Fear running deep
 

Hi it's me Kelly, I have meet a few of you, But, this is the first time I really need to talk. I have been in recovery for 6 years and feel great But i know that the disease is always with me, and i hold the key to any exacerbations. I also stay aware that it is possible to pass this disease to my children. I have four a 21 yr. old girl I have no worries about her, But my 19 year old son Kevin scares the hell out of me then there is a 15 and 12 year old boys. With Kevin last year was a pretty rough one and then back in December he settled down and decided that he didn't want to get drunk any more and that the partying was getting old. Of course all the way his dad and I were telling him that he was predisposed to addictive behavior and reminded him of what it was like for him to watch me slither down junkie row.

Anyway, he has been doing great. He hadn't had a drink since December. He graduated last month from highschool, he is a supervisor at Walmart and enrolled in college law enforcement program. We have been so proud of him and happy for him. As well as relieved. But this morning at 4 am I got a phone call that he had been in an accident. He was driving his supervisors car is is olny 20 himself. Kev was arrested and taken to jail where he blew a 1.43. The guys car was totalled they took his license and thank god he escaped without a mark. That in it's self is a miracle the vehicle went end over end then over on it's side and then into a tree. I am freaking out for him. I want to protect him so bad from all this. He is a great guy. Smart, funny, loveable.... And we his parents gave him our disease. And what really scares the hell out of me is I know there is nothing we can say or do to make him understand. Addicts are the most stubborn head strong people I have ever known in my life. I feel he will have to learn for himself, I would like think think this is a one time deal, lesson learned!!! But, for some reason I doubt it...

Sorry for rabbling I just needed to get it off my chest. I am just scared

WOW.... thank God he is alive and didn't hurt anyone else either. Talk about a wake up call! Well as a mother I understand the need to protect our children. I also have 4 kiddos but they are younger. I dread the day I have to deal with the thought I have predisposed them to any harm let alone this awful disease of addiction. I do however believe that Kevin's higher power is with him as well. There really is nothing you can do but be careful about wanting to "protect" him from the consequences of what he does in active addiction/drinking. It may very well be that he has to experience these things in order to find the light of recovery, just like you and I have had to. Easier said than done Im sure. I know often times that even though you have your own recovery, relating things to your own child is totally different. Maybe you would benefit from Alanon. Good luck, you are in my prayers.

Kelly,
I am glad your son is okay. I totally agree with LettingGo's suggestion about Alanon. It would probably be a great help. I am glad u found SR!:wave:
Peace and Love
T

hi, i lost my daughter in 1992 to SIDS. her mother and myself were addicts. i was in recovery, but danny's mom was in and out. it messed me up for along time!
it took along time for me to learn that i am an addict a father a friend a brother. but i can only do the best i can today, and hopefully those around me will learn by being apart of my life.

i am not into religion, but i am spiritual. and one of the best ones i've heard at meeting is the 1st 3 steps for al-tots
i can't
god can
i think i'll let him

my love to your family

klegrand,

If you get a chance, read my thread called: James' trip to hell and back. Then if you could talk your sons into it it might do some good for them to read it as well. It can show them what can happen when you do drugs (or drink) and get behind the wheel. I wish you and your family well and I will keep you guys in my prayers.

Sincerly,
James

Thanks James
 

James, thanks so much. I did read your post before this even happened and your right I think he should read it. Kevin is my oldest son and he is named after my big brother Kevin, who I lost to a alcohol related MVA when I was 9 and he was only 16.
I myself have never drank but I did have my own evils. I was a meth addict from the first try and very quickly went to intravenous use on a daily basis for the next three years. Before this time I had never so much as had a traffic ticket, I wented up with 3 felonys and 6 months in prison. That was 6+ years ago and that is how long I have been clean. HE was there for all that and I am scared that watching me go to hell and back won't be enough.

I feel that every chance your kids get to see just what drugs and alcohol can do (and cost) to you and your life, is a good thing. Even if it only plants a small seed in the back of their consense. It will stick with them and they are more than likely to remember it. But thats just my opinion.

My prayers are with you,
James

It is okay to be scared.....it is hard to watch someone we love possibly make the same mistakes that we did.

Remember, he has an HP of his own.

Prayers for you all.

Thanks everyone.Bless you all