character defects vs. shortcomings
The truth shall set you free
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 5,267
Originally Posted by Cupcakes 
The sooner I accept that and recognize it..the sooner I can better myself
When I strive for greatness on my path, and I refuse to permit trepidation or weakness to restrain my personal growth, and spiritual advancement. When I obtain self-discipline and open-mindedness during the ongoing process of Step 7, I will acquire awareness and understanding, and I will begin to see a new, inspiring Light to guide my way.
My broken spirit becomes re-energized as the path is laid before me. My defects of character become removed as time goes by. I become inspired to follow in the direction that our Higher Power leads me. My Higher Power makes me aware of my weaknesses and inadequacies, and begins to give me the tools I need to help prevail over them. The qualities that I had lacked for completeness 'Not Perfection' become revealed.
As long I abide by the Spiritual Principles of the 12 Step of our fellowship, I become aware of the destructive and chaotic ways and behaviors of my past. Always uphold a positive frame of mind, which will help me to continuously travel down the path of positive change, personal enrichment, and spiritual growth. I continue to follow by the suggestions of the program as I undergo this positive change process. Our Higher Power of our understanding only wishes the best for us, and we should accept nothing less.
Ivan
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,861
If the people who wrote the 12 steps knew were would be picking our brains over the difference between a "defect of character" and a "shortcoming" they might have written them clearer. I think writers of the steps really did mean these things to mean basically the same thing, but they got a little careless with their words.
Debate???
Evolving Addict
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York State
Posts: 3,067
One of the problems with literature is language, People don't always interpret words as they were intended to be interpreted. I can't recall the author, but I once read somewhere that you can never know exactly what was meant by written words unless you know who wrote them (para).
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 1
ES&H on Character Defects vs. Shortcomings
On my last 6th and 7th steps, I asked my sponsor what the difference between character defects and shortcomings was, she explained it in a way I had never hear before. It made a lot of sense. Character defects are the ways my fear manifests in my life. They are a lack of faith, the behaviors I lapse into when I am not applying these spiritual principles in all my affairs. I have plenty of experience with character defects, as these have been my main tools for navigating the world for a long time. Shortcomings are the qualities I come up short on. These are the spiritual principles I either have an inaccurate understanding of or that I don't currently utilize in my affairs. She explained when I ask God to remove my shortcomings, I ask God to help me relearn how to properly apply spiritual principles.
During the process, I was faced with the usual situations in my life. I realized I had a choice of acting on a character defect, in effect try to "self-will" a situation, or to trust my HP and do something different and apply spiritual principles. An example was compassion. I had always thought compassion to be feeling sympathy for another and taking action to make their situation better. I learned that compassion is feeling sympathy for another and having a DESIRE to help. My version of compassion didn't reflect self-care and often times was people-pleasing and ego masquarading as compassion. It was only through working a 6th step that I became willing to have God remove my defects of character and was then able to see how short my understanding of compassion came up. Having a clearer understanding has helped me to set boundaries for myself so that my needs are taken care of and I have something to give when I do feel compassion for another and desire to help. Sometimes all I have to give is letting someone know I wish there was something I could do to help. And that is enough. Hope this helps.
During the process, I was faced with the usual situations in my life. I realized I had a choice of acting on a character defect, in effect try to "self-will" a situation, or to trust my HP and do something different and apply spiritual principles. An example was compassion. I had always thought compassion to be feeling sympathy for another and taking action to make their situation better. I learned that compassion is feeling sympathy for another and having a DESIRE to help. My version of compassion didn't reflect self-care and often times was people-pleasing and ego masquarading as compassion. It was only through working a 6th step that I became willing to have God remove my defects of character and was then able to see how short my understanding of compassion came up. Having a clearer understanding has helped me to set boundaries for myself so that my needs are taken care of and I have something to give when I do feel compassion for another and desire to help. Sometimes all I have to give is letting someone know I wish there was something I could do to help. And that is enough. Hope this helps.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
We must be ready, but it's not our choice to choose, or we then think we know better than our HP. Also, assuming HP is male...maybe our HP is too much a gentleman to take what we are still holding on to... (gentle person, you know, just too nice--our willingness and actions must be letting go).
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I'm working my 6th step, and wondering why I am hanging on to some of my defects. I am beginning to see that I view them as friends. We spent a lot of years hanging out together. They made excuses for my bad behavior and enabled me. They may not be great friends, as in having my true best interest at heart, but they were there for me when I was clueless about what a healthy relationship was.
Now, it's hard to say goodbye. It might be a lonely stretch of time before I make "new friends". I don't know what it's going to feel like to hang with assets instead of defects. Maybe life will be boring, maybe these new friends wont' have my back when I need them to. And I won't lie to you, me and those defects had some fun times together.
My current understanding is that my defects are those thought cycles and behaviors that kept me from dealing with life realistically. My shortcomings were all the ways I applied those thought cycles and behaviors.
example, defect-fear, short coming-lying
defect-anger, short coming-blaming others, saying I HAD to act that way because of what they did
Now, it's hard to say goodbye. It might be a lonely stretch of time before I make "new friends". I don't know what it's going to feel like to hang with assets instead of defects. Maybe life will be boring, maybe these new friends wont' have my back when I need them to. And I won't lie to you, me and those defects had some fun times together.
My current understanding is that my defects are those thought cycles and behaviors that kept me from dealing with life realistically. My shortcomings were all the ways I applied those thought cycles and behaviors.
example, defect-fear, short coming-lying
defect-anger, short coming-blaming others, saying I HAD to act that way because of what they did
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,486
Living and enjoying spiritual principles that are the replacement of those less than attractive defects is nothing short of fulfilling and gratifying.
Spiritual principles don't conflict with each other and neither do our assets.
I thought the same thing about my falsely trusted defects....until I became entirely ready to have them removed. I couldn't going let my lack of experience with living a new way stop me from getting that experience.
Be brave, we do recover.
I believe in you.
Missy
Spiritual principles don't conflict with each other and neither do our assets.
I thought the same thing about my falsely trusted defects....until I became entirely ready to have them removed. I couldn't going let my lack of experience with living a new way stop me from getting that experience.
Be brave, we do recover.
I believe in you.
Missy
Evolving Addict
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York State
Posts: 3,067
"When we ask our Higher Power to remove our shortcomings, we may see little bits of some of them removed. Other defects may simply be shoved out of the way for a time so that we can move forward on the path of recovery. We may even attain complete freedom from having to act on those defects. The point is that we have come to believe that only the God of our understanding has the power to remove our shortcomings. We can actually ask our Higher Power to remove our shortcomings in good faith, knowing that it will happen in God's time. This faith can transcend our own beliefs of what we need or think we should have." ~ IWH&W, pg. 73
My experience is that, once I reached Step 6, I was only ready to have my HP remove those defects/shortcomings that I was aware of. It wasn't helpful for me to worry about whether I was holding on to any of them or not. My job was to become aware of what my defects/shortcomings are, the damage and destruction they caused (steps 4 & 5), and get honest about whether I wanted to be free of the pain that went along with them. Once I did that, and asked my HP to remove them, it's all a matter of patience and practice. As Missy said, the spiritual principles don't conflict with our assets...yet I found it also important to remember that my assets tend to co-exist with my defects/shortcomings. That way I don't get stuck either "grading" the job I'm doing or the job that my HP is doing.
I think it's equally important to remember that "becoming entirely ready" isn't a singular event. It's a process that, for many of us, can take a lifetime. When we are ready...we know it, or as they say in the rooms, "When the pain gets greater than the pleasure...we do something different."
My experience is that, once I reached Step 6, I was only ready to have my HP remove those defects/shortcomings that I was aware of. It wasn't helpful for me to worry about whether I was holding on to any of them or not. My job was to become aware of what my defects/shortcomings are, the damage and destruction they caused (steps 4 & 5), and get honest about whether I wanted to be free of the pain that went along with them. Once I did that, and asked my HP to remove them, it's all a matter of patience and practice. As Missy said, the spiritual principles don't conflict with our assets...yet I found it also important to remember that my assets tend to co-exist with my defects/shortcomings. That way I don't get stuck either "grading" the job I'm doing or the job that my HP is doing.
I think it's equally important to remember that "becoming entirely ready" isn't a singular event. It's a process that, for many of us, can take a lifetime. When we are ready...we know it, or as they say in the rooms, "When the pain gets greater than the pleasure...we do something different."
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Posts: 2,274
It's pretty simple. Shortcoming and defect of character are the same thing. In step 6, I become entirely read to have God remove my defects of character. In step 7, I humbly ask God to remove them because I have recognized that I can't do this by myself. Step 6 emphasizes willingness; step 7, humility.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: east lansing, mi
Posts: 1
Hi
Character defects are slightly different. Lying, cheating, stealing etc.
Shortcoming is the disease of addiction which cuases our defects.
HP ask us to be a man rather than be a boy. We wants us to stop this behavior.
A shortcoming best thought of as the disease, like baldness, addiction, diabetes.
Shortcomings HP has no problem with, but we can be an empty vessel and let Him have these things.
Shortcoming is the disease of addiction which cuases our defects.
HP ask us to be a man rather than be a boy. We wants us to stop this behavior.
A shortcoming best thought of as the disease, like baldness, addiction, diabetes.
Shortcomings HP has no problem with, but we can be an empty vessel and let Him have these things.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1
Originally Posted by bobmatic
in working steps six, and seven, i am trying to understand what is the difference between character defects and short comings.the issue is, when some, fellows share in NA meetings in egypt, they mention things like,quote" i have 45 character defects, or more, " unquote.
while my sponsor said, we all have 4 major ones, fear, resentments, anger and selfishness. can someone explain to me, in a keep it simple manner,
cheers everyone.
while my sponsor said, we all have 4 major ones, fear, resentments, anger and selfishness. can someone explain to me, in a keep it simple manner,
cheers everyone.
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