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-   -   Step 6 (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/na-step-6/138753-step-6-a.html)

Doug 12-08-2007 09:32 PM

Step 6
 
6. We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Missybuns 07-29-2008 05:35 PM

Hello...first post for me here. I just went over step 6 with my sponsor. She had me write a list of what I thought my character defects are. Then she had me write about the feeling attached to each defect.

I found it interesting I wrote down "dishonest" and she pointed out "that's not a defect"...
I went to ponder that...and impatiently and self righteously resisted that....then realized exactly why she also said "impatient" isnt a defect either.

When I asked how so?...she said what is the action behind dishonest?...

I said lying, cheating and stealing...she said "ok then dishonest is not the defect...however that is the exact nature of the wrong." the defect is the lying and excuse making...the critisisms when you are impatient or dishonest.

I learned from what she said.

Peace,
Missybuns

Missybuns 09-06-2008 07:27 PM

Ever since I posted the above post....I've poked around and asked many others and re-read the Basic Text.

I have come to see that I dont exactly agree with my sponsor and Im ok with that.

I can remember a time not that long ago where I'd be all out of sorts if I couldnt agree with my sponsor about something.

I do think the dishonesty is a defect. I learned from what she said and that's the important part.

Im still a bit perplexed as to why she explains it the way she does.

Gmoney 09-06-2008 09:27 PM

Many folks have been taught incorrectly regarding defects of character. I always tell my sponsees to read the literature for themselves. And since sponsorship is a two-way street, maybe you can help her understand.

"The exact nature of our wrongs is our character defects." - IWH&W, page 57

"The admission we made of the nature of our wrongs, our character defects, is neccessary if we are to be ready to have them removed." - IWH&W, page 59

Missybuns 09-06-2008 10:58 PM

Yes I re-read the IWH&W too....thanks.

I get a better understanding of the text listening to it on audio CD....I do read it...but listening I dont stutter or stumble on words. Especially the IWH&W.

2ala2 09-18-2008 10:07 AM

In my opinion, some of us addicts over-philosophize matters. The resulting confusion/dilema may slow us in our program (can be dangerous). I believe that whether dishonesty is the defect or the exact nature of the wrong: It is something that I practice, it fuels my disease, and I must take step action to have it 'removed'.

Gmoney 09-22-2008 11:22 AM

For me, the literature is very important. Along with the fellowship, it teaches me what I need to know about the NA program. One of the things I always tell my sponsees is not to always go by what others say - look up stuff for yourself. Going by what different opinions offer can also be confusing and result in miseducation, misinterpretation and misinformation.

There's a reading in the JFT called, "Calling a defect a defect." (page 358) It warns us that misnaming a defect doesn't make it any less defective and, through misnaming, we may not be able to see the harm they cause. So for me, it isn't about developing a theory or over-thinking what is what...it's about getting honest with myself on a deeper level and learning the program as it is written.

G

pausam 01-03-2009 11:20 PM

As they say, "it's a simple program for complicated people".

pausam 01-03-2009 11:23 PM

For 'character defects' try reading 'unhelpful attitudes and behaviours'!

Gmoney 01-07-2009 09:29 PM


Originally Posted by pausam (Post 2048259)
For 'character defects' try reading 'unhelpful attitudes and behaviours'!


Is that NA literature?

Paulie 06-18-2009 08:07 AM

I am on my 6th step for the 4th time.....I have to kinda laugh at the stuff that is coming up that I truly thought was removed already....nope, and not because my HP didnt try, it was my unwillingness. And that is why in my opinion, I continue to do the steps, I am a work in progress and the more work I do on myself the better relationship I develop with my HP. The better relationship I have with my HP the more open I am to the willingness I need to live a more spiritual life.............kinda like......what comes around goes around in a good way!! :lmao

So even though I am seeing these defects glaring me in the face, I welcome the acknowledgment of them, because I cannot let go of what I dont acknowledge.

The 6th step once again, is a gift I give to myself.

Javier12 07-05-2009 10:15 AM

Fear's role
 
My sponsor has guided me towards being aware of the ever-present role and influence of fear in my life, especially of fear as the propulsion of my character defects. For example:

I'm dishonest because I'm afriad of the consecuences of being honest.

I'm a perfectionist and I say is because of pride, but if I look closely I'm really afraid of people finding out I'm not perfect.

Sometimes when I'm mad and pissy, I'm acting out because I can't handle a situation that scares me, and of course being mad and pissy sounds more respectable to me than to say to someone that I'm scared.

So now I try to go straight into looking what in a person, place or situation scares me. It gives me a good sense of direction.

Wish you all the best.

triciaj 07-18-2009 10:36 AM

I am on step 6 for the first time. I am seeing that fear is the biggest defect of all. It seems everything I've done is based on fear, like lying, people pleasing, trying to be perfect, all of it. So, are all of those defects or is it the fear?

Gmoney 07-18-2009 12:23 PM


It seems everything I've done is based on fear, like lying, people pleasing, trying to be perfect, all of it. So, are all of those defects or is it the fear?
The wrongs that we've done are not the exact nature or cause. The exact nature of our wrongs are our character defects. When we look back at our 4th and 5th steps, those things we admitted in step 5 are the things we strive to become entirely ready for in step 6. For me, self-obsession and self-centeredness are the core of my defects.

"The admission we made of the nature of our wrongs, our character defects, is neccessary if we are to be ready to have them removed." - IWH&W, page 59

Javier12 07-21-2009 09:12 AM

Entirely ready
 
In my experience, most of the talk about Step 6 centers around the character defects: what are they, how do I identify them. And that's the way I've centered my work in Step 6. But as of late, the first part of the Step, "We were entirely ready..." has internally gotten more importance in my view of this Step.

This is a measure of my willingness. Am I really, honestly willing to have God remove that form me? Or am I afraid of what will become of me without it? How am I going to survive? How am I going to cope? Most of my actions are driven by fear and insecurity. Sometimes I like to wallow myself in comfort zones of familar fear and defense mechanisms. I need to pray for the willingness and start acting in a different way if I am to grow and to change. Am I afraid of living without fear? or is it nice and comfy?

Ghostryder331 05-12-2011 11:42 AM

List of Character Defects and Assets
 
List of Character Defects
Abrasiveness
Aggression
Aloofness
Anger
Apathy
Argumentativeness
Arrogance
Attention-seeking
Bigotry
Belligerent
Bitter
Bossy
Braggart
Careless
Cold-hearted
Complainer
Compulsive
Critical
Cruelty
Deceitful
Defensiveness
Denial
Dependent
Depression
Detached
Discrimination
Dishonesty
Disorganized
Distant
Distrustful
Dominating
Dramatic
Egocentric
Enviousness
Evasiveness
Fear
Flightiness
Forgetfulness
Gluttony
Gossiping
Grandiose
Greed
Guilty Conscience
Hate
Head-strong
Hostile
Humorless
Immature
Impatience
Impulsive
In-authenticity
Inconsiderate
Inconsistent
Indecisive
Indulgent
Inhibited
Insecure
Insensitive
Intolerant
Irritable
Isolationism
Jealousy
Laziness
Lust
Lying
Manipulative
Materialism
Negative Thinking
Neglect
Obsessed
Opinionated
Over-cautious
Overly-emotional
Passivity
Perfectionism
Perversion
Pessimism
Preoccupation
Pride (to what degree?)
Procrastination
Promiscuity
Prudish
Quarrelsome
Rageful
Rebellious
Reckless
Resentful
Rudeness
Rueful
Sarcasm
Secretive
Self-centered
Self-condemnation
Self-doubting
Self-hating
Self-importance
Selfishness
Self-justification
Self-pity
Self-seeking
Short-temperedness
Shyness
Snobbery
Stinginess
Stubbornness
Submissive
Superficial
Thin-skinned
Thoughtless
Tight
Timid
Uncritical
Undependable
Undisciplined
Unemotional
Unfriendly
Unrealistic
Unromantic
Unscrupulous
Unstable
Vague
Vanity
Vindictive
Vulgar
White-knuckled
Withdrawn
Workaholic

List of Character Assets
Accepting
Agreeable
Analytical
Approving
Assertive
Attention-giving
Attentive
Bold
Careful
Cautious
Cheerful
Concerned
Confident
Considerate
Content
Controlled
Cooperative
Decisive
Dependable
Disciplined
Extroverted
Flexible
Forgiving
Free
Friendly
Generous
Gentle
Good Listener
Giving
Guilt-free
Helpful
Honest
Humble
Industrious
Involved
Kind
Lawful
Loving
Moderate
Modest
Nice
Open
Open-minded
Optimistic
Organized
Outgoing
Patient
Peaceful
Permissive
Persistent
Playful
Polite
Rational
Realistic
Relaxed
Reliable
Romantic
Selfless
Self-liking
Self-sufficient
Sensitive
Serene
Sociable
Social
Specific
Spiritual
Steady
Straight-forward
Thoughtful
Tolerant
Trusting
Trusting
Unassuming
Venturous
Warm
Willing
Witty

Missybuns 05-12-2011 06:24 PM

lengthy lists! What shall we discuss in reference to these lists?

Be interesting to know how and when these lists were compiled. Ghostryder331, is this what you did during your step 6?

Peace, Missy

Gmoney 05-12-2011 10:21 PM

Not to poke fun at the list, but it reminded me of a member from my area that used to do something very similar. What I found was that I can pick numerous words to express the same defect or asset...all I needed was a thesaurus.

An example for me is to list thin-skinned, intolerant, opinionated, critical and distant as seperate defects when they are all expressions of my self-centeredness. The IP called "The Triangle of Self-Obsession" (NA IP#12) talks about how ALL of our defects are forms of the three reactions: anger, resentment and fear.

bobmatic 10-20-2013 11:15 AM

the list is toooooo long, i basically watch for , anger, resentments, fear, selfishness, and self pity,
someone mentioned something called , THE 7 DEADLY SINS,....
I would like some ideas from all you good folks here,

gratefull in advance

bob

StevenT 10-20-2013 04:18 PM

I agree with the last two posts. I did a sixth step based off of that list when I was doing the NA program with an NA sponsor, and I gotta say.. For an analytical overthinker like me that was the worst thing that I could have been presented with. In working the steps through AA I was told that my defects stem from one of the seven sins, for me usually pride and gluttony, and the point of it is to realize a defect when it exists and become willing to have it removed, not necessarily label it and write it down.


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