JFT December 21, 2009
 

December 21


Acceptance and change

“Freedom to change seems to come after acceptance of ourselves.”

Basic Text, p. 58

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Fear and denial are the opposites of acceptance. None of us are perfect, even in our own eyes; all of us have certain traits that, given the chance, we would like to change. We sometimes become overwhelmed when contemplating how far short we fall of our ideals, so overwhelmed that we fear there’s no chance of becoming the people we’d like to be. That’s when our defense mechanism of denial kicks in, taking us to the opposite extreme: nothing about ourselves needs changing, we tell ourselves, so why worry? Neither extreme gives us the freedom to change.

Whether we are long-time NA members or new to recovery, the freedom to change is acquired by working the Twelve Steps. When we admit our powerlessness and the unmanageability of our lives, we counteract the lie that says we don’t have to change. In coming to believe that a Power greater than we are can help us, we lose our fear that we are damaged beyond repair; we come to believe we can change. We turn ourselves over to the care of the God of our understanding and tap the strength we need to make a thorough, honest examination of ourselves. We admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being what we’ve found. We accept the good and the bad in ourselves; with this acceptance, we become free to change.

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Just for today: I want to change. By working the steps, I will counter fear and denial and find the acceptance needed to change.

This has been a HUGE issue for me lately. As I come out of the fog of using (approaching 60 days clean) I see what a mess I am, just how much needs to change and I am overwhelmed. I can't possibly do this..why bother trying just to fail miserably again.

I don't yet have enough of a working relationship with my higher power to know how and if it will help me in this process.

It's pretty scary.