joys of a sober life. It is not easy (the consummate understatement), but this forum is an immense help, with caring and supportive people 24/7. I know for me, to have people who know what I go through makes a huge difference. Many is the time I almost picked up and did not after spending some time here. So stick around...it's a GOOD addiction! :ghug
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hampshire UK
Posts: 162
Welcome Jason - you probably you have a lot to teach some of us here - and in return, we will support you as much as we can. You talk about the change in personality that you experience when drinking - were you on a fairly even keel whilst not drinking? What caused your relapse after a year of being sober? Sorry for all these questions.
I hope that your Day Two was successful, and that you will have many more days to come as you head back to the sobriety that you have already achieved in the past.
Best wishes for the next few days
Deep Blue
I hope that your Day Two was successful, and that you will have many more days to come as you head back to the sobriety that you have already achieved in the past.
Best wishes for the next few days
Deep Blue
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Jason....hope your day is running smoothly....
Please check out this link ...it's the information HideorSeek
shared about and it's from the book that convinced me to quit.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Please check out this link ...it's the information HideorSeek
shared about and it's from the book that convinced me to quit.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hampshire UK
Posts: 162
I am having a bad day, and have had wicked thoughts.....about how nice it would be to sit around drinking endless glasses of wine to feel "relaxed". I know it is a fantasy, and a dangerous one, but I feel that my head is doing a lot of "wrong" thinking at the moment. I spoke before about how each week of recovery seems to bring a new challenge. The first two weeks for me were mostly about the physical stuff. Now I am into week 3, the psycological battle seems to be digging in! Also, I have been behaving badly and replacing one addiction for another. I need to get back on balance and find some serenity. Sorry for the moan.
DB
DB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
hi DB!
I'm sorry that you aren't in a good spot today I think when we are uncomfortable (however we define it...lonely, sad, stressed, happy, etc), old patterns beckon. My therapist once described our personalities like a mountain. Over the years, the rain etches ravines so deeply into the sides, that any new rainfall automatically is channeled into them. We have to create new channels and I think that takes guts as well as a little "distance" from ourselves so we can see the patterns and then elect to change them. Like many others, I expected life to be hunky dory once sober. Well, it's not, obviously and it takes all that we can muster, sometimes, to not cave. But when I am in that dark mood, I remember ALL of the misery, self-defeat and poison that alcohol put into my life. And I don't want it back. The momentary release (and for me it truly is only momentary) just isn't worth it.
I have a stash of quotes from our beloved SR mates which help me get over those rough spots. I hope you find these 2 helpful. Please hang in there. You are doing so well and will feel much better when you are one the other side of this period BECAUSE you made it through! HOS :ghug3
"I know it is one day at a time.....which I dislike very much...I like to be in control of things and KNOW what is going to happen all the time. I want to KNOW that I will never drink again and then get on with my life, but it isn't like that. I will have to work each day at sobriety...which sucks, I want to just get on with my life! The thought of 'working' each day at my sobriety is exhausting....but then again, so is my drinking." Tay-lyn
"I think when we have some sober time under our belt it becomes a lot harder to go back to that oblivion we hope for.I never found it anyway.I just found more pain, more disillusionment, more despair. And my god was I SICK. Ugh.
Your answer isn't in a bottle-you just WANT it to be. I'm sorry-but those days are gone for you now-just like they are for me." Jules62
I'm sorry that you aren't in a good spot today I think when we are uncomfortable (however we define it...lonely, sad, stressed, happy, etc), old patterns beckon. My therapist once described our personalities like a mountain. Over the years, the rain etches ravines so deeply into the sides, that any new rainfall automatically is channeled into them. We have to create new channels and I think that takes guts as well as a little "distance" from ourselves so we can see the patterns and then elect to change them. Like many others, I expected life to be hunky dory once sober. Well, it's not, obviously and it takes all that we can muster, sometimes, to not cave. But when I am in that dark mood, I remember ALL of the misery, self-defeat and poison that alcohol put into my life. And I don't want it back. The momentary release (and for me it truly is only momentary) just isn't worth it.
I have a stash of quotes from our beloved SR mates which help me get over those rough spots. I hope you find these 2 helpful. Please hang in there. You are doing so well and will feel much better when you are one the other side of this period BECAUSE you made it through! HOS :ghug3
"I know it is one day at a time.....which I dislike very much...I like to be in control of things and KNOW what is going to happen all the time. I want to KNOW that I will never drink again and then get on with my life, but it isn't like that. I will have to work each day at sobriety...which sucks, I want to just get on with my life! The thought of 'working' each day at my sobriety is exhausting....but then again, so is my drinking." Tay-lyn
"I think when we have some sober time under our belt it becomes a lot harder to go back to that oblivion we hope for.I never found it anyway.I just found more pain, more disillusionment, more despair. And my god was I SICK. Ugh.
Your answer isn't in a bottle-you just WANT it to be. I'm sorry-but those days are gone for you now-just like they are for me." Jules62
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
DB....Drat! I am sorry your feeling low...
Are you aware of post acute withdrawal?
Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center
Please be kind to yourself....balance will come
as long as you don't drink.
I was into recovery about 2 months before
my mind and body felt balanced.
Yes! you too can move forward
Are you aware of post acute withdrawal?
Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center
Please be kind to yourself....balance will come
as long as you don't drink.
I was into recovery about 2 months before
my mind and body felt balanced.
Yes! you too can move forward
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 4
Deep Blue: were you on a fairly even keel whilst not drinking? What caused your relapse after a year of being sober? Sorry for all these questions.
Yes I was on a fairly even keel whilst not drinking. I am a very calm person when I am not drinking. Yes I have my demons, but we all do. I have lost a career that I had for 7 years, then was told I was overqualified when I lost my position. I also had been in a divorce 6.5 years ago that has put a burden on my relationship with my twins. It has been a really rough road for me for the past 6 years. My relapse was caused by my ex-wife who let me see my kids over the summer, but about a month later decided to have my daughter write me a letter that hurt me to the core, and now I don't get to see or speak to them.
Now I know that is no excuse. I hung in there for several months. As I am also in Nursing school, which I am at times even ashamed to admit on here because how could I be a nurse when I have a problem myself? BUT, I know I have a problem. I can admit to it. I am working to keep my sobriety, but I do it one day at a time. Hope that helps Deep Blue.
Now hang in there cause this may be long. I did well in my first year of nursing, good grades etc. I am fighting this semester because I spent some of the first 8 weeks drinking. I got a 79 on a pharmacology exam today because being on my third day of sobriety my mind is clouded, foggy, having a hard time retaining what I learned. A 79 in my program is failing. You need an 80 or above. I know 1 point. But for me that is devastating. NOW, I am angry with myself over this grade. Do I want to drink, heck yeah. But, will I? No.
In moments such as this, I try to rationalize things, but I turn it against alcohol. Especially when the brain starts working on you with quotes such as "you can have one drink it won't hurt." Or, "I would feel so much better if I drank," etc....... Instead, I am thinking against my brain if you will. I turn those moments into, I am ANGRY at alcohol for causing me to not pass my exam, I am angry at the distress alcohol causes me in my life. I am angry at alcohol for making me feel this way right now (meaning detoxing). I am not angry in general. I just turn it against the inner workings to help me get through those moments.
Right now, I am at a loss. I feel very tired, had a headache most of the day. My stomach has been burning like fire for the past 3 days despite eating. I know the reaons why. But it stinks. I took vitamins this morning, a B1, a B12 and a multi-vitamin. Ate oatmeal for breakfast with banannas in it. Had lunch. But still feeling out of whack. But, I completely understand why. I also went to a meeting today.
I should be studying or reading right now. But, I just need time for me. I have a final on friday that I am terrified to take. But I know that with every minute that passes I have perservered. I am proud of every minute that goes by. Each day that goes by is even better, and one step closer to "NOT feeling so horrible." DEEP BLUE hang in there. Think of something positive, think about the clarity of knowing what you did today, try to get to a meeting, or just stay here and read some posts, or chat away.
Carol....thank you for posting that link to that thread. I read it, and I can definitely understand why you would not drink anymore after that.
OK, I have made this post far too long, and possibly with a little to much rambling from here to there. Thanks for reading.
Jason
Yes I was on a fairly even keel whilst not drinking. I am a very calm person when I am not drinking. Yes I have my demons, but we all do. I have lost a career that I had for 7 years, then was told I was overqualified when I lost my position. I also had been in a divorce 6.5 years ago that has put a burden on my relationship with my twins. It has been a really rough road for me for the past 6 years. My relapse was caused by my ex-wife who let me see my kids over the summer, but about a month later decided to have my daughter write me a letter that hurt me to the core, and now I don't get to see or speak to them.
Now I know that is no excuse. I hung in there for several months. As I am also in Nursing school, which I am at times even ashamed to admit on here because how could I be a nurse when I have a problem myself? BUT, I know I have a problem. I can admit to it. I am working to keep my sobriety, but I do it one day at a time. Hope that helps Deep Blue.
Now hang in there cause this may be long. I did well in my first year of nursing, good grades etc. I am fighting this semester because I spent some of the first 8 weeks drinking. I got a 79 on a pharmacology exam today because being on my third day of sobriety my mind is clouded, foggy, having a hard time retaining what I learned. A 79 in my program is failing. You need an 80 or above. I know 1 point. But for me that is devastating. NOW, I am angry with myself over this grade. Do I want to drink, heck yeah. But, will I? No.
In moments such as this, I try to rationalize things, but I turn it against alcohol. Especially when the brain starts working on you with quotes such as "you can have one drink it won't hurt." Or, "I would feel so much better if I drank," etc....... Instead, I am thinking against my brain if you will. I turn those moments into, I am ANGRY at alcohol for causing me to not pass my exam, I am angry at the distress alcohol causes me in my life. I am angry at alcohol for making me feel this way right now (meaning detoxing). I am not angry in general. I just turn it against the inner workings to help me get through those moments.
Right now, I am at a loss. I feel very tired, had a headache most of the day. My stomach has been burning like fire for the past 3 days despite eating. I know the reaons why. But it stinks. I took vitamins this morning, a B1, a B12 and a multi-vitamin. Ate oatmeal for breakfast with banannas in it. Had lunch. But still feeling out of whack. But, I completely understand why. I also went to a meeting today.
I should be studying or reading right now. But, I just need time for me. I have a final on friday that I am terrified to take. But I know that with every minute that passes I have perservered. I am proud of every minute that goes by. Each day that goes by is even better, and one step closer to "NOT feeling so horrible." DEEP BLUE hang in there. Think of something positive, think about the clarity of knowing what you did today, try to get to a meeting, or just stay here and read some posts, or chat away.
Carol....thank you for posting that link to that thread. I read it, and I can definitely understand why you would not drink anymore after that.
OK, I have made this post far too long, and possibly with a little to much rambling from here to there. Thanks for reading.
Jason
Freedom Seeker
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by CarolD 
4D......Congratulations..14 days of progress!
Day 15 for me!
I'll be watching this thread and rooting you all on!
I LOVE being clear headed. I am happier than I've been in months. I am thinking straight, enjoying my work, my husband, my daughter, and my friends. Life is good.
Am I in the Class of February or the Class of March?
DB: sorry you're having a down right now. Hold on...drinking is not the fix...it only brings more suffering and pain. We all know that.
xo
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Hi Jason!
Sorry that YOU are having a bad day as well
Must be something in the air 
Seriously though, you seems to have a good handle on this beast. When it seems to have you by the throat, grab it back and throttle IT! I don't mean to be overly flippant. It is too easy to get complacent (I know because I've been there) and feel like you've got it licked, but in reality, it's ALWAYS a temptation, perhaps even more so when the horrid realities are a bit more distant. Someone's tagline (if that is what it's called) is "Just because you've got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus left town". So we can't escape our alcoholism, nor can we escape the daily ups and downs of our lives. That's just the way it is.
Anyways, best of luck on your exam and kudos for you to be striving for such a noble goal!
Sorry that YOU are having a bad day as well
Must be something in the air Seriously though, you seems to have a good handle on this beast. When it seems to have you by the throat, grab it back and throttle IT! I don't mean to be overly flippant. It is too easy to get complacent (I know because I've been there) and feel like you've got it licked, but in reality, it's ALWAYS a temptation, perhaps even more so when the horrid realities are a bit more distant. Someone's tagline (if that is what it's called) is "Just because you've got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus left town". So we can't escape our alcoholism, nor can we escape the daily ups and downs of our lives. That's just the way it is.Anyways, best of luck on your exam and kudos for you to be striving for such a noble goal!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Woohoo 4D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Congratulations!!!! I like to hang out in this thread (or the Class of...) because I wish to add support for the early days and, selfishly, it serves to remind me how close a drink is. It is always my choice. Today (and hopefully every day to come), the answer is "no".
But really, congratulations!
(love this guy)
Congratulations!!!! I like to hang out in this thread (or the Class of...) because I wish to add support for the early days and, selfishly, it serves to remind me how close a drink is. It is always my choice. Today (and hopefully every day to come), the answer is "no".
But really, congratulations!
(love this guy)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hampshire UK
Posts: 162
So many thanks to everyone that has posted today. I can't tell you how much you help.
I can't do justice with a decent reply now as I am off to bed and will try and forget Woeful Wednesday! But I hope to pick up some of your points over the next couple of days. Thanks to Jason and HideorSeek for giving me so much food for thought, and to Carol for the link. And to 4Dogs for reminding me that there are good days as well as bad.
I appreciate that you have all spent time trying to encourage me when you are going through your own battles - that is real generosity. Onwards and upwards - we will all make it if we stick together! Here's to tomorrow!
DB
I can't do justice with a decent reply now as I am off to bed and will try and forget Woeful Wednesday! But I hope to pick up some of your points over the next couple of days. Thanks to Jason and HideorSeek for giving me so much food for thought, and to Carol for the link. And to 4Dogs for reminding me that there are good days as well as bad.
I appreciate that you have all spent time trying to encourage me when you are going through your own battles - that is real generosity. Onwards and upwards - we will all make it if we stick together! Here's to tomorrow!
DB
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