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Step 6 6. We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. |
Hello...first post for me here. I just went over step 6 with my sponsor. She had me write a list of what I thought my character defects are. Then she had me write about the feeling attached to each defect. I found it interesting I wrote down "dishonest" and she pointed out "that's not a defect"... I went to ponder that...and impatiently and self righteously resisted that....then realized exactly why she also said "impatient" isnt a defect either. When I asked how so?...she said what is the action behind dishonest?... I said lying, cheating and stealing...she said "ok then dishonest is not the defect...however that is the exact nature of the wrong." the defect is the lying and excuse making...the critisisms when you are impatient or dishonest. I learned from what she said. Peace, Missybuns |
Ever since I posted the above post....I've poked around and asked many others and re-read the Basic Text. I have come to see that I dont exactly agree with my sponsor and Im ok with that. I can remember a time not that long ago where I'd be all out of sorts if I couldnt agree with my sponsor about something. I do think the dishonesty is a defect. I learned from what she said and that's the important part. Im still a bit perplexed as to why she explains it the way she does. |
Many folks have been taught incorrectly regarding defects of character. I always tell my sponsees to read the literature for themselves. And since sponsorship is a two-way street, maybe you can help her understand. "The exact nature of our wrongs is our character defects." - IWH&W, page 57 "The admission we made of the nature of our wrongs, our character defects, is neccessary if we are to be ready to have them removed." - IWH&W, page 59 |
Yes I re-read the IWH&W too....thanks. I get a better understanding of the text listening to it on audio CD....I do read it...but listening I dont stutter or stumble on words. Especially the IWH&W. |
In my opinion, some of us addicts over-philosophize matters. The resulting confusion/dilema may slow us in our program (can be dangerous). I believe that whether dishonesty is the defect or the exact nature of the wrong: It is something that I practice, it fuels my disease, and I must take step action to have it 'removed'. |
For me, the literature is very important. Along with the fellowship, it teaches me what I need to know about the NA program. One of the things I always tell my sponsees is not to always go by what others say - look up stuff for yourself. Going by what different opinions offer can also be confusing and result in miseducation, misinterpretation and misinformation. There's a reading in the JFT called, "Calling a defect a defect." (page 358) It warns us that misnaming a defect doesn't make it any less defective and, through misnaming, we may not be able to see the harm they cause. So for me, it isn't about developing a theory or over-thinking what is what...it's about getting honest with myself on a deeper level and learning the program as it is written. G |
As they say, "it's a simple program for complicated people". |
For 'character defects' try reading 'unhelpful attitudes and behaviours'! |
Originally Posted by pausam
(Post 2048259)
For 'character defects' try reading 'unhelpful attitudes and behaviours'! Is that NA literature? |
I am on my 6th step for the 4th time.....I have to kinda laugh at the stuff that is coming up that I truly thought was removed already....nope, and not because my HP didnt try, it was my unwillingness. And that is why in my opinion, I continue to do the steps, I am a work in progress and the more work I do on myself the better relationship I develop with my HP. The better relationship I have with my HP the more open I am to the willingness I need to live a more spiritual life.............kinda like......what comes around goes around in a good way!! :lmao So even though I am seeing these defects glaring me in the face, I welcome the acknowledgment of them, because I cannot let go of what I dont acknowledge. The 6th step once again, is a gift I give to myself. |
Fear's role My sponsor has guided me towards being aware of the ever-present role and influence of fear in my life, especially of fear as the propulsion of my character defects. For example: I'm dishonest because I'm afriad of the consecuences of being honest. I'm a perfectionist and I say is because of pride, but if I look closely I'm really afraid of people finding out I'm not perfect. Sometimes when I'm mad and pissy, I'm acting out because I can't handle a situation that scares me, and of course being mad and pissy sounds more respectable to me than to say to someone that I'm scared. So now I try to go straight into looking what in a person, place or situation scares me. It gives me a good sense of direction. Wish you all the best. |
I am on step 6 for the first time. I am seeing that fear is the biggest defect of all. It seems everything I've done is based on fear, like lying, people pleasing, trying to be perfect, all of it. So, are all of those defects or is it the fear? |
It seems everything I've done is based on fear, like lying, people pleasing, trying to be perfect, all of it. So, are all of those defects or is it the fear? "The admission we made of the nature of our wrongs, our character defects, is neccessary if we are to be ready to have them removed." - IWH&W, page 59 |
Entirely ready In my experience, most of the talk about Step 6 centers around the character defects: what are they, how do I identify them. And that's the way I've centered my work in Step 6. But as of late, the first part of the Step, "We were entirely ready..." has internally gotten more importance in my view of this Step. This is a measure of my willingness. Am I really, honestly willing to have God remove that form me? Or am I afraid of what will become of me without it? How am I going to survive? How am I going to cope? Most of my actions are driven by fear and insecurity. Sometimes I like to wallow myself in comfort zones of familar fear and defense mechanisms. I need to pray for the willingness and start acting in a different way if I am to grow and to change. Am I afraid of living without fear? or is it nice and comfy? |
List of Character Defects and Assets List of Character Defects Abrasiveness Aggression Aloofness Anger Apathy Argumentativeness Arrogance Attention-seeking Bigotry Belligerent Bitter Bossy Braggart Careless Cold-hearted Complainer Compulsive Critical Cruelty Deceitful Defensiveness Denial Dependent Depression Detached Discrimination Dishonesty Disorganized Distant Distrustful Dominating Dramatic Egocentric Enviousness Evasiveness Fear Flightiness Forgetfulness Gluttony Gossiping Grandiose Greed Guilty Conscience Hate Head-strong Hostile Humorless Immature Impatience Impulsive In-authenticity Inconsiderate Inconsistent Indecisive Indulgent Inhibited Insecure Insensitive Intolerant Irritable Isolationism Jealousy Laziness Lust Lying Manipulative Materialism Negative Thinking Neglect Obsessed Opinionated Over-cautious Overly-emotional Passivity Perfectionism Perversion Pessimism Preoccupation Pride (to what degree?) Procrastination Promiscuity Prudish Quarrelsome Rageful Rebellious Reckless Resentful Rudeness Rueful Sarcasm Secretive Self-centered Self-condemnation Self-doubting Self-hating Self-importance Selfishness Self-justification Self-pity Self-seeking Short-temperedness Shyness Snobbery Stinginess Stubbornness Submissive Superficial Thin-skinned Thoughtless Tight Timid Uncritical Undependable Undisciplined Unemotional Unfriendly Unrealistic Unromantic Unscrupulous Unstable Vague Vanity Vindictive Vulgar White-knuckled Withdrawn Workaholic List of Character Assets Accepting Agreeable Analytical Approving Assertive Attention-giving Attentive Bold Careful Cautious Cheerful Concerned Confident Considerate Content Controlled Cooperative Decisive Dependable Disciplined Extroverted Flexible Forgiving Free Friendly Generous Gentle Good Listener Giving Guilt-free Helpful Honest Humble Industrious Involved Kind Lawful Loving Moderate Modest Nice Open Open-minded Optimistic Organized Outgoing Patient Peaceful Permissive Persistent Playful Polite Rational Realistic Relaxed Reliable Romantic Selfless Self-liking Self-sufficient Sensitive Serene Sociable Social Specific Spiritual Steady Straight-forward Thoughtful Tolerant Trusting Trusting Unassuming Venturous Warm Willing Witty |
lengthy lists! What shall we discuss in reference to these lists? Be interesting to know how and when these lists were compiled. Ghostryder331, is this what you did during your step 6? Peace, Missy |
Not to poke fun at the list, but it reminded me of a member from my area that used to do something very similar. What I found was that I can pick numerous words to express the same defect or asset...all I needed was a thesaurus. An example for me is to list thin-skinned, intolerant, opinionated, critical and distant as seperate defects when they are all expressions of my self-centeredness. The IP called "The Triangle of Self-Obsession" (NA IP#12) talks about how ALL of our defects are forms of the three reactions: anger, resentment and fear. |
the list is toooooo long, i basically watch for , anger, resentments, fear, selfishness, and self pity, someone mentioned something called , THE 7 DEADLY SINS,.... I would like some ideas from all you good folks here, gratefull in advance bob |
I agree with the last two posts. I did a sixth step based off of that list when I was doing the NA program with an NA sponsor, and I gotta say.. For an analytical overthinker like me that was the worst thing that I could have been presented with. In working the steps through AA I was told that my defects stem from one of the seven sins, for me usually pride and gluttony, and the point of it is to realize a defect when it exists and become willing to have it removed, not necessarily label it and write it down. |
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