festeredsoul

Okay, here's my story, I quit doing drugs 2 1/2 years ago (meth). Now I'm dealing with a husband and sister both addicted to the stuff. I should probably start at the beginning and explain how this happened. When I met my husband 7 years ago, he was using meth. I had no idea what it was, and didn't care to. When our son was 3 months old he was sentenced to 10 years in prison on drug charges. After he went in I went off the deep end. I started smoking it, on the weekends, I did this mainly, because I wanted to feel close to him, I think. Hang out with his friends, live his lifestyle. It quickly went from that to full blown addiction. I followed the same path as countless others who have used meth. From doing here or there, to doing it all the time, to selling it to support my habit, to making it, from pipes to needles. I lost everything, my kids, my home, my job, the respect of my family, and my self respect. During this time my husband was in prison, staying clean, by choice he tells me, because you can get drugs in prison to. A few months before he gets out on parole, he writes me and tells me he still wants to be with me, I just have to get clean. He says he, will never touch the stuff again, and he can't be around ,or with anyone who does. His ultimatum, coupled with my own self disgust, are what motivated me to get clean. I did it on my own. I realize how rare it is, for an addict to just one day up and stop using. Especially with no one to talk to about it. no support system, no meetings, counciling,etc. But I did it. It's not long before my husband is home and hanging out with the same people he used to hang around with. So of course he slips back into it. That first time I feel like I handled the sitiuation pretty rationally. The second time it didn't go so well. My sister had got together with my husband's life long friend. this friend introduced my sister to meth. And I find out they've all been getting high together. I felt betrayed, by both my husband and my sister. I pushed for all of them to go to re-hab, or N.A. meetings. But no one really wanted to get help at that point. My husband cleaned up for a little while. My sisters relationship was abusive and the boyfriend ended up in jail for beating her, but she has continued to use . She of course denies this, which in my mind means she's not ready to quit. My husband has been using again recently, occasionally with my sister. This is killing me. I have no idea what to do. Everything I say to my husband, he thinks is wrong. he has only a few days of sobriety right now. I feel like the bad guy all the time. Niether my husband or my sister have been comunicating with me for some time. I mean we talk, just not about the big pink elephant in the room. I know they both have to make the commitment to stop on thier own, I can't do it for them. But I wonder if this keeps going on will thier problem, lead to me using again. I want to be there for them if they need me and at the same time I want to rip thier heads off.


please any advice would be helpful. :

best

Stay with "Your" recovery. Look about on the Nar Anon board here and maybe seek out some Nar Anon meetings in your area.
NA will give you the tools to stay clean. Nar Anon will give you the tools to understand others and work that side of recovery.

Your post is filled with much wisdom of understanding already. A fine tuning of what you know, will get you through much.

2dayzmuse

I'm very sorry for your situation. I know how difficult it must be for you. I don't have any personal experience with meth, but have seen how it has ruined lives. You are right about them having to get clean for themselves. You can't do it for them. It is sad, very sad to watch the ones you love suffering from addiction.

If you are worried about your own sobriety, you should consider going to NA meetings. Do it for yourself. You are in a very difficult situation and you have to be concerned for your own well being. Take care of yourself and hang on to your sobriety. You know where the meth path leads. Good luck...

emmer

Hello there, I read a country magizine once some good advice....I think. A very old man had a teacher in a one room school house that said " Son if ever in doubt about something.....Don't do it.I wished I would have applied that to my life at times. ...Emmer

deenrose

Hello,
After reading your thread, I felt compelled to respond. I identified with both you and your husband. Please allow me to explain. On 7/7/04, I was released from prison after serving 8 1/2 years. I went to prison for the crime of first degree robbery which happened as a direct result of my addiction to cocaine and crack. NA teaches us that drugs have the power to turn us into people that we don't want to be. After all of the money was gone, I turned to robbery. They also say that we have built in forgetters. I guess that I forgot about all of the pain that I went through prior to going to prison. I forgot about the pain that I caused my family. I destroyed a marriage and left my daughter out there at 8 months old without me. I did not see her for eight years until I got out. While in prison I did not use any Cocaine. Probably because it was not around. However, I smoked weed almost every chance that I got. You see, here in New York, the popular drugs inside of New York prisons are Heroin and Weed. I did not like Heroin. I even had more time added to my sentence because of weed. There were times when I just had to have it. I would even take it from people knowing that I had no intention on paying them back. As I look back, I can admit that even though I had not been using cocaine, I had a reservation to use it again one day. If you look on page 10 of 'IT WORKS, HOW AND WHY', it gives a definition of what a reservation is.... I was only substituting one drug for another. I would sometimes fantasize about how the drug use to make me feel. The bottom line is that I did nothing to deal with my problem. Once I got out, I ran into an old friend. Before long, we were doing coke together which eventually led me back to Crack. I started going to NA meetings on my own about a year ago on my own. That was my first attempt at getting clean. I do not want to use again. I know that that will only cause me problems in the extreme. If I am fortunate, I would die. I only say that because I would be facing a life sentence. In my eyes, that is worse than death. I had to make a choice to go into rehab. That was one of the best choices that I ever made. I learned a few things and I see things more clearly now. They taught me that I should stop fighting and just surrender. Again, I would like to direct you to the literature. If you go to page 11 of "IT WORKS, HOW AND WHY' it gives us a pretty good definition of what we mean by surrendering in NA. TODAY, I SURRENDER TO LIVE.

I will not advise you to leave your husband or your family alone. My wife did not leave me. I remarried. But, I am willing to do what I have to do. If I do not, I could not blame her for leaving me. I could only blame myself. You know that NA advises us to stay away from people, places and things. One of the measures that I take today to stay clean is that I don't associate with anybody who is using. I don't go around places where they are using (this includes drinking), and I gaurd myself against my triggers (things).

I know that this is long, but believe me I gave you the summarized version. I will leave you with this in regards to your last question. I have also heard it said in the rooms 'THEY WILL GET YOU HIGH BEFORE YOU GET THEM CLEAN'.

Halex

Beth, I too am a recovering Crystal Meth addict and from my own experiences w/ meth I am worried that your gonna fall back into it. I pray you don't because we both know how it was being hooked on that stuff. You have to ask yourself is it worth relaps. Cause they aren't gonna quit til they are ready. It took me being up for 20 days straight hallucinating that the ground was crawling with bugs and people moving in slow motion for me to see I had a problem and another 3 months to do something about it. Be strong for yourself and resist the urge.