JFT December 11
 

December 11


Misery is optional

“No one is forcing us to give up our misery.”

Basic Text, p. 29

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It’s funny to remember how reluctant we once were to surrender to recovery. We seemed to think we had wonderful, fulfilling lives as using addicts and that giving up our drugs would be worse than serving a life sentence at hard labor. In reality, the opposite was true: Our lives were miserable, but we were afraid to trade that familiar misery for the uncertainties of recovery.

It’s possible to be miserable in recovery, too, though it’s not necessary. No one will force us to work the steps, go to meetings, or work with a sponsor. There is no NA militia that will force us to do the things that will free us from pain. But we do have a choice. We’ve already chosen to give up the misery of active addiction for the sanity of recovery. Now, if we’re ready to exchange today’s misery for even greater peace, we have a means to do just that—if we really want to.

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Just for today: I don’t have to be miserable unless I really want to be. Today, I will trade in my misery for the benefits of recovery.

One reason why I had a hard time quitting is that I didn't understand or see clearly how miserable I was. I had to stay clean for a while before I could appreciate how messed up my using life had been and how much better it is to be clean.

It says somewhere in our literature that, in recovery we'll receive many suggestions - but NOTHING will be forced on us. It also says that we cannot deny an addict their pain. In my experience, it took a lot for me to finally become desperate enough to surrender to recovery. The gift of desperation gave birth to my willingness to follow direction and today I understand that I have a choice to be miserable or happy. No one can run me away from NA, force me to stay, make me do step work, service or stay clean. To "get it" and keep it I have to want it.