dogged, I can only offer you my experience. I've had a number of "serious" relationships in active addiction. Many times, I left swearing that I was going to get my **** together & come back. I never did.

I've been happily married for two years now to a man who is a recovering alcoholic. We did not know each other when we were in our respective active addictions. This is the only healthy relationship I've ever had.

My suggestion to you would be to take care of yourself and not pin any hopes on someone who's not clean & sober.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

When using I didn't care about anything other than finding ways and means to get more. I had good intentions but they usually didn't amount to anything. I don't understand your question but for me it was tough love that worked. It was hitting that bottom that I finally got the willingness to seek help and follow direction.