I am working on Step 12 with my sponsor. She asked me to write down my experience or some of the ways I have had a spiritual awakening. There are really too many to list! The most life changing was of course Step 1.
Right away when I admitted I was powerless the obsession to use was gone. From the moment I reached out and asked for help, my ego was totally and completely broken. That was a key point for me. My ego gave up. From then on I have experienced the most amazing transformation in the past 21 months of actively working the steps.
I used to berate myself constantly, nothing I ever did was good enough, I wasn't good enough, I hated being me. I wished I were anyone but me.
I am glad to be me today. I can honestly look in the mirror and say I am ok with who I am now. Some days I don't particularly love me, but I am ok with that too. I am even ok with my faults and know that I am just like everybody else, I just need to do the best I can and that is ok too. I can treat myself with patience, compassion, understanding and forgiveness just like I would treat my dearest friend. WOW!!
I feel freedom like I have never known. I don't have to control everything anymore. I am perfectly happy to let things happen as God intends and not fight it anymore. After all, His plans are way better than mine. I can rest easy that things will work out, and life is no longer something I need to fear.
Wow, I am no better or worse than anyone else. I am the same as everyone else, and I have no need to feel superior or inferior to anyone. In God's eyes we are all the same. That is a very freeing thought, and I don't have to be self conscious or on my guard anymore! WOW!!
If I have done something wrong I can admit it without my whole world falling apart. I can do the right thing and survive apologizing to someone that has even wronged me. I can let go of resentments and never let them rule me again. I can get angry and address it now, whereas before I had no idea how to deal with anger. I can pray for someone I am angry at because now I realize praying for them protects me from harboring bad feelings. WOW!!
I can look at others with new eyes. I see people differently now. My perspective has changed from one of paranoia and distrust to one of compassion and understanding. I can now give and not always be taking!
My God is in my corner, no matter what. Even when I make mistakes. I never thought God was there for me, but now I know He is. God never left me like I thought. I was the one that left Him. Now when I feel God isn't near, I take steps to get back in touch.
I have had an amazing spiritual awakening.
The message? It works if you work it.