Class of July 2008 Part 5
Fizz
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I feel horrible and depressed and guilty (why?) and awful. Not much sleep last night and a really strange dream that stayed in my mind longer than a dream has any business staying.
Started bawling like a big stupid baby today while walking my dogs past the driveway where my rescued dog (last year, not the one I got last year in July) used to 'live' - if you can his existance 'living'. I thought, for a millisecond, of going to their door and telling them what happened to "their" dog, how he had the best vet care after he got away from them, had a wonderful loving life with me... for two months until his malnourished self couldn't fight off a bad infection and he died. I am still angry with them and he died 16 months ago.
Also during our walk I went past a house where a poor neglected dog lives - IN the house, never going outside for anything after she savagely bit a neighborhood kid last spring. Her 'life' before being confined to one room of their house consisted of being chained to a too-small doghouse in their yard 24/7. I still feel guilty passing her 'home' - if you can call it that. The kids living in that house are just as neglected, outside at all times of the day and night and not appearing to have much supervision.
I get SO ANGRY at people like that, and want to chain their useless @sses to a tiny house outside ALL THE TIME. What makes people treat living beings that way?? Don't they realize, or care, that such neglect makes the dogs neurotic at best and dangerously psychotic at worst.
So I've been bawling like a big stupid baby since we got home from our walk. I can't 'do' anything. The local humane society knows about it but does nothing. I just can't stand it but can't do anything. The best thing for that poor dog would be euthanasia, but she doesn't have that option as the people wouldn't know compassion if it jumped up and bit them in the butt.
I just can't stand it, and the only thing I can do is love my dogs more, and they're already living the life of royalty. But I pet them and love them and give them treats and vet care and brush their teeth and sleep next to them at night. It's all I can do.
This hasn't been a good day at all. Have I done anything here lately that was mean or rude or unkind? I feel like there's something wrong with me. Have I done anything wrong? If I have, please let me know so I can apologize sincerely and try not to do it again. I am useless and a lost cause. I don't do much right except staying sober and cleaning up after my dogs. But that's not enough.
Started bawling like a big stupid baby today while walking my dogs past the driveway where my rescued dog (last year, not the one I got last year in July) used to 'live' - if you can his existance 'living'. I thought, for a millisecond, of going to their door and telling them what happened to "their" dog, how he had the best vet care after he got away from them, had a wonderful loving life with me... for two months until his malnourished self couldn't fight off a bad infection and he died. I am still angry with them and he died 16 months ago.
Also during our walk I went past a house where a poor neglected dog lives - IN the house, never going outside for anything after she savagely bit a neighborhood kid last spring. Her 'life' before being confined to one room of their house consisted of being chained to a too-small doghouse in their yard 24/7. I still feel guilty passing her 'home' - if you can call it that. The kids living in that house are just as neglected, outside at all times of the day and night and not appearing to have much supervision.
I get SO ANGRY at people like that, and want to chain their useless @sses to a tiny house outside ALL THE TIME. What makes people treat living beings that way?? Don't they realize, or care, that such neglect makes the dogs neurotic at best and dangerously psychotic at worst.
So I've been bawling like a big stupid baby since we got home from our walk. I can't 'do' anything. The local humane society knows about it but does nothing. I just can't stand it but can't do anything. The best thing for that poor dog would be euthanasia, but she doesn't have that option as the people wouldn't know compassion if it jumped up and bit them in the butt.
I just can't stand it, and the only thing I can do is love my dogs more, and they're already living the life of royalty. But I pet them and love them and give them treats and vet care and brush their teeth and sleep next to them at night. It's all I can do.
This hasn't been a good day at all. Have I done anything here lately that was mean or rude or unkind? I feel like there's something wrong with me. Have I done anything wrong? If I have, please let me know so I can apologize sincerely and try not to do it again. I am useless and a lost cause. I don't do much right except staying sober and cleaning up after my dogs. But that's not enough.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
Aww…you’re just having a bad day. Seeing or hearing about animals being abused or neglected gets to me also. There isn’t much we can do about it but hope that people like that will stop getting animals. I don’t understand it either Least. I especially hate seeing dogs chained up in the back yard or in dog runs for their entire existence. It makes me angry.
You haven’t done or said anything wrong that I’m aware of. You have a big heart and are just feeling down in the dumps. You’ve been sick and that also gets wearisome. I hope you will distract yourself by thinking of how lucky your dogs are to have you for their owner.
You haven’t done or said anything wrong that I’m aware of. You have a big heart and are just feeling down in the dumps. You’ve been sick and that also gets wearisome. I hope you will distract yourself by thinking of how lucky your dogs are to have you for their owner.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Road to recovery
Posts: 866
Least, I can see how that would be upsetting. Child neglect and people abusing dogs or any animals is lower than low.
You're dogs sound lucky. We've had friends say they want to reincarnated as one of our dogs since they are soooo spoiled.
You're dogs sound lucky. We've had friends say they want to reincarnated as one of our dogs since they are soooo spoiled.
Sober since 9th May 2008
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 2,973
Least - its better than where you were though yea ?
Reckon you are far too hard on yourself, ok I'm probably too much the other way but ......................
From what I can see you are a good person, please stop worrying about everyone else and things you have no control over and enjoy.
Reckon you are far too hard on yourself, ok I'm probably too much the other way but ......................
From what I can see you are a good person, please stop worrying about everyone else and things you have no control over and enjoy.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I am fortunate to have my dogs' love.
If I could come back as anything it would have to be as one of the raptors, a hawk or a peregrine falcon. Something protected under the law, at least for now, and something that soars far above this wretched world.
If I could come back as anything it would have to be as one of the raptors, a hawk or a peregrine falcon. Something protected under the law, at least for now, and something that soars far above this wretched world.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
and least...they are fortunate to have you...and you sober....
My poor dogs werent sure what to make of it when i got sober...not exactly abuse...but i didn't pay much attention to them...the older one who i got sober and was sober with for 7 years, got very depressed during my drinking.
You are a great person least and didn't do anything to offend anyone...that is one of the ways we get messed up thinking that can lead to drinking...so say this one "may I be more compassionate toward MYSELF and others"
My poor dogs werent sure what to make of it when i got sober...not exactly abuse...but i didn't pay much attention to them...the older one who i got sober and was sober with for 7 years, got very depressed during my drinking.
You are a great person least and didn't do anything to offend anyone...that is one of the ways we get messed up thinking that can lead to drinking...so say this one "may I be more compassionate toward MYSELF and others"
getting there
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
Hi everybody,
Just a quick check-in. Went out to dinner tonight with a friend. She ordered a glass of wine and asked if I wanted to taste it. I instinctively started reaching for the glass, then stopped myself and said "no thanks" and went back to my coke. Home safely now and said friend is about to come over so we can watch Halloweeny movies. Hope everybody else is having a good sober night too!
Will try to catch up with other posts later, but... Least, animal stories like that absolutely break my heart too. I can't even watch a news story about a neglected animal because it literally makes me sick and depressed for a long time. I have way more sympathy for animals than people most of the time.
Also... Boston, have I ever talked about my fear of clowns? Particularly THAT clown?
Just a quick check-in. Went out to dinner tonight with a friend. She ordered a glass of wine and asked if I wanted to taste it. I instinctively started reaching for the glass, then stopped myself and said "no thanks" and went back to my coke. Home safely now and said friend is about to come over so we can watch Halloweeny movies. Hope everybody else is having a good sober night too!
Will try to catch up with other posts later, but... Least, animal stories like that absolutely break my heart too. I can't even watch a news story about a neglected animal because it literally makes me sick and depressed for a long time. I have way more sympathy for animals than people most of the time.
Also... Boston, have I ever talked about my fear of clowns? Particularly THAT clown?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 660
Hey Everyone! :)
You guys were busy here tonight! :)
joinedintime...Thanks so much! :) It's been a busy few nights with all the trick-or-treating, but our Halloween festivities have finally come to an end. I think we'll stay low-key tomorrow night and do a family movie night...popcorn, M&M's and...ginger ale! :)
IO Storm...Thank you so much! :) I love limes...:)
Philly...Congrats on your 100 days! WHOO-HOO! That's awesome! I wish I could give you some good advice, but I'm even newer at this than you! :) Thanks for asking the question...I think we've already gotten some great suggestions!
FizzyWater...I don't think we've ever met! Hi! :) That was great timing on the fizzy water thing! :)
bostonluv...You are very welcome! And thank YOU for the congrats! I am SO HAPPY to hear that you are feeling good! Being weighed down is NO FUN. Your knew picture is great! You look radiant! Who's that guy you with? LOL :)
least...(((hugs))) I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved dog :( I feel so much for you...I struggle with these things as well. There is so much sadness and suffering in this world and it doesn't take much to make any already blue day seem 100x worse...I love animals too and hate to see them abused or hurting. It is SO HARD to see this and feel powerless over the situation. If at all possible, try and take your dogs on a different route when you are having a "down day". When you are feeling vulnerable, you must protect yourself first...you simply must. The fact that you care SO MUCH is evidence of the good person you are. Please tell youself that. Tell that voice in your head that is making you feel bad about yourself to STOP! Turn it off and remind yourself of what a good person you are. And if that doesn't work, keep coming back here so we can remind you! Promise? :)
colagirl...WHOO-HOO! I am SO PROUD OF YOU! That is awesome! Enjoy your movie tonight!
rurdy2rk, ananda, BMUS and anyone else stopping by this evening...a wave and a smile to you! :)
Wishing you all a very restful and peaceful sleep...sweet dreams! :)
You guys were busy here tonight! :)
joinedintime...Thanks so much! :) It's been a busy few nights with all the trick-or-treating, but our Halloween festivities have finally come to an end. I think we'll stay low-key tomorrow night and do a family movie night...popcorn, M&M's and...ginger ale! :)
IO Storm...Thank you so much! :) I love limes...:)
Philly...Congrats on your 100 days! WHOO-HOO! That's awesome! I wish I could give you some good advice, but I'm even newer at this than you! :) Thanks for asking the question...I think we've already gotten some great suggestions!
FizzyWater...I don't think we've ever met! Hi! :) That was great timing on the fizzy water thing! :)
bostonluv...You are very welcome! And thank YOU for the congrats! I am SO HAPPY to hear that you are feeling good! Being weighed down is NO FUN. Your knew picture is great! You look radiant! Who's that guy you with? LOL :)
least...(((hugs))) I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved dog :( I feel so much for you...I struggle with these things as well. There is so much sadness and suffering in this world and it doesn't take much to make any already blue day seem 100x worse...I love animals too and hate to see them abused or hurting. It is SO HARD to see this and feel powerless over the situation. If at all possible, try and take your dogs on a different route when you are having a "down day". When you are feeling vulnerable, you must protect yourself first...you simply must. The fact that you care SO MUCH is evidence of the good person you are. Please tell youself that. Tell that voice in your head that is making you feel bad about yourself to STOP! Turn it off and remind yourself of what a good person you are. And if that doesn't work, keep coming back here so we can remind you! Promise? :)
colagirl...WHOO-HOO! I am SO PROUD OF YOU! That is awesome! Enjoy your movie tonight!
rurdy2rk, ananda, BMUS and anyone else stopping by this evening...a wave and a smile to you! :)
Wishing you all a very restful and peaceful sleep...sweet dreams! :)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
Also... Boston, have I ever talked about my fear of clowns? Particularly THAT clown?
I'm proud of you Cola Girl for your victory tonight. The small victories add up day by day making us stronger.
BreakFree - You haven't met Fizzy yet? Get ready to laugh because he is a character! Ty for you compliment BTW. That was very sweet.
I am thinking of Dancing Girl tonight and hoping she is having a good time.
Wishing you all a very restful and peaceful sleep...sweet dreams! 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Road to recovery
Posts: 866
Originally Posted by BreakFree 
joinedintime...Thanks so much!
It's been a busy few nights with all the trick-or-treating, but our Halloween festivities have finally come to an end. I think we'll stay low-key tomorrow night and do a family movie night...popcorn, M&M's and...ginger ale! BL, I wouldn't get serious with that clown. I've seen pictures of him with other women.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Here I am on day 111. Feeling some better this morning, physically and mentally. I got good sleep last night so that helps a lot. I am so grateful for my friends here. You guys do me so much good! I love you all very much! Thanks for being such wonderful friends.
:ghug
:ghug
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 660
Good Morning Everyone! :)
Day 8...feeling great! EXCEPT...I'm exhausted. And, I think my body is detoxing or I am getting a cold. Either way...I feel great about moving forward in this journey, but mentally and physically I am just exhausted. I think this is to be expected and so I will celebrate this detox/cold as victory. My body is FINALLY ridding itself of two years of abuse! WHOO-HOO!
Please forgive me if at times I repeat myself or do not make complete sense...my head is not right today...I don't feel refreshed this morning and the coffee doesn't seem to be doing the trick. Perhaps this isn't the best day for me to cut the boys hair (including my big one - DH)...
bostonluv...Thanks for the heads up! I'll be on the lookout for Fizzy as I love to laugh and everything here IRL has been much too serious! :) Our 100 year old house is falling apart, everyone's stressed...you know...life...
Fizzy...Did you hear that? :)
ananda...I'm so glad your evening went well! :) Was this the night you got be a candy corn? You wear candy corn so well...I'm sure it was a big hit! :) There is a great children's network called Noggin and on one of the little Halloween skits they do this song that goes..."Noooo I don't....like....candy corn....I...don't...like...candy...CORN!" And every year it would get stuck in our head. It's a great song at the expense of candy corn. Yeah, I'm sure candy corn sales were affected by that...my little guys wouldn't touch the stuff. Apparantly they never met a candy corn named ananda! :) Well, this was the first year that the boys no longer watch Noggin (sniff...sniff...apparently THAT station is "for babies" now) and I'm happy to inform you that you kept the song alive in our house! :) We love that song, but we love you too, ananda...even if you are a candy corn! LOL ;)
Oh, JIT...You had me racking my brain too! I couldn't remember either! It was for the Halloween well wishes! :) LOL on your comment about about that sneaky snake Ronald...BL is so lucky to have us looking out for her best interests! Right BL?
least...I am SO GLAD to hear that you are feeling a little better. Let's work on making that A LOT better! :) WHOO-HOO on your days! That is AWESOME! :)
Okay, well...I'm off to take care of my family now...wish me luck on the hair cutting. I am NOT a professional stylist...just a mom trying to save a buck at the expense of my family's appearance and my sanity of course!
I hope you all have a wonderful day today! :) I'll try and check back later...:)
Day 8...feeling great! EXCEPT...I'm exhausted. And, I think my body is detoxing or I am getting a cold. Either way...I feel great about moving forward in this journey, but mentally and physically I am just exhausted. I think this is to be expected and so I will celebrate this detox/cold as victory. My body is FINALLY ridding itself of two years of abuse! WHOO-HOO!
Please forgive me if at times I repeat myself or do not make complete sense...my head is not right today...I don't feel refreshed this morning and the coffee doesn't seem to be doing the trick. Perhaps this isn't the best day for me to cut the boys hair (including my big one - DH)...
bostonluv...Thanks for the heads up! I'll be on the lookout for Fizzy as I love to laugh and everything here IRL has been much too serious! :) Our 100 year old house is falling apart, everyone's stressed...you know...life...
Fizzy...Did you hear that? :)
ananda...I'm so glad your evening went well! :) Was this the night you got be a candy corn? You wear candy corn so well...I'm sure it was a big hit! :) There is a great children's network called Noggin and on one of the little Halloween skits they do this song that goes..."Noooo I don't....like....candy corn....I...don't...like...candy...CORN!" And every year it would get stuck in our head. It's a great song at the expense of candy corn. Yeah, I'm sure candy corn sales were affected by that...my little guys wouldn't touch the stuff. Apparantly they never met a candy corn named ananda! :) Well, this was the first year that the boys no longer watch Noggin (sniff...sniff...apparently THAT station is "for babies" now) and I'm happy to inform you that you kept the song alive in our house! :) We love that song, but we love you too, ananda...even if you are a candy corn! LOL ;)
Oh, JIT...You had me racking my brain too! I couldn't remember either! It was for the Halloween well wishes! :) LOL on your comment about about that sneaky snake Ronald...BL is so lucky to have us looking out for her best interests! Right BL?
least...I am SO GLAD to hear that you are feeling a little better. Let's work on making that A LOT better! :) WHOO-HOO on your days! That is AWESOME! :)
Okay, well...I'm off to take care of my family now...wish me luck on the hair cutting. I am NOT a professional stylist...just a mom trying to save a buck at the expense of my family's appearance and my sanity of course!
I hope you all have a wonderful day today! :) I'll try and check back later...:)
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getting there
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
Originally Posted by bostonluv
Uh...am I traumatizing the group with Ronald McDonald pictures of just pictures of me?
.Ananda - I meant to acknowledge your AA appearance... I don't go to AA, but I would be SO nervous talking in front of people at all, let alone if there was the possibility of booing! I'm sure you inspired your audience just like you do here.
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