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Old 04-25-2014, 04:43 AM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 138

Step 10 resentment uncovered

I recently had an incident that I need to work through and decide on the appropriate action to take.
My sister or someone in her immediate family came onto my property and removed a large collectable sign that I had hanging in my shed. I was not home and no one asked if they could take it. They left the ladder standing up against the wall or I might not have noticed it at all.
This is a huge violation of boundaries for me. They had wanted to rent this shed to store hay in last year, but I decided I was uncomfortable with them having unhindered access and told them no.
I have been making baby steps in making amends with this she or her daughter or husband did this.
Of course there is another complication. The sign had been hers. She had stored it and about a pickup load of her things in 2005 on the property when our dad still owned it. All stored in a run down grainery including her kids baby book, things she borrowed from our mom, her wedding dress, and many
heirlooms from our grandmother were among these items
. Most everything had been damaged by rodents over the 7 years these things were left in this old grainery.
We bought the property in 2011 and no attempt was made on her part to retrieve her stored items.
So the law would say
I have the right to throw out her abandoned stuff, but if I keep it, she could sue me to get it back. My husband and I went through it all in 2012 and salvaged what we could and trashed the rest. The grainery is being torn down.

I realize now that as long as I have these "THINGS" they will always be a potential problem between us. I feel like I am holding the things over her head as a way to say "look at how you treat your things." I want people to KNOW how thoughtless she is. I want to use them against her and get back at her for the mean ways she has treated me.

I feel hurt again by her blatant theft of the sign and ignoring MY boundaries.

I feel all mixed up about how to handle this. If I give it all back to her I feel like I am nothing but a storage unit that didn't get paid for storage. We spent a week going through all that nasty mouse infested crap to save whatever could be saved and why? For her to just watlz in and take it all back, nice and cleaned up?

I want to feel serenity about this and need direction. I don't want to hold resentments over it. I need my own boundaries to be respected.

Talking it all over with my sponsor, not going to act rashly, but sure wanted to!! Advice? Thoughts?
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Old 05-04-2014, 08:05 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York State
Posts: 3,067
I realize now that as long as I have these "THINGS" they will always be a potential problem between us.
I think you already know the answer.
~Garry W. ~
One Program, One Disease, One promise
"We are powerless not only over drugs, but over our addiction as well. We need to admit this fact in order to recover." NA Basic Text, pg.20, 5th Ed
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