JFT April 13, 2013 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 04-13-2013, 04:13 AM   #1 (permalink)
The truth shall set you free
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JFT April 13, 2013

April 13, 2013


Page 107

"…approval-seeking behavior carried us further into our addiction..."

Basic Text. p. 14

When others approve of what we do or say, we feel good; when they disapprove, we feel bad. Their opinions of us, and how those opinions make us feel, can have positive value. By making us feel good about steering a straight course, they encourage us to continue doing so. "People-pleasing" is something else entirely. We "people-please" when we do things, right or wrong, solely to gain another person's approval.

Low self-esteem can make us think we need someone else's approval to feel okay about ourselves. We do whatever we think it will take to make them tell us we're okay We feel good for awhile. Then we start hurting. In trying to please another person, we've diminished ourselves and our values. We realize that the approval of others will not fill the emptiness inside us.

The inner satisfaction we seek can be found in doing the right things for the right reasons. We break the people-pleasing cycle when we stop acting merely to gain others' approval and start acting on our Higher Power's will for us. When we do, we may be pleasantly surprised to find that the people who really count in our lives will approve all the more of our behavior. Most importantly, though, we will approve of ourselves.

Just for Today: Higher Power, help me live in accordance with spiritual principles. Only then can I approve of myself.

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Fear - False Evidence Appearing Real.

Denial - Don't Even Notice I Am Lying

Everybody's at war with different things, I'm at war with my own heart, sometimes.
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Old 04-14-2013, 12:02 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,342
I just found out this section on the board...
After four years hahaha...

I will come here more often and read the JFTD's.

Thank you.
Practice not-doing,
and everything will fall into place.
-Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
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Old 04-14-2013, 01:40 PM   #3 (permalink)

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Wow! This is very helpful information.
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Old 04-14-2013, 07:32 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I needed to hear this. Thank you! Spent the weekend at a conference with professional development seminars, one of which involved analyzing what other people thought of us and working to "correct" (change) behaviors (ourselves) to gain the approval of (abusive) bosses or co-workers.

Doing the right thing, instead of enabling boss's abusive behaviors, is definitely the right way to go. I spent too many years catering to the whims of tyrannical bosses and drowning my sorrows in booze after work. Time to change me in a good way this time - to learn to love myself as a child of God!
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