replased after 5 yrs, 11 months,
 

hey all,,

i relapsed after being clean for 5 yrs, 11 months,while sober, did service, in the rooms, sponsored fellows, worked both NA/AA programs. my last sponsor said main reason for the replase is , I DID not change ? ??!!!! he says the 12 steps i worked did not change me,

well, i am now 7 months , 11 days clean, and working my steps ,currently, in step 6, why should i change this time, meaning, i feel i will relapse again, it is a matter of time, i need some suggestions from all the old timers in SR.

gratefull in advance
:thanks

Hey Bobmatic...

I got your PM and responded.

My experience has taught me that addicts that return to active addiction follow the same pattern. They always stop doing what works...meaning...they stop working the program. I mean, I hear what you're saying but every addict that's fortunate to make it back always say that they stopped attending meetings, stopped calling their sponsor, stopped working the steps, stopped doing service, etc... They become complacent and get distracted. They forget the pain of yesterday and regress into denial of Step 1.

Relapse can and does happen. Yet...it doesn't have to. The tools of the program can only work when we use them. When we adopt the battle cry of "no matter what!!" we can accept yesterday for what it was, live in the now and lose our fear of tomorrow.

G

I stopped relapsing when I stopped working the program and tried something else. But we are all indeed different. :)

Why do you feel you will relapse.

In step 6 we become ready to have our character defects lifted.

We don't decide we are going to change ourselves, but that we are willing to be changed. To let go of charcter defects, many of which we perceived to somehow serve us in the past.

If we hang on to them....

Sometimes we are ready to give up the drugs...but aren't ready, or don't really want to give up other character defects (raising my hand...guilty as charged)

I was told this is called having a reservation in my program. Somewhere in my mind (spirit?) I have set aside a condition in which I will allow myself to pick up, or am holding on to a character defect I am unwilling or afraid to have lifted.

My awareness of that possibility (likelyhood) can help me see it when it comes up and apply steps 6 and 7 to it.

I realize I may be opening myself up to criticism, but in my area it isn't very common for someone to relapse and within 7 - 8 months of returning to be working on the 6th step. NA teaches us that recovery begins with surrender and acceptance of the 1st step...and that relapse is the result of having a reservation in our program. The sponsees that I've had that come to me after a relapse are started at Step 1 because they may have missed something in their previous attempt.

And when it comes to step 6 - it was important for me to realize that there's a major difference between becoming entirely ready to have my character defects removed (willingness) and doing my part to have those defects arrested (action thru constructive behavior). Whether we realize it or not, it is through practicing the spiritual principles of the steps that we ultimately bring about a change in our lives. My HP isn't going to remove anything I'm still using (self-will), so I have a responsibility to think and act constructively...working toward solutions (letting go) instead of knowingly acting on my defects.

made it back to the rooms
 

the hardest part is coming back to the rooms of NA, and celebrating 24 hrs, but frankly today i see that it is the best decision I have made, I O.Dozed 3 times, on herione. i cannot believe that i stuck a needle in my arm after almost 6 yrs clean. this disease is much more cunning than i ever imagined. today i reread the chapter of recovery and relapse, what is written there is 200 % correct, not to be taken lightly.
i pray for myself, for all recovering addicts, and for those still suffering.

in loving service:thanks

thanks g money , yr shares are gr8 man.... i guess i will focus on the principles of the steps, and hopefully this time i'll change and reach a second spiritual experience, believe me if i didn't enjoy the 1st stretch of being clean, i would not do the steps again ,it is one of the best trips i did in my life, always worth it.........

bobmatic, It seems you have a much deeper understanding of this disease and how powerful it is, and a deeper compassion for other addicts as a result of your relapse. As you talk about your relapse with other recovering addicts, the feelings of acceptance for others going through the same thing will probably be a spiritual experience. It is humbling to "start over" but we work the steps for as long as we are addicts. Lifelong. Lots of spiritual experiences to come! Glad you are back!

Glad you're back. We don't always come back from relapses.

I relapsed a lot in early recovery. It was painful enough to relapse after a few months clean. I can't even imagine how painful it is after years clean...