mam631

<TABLE class=tborder cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR vAlign=top><TD class=alt1>i tried very hard this weekend to make the decision to stop using and get help. i didnt make it through today. it wasnt as bad as other days, but, i still managed to consume 8 percocets and 40 mg morphine. i have got to STOP before i accidently over do it and die...or lose my job. i had one day (and that was yesterday) clean. i now see that i am going to have to seek outside help. i am not going to be able to do this alone this time. i am using more than i ever had before and more frequently. i made a doctors appointment for tomorrow. he already knows my problem and treated me before. i know i am going to need some inpatient treatment....or very strict outpatient treatment. i need to stop right now....no waiting. but, being a nurse in a pretty important role (administrative)....i have to do this very discreetly and it has to be scheduled and planned in advance.
i am asking this group to give me ideas of treatment medications that they think work well for opiate withdrawal. my physician is very open to suggestions and he has a psychiatric background.

i wish i had sought out this website sooner. i can see this will be a place i can go to when i need to talk to someone who can help me and direct me to others who can help.

thank you again for your support
mary
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eddie z.

Clonidine, trazodone, and maybe a non-abusable muscle relaxant such as Skelaxin could be useful. Clonidine is a mainstay in opioid detox. I am really glad you are getting professional help, Mary! I know I couldn't get clean alone and your story sounds alot like mine. I am a pharmacist and recovering opioid addict. The difference is I got caught. It's great you're seeking help before this happens to you.

Pine Grove Next Step is where I went to treatment. They have an excellent program for "impaired healthcare professionals." Feel free to send me a personal message if you like also, OK? I'm wishing you all the best!!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

godsonmyside

Here is a link to some Narcotics Anonymous meeting around you. I did a 10 mile ratious for the 32312 area code, you can search further if you are worried about confidentiality close to home, but it would be sad if you didn't give yourself a break and check it out for yourself.

http://portaltools.na.org/portaltool...&languages=%20
Peace,
Todd J.

mam631

i did the clonidine, flexiril, trazodone and low dose xanax the last time. it REALLY helped. but, at that time i was no where near the doses of drugs i am doing now. i no longer even feel the effects from 30 mg morphine at one time....so i know i need help this time before i accidently overdose. the only effects i feel after a good dose of morphine or several percocet is the fact that i get wound up....i cant stop cleaning and doing things...constant movement....and i know i wont sleep well tonight if at all. i took 3 percocet and 30 mg morphine at around 6p....so...i will be up for a while. i need supervision during detox...i need to have someone that i HAVE to report to at the end of the day...or throughout the day.otherwise....i slip up. i know i am only hurting myself by not having any type of self restraint. i have a wonderful doc....he DOES check up on me. i really am ready for treatment and i really need to do it now. my daughter is going to get married...she is expecting a baby in april of next year...i have a wonderful 6 month old grandson...3 wonderful children (ages 27, 25 and 23)...a wonderful new position at work...so many things going for me right now that i know this is the time to straighten up. this all started after i lost my husband of 25 years to cancer 3 years ago...2 months after losing my 3 day old grandddaughter to a chromosomal disorder...2002 was the worst year of my life...but things are changing for the better now. i am so glad i found this website. i have had so many people send me messages of support.
thank you for your suggestions. i will keep people informed on how my doctors appointment goes tomorrow

mary

eddie z.

Big Bend Area NA

Intervention Project for Nurses

MSN Group—Healthcare Professionals in Recovery

Yeah, Mary, I go to NA myself and Caduceus meetings, too. I couldn't find any Caduceus meetings in your area right off the bat, but the IPN may have some information. I belong to the equivalent program for pharmacists in my state and they can provide a lot of help.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

eddie z.

I know EXACTLY what you mean! LOL. I was researching my last post when you posted this, so our messages criss-crossed in cyberspace. In addition to seeing the doctor tomorrow, I highly recommend an NA meeting. A good NA sponsor can give you the kind of daily accountability you're looking for.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

mam631

i am hoping i wont have to involve IPN. i need to find a treatment center to go into soon. i have to plan it out so i can take time away from work. i do need to get clean now though...i cant plan that for the future...i have to do it now. i am going to talk to my doc about beginning the treatment even if this means going by his office everyday to check in. i dont mind that at all and i know it will help me if i have to check in with someone. i will make the deal with him to go into a treatment center in the future for a week ot two at least. i need to go somewhere that i can get some intense counseling and work on the issues that make me keep going back to self medicating.
i just feel that now is the time to do this. i feel more strongly about it than i ever have before. i am so tired of always feeling sick and tired. i feel so good when i am clean...i just wish i could stay that way.

thanks for helping
mary

Blake

Hey mary,

There are a bunch of nurses and doctors in recovery in my area. Most of the nurses here got here b/c they either told the nursing board about thier addiction or they got caught. The nursing board didn't fire them or anything like that, the sent them to the best detox and rehab in the state, and worked with them on thier recovery. The nursing board paid for everything and set everything up. Most of them are really greatful about this. My friend Ian is a nurse that went through that program and is 7 years clean now, he said it saved his life.

THe biggest problem some of the nurses I know that went through that program have had is that they do get put on resrrictions once they get out of treatment...no dispensing narcotics and the such for a bit.

Have you considered getting help this way? I'm sure florida and louisiana probably have similar guidelines.

eddie z.

Why not? My experience with the program I'm in is that it saved my life. Such programs are not supposed to be punitive, but instead to be supportive of their clients' recovery. I am monitored and highly accountable because of my pharmacists recovery network. They can help you find appropriate treatment.

Most treatment programs for healthcare professionals are 90 days. If you're not interested in Pine Grove (which I STILL highly recommend), MARR could be a more affordable alternative. Remember your LIFE is at stake here, Mary. When I saw the pharmacist counselor at PRN, he told me I needed to be in treatment "yesterday." So the sooner, the better.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!
Love and hugs,
Eddie

Dave_B.

....getting clean is difficult enough as it is no matter what a person has been using. trying to get clean and avoiding consequences at the same time seems impossible and only complicates the matter.

godsonmyside

Just maybe everything that is intended here might be wrong. I too have always wanted to make my treatments plans, my need to do this or that, but forgot the most important factor of the equation, My ideas of doing things got me asking for help in the first place. The core of our disease is Self-Obsession. I think everyone is out to get me. I do all this damage to my self and think very little of myself and think when I need help, everone is going to hurt me, actually I am killing myself and won't turn to the very people that can and will help me,IF I LET THEM. In fact, just asking for help is a step in the right direction, turning down the help that is offered because it doesn't fit my fookish plan can kill me.

I really hope you get help and can move past these reservations, and in the 1st step it tells us that "Reservastion rob us of what recovery has to offer".
If you want help, the only thing in your way right now is you.
I can handle this, or I can handle it if that............. STOP DOING IT TO YOURSELF!!!!!!!
Have you tried Narcotics Anonymous? Are you willing to go to a NA meeting?
http://portaltools.na.org/portaltoo...0&languages=%20

These are meeting near you!!

Peace,
Todd J.

Pernell Johnson

Sorry to hear you are having such difficulty. I have a suggestion that may or may not help you but it is at least woth the effort of investigating and see if in fact it is something that may help you. I will put the sites here and you can see for yourself.

www.healingvisions.com

www.Ibeginagain.org

www.********.com/citysun.html