Codependency and Beyond
Leap of Faith Survivor
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Codependency and Beyond
Here is Part 1: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...nymous-19.html
We made it!!
When I started this thread, I had hoped for a place where I could come and talk about Codependency as it has impacted my life. This thread has been that and more, and it has been such a joy to be a part of. Thank you to everyone, who has been a part of this blessed thread and a warm welcome to all those who have yet to discover our little corner of SR
.
We made it!!
When I started this thread, I had hoped for a place where I could come and talk about Codependency as it has impacted my life. This thread has been that and more, and it has been such a joy to be a part of. Thank you to everyone, who has been a part of this blessed thread and a warm welcome to all those who have yet to discover our little corner of SR
.
Last edited by Anna; 02-03-2009 at 06:27 PM.
Leap of Faith Survivor
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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You are reading from the Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Enjoying Recovery
February 4
What a journey!
This process of growth and change takes us along an ever-changing road. Sometimes the way is hard and craggy. Sometimes we climb mountains. Sometimes we slide down the other side on a toboggan.
Sometimes we rest.
Sometimes we grope through the darkness. Sometimes we're blinded by sunlight.
At times many may walk with us on the road; sometimes we feel nearly alone.
Ever changing, always interesting, always leading someplace better, someplace good.
What a journey!
Today. God, help me relax and enjoy the scenery. Help me know I'm right where I need to be on my journey.
Enjoying Recovery
February 4
What a journey!
This process of growth and change takes us along an ever-changing road. Sometimes the way is hard and craggy. Sometimes we climb mountains. Sometimes we slide down the other side on a toboggan.
Sometimes we rest.
Sometimes we grope through the darkness. Sometimes we're blinded by sunlight.
At times many may walk with us on the road; sometimes we feel nearly alone.
Ever changing, always interesting, always leading someplace better, someplace good.
What a journey!
Today. God, help me relax and enjoy the scenery. Help me know I'm right where I need to be on my journey.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,151
Whoooooo Haaaaaaa a new thread!!!
To celebrate, I found this for everyone who was asking about codependency with cats
The Official Cat Codependents Handbook: For People Who Love Their Cats Too Much
by Sellers Ronnie
Synopses & Reviews
Publisher Comments:
Are you cat codependent? Do you get introduced as "The Cat Person"? Do you plan your life around what works best for your cat(s)? Do your veterinary bills exceed your rent? Do you believe it is your duty to feed every cat in the neighborhood? If any of these symptoms apply to you, you may be cat codependent!
Review:
"A rollicking good read for pet owners of all ages and degrees of codependency." Midwest Book Review
Review:
"Sellers illustrates various symptoms of cat codependency...I recognized myself in several." Diane White, The Boston Globe
Synopsis:
From the creators of The Official Cat Codependents Calendar comes the book that has been anxiously awaited by 150,000 cat codependents. Featuring real-life testimonials from admitted cat codependents, the handbook contains color illustrations, including many from the best selling calendars of the past three years.
To celebrate, I found this for everyone who was asking about codependency with cats
The Official Cat Codependents Handbook: For People Who Love Their Cats Too Much
by Sellers Ronnie
Synopses & Reviews
Publisher Comments:
Are you cat codependent? Do you get introduced as "The Cat Person"? Do you plan your life around what works best for your cat(s)? Do your veterinary bills exceed your rent? Do you believe it is your duty to feed every cat in the neighborhood? If any of these symptoms apply to you, you may be cat codependent!
Review:
"A rollicking good read for pet owners of all ages and degrees of codependency." Midwest Book Review
Review:
"Sellers illustrates various symptoms of cat codependency...I recognized myself in several." Diane White, The Boston Globe
Synopsis:
From the creators of The Official Cat Codependents Calendar comes the book that has been anxiously awaited by 150,000 cat codependents. Featuring real-life testimonials from admitted cat codependents, the handbook contains color illustrations, including many from the best selling calendars of the past three years.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Thanks Espresso..a book just for ME (and Elvis, Mots, and Patches...who is STILL in the kitchen waiting on her treats).
I am so glad we made it to part 2, even though we've still been continuing with part 1. We've gained some new friends, and I now have another thread, I can come to, daily, and share and learn from
I am very grateful to Grateful2b and SR for being here for me, in so many aspects of my life. It seems, no matter what I need, SR is there for me. My family and friends have seen the changes in me, heck even WORK has seen the changes..they just don't know why I'm 47 years old, and I finally like the person I am. The good Lord willing, I have a lot of years left on this earth, and I plan on making the best out of every one of them!!
Oops....here comes one of my cats...time to spoil him, as I AM still a codie to my cats!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I am so glad we made it to part 2, even though we've still been continuing with part 1. We've gained some new friends, and I now have another thread, I can come to, daily, and share and learn from
I am very grateful to Grateful2b and SR for being here for me, in so many aspects of my life. It seems, no matter what I need, SR is there for me. My family and friends have seen the changes in me, heck even WORK has seen the changes..they just don't know why
I'm 47 years old, and I finally like the person I am. The good Lord willing, I have a lot of years left on this earth, and I plan on making the best out of every one of them!!Oops....here comes one of my cats...time to spoil him, as I AM still a codie to my cats!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Expresso, thank you for the housewarming gift, that was sweet..
Amy, I love your new avatar!
yes, this wonderful place has been a gift for me too...this last year has been amazing!
SG, yes we did..high five, girl..you were such a big part of keeping this thread going..thank you
, that was sweet..Amy, I love your new avatar!
yes, this wonderful place has been a gift for me too...this last year has been amazing!
SG, yes we did..high five, girl..you were such a big part of keeping this thread going..thank you
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Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,496
I wonder if others find that their co-dependency traits are more evident or even kick into high-gear, when they are under stress?
This is true for me and it's frustrating. I feel like, as well as dealing with something stressful, I am regressing (temporarily, anyways) in my recovery.
This is true for me and it's frustrating. I feel like, as well as dealing with something stressful, I am regressing (temporarily, anyways) in my recovery.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
The picture of Elvis in my avatar is taken on our back deck, a couple of months ago. I'd forgotten I had it, and figured I needed a change.
Went to the dr., this morning and he says I have bronchitis. I figured I did, but was just going to tough it out. He gave me a prescription for an antibiotic, but also a "coupon" so it was free. Also gave me a prescription for a really strong cough medicine. It's a narcotic, but just one small bottle, no refills. I've tried everything else, and have been coughing for 3 weeks, and I know this stuff works - it also has an antihistamine in it. I feel like I've been beaten with a baseball bat, from all the coughing, so it will be nice to NOT cough for a while. I'm very careful about the narcotic stuff, so don't worry
I also talked to him about the friend who he treats and her addiction. He says he just recently found out a lot of stuff about her and is no longer giving her anything. He even knew that she had threatened to kill herself and her son, said "that's why she doesn't HAVE her son anymore". He didn't realize my connection with her, and that her friend is my stepsister. I told him I didn't want to overstep my boundaries, he just hugged me and thanked me for looking out for him.
Got 6 weeks of anti-d samples, along with 2 packs of the migraine med I take for breakthrough migraines (treximet). I haven't had to take them in 2 months, and have more coming, so will give them to my stepsister, as she has really bad migraines, and takes imitrex...this is the same stuff, but has aleve added to it and isn't a shot.
Stepmom asked me to ask him for seroquel for her so she could get some sleep...I told her "nope..I won't give you anything that is prescription. If you want it, ask your own dr. for it".
Found out my new insurance prescription plan isn't worth a crap. It's a discount plan and I got NO discount on the cough medicine that cost $57!
Dad just asked me if I'd talked to my stepsister, Teresa, lately. I told him I'd talked to her today. He asked me "what's the problem with her..why won't she answer the calls from her mom?" I said "how the heck do I know? You know I don't get into that sh*t!" He said "well she can just lose our phone number!" I told him "that's between {stepmom} and Teresa...not me or you". Sheez!
My dr. did say that other than the bronchitis I looked and sounded GREAT!!! I told him of stepmom getting arrested, things improving at work, etc. I was also telling him and his nurse how awesome my neurologist is, in fact I said "he's like you..his main concern is his patient..not the insurance company or workman's comp". They both asked his name and said "we need to use him", so I gave them his phone number.
Stepmom told me bronchitis is NOT contagious. I just said "gee, I guess they didn't know what they were talking about in nursing school". I know some types of bronchitis aren't, but some are. I was saying I wouldn't go over to my stepsister's right now, because she has fibromyalgia and a bad heart, so her immune system is shot..I don't go near her or the kids when I'm sick.
I bought some new ear plugs, and am going to get some rest today. Brit woke me up, again, at 4:30 this morning, taking a bath (the bathroom is between her room and mine). Of course, she has to turn on the radio
Now, she's complaining of being sick.
Got my car back. It cost $175, but at least I have a mirror again. Dad had stopped by Dave's (my mechanic buddy) on his way home from a trip, right before I went up there. I guess he told Dave about our discussion on happiness, the other day, since I used Dave as an example. Dave said "I learned, a long time ago...you can start your day one of two ways....grumpy or happy..I decided happy is a whole lot better!"
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Went to the dr., this morning and he says I have bronchitis. I figured I did, but was just going to tough it out. He gave me a prescription for an antibiotic, but also a "coupon" so it was free. Also gave me a prescription for a really strong cough medicine. It's a narcotic, but just one small bottle, no refills. I've tried everything else, and have been coughing for 3 weeks, and I know this stuff works - it also has an antihistamine in it. I feel like I've been beaten with a baseball bat, from all the coughing, so it will be nice to NOT cough for a while. I'm very careful about the narcotic stuff, so don't worry
I also talked to him about the friend who he treats and her addiction. He says he just recently found out a lot of stuff about her and is no longer giving her anything. He even knew that she had threatened to kill herself and her son, said "that's why she doesn't HAVE her son anymore". He didn't realize my connection with her, and that her friend is my stepsister. I told him I didn't want to overstep my boundaries, he just hugged me and thanked me for looking out for him.
Got 6 weeks of anti-d samples, along with 2 packs of the migraine med I take for breakthrough migraines (treximet). I haven't had to take them in 2 months, and have more coming, so will give them to my stepsister, as she has really bad migraines, and takes imitrex...this is the same stuff, but has aleve added to it and isn't a shot.
Stepmom asked me to ask him for seroquel for her so she could get some sleep...I told her "nope..I won't give you anything that is prescription. If you want it, ask your own dr. for it".
Found out my new insurance prescription plan isn't worth a crap. It's a discount plan and I got NO discount on the cough medicine that cost $57!
Dad just asked me if I'd talked to my stepsister, Teresa, lately. I told him I'd talked to her today. He asked me "what's the problem with her..why won't she answer the calls from her mom?" I said "how the heck do I know? You know I don't get into that sh*t!" He said "well she can just lose our phone number!" I told him "that's between {stepmom} and Teresa...not me or you". Sheez!
My dr. did say that other than the bronchitis I looked and sounded GREAT!!! I told him of stepmom getting arrested, things improving at work, etc. I was also telling him and his nurse how awesome my neurologist is, in fact I said "he's like you..his main concern is his patient..not the insurance company or workman's comp". They both asked his name and said "we need to use him", so I gave them his phone number.
Stepmom told me bronchitis is NOT contagious. I just said "gee, I guess they didn't know what they were talking about in nursing school". I know some types of bronchitis aren't, but some are. I was saying I wouldn't go over to my stepsister's right now, because she has fibromyalgia and a bad heart, so her immune system is shot..I don't go near her or the kids when I'm sick.
I bought some new ear plugs, and am going to get some rest today. Brit woke me up, again, at 4:30 this morning, taking a bath (the bathroom is between her room and mine). Of course, she has to turn on the radio
Now, she's complaining of being sick.Got my car back. It cost $175, but at least I have a mirror again. Dad had stopped by Dave's (my mechanic buddy) on his way home from a trip, right before I went up there. I guess he told Dave about our discussion on happiness, the other day, since I used Dave as an example. Dave said "I learned, a long time ago...you can start your day one of two ways....grumpy or happy..I decided happy is a whole lot better!"
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Geez...sorry my post was so LONG!!
((Anna)) - I, absolutely, find I digress when I'm stressed. I think it's a lot like the HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) thing...our defenses are down. When I'm stressed, I'm usually acting like I'm on autopilot, and, unfortunately, I've been a codie so long, some of those traits just kick in.
However, I do recognize them faster, these days.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
((Anna)) - I, absolutely, find I digress when I'm stressed. I think it's a lot like the HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) thing...our defenses are down. When I'm stressed, I'm usually acting like I'm on autopilot, and, unfortunately, I've been a codie so long, some of those traits just kick in.
However, I do recognize them faster, these days.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
yes, Anna, that is my experience as well...
I experienced a situation yesterday, that triggered me in a way I did not anticipate, but as it threw me off, it left me vunerable to the dreaded codie attack.. and I wound up feeling inadequate because I felt I was not all I could be..that I 'should' have been able to do more... old tapes. grrr
....talking it through a little helped me release some of it...
But, mostly, I try to remind myself that it is okay to feel this way. there was a time when I would get really down on myself, but now I try to work through the yucky feelings and try to follow the breadcrumbs back to the moment where I fell off the rail a little....
Once I have given my feelings a chance to settle a bit, I take some inventory, get some perspective so I can take another look at the situation
my way of dealing with these slips now, is to 'accept' that they will happen from time to time, and it is okay...it is just a part of who I am...and there are plenty of days where I don't get hooked , but there will be days when I will
and the 'best part' of the slip is in the fact that there is always something of value for me to glean each time...which for me makes it worthwhile..
I think the trap in thinking we are not allowed to slip no matter how great our recovery is, is what keeps those tapes playing.
I experienced a situation yesterday, that triggered me in a way I did not anticipate, but as it threw me off, it left me vunerable to the dreaded codie attack.. and I wound up feeling inadequate because I felt I was not all I could be..that I 'should' have been able to do more... old tapes. grrr
....talking it through a little helped me release some of it...
But, mostly, I try to remind myself that it is okay to feel this way. there was a time when I would get really down on myself, but now I try to work through the yucky feelings and try to follow the breadcrumbs back to the moment where I fell off the rail a little....
Once I have given my feelings a chance to settle a bit, I take some inventory, get some perspective so I can take another look at the situation
my way of dealing with these slips now, is to 'accept' that they will happen from time to time, and it is okay...it is just a part of who I am...and there are plenty of days where I don't get hooked , but there will be days when I will
and the 'best part' of the slip is in the fact that there is always something of value for me to glean each time...which for me makes it worthwhile..
I think the trap in thinking we are not allowed to slip no matter how great our recovery is, is what keeps those tapes playing.
Leap of Faith Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Originally Posted by grateful2b 
yes, Anna, that is my experience as well...
I experienced a situation yesterday, that triggered me in a way I did not anticipate, but as it threw me off, it left me vunerable to the dreaded codie attack.. and I wound up feeling inadequate because I felt I was not all I could be..that I 'should' have been able to do more... old tapes. grrr
....talking it through a little helped me release some of it...
But, mostly, I try to remind myself that it is okay to feel this way. there was a time when I would get really down on myself, but now I try to work through the yucky feelings and try to follow the breadcrumbs back to the moment where I fell off the rail a little....
Once I have given my feelings a chance to settle a bit, I take some inventory, get some perspective so I can take another look at the situation
my way of dealing with these slips now, is to 'accept' that they will happen from time to time, and it is okay...it is just a part of who I am...and there are plenty of days where I don't get hooked , but there will be days when I will
and the 'best part' of the slip is in the fact that there is always something of value for me to glean each time...which for me makes it worthwhile..
I think the trap in thinking we are not allowed to slip no matter how great our recovery is, is what keeps those tapes playing.
I experienced a situation yesterday, that triggered me in a way I did not anticipate, but as it threw me off, it left me vunerable to the dreaded codie attack.. and I wound up feeling inadequate because I felt I was not all I could be..that I 'should' have been able to do more... old tapes. grrr
....talking it through a little helped me release some of it...
But, mostly, I try to remind myself that it is okay to feel this way. there was a time when I would get really down on myself, but now I try to work through the yucky feelings and try to follow the breadcrumbs back to the moment where I fell off the rail a little....
Once I have given my feelings a chance to settle a bit, I take some inventory, get some perspective so I can take another look at the situation
my way of dealing with these slips now, is to 'accept' that they will happen from time to time, and it is okay...it is just a part of who I am...and there are plenty of days where I don't get hooked , but there will be days when I will
and the 'best part' of the slip is in the fact that there is always something of value for me to glean each time...which for me makes it worthwhile..
I think the trap in thinking we are not allowed to slip no matter how great our recovery is, is what keeps those tapes playing.
these moments happen not because I am flawed but because I am human . Even the choice of the word; slip has a negative connotation..
I think that part of taking care of ourselves is giving ourselves permission to not be perfect, that who we are is okay and what we do is good enough on any given day
.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
Anna, Like they say we never graduate, its a life long program, we need to accept ourselves just where we are at, as long as we are sincere and trying... I like Amy's Quote "I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be"
I find the same thing too, when I become stressed, everything I'm learning goes out the window..so I need to pray "help"
I find the same thing too, when I become stressed, everything I'm learning goes out the window..so I need to pray "help"
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 23
So glad i found this thread...
since finding all of you wonderful people and combined with your reminders and keen insight, this seems to be filling a void that i have had for some time now...i actually feel happier ...and I am becoming more open to learning something new every day when I read your posts. Whats better yet I know that i don't have to be such a loner when it comes to recovering from my co-dependent ways...
thanks:ghug
thanks:ghug
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by 51anna
I wonder if others find that their co-dependency traits are more evident or even kick into high-gear, when they are under stress?
This is true for me and it's frustrating. I feel like, as well as dealing with something stressful, I am regressing (temporarily, anyways) in my recovery.
This is true for me and it's frustrating. I feel like, as well as dealing with something stressful, I am regressing (temporarily, anyways) in my recovery.
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