Pernell Johnson

Karen: My suggestions to a newcomer: Make a meeting a day, especially if she is struggling on a daily basis to stay clean; if she isn't. I still suggest a meeting a day, but definitely not less than three or four times a week. I also suggest beginning prayer and meditation immediately and getting one number from each meeting and calling that person the next day just to get into the habit of doing so.


Sunny: I tell a new sponsee to call me every day for the first month. Don't drink between meeting every day and read the AA sponsorship pamphlet so she has some sense of how this relationship works. I emphasize making meetings every day and that I'm there for her. I don't give her any other directions beyond these at first. But I do expect her to show up if she says she will.


Patrice: I tell them AA is backwards; it's not how you feel, think, or believe that is important; it's taking recovery actions and to keep taking them until your feelings, thoughts, beliefs catch up with your actions. I tell them the disease doesn't want them to recover, and it will try to stop them from being successful. It's going to tell them they're safe when their not, that they've done enough when they've barely started. The only way to beat this disease is to stay in action, stay connected with people in recovery. Recovery is really very simple; it's about learning how to spot danger, then acting appropriately. I go over the actions necessary to stay clean and sober (no set number of meetings, some may need several a day, others several a week). The most important thing is to get connected with recovering people and stay connected. This disease thrives on isolation. Most addicts and alcoholics are like the Lone Ranger who killed Tonto because they could do it better themselves

Pernell Johnson

The first thing I suggest they do is create a schedule, just like a work schedule, of meetings they're going to go to on a regular basis and keep going back to. If they're just starting and don't know which ones they want to go to, I suggest very strongly that men go to all men's meetings (men's stag meetings) and women go to all women's meetings. I find the quality of sharing and authenticity iis greater and the focus of sobriety, per se, is stronger in same gender meetings. I ask them to generate a schedule of where they're going to be every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday---what meetings they're going to be at, and work that out, so they commit to that and keep going back to those same meetings so people get to know them. I also suggest that they start taking phone lists from the meetings they're going to and getting names and numbers from people and making a commitment: once a day they make a minimum of three program calls, to just call and say hello and check in with people from the meetings they go to, in order to start establishing phone relationships with people.

I have never been somebody who insisted somebody call me every day. I find most alcoholics don't take direction very well. If somebody is nearly sober, vacillating and wondering whether or not she is an alcoholic, that kind of expectation and direction may be overwhelming. So I may suggest that I'm available to her, and if she wants, she can call me. I also let her know that it probably would be helpful for her to check in with me, at least on my machine, on a daily basis, but I don't insist upon it.

Pernell Johnson

Charles; I want them to call me every day; if I see they're going to meetings every day, I don't require that. But definitely, they have to call me once a week. They have to tell me what they've been doing. They have to meet with me regularly. I like to meet biweekly or every week for two hours at a time. And if they can't come to me, I go to them.

Bob; The calling every day becomes very inconvenient because you won't be able to get a hold of me every day. The constant home ringing and conferences on the phone---very often they're looking for a father, mother, friend, companion, or a time passer, rather than doing some step work. So, I really don't encourage it. In terms of periodic checkin in, yes. Let me know what you're doing, how you are. There doesn't have to be a tradgedy or anything. Just let me know how you're doing, once a week, once every couple of weeks, or whatever. It is a matter of constant, regular contact over a period but no particular specified time period. You establish a time mode of when you feel like you need to be in touch with me. I feel that works more comfortably, as far as I'm concerned, than anything else. They need to be writing the first three steps, before I even agree to sponsor them. That's just the first assignment: to write their feelings and their understanding of the first three steps.

Mariasha; I ask that the woman call me, talk with me and get to know me. A lot of times, women in recovery houses are under pressure to get sponsors. Before I agree to sponsor somebody, I want to make sure there's a connection. I suggest they call me, and I will agree to be their interim sponsor until they make a decision whether or not it's working for them, so they don't feel under any obligation one way or another, but if they need to fulfill a commitment, they get their commitment fulfilled. I suggest they go to ninety meetings in ninety days when they're out of the recovery house, they get phone numbers of other women, and they listen, as opposed to sharing.

Pernell Johnson

Lisa; Don't pick up. Go to meetings. Reach out to newcomers. Share. I also tell them not to compare their recovery to anyone else's. I can only compare me to me.

Bea; I think they need to be in a meeting. Normally, I'll try to leave it open-ended; it's not like thirty or sixty. I know I needed to be in a meeting every night for the first year or more. So, I suggest they go to a meeting every night, to get three numbers of women at every meeting they go to, to sit up front, and to read.

I really think the sponsor/spnsee relationship is very special. I adore my sponsor. She has given me so much. I don't call her on a daily basis. Sometimes I don't call her on a weekly basis, but I stay in touch with her. She knows what's going on in my life, when there's a crisis or when there's a good time. It's just not as regular as when I was new. However, I'll have a new sponsee call me every day. I've sponsored several women: one woman going on five years, there's no need for them to call me every day, unless they're going through a difficult periods. If they're going through a difficult period, and I see that it's a little dangerous for them, I'll ask them, "I'd like you to call me every day.'" But the truth is, I don't have time to talk on the phone to four or five women every night and give them the feeling that what they're telling me is important or the time to just sit and listen and give feedback. But, at periods in their life, when things are rough, and they're up against the wall, it's fine. I'll always sponsor that newcomer right from the street.

Pernell Johnson

Don; My suggestions are make meetings and read the Big Book and Basic Text if you are literate. The essence of the program is that we turn around our selfishness by helping others, which also means to be of service, and then we get happy. Those who aren't of service cheat themselves. They don't catch on.

I modify my instructions all the time. Some only need three meetings a week. It wouldn't hurt if they went to more meetings, but if they were only a minimal drug user, they don't need seventeen meetings a week. I let them decide until the first slip they have---after that they must follow my directions. But I don't believe in blanket recovery. I look at what they are doing in their lives. Do they have a full-time job? Five kids? Mortgage payments? Work 12 a.m. to 8 a.m.? If they've got major attachments, I feel it's unreasonable to ask them to make a meeting a day. They say make ninety meetings in ninety days. I think if you're going to make a meeting a day it should be for a year. Where did ninety come from? It's arbitrary. The ninety days is considered the amount of time to engage people in the program. If a sponsee has nothing else to do, he should make meetings every day. Everything else is semi-important compared to saving their lives. I modify my demands on my babies (sponsees). Ninety and ninety always sounds like a demand, not a suggestion. I want to keep their level of frustration down.

Marge; Just a couple of basic ones; one is to go to a step study meeting (where they read the step and then discuss it) at least once a week. Another one is to start reading the book Alcoholics Anonymous. Another one would be to have a discussion about where they are with a Higher Power in their lives and some suggestions as to what they could do to start working on their relationship with God. I think that's what it's all about. If they wait until the Eleventh Step to really get into that, the quality of their previous steps is going to suffer immensely, and they're going to miss the spiritual awakenings because they haven't placed themselves in the process. And the magic, if you want to call it that, is in the spiritual experiences and awakenings. People who don't dive into that never seem to be happy they're sober. It's like jumping in a pool instead of just putting your foot in water and taking it out. My mentor Tris used to call it "jumping off the lighted plynth"---going from this safe spot into the darkness, but having the faith to do so---that's the surrender, if you miss that, you miss the spiriual and are literally fighting off alcohol one day at a time,which is not what I think our program's about.

Next, we are going to cover "The most important thing our sponsors told us."

Pernell Johnson

Suzanne; There are many things. One of them is time, about moving into the future and dealing with changes. When I didn't know how to do something, she's always said, "You don't have to know how. God knows how." When I was newly sober, things were a big deal for me. She did something with me that was very helpful: she'd say, "Okay, I'm going to write this down right now, and I'm going to ask you about it later." And two weeks, even a month, later she'd say, "Remember what was going on February twelfth, at 12:00 in the afternoon, that was such a big deal?" I could never remember it. It helped me put into perspective that all of this fear driven, negative drama I would generate really wasn't a big deal, except in my own mind. It helped me become more grounded and get a better perspective on life.

Charles; He told me I was not the program. He also said I was not the message either. I remember that most of all. And the best thing I could do was to drive over and pick somebody up and take them to a meeting.

Leigh; Feelings aren't facts. Working with others. To read. To keep working my program. That I could call at any time. I needed to know I could call.

M.T.; That you can go through recovery as many people do-----dragging your feet-----or you can soar like a bird. The best is to soar. That's the real reason we're in recovery, for the spiritual awakening. All of us in these fellowships have one thing in common----the fact that we feel disconnected from society in a profound way. The steps, the spiritual awakening, get us connected in a profound way.

Bea; Things that build my self-discipline, like having me sit in front of the room, just sit. When I'm at a meeting, as a newcomer, in the first few years, to sit in the front of the room and just listen. My sponsor taught me so many things; sahe taught me about compulsiveness and that the opposite of compulsiveness is control, thinking things out. She taught me a lot about spirit, about God. I had big trouble with God; it was a big problem. She had me doing spiritual affirmations, and she made me commit to doing them for short periods of time. I always did them. I had so much ego that, if I said I was going to do them, I did them. With me, even if I didn't want to do it., I had so much ego, I just got up and did it anyway, grudgingly, but I did it. That's the stuff that changed me. And I guess that comes that comes back to discipline too, self-discipline. When I call my sponsor, when something's going on, she makes my actions real clear for me. I feel like she knows me well. She'll put the step out that applies; she goes right to whichever it is, just pulls it and makes it clear for me. That's what I can give to the women that I sponsor. That's what I try to give. I don't know if I do, but I try to.

Pernell Johnson

Danny; One of the most important things I heard was that I had to get rid of my reservations about using, that I had to make a total surrender. I was around here for a long time (five or six years) before I did that. It was the fact that I had to do it for myself. I think those are the two strongest, most important things I got, aside from the basics that every body hears in meetings and reads in the Basic Text. It's really losing your reservations and not trying to do it for somebody else or to please somebody else. One more thing is that I'm not a bad person. I had to be told that a whole lot, because I came in with a lot of guilt, and that was the cycle that kept me using. The fact that this is a new life is such a message.

Don; My sponsor taught me about love. About getting involved in service. We've talked and done inventories ever since. He taught me it was about cleaning up our stuff and changing the way we've been. God has created a miracle,so, "Don't mess up the miracle." He helped me to discern what's valid from invalid. He gave me direction other than "share with the group" when someone's not around to share with. I tell my sponsees, "Your hand doesn't need to be up at every meeting unless you have a problem." Now I know how to work a program.

Pernell Johnson

Don; My sponsor taught me about love. About getting involved in service. We've talked and done inventories ever since. He taught me it was about cleaning up our stuff and changing the way we've been. God has created a miracle, so, "Don't mess up the miracle." He helped me to discern what's valid from invalid. He gave me direction other than "share with the group" when someone's not around to share with. I tell my sponsees, "Your hand doesn't need to be up at every meeting unless you have a problem." Now I know how to work a program.

Marge; The first thing is God is the answer to just staying physically sober, not that God's not the answer to everything, but once I released any control of the drinking or using and allowed that to reside with my Higher Power, I had marvelous freedom to work the rest of the steps and start unloading what was in the way of loving for me. Without that first process, I wou expended a lot of energy fighting off alcohol and staying sober; I don't think that's necessary at all. I had a lot of emotional work to do, and I simply could not have gone through these processes, or today go through those processes on different levels, while fighting off alcohol and drugs with my other hand. This doesn't work that way.

The other ting I was told that made this absolutely the highest calling in my life at this time was that I can be involved. I always thought I had a purpose, but I had no clue what that was. There were some things that were told to me that made staying sober , and helping other alcoholics to achieve sobriety was absolutely the most marvelous thing I was meant to do. I was told the drinking part of alcoholism was neither bad nor good, it was a state of being other than recovery, and the whole point was to move into recovery. But I hear a lot of people in AA justifying being in the recovery experience by having to constantly reaffirm that their drinking experience was bad. If it was bad, we would not have done it. Alcoholics are a lot of things, but we are not stupid. If it wasn't working for us or if we had an indication that it was all over, most of us got sober, but as long as there was a glimmer of hope, we kept using that remedy, that solution.

Recovery is a state of being; sobriety is a state of being; it's ongoing and not static---it's ever unfolding. To become immersed in the program from the very beginning, it's the most important thing I can do. Tris talked about the difference between having a map (which is having the steps in writing) and being in the territory (which means incorporating those steps internally and immersing yourself in that process, instead of standing outside of the process) as being the most important thing you can do. I believe that was true for me. I see it being true for the people I sponsor. The preciousness of the ability to love, which comes out of discarding whatever is in the way of that, has been stressed to me over and over and over again. I thin it is because I didn't know that's what I was looking for when I came here. I was looking for loving and the ability to love and had no idea that's what I was seeking. That has been made clear to me through sponsors over and over and over again, either verbally or by loving me or providing me with a nonjudgemental pool in which to do my work. I've realized that what I'm here for. Tris used to say that alcoholism is actually the cure for what is reporting to be the disease.

Pernell Johnson

Mariasha; The most healing thing my sponsor has ever said to me is there aren't any rules, except that you can't use and be in my house. Whenever I've called her with any kind of self-reproach for not doing what I should be doing, or could be doing, or not meeting any expectation with her, whether they be mine or hers, she has always comforted me and said, "I don't have any expectations of you; I'm here to support you; you call me as often as you need to, or you feel you want to. But, I don't need anything more from you than for you to utilize me at whatever pace you feel comfortable." I think that's been the most important thing for me and what I pass on, that being sponsored should not be pressure. She has never put any kind of pressure or burden on me.


J.P.; The power of prayer: through it all, all things are attainable. To do it from the heart. The answer to the disease is the program. The answer to the program is the steps. The answer to the steps is God.


Ed; To keep it simple. When I finished with my step work, I asked him what to do next. He said, "Now you live your life." That's it. No search for the Holy Grail, no pie in the sky intellectual theory, just simple showing up for life. He's not one for intellectual musing. He goes more for the heart. And I noticed he's right. When someone is sharing from his head, it may be fun for a while, but then it gets meaningless. When someone shares from his heart, he has my complete attention. Somehow you can tell. I don't know how, but you can. So I try to stay out of my head. He says a sponsor is someone who helps you to sort out your head, because he has some distance from you. You are too close to what's going on in your head. I had a really complicated, intellectual way of working the steps with my sponsees. When I showed it to him, after he finished laughing, he suggested I simplify it. I did.

Pernell Johnson

Patrice; There were several things she said to me that I feel were very important to my recovery. One of them was her ability to sound like a broken record each time we talked, stressing to me not todrink or use, no matter what! I think she said it that often so that each and every one of my cells got the message. She did that throughout my first year and well into my second, after that only on special occasions such as disasters or celebrations. She also brought my attention to my abusive "self-talk." She even hung up the phone pn me one day, saying she never listens to anyone bad mouth a friend of hers the way I was bad mouthing myself! She told me to think of someone I loved and ask myself what would I say to this person if this happened in his or her life, then to say this to myself. She really helped me to learn to be more accepting and more loving of myself.

One other thing she said was that If I did what others had done before me, my insides would match my outside. That was pretty important to me because I never matched. I always walked around felling like if you really knew me you wouldn't like me. I didn't show that, nor did I show how frightened, lonely, and shy I was around people.

Jeanette; One of the most important things my sponsors told me was that my problems were not out there, they were internal. I always complained about my husband, life, etc. She made me focus on what was wrong with me, not society, the medical profession, the school system, etc.

Bob B.; I guess the biggest thing my sponsor Sandy told me is I could tell him anything. I could be honest, regardless of what it was. I wouldn't be put down, and I would be treated as a friend, rather than him reacting as more an adviser or some doctor. He was just another person. Let's talk on that level, talking the gut level down.

Pernell Johnson

Bob B.; "I don't have any problem with men sponsoring women. The bigger thing is the reason for doing it."

Question #1
Should you agree to sponsor someone of the opposite sex? Some thoughts on gay sponsorship: Is same sex/sexual preference sponsorship a problem? Are there special considerations when taking on a sponsee who is HIV+?

It is generally accepted that you chose someone of the same sex as your sponsor to "keep it simple" and avoid unecessary sex-related problems from arising. Also, the idea is to share with someone that you can relate to, because they too are male or female. Like a good big brother or sister----you're in the same family but they're older and have more experience. But what about people in recovery who are gay or lesbian? If they choose the same sex, they are also choosing sexual preference. If they choose the opposite sex, are they confronted with forming an intimate relationship with someone they may not be able to relate to because they may have less in common? What if you're heterosexual and you are asked by someone of the opposite sex to be their sponsor? What do you say? In the first part, our sponsors address these questions.

The second part deals with HIV+ people in recovery and some of the experiences of people who have sponsored them. The part will probably be enlightening to those in recovery who have been reluctant to sponsor people with HIV+ conditions, those who are sponsoring, and those who have the disease.

Pernell Johnson

Bob B.: I don't have any problem with men sponsoring women. The bigger thing is the reasons for doing it. I think we have to know what our motives are to process them, and not have problems with being willing to change the situation if problems arise. It might be okay at the moment but it might be wrong tomorrow. Right now, I'm not really confronted with that particular issue, but I'm not really against it. I think sometimes it could be a plus because sometimes we communicate different things to the opposite sex and sometimes there might be individuals who need that type of communication. Hopefully, the person he chooses to communicate with is going to direct him in a certain way, can get the information he needs, or be sensitive to his well being, and directly guide him through what the steps are not just a lot of personal things that become involved which are not directly related to recovery.

Mariasha: This is one of those unwritten NA rules that irritates me. I was asked only once by a gay man if I would sponsor him. It was a step study meeting in Hollywood that I attended regularly. It was mostly men who attended this meeting, but there were a few women. He felt he always identifirf with what I shared, that I had wisdom, and he wanted to reap the benefits of that wisdom. Would I work with him? It was a real struggle for me; I don't like to say no to somebody who is in need of help and is willing. But NA has this unspoken position: men work with men and women work with women. I suggested he could call me, and I'd be happy to talk with him. But I encouraged him to try to make a connection with another male, to look for the similarities rather than the differences. I tried to talk to him about what his resistance was about, in terms of not wanting to work with a man, to help him look at the competitiveness and the jealousy. I also tried to show him he was setting himself apart instead of seeing similarities, which was preventing him from finding a man that he could work with. I availed myself to him by phone. But he really didn't take too much advantage of it. He's called periodically through the years, when he has something that he's struggling with. I have mixed feelings about this. I don't work with people of the opposite sex. I'mnot a man; I don't have the experience of men. I think feelings cross socioeconomic status, racial status, and man/woman stuff. I don't know if you have to have had the same experience in order to be helpful to another human being. When I lost a baby and I was grieving, the people I got the most support from were people who were tender and sensitive. They weren't people who necessarily lost babies. All that did was affirm that you don't have to have the identical reality to benefit. So, could I help a man, not being a man? Probably, because people are people and feelings cross all those different lines. I think there's a part of me that's a people-pleaser. I don't choose to stir a lot of controversy

Pernell Johnson

Marge: I've sponsored several men. I've found that men don't ask me to sponsor them unless it's really meant to be. We're either very, very similar, or both the women and the men who I've sponsored usually have some issues dealing with sex they need to talk about and have the freedom to talk about. That's an area where I'm pretty okay. I asked my sponsor about that once, and she, with thirty-two years, said the case in which a woman can be helpful to a man is simply where someone is sexually unsure or has sexual questions and needs someone to be honest with him. Men tend to be able totalk to women more than they do men. about such things. I've found that in my own experience. Usually the men have moved on and gotten a male sponsor after I've done whatever work that seemed to be right with them. I think in the flip side of that, I've benefited totally from Tris, but he was not my sponsor. I think whether a woman gets a male sponsor depends absolutely on whether she has been used to manipulating men. The reason I think we have that line in AA is because we are illfitted to determine that when we're first sober. We simply repeat the same behavior sober that we did drinking, except it has a nicer facade on it. So, in order to prevent that kind of stuff, I think that's why we have the rule. But, I think everyone is different, and I don't have any problems with whatever the hookup is if it benefits both people.


Bea: I'd love to but I can't. I just couldn't. I've thought about it. I had a guy ask me if I'd be his sponsor. We just have such different needs. I really believe the men should be with the men and the women with the women. If I were to have had a male sponsor, my recovery would've been much different, I'm sure.

namommy

I hope it is OK for me to jump in here. I don't believe any of us have the right to judge what makes someone a "good" sponsor. Thank God this program is written to be "tailor fit" for "any addict". Just as we all have the right to a God of our own understanding, I believe that sponsorship is also personal. Just because one person may be right for me and another not, does not make either of them "good" or "bad", just right for me. Each of us has our own needs as individuals and we find those needs met in different ways. The person that was right for me in the beginning, is no longer my sponsor, but that doesn't mean she was a bad sponsor. And, just as important, the person who is right for me today is not better than her, she is just the right person to help me in the stage of my life now. I hope this makes sense.

Laurie D.

Pernell Johnson

J.P.; My ex-wife sponsored husbands and their wives and that was a very, very poor decision. When things were not good between the couple, the discussion on issues became a search for information on the other person.

No, either way---men sponsoring women and women sponsoring men. I've seen it happen that men who are sponsored by women are looking for affection (mothering usually), and it has nothing to do with recovery. I think it's belligerent and shows contempt for the program if you're a man sponsoring women and women with men unless you're gay

Moontime

This is what we do,

STEP WORKSHEET

Have the sponsee read IP# 11 on Sponsorship and answer the questions below.
What are 5 things my sponsor should expect from me?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

What are 5 things I expect from my Sponsor?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Living the Steps
Go thru these one at a time – perhaps one a week or do them as they correspond to a step. Call every (EVERY) Day and give an example of the item we are working on…
1. Step 1 - Learn how to FEEL powerless and ACT powerless by calling each day and relating an example from the day’s activities or keeping a journal.
2. Step 1 - Understand the unmanageability of life by seeing and relating examples every day. Unmanageability can come up with money, women (lust), impatience (driving), stealing, lying, etc.
3. Step 2 - What would it feel like to come to believe? To take a fearful situation and decide to have faith that it would be OK or take a habit like calling people and simply believe that by doing it every day things would get better. Chose a situation to share in a meeting or with your sponsor each day.
4. Step 3 - Notice a decision you made today. How did you make it? Tell your sponsor about the experience you drew upon, the people you consulted, the facts that were important. Did you pray or seek an answer thru meditation? After you made the decision, how did you feel?

Step 1 – We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.
Look up every word in Step 1 and define.

Then look up every reference of the following words found in the index of the Basic Text:
Powerless
Addiction
Unmanageable
Obsession
Compulsion
Self-centeredness
For each reference that you read ask yourself. “Is it meaningful? For example, with powerlessness -- Does it remind you of a time when you felt powerless or does it shed special light on the meaning of powerlessness? Write down your thoughts and how the statement or idea makes you feel. The feelings are what we want to get familiar with and put down on paper so they don’t eat us up inside.

Complete this step by rewriting Step 1 as it means to you today – in 25 words or less. Then answer a question – if I am powerless over my addiction, how am I staying clean today?

STEP WORKSHEET – Page 2

Step 2 – We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Look up every word in Step 2 and define.

Then look up every reference of the following words found in the index of the Basic Text:
Faith
Power
Higher Power
God
Open-minded
Insanity
For each reference that you read ask yourself. “Is it meaningful? Write down your thoughts and how the statement or idea makes you feel.

Complete this step by rewriting Step 2 as it means to you today – in 25 words or less.


Step 3 – We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of the God as we understood Him.
Look up every word in Step 3 and define.

Then look up every reference of the following words found in the index of the Basic Text:
Will
Live
Care
For each reference that you read ask yourself. “Is it meaningful? Write down your thoughts and how the statement or idea makes you feel.

Complete this step by rewriting Step 3 as it means to you today – in 25 words or less.


Step 4 – We made a fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
We have traditionally followed the booklet, “Working Step 4 in Narcotics Anonymous�, however, some sponsors/sponsees may want to work from the Step Working Guide. Due to the amount of writing and need to finish this step, our way has been to share sections of this step as they are completed rather than waiting to share the entire step. Thus, Step 5 is done in phases as it were and is incorporated as part of Step 4.

Step 6 & 7

1. Write the dictionary definition of each defect listed below.

2. Write a paragraph on how the defect shows up in your life.

3. Find the opposite/antonym of this defect.

4. Write a paragraph about how your life would be/or has been with this opposite characteristic.



anger arrogance avarice belligerence biased bickering blaming codependency combative condescending confrontational control covert deceit defiance demeaning destructive dishonesty ego envy
flippant foolish frustration gluttony grandiosity guarantee guilt inadequacy indifference insecurity infantile dependency intolerance isolation irresponsible jealousy
laziness lust mistrust obnoxious
obscene overbearing overcompensate petty
pride procrastination projecting rebellious retaliation revenge sarcasm selfishness
self-abuse self-contempt self-centeredness self-deception self-destruction self-doubt self-delusion self-distrust
self-expectation self-glorification self-hatred self-loathing
self-pity self-righteous self-serving self………
shame unreliable unworthy victim

Having completed an honest inventory, now the hard, ongoning, continuous work begins.
What does “your� disease of addiction look like without drugs? How do you manifest the other symptoms of addiction? This work will continue to serve you and support your recovery for as long as you desire to stay clean.

It is a privilege to be your sponsor.

phillip c

(suggested format for steps 6 & 7, adapted from Sidney R. and Bobby R.)

servicejunkie

I'm not sure if you guys are aware of this, but NA just approved a sponsorship BOOK that is just full of different opinions and views of what sponsorship is all about. Like 150-200 pages worth of "stuff". If you check around the web you can get a copy of it from this last years CAR report (Conference Agenda Report), or most regional service offices. Personally, I'm not a big fan of this book and don't really see a need for one, but I guess I just have to accept and trust "the process"

pdgds333

I love this post Parnell. Great stuff.

I can regurgitate the NA literature all day. But my sponsees need to know how I was able to take the words, understand their true gramatical meaning, and apply them to daily life.

I give my sponsees what I have been given by my sponser, no more- no less. Because the direction I receive from my sponser through the 12 steps is what has gotten me the peace most newcomers find attractive. Why not "more" you ask? Well because I can only give my own experiance with the steps and their application. Anything else is using my sponsees as recovery Ginea Pigs.

NA Mommy says "I don't believe any of us have the right to judge what makes someone a "good" sponsor. Thank God this program is written to be "tailor fit" for "any addict". Just as we all have the right to a God of our own understanding, I believe that sponsorship is also personal. Just because one person may be right for me and another not, does not make either of them "good" or "bad", just right for me."

Great stuff.

Beloved

Hi family sponsorship is a great topic, and I would like more than ever to share my experience, strength , and hope on the subject. First of all for me sponsorship is an honor, and privilege for anyone to seek my guidance, direction, and service of carrying the NA message of recovery. This also say that someone believes in me, and wants my help in there recovery process. Faith, and trust play a dynamic role in this uncovering, and discovering of self. What makes a good sponsor is a good sponsee. you only get out the program just what you are willing to put in. only you are responsible for your recovery. sponsorship is a two-way street, one addict helping another is with-out parellel. and I can only keep what I have by giving it a way one day at a time. A sponsor is another recovering addict, there are many ways to approach this service of teaching, learning, healing,acceptance, and developing of one's character and aiding in personal growth. now the spiritual growth is up to the sponsee ,I've learned that this is not about CONTROL . And when someone ask me to sponsor them then I myself must first check my motives. because this is a responsiblity, and commitment and a vital part of the recovery process. getting a sponsee is relativly easy all you have to do is show-up on a regular basis. But to keep a sponsee is something all together different. SEE we all come into the rooms with baggage, anger, resentments, lack of trust , self-worth , and self-esteem. Along with a hole lot of issues , there for I must be spiritually fit if not Then I can cloud the recovery message, and process with my mess and personality. so I must allow a GOD conscience to always be present seeking guidance, and direction, and the willingness to allow GOD'S Will , not mine be done in helping this very fraigle human being . walls must come down, can I really extent my hand to the still suffering ,and confussed addict. or is my life so full that now I don't seem to be as willing as before , once I realize the real challenge and effort that must be applyed here. See a sponsee helps me to continue in my process of growth on both a personal , and spiritual level. And also helps me to stay in touch with my sponsor, as well as other members in the fellowship. Which helps to increase my gratitude to GOD , the fellowship of NA , and to a new way of life through the desire , and willingness to surrender. I must not allow ego , or unfounded pride to get in the way. there are not big I's and little y"s on this jounrey. It's nice to be important, but I know that it's more important to just be nice. We develop long lasting relationships through sponsorship. also remembering that the sponsee may not get this program as quick as we did , don't be to quick to give-up on that person , that's why we say KEEP COMIN BACK! one day at a time, more will be revealed. do we as sponsors really have the patients, and tolerance that is needed. see we know that the sponsee must go to any length for this thing , But the question is What lenght are we as sponsors willing to go . See everyone is not meant to be a sponsor. and that's why I feel that a person should take there time in picking one.everyone in the rooms aren't necessarly there to recover remember some are sicker then others (YOU FILL ME!) , so we must also take that in account when shopping for a sponsor. See some of us can come to a meeting and share real good on the steps , and only show what we want to be revealed, because we became very good at that. but what about what's beneath the surface, the deep dark secerts , are we willing to share some of that. see it is said to be careful what you share in a meeting, But when I was shopping for my sponsor I needed someone that had been through the muck and marror and whom could, and would be willing and capable to walk me through the obstacles of life on life's terms. I needed to know that they had been delivered from a helpless, hopeless state of mind body , and spirit. but if you were not able to release the chains that which had you bound then you were not the sponsor for me . Because in the beginning when a person don't have s clue about the steps they need a place were they can feel love, and safety. And need to talk about just were they are , and we know that they are in pain the evidance was there when they walked in the room . so we need to allow them there process of openly sharing the pain. This is a program that focus on , and to allow the therapeutic value of our simularities , and not our differences to keep the newcomer , coming back. So I thank this site for being here for both the old-timer, and the new-comer , I'll keep comin (Beloved) , Blessed, and Highly favoured recovering Addict.

wantneeda

Wow!!!!!! I just read this thread from beginning to end, and I jus gotta say i feel a new light go on,really I'm almost in tears here.......I'm fairly new to recovery and have really felt at a stand still lately. I'm on step 6 and don't have a sponsor. By reading this i realize for me getting a sponsor must be my next mission. But besides that I feel a stronger urge to recover, that there is more to my recovery than is evident to me at this moment. I thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!! My desire to work the program is ten fold. \\/ peace!!!