Bipolar/ major depression journal part 2 (year 2)
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
((((((((((((((DANGEROUS DAN)))))))))))))))))
Thank you so very much for my sig!!!!!!!!!!!
I love it!
I was stupidly feeling left out.
I feel like part of the family now.
You guys love me....you really, really love me!
Thank you so very much for my sig!!!!!!!!!!!
I love it!
I was stupidly feeling left out.
I feel like part of the family now.
You guys love me....you really, really love me!
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
So....what's up? Gotta go pee....hold on.....
Okay...so you guys didn't need to know that ....to much information....heehee
I'm mildly manic
or mini manic
but mostly manic i am not
heehee
Actually after the potty brake i took a smoke break and then wrote a PM...all while thinking about another thread i want to create and an article i want to write. So yeah....i'm manic.
I was fine until 3 a.m. I had just put the t.v. on mute and turned on my breathing machine (4 sleep apnea) and got all settled in when my sis called and said....
"He's in jail"
Yep, my brother-in-law who is set to be served divorce papers in 3 days and doesn't know it....went out drinking with his alcoholic father and they both got arrested on the drive home. So sis....being the co-dependent that she is (even though she will never admit it) called the bail bondsman to find out what to do. She's set to get up in 30 minutes and head to the city to the jail to bail him out so she asked me to come over in the middle of the night so i would be here to watch the boys.
So 4:30 by the time i got here and figured if i go to sleep for 3 hours i won't be even good enough to watch the dog...so here i am. Although i hear the boys rousing now so i can't spend much time jabbering on this right now.
But i've been mildly manic for 2 or 3 days now....cleaned house again...YIPPIEEEE!!! And even did some re-arranging/re-decorating...which i'm still floored that i felt like doing that. Not much sleep even though i've tried. I prolly would have slept good tonight if this hadn't happened...but like the good little severe codie that I AM....i rushed right over to bail out my sister....lol.
She's worried about him having this happen and then him being served the divorce papers....and what he's gunna do....especially when he finds out the locks have all been changed on the house and he won't have access to his sons unless sis says so...until the divorce is finalized. You know she paid that lawyer $1,200 to start all this. Gosh, i would have never guessed that getting divorced would cost THAT much. She swears she's never gunna marry again.....just co-habitate instead. Sad part is that she had been seriously thinking of spending that $1,200 to try and obtain grandparents rights for my littlest cousin who the family's only seen a few times since her mom died in 2001 b/c her dad won't let her. Guess it wasn't meant to be right now.
I got a lot done yesterday.
filled out all the paperwork for housing authority
called and had my internet shut down (since my own computer is useless now)
worked on my appeal to the equal employment something something (EEOC) for phase 1 of suing my former boss
filled out and mailed deferment papers for one federal student loan
filled out and mailed unemployment deferment papers for another one
mailed off the check that i forgot to put in the package of contest entries i finally got sent off ( i paid $20 to send it next-day and gosh darn forgot to put the payment in there even though i had written down to be sure and not forget that!!!)
made a list of all my psychiatrists, therapists, social workers, general physicians that i've seen in the past 15 months.....there were 11 different people!!!! Can u believe it!?!
Oh and i did all sorts of other stuff that i can't remember
last night i organized and cleaned out my cubbards. had a whole bag of expired pastas, cereals and such and two bags of sugar that were rock hard...lol!
I'm such a pack rat...i hate that i'm such a pack rat...i think it's a lack of attention to detail or something....i don't know...who knows these things?
Oh...and my hands are swollen again. I keep trying to figure out why that keeps happening. They're not so much swollen, i guess, as they are stiff feeling....they feel swollen when i try to bend my fingers. There's gotta be a reason....
okay....got change diapers and fix two bottles of milk now....
hugs all around....
Okay...so you guys didn't need to know that ....to much information....heehee
I'm mildly manic
or mini manic
but mostly manic i am not
heehee
Actually after the potty brake i took a smoke break and then wrote a PM...all while thinking about another thread i want to create and an article i want to write. So yeah....i'm manic.
I was fine until 3 a.m. I had just put the t.v. on mute and turned on my breathing machine (4 sleep apnea) and got all settled in when my sis called and said....
"He's in jail"
Yep, my brother-in-law who is set to be served divorce papers in 3 days and doesn't know it....went out drinking with his alcoholic father and they both got arrested on the drive home. So sis....being the co-dependent that she is (even though she will never admit it) called the bail bondsman to find out what to do. She's set to get up in 30 minutes and head to the city to the jail to bail him out so she asked me to come over in the middle of the night so i would be here to watch the boys.
So 4:30 by the time i got here and figured if i go to sleep for 3 hours i won't be even good enough to watch the dog...so here i am. Although i hear the boys rousing now so i can't spend much time jabbering on this right now.
But i've been mildly manic for 2 or 3 days now....cleaned house again...YIPPIEEEE!!! And even did some re-arranging/re-decorating...which i'm still floored that i felt like doing that. Not much sleep even though i've tried. I prolly would have slept good tonight if this hadn't happened...but like the good little severe codie that I AM....i rushed right over to bail out my sister....lol.
She's worried about him having this happen and then him being served the divorce papers....and what he's gunna do....especially when he finds out the locks have all been changed on the house and he won't have access to his sons unless sis says so...until the divorce is finalized. You know she paid that lawyer $1,200 to start all this. Gosh, i would have never guessed that getting divorced would cost THAT much. She swears she's never gunna marry again.....just co-habitate instead. Sad part is that she had been seriously thinking of spending that $1,200 to try and obtain grandparents rights for my littlest cousin who the family's only seen a few times since her mom died in 2001 b/c her dad won't let her. Guess it wasn't meant to be right now.
I got a lot done yesterday.
filled out all the paperwork for housing authority
called and had my internet shut down (since my own computer is useless now)
worked on my appeal to the equal employment something something (EEOC) for phase 1 of suing my former boss
filled out and mailed deferment papers for one federal student loan
filled out and mailed unemployment deferment papers for another one
mailed off the check that i forgot to put in the package of contest entries i finally got sent off ( i paid $20 to send it next-day and gosh darn forgot to put the payment in there even though i had written down to be sure and not forget that!!!)
made a list of all my psychiatrists, therapists, social workers, general physicians that i've seen in the past 15 months.....there were 11 different people!!!! Can u believe it!?!
Oh and i did all sorts of other stuff that i can't remember
last night i organized and cleaned out my cubbards. had a whole bag of expired pastas, cereals and such and two bags of sugar that were rock hard...lol!
I'm such a pack rat...i hate that i'm such a pack rat...i think it's a lack of attention to detail or something....i don't know...who knows these things?
Oh...and my hands are swollen again. I keep trying to figure out why that keeps happening. They're not so much swollen, i guess, as they are stiff feeling....they feel swollen when i try to bend my fingers. There's gotta be a reason....
okay....got change diapers and fix two bottles of milk now....
hugs all around....
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Dizzyj.....if you're looking for meetings and local resources, then here's what they have listed for Colorado:
(but it's more readable on the site in case you want to go directly there it's: http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Sec...r.cfm&State=CO
Your State NAMI
State: Colorado
State Affiliate: NAMI Colorado
Address: 1100 Fillmore Street
Ste. 201
Denver, CO 80206-3334
Primary Phone: (303)321-3104
Alternate Phone: (888)566-6264
Fax: (303)321-0912
Email Address: [email protected]
Website: www.namicolorado.org
President: Henry Mohr
Executive Director: Carol Reynolds
Additional Contact:
Additional Contact: Martha Everett
Your Local NAMIs
All CO affiliates are listed below. Please click the group name for more information.
City Group Name Contact Zip
Arvada Jeffco AMI (JAMI) Denis Dupuis
(303)697-9761 80001-1921
Aurora NAMI Aurora Dee Hickman 80013-2329
Boulder NAMI Boulder County 80304-2226
Colorado Springs NAMI Colorado Springs Sharon Signorelli
(719)473-8477 80903-3093
Denver NAMI Denver Ellen Rector
(303)756-0490
or
Sandra Kuark
(303)692-0262 80206-0674
Englewood NAMI Arapahoe Douglas County Lynette Loken
(303)789-0357
or
June McWilliams
(303)788-0776 80110-3622
Fort Collins NAMI CO-Larimer County Frances VanKeuren
(970)224-0776
or
Heman Adams
(970)484-8634 80522-0058
Grand Junction Grand Junction AMI Janice Curtis
(970)257-0891
or
Rita Stoddard
(970)434-9846 81501-141
Greeley NAMI-WELD COUNTY Bernie Bliss
(970)353-5918 80634-3138
Henderson AMI of Adams County Inc Warren Taylor
(303)287-7621 80640-0669
Pueblo Pueblo AMI Sandra Leming
(719)546-4751 81005
(but it's more readable on the site in case you want to go directly there it's: http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Sec...r.cfm&State=CO
Your State NAMI
State: Colorado
State Affiliate: NAMI Colorado
Address: 1100 Fillmore Street
Ste. 201
Denver, CO 80206-3334
Primary Phone: (303)321-3104
Alternate Phone: (888)566-6264
Fax: (303)321-0912
Email Address: [email protected]
Website: www.namicolorado.org
President: Henry Mohr
Executive Director: Carol Reynolds
Additional Contact:
Additional Contact: Martha Everett
Your Local NAMIs
All CO affiliates are listed below. Please click the group name for more information.
City Group Name Contact Zip
Arvada Jeffco AMI (JAMI) Denis Dupuis
(303)697-9761 80001-1921
Aurora NAMI Aurora Dee Hickman 80013-2329
Boulder NAMI Boulder County 80304-2226
Colorado Springs NAMI Colorado Springs Sharon Signorelli
(719)473-8477 80903-3093
Denver NAMI Denver Ellen Rector
(303)756-0490
or
Sandra Kuark
(303)692-0262 80206-0674
Englewood NAMI Arapahoe Douglas County Lynette Loken
(303)789-0357
or
June McWilliams
(303)788-0776 80110-3622
Fort Collins NAMI CO-Larimer County Frances VanKeuren
(970)224-0776
or
Heman Adams
(970)484-8634 80522-0058
Grand Junction Grand Junction AMI Janice Curtis
(970)257-0891
or
Rita Stoddard
(970)434-9846 81501-141
Greeley NAMI-WELD COUNTY Bernie Bliss
(970)353-5918 80634-3138
Henderson AMI of Adams County Inc Warren Taylor
(303)287-7621 80640-0669
Pueblo Pueblo AMI Sandra Leming
(719)546-4751 81005
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
well that came out more readable than i thought....anyway you can go to the site and click the links of the areas closest to you or you can call and ask about meetings in your town specifically.
(P.S. I lived in the mountains above Monte Vista, Co., one summer and absolutely loved it)
Anyway....tell me what kind of info you are specifically looking for and I will find a bunch for you. Are you just wanting to know about bipolar disorder in general or what?
(P.S. I lived in the mountains above Monte Vista, Co., one summer and absolutely loved it)
Anyway....tell me what kind of info you are specifically looking for and I will find a bunch for you. Are you just wanting to know about bipolar disorder in general or what?
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
well, well.....still mildly manic. I've only slept 2-3 hours in 48 hours now. My body is drained but my mind is spinning. I so wish i could hook up some kind of recorder up to my brain when i'm like this...the flight of ideas is so fun and if i could get them all down then i could stay busy till Christmas 2020...lol
Books, info, ideas, illustrations, projects, tasks.....just a multitude of things are running through my head. Luckily i'm able to make myself focus enough to record in writing the main ideas that flow in and out, but i can't grasp all the connections being made b/c as soon as one connection is made then it is abandoned for the next 10 and so on. So i end up feeling like i only get down the skeleton of my thoughts/ideas.
Anyway, sis had her first panic attack today....i tried to help take her mind off things and it subsided in about 10 minutes. Her husband called 20-30 times today and she answered the phone and talked to him every single gosh darn time.....drove me nuts to hear the argueing all day......prolly like it drives yall nuts to keep reading about my sis everday. You'd think i didn't have a life and you'd be right! Actually, you guys are the closest thing i have to a life at all since i never go anywhere, talk to anyone except with mom and sis.....how pathetic, i know, i shouldn't talk like that, but i don't mean it as harshly as it sounds.....i kinda like my life like this right now - safe, comfortable, easy (for the most part). I mean with half my hair gone from stress and more falling out each day....the less i have to deal with the better.
Cus bald would not be a good look for me and hats look stupid on me. Although, i've always wanted to play with the colors of my hair so I suppose wigs is a fun option if it comes to that. My former best friend had all her hair fall out from stress too a couple years ago....well not all, but most and you can still tell because it won't hardly grow longer than a boys hair cut in many places like in the front and top
(((((HI OneLady)))))) Welcome to my thread!!!!!!! In case you're wondering, i saw you are viewing so i thought i'd say howdy. dont' know if anyone ever gets anything from my ramblings.....but they help me a bunch.
Books, info, ideas, illustrations, projects, tasks.....just a multitude of things are running through my head. Luckily i'm able to make myself focus enough to record in writing the main ideas that flow in and out, but i can't grasp all the connections being made b/c as soon as one connection is made then it is abandoned for the next 10 and so on. So i end up feeling like i only get down the skeleton of my thoughts/ideas.
Anyway, sis had her first panic attack today....i tried to help take her mind off things and it subsided in about 10 minutes. Her husband called 20-30 times today and she answered the phone and talked to him every single gosh darn time.....drove me nuts to hear the argueing all day......prolly like it drives yall nuts to keep reading about my sis everday. You'd think i didn't have a life and you'd be right! Actually, you guys are the closest thing i have to a life at all since i never go anywhere, talk to anyone except with mom and sis.....how pathetic, i know, i shouldn't talk like that, but i don't mean it as harshly as it sounds.....i kinda like my life like this right now - safe, comfortable, easy (for the most part). I mean with half my hair gone from stress and more falling out each day....the less i have to deal with the better.
Cus bald would not be a good look for me and hats look stupid on me. Although, i've always wanted to play with the colors of my hair so I suppose wigs is a fun option if it comes to that. My former best friend had all her hair fall out from stress too a couple years ago....well not all, but most and you can still tell because it won't hardly grow longer than a boys hair cut in many places like in the front and top
(((((HI OneLady)))))) Welcome to my thread!!!!!!! In case you're wondering, i saw you are viewing so i thought i'd say howdy. dont' know if anyone ever gets anything from my ramblings.....but they help me a bunch.
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Well, i took a couple of my Visterils to see if they will make me a little sleepy soon....guess well see. I'm kinda running out of things to do, that i want to any way....i got lots of computer work that i definetly don't feel like doing tonight, but i'm gunna try and make myself tomorrow before i return home....oh wait, i think sis leaves Tuesday and that's when i'm suppose to help mom watch the boys...so guess i won't be staying back at home till next week. My dog is definetly not happy about all this being gone stuff.
Well.....my brain shut of for this moment....adios
Well.....my brain shut of for this moment....adios
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Here's a thread about a simple meditation technique:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tml#post706533
Here's a thread about alternative therapies:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ies-74980.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tml#post706533
Here's a thread about alternative therapies:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ies-74980.html
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Affirmations
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tml#post706549
More affirmations in a thread called "Think"
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ink-74202.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tml#post706549
More affirmations in a thread called "Think"
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ink-74202.html
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
lyrics to "Don't let me get me" by Pink
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-me-70756.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-me-70756.html
Originally Posted by cwohio
Self-esteem
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
© By Sheila B. Keehn
It's all about Self-esteem.
See, I've been called Ugly, a Chump, a Basket Case,
a lair and Hey Stupid to name a few!
But little by little, and day by day, I'm changing.
Now It makes no difference what you say!!
See I'm not Crying,
these are Tears of Rage that have built up Through the Years.
The only things Falling are the Walls I've once built up around me.
I used to be the Great Pretender
but now with the help of my Dear God there is no more Hiding Out!
I'm no longer Running Scared 'cause now I know
I am Special, Beautiful, Sensitive, a lady and talented!
And with my angel and GOD leading me,
I know I can accomplish anything that comes my way!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
© By Sheila B. Keehn
It's all about Self-esteem.
See, I've been called Ugly, a Chump, a Basket Case,
a lair and Hey Stupid to name a few!
But little by little, and day by day, I'm changing.
Now It makes no difference what you say!!
See I'm not Crying,
these are Tears of Rage that have built up Through the Years.
The only things Falling are the Walls I've once built up around me.
I used to be the Great Pretender
but now with the help of my Dear God there is no more Hiding Out!
I'm no longer Running Scared 'cause now I know
I am Special, Beautiful, Sensitive, a lady and talented!
And with my angel and GOD leading me,
I know I can accomplish anything that comes my way!
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Originally Posted by stormyautumn
~ Beliving In Ourselves~ Some Thoughts
If you look at what you have in life,
you'll always have more.
If you look at what you don't have in life,
you'll never have enough.
--- Oprah Winfrey; TV personality and founder of "O" magazine
~ Beliving In Ourselves~
Allow yourself to ask for what you need.
Allow yourself to need help, to need love,
to need other people.
Give yourself permission to say
"This is what I need" to say it without
shame, without guilt.
Now allow yourself to recieve what is offered.
----Rachel Snyder, writer
~ Believe In Ourselves~
When I was young, I was frightened I
might bore other people; now that I'm
old I am frightened they will bore me.
---Ruth Adams, writer
~Believe In Ourselves~
Do not expect to recieve the love from
someone else that you do not give yourself.
---bel hooks, writer and scholor
~Believe In Ourselves~
You can stand tall without standing on someone.
You can be a victor without having victims.
---- Harriet Woods, political activist
and inspirational speaker
~Believe In Ourselves~
God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame
----Elizabeth Barrett Browning,
nineteenth-century poet
~Believing In Ourselves~
Our past is a story existing only in our minds.
Look, analyze, understand, and forgive.
Then as quickly as possible, chuck it.
---Marianne Williamson, best-selling author
and spiritual leader
~Believing In Ourselves~
The main thing in one's own private world
is to try to laugh as much as you cry.
---- Maya Angelou, best-selling author
and inspirational speaker
~Believing In Ourselves~
The dedicated life is the life worth living.
You must give with your whole heart.
--- Annie Dillard, writer and poet
~Believing In Ourselves~
We are all more blind to what we have
than to what we have not.
--- Audre Lord, poet
~Believing In Ourselves~
Never reach out your hand unless
you are willing to extend an arm.
--- Elizabeth Fuller, poet
~Believing In Ourselves~
I used to think, "This is just the way I am."
Now I know that I create myself anew--
everyday.
---- Jill Clark, actor
<!--
-->
If you look at what you have in life,
you'll always have more.
If you look at what you don't have in life,
you'll never have enough.
--- Oprah Winfrey; TV personality and founder of "O" magazine
~ Beliving In Ourselves~
Allow yourself to ask for what you need.
Allow yourself to need help, to need love,
to need other people.
Give yourself permission to say
"This is what I need" to say it without
shame, without guilt.
Now allow yourself to recieve what is offered.
----Rachel Snyder, writer
~ Believe In Ourselves~
When I was young, I was frightened I
might bore other people; now that I'm
old I am frightened they will bore me.
---Ruth Adams, writer
~Believe In Ourselves~
Do not expect to recieve the love from
someone else that you do not give yourself.
---bel hooks, writer and scholor
~Believe In Ourselves~
You can stand tall without standing on someone.
You can be a victor without having victims.
---- Harriet Woods, political activist
and inspirational speaker
~Believe In Ourselves~
God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame
----Elizabeth Barrett Browning,
nineteenth-century poet
~Believing In Ourselves~
Our past is a story existing only in our minds.
Look, analyze, understand, and forgive.
Then as quickly as possible, chuck it.
---Marianne Williamson, best-selling author
and spiritual leader
~Believing In Ourselves~
The main thing in one's own private world
is to try to laugh as much as you cry.
---- Maya Angelou, best-selling author
and inspirational speaker
~Believing In Ourselves~
The dedicated life is the life worth living.
You must give with your whole heart.
--- Annie Dillard, writer and poet
~Believing In Ourselves~
We are all more blind to what we have
than to what we have not.
--- Audre Lord, poet
~Believing In Ourselves~
Never reach out your hand unless
you are willing to extend an arm.
--- Elizabeth Fuller, poet
~Believing In Ourselves~
I used to think, "This is just the way I am."
Now I know that I create myself anew--
everyday.
---- Jill Clark, actor
<!--
-->
2
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Originally Posted by stormyautumn
You Still Have Hope
If you can look at the sunset and smile, then you still have hope.
If you can find beauty in the colors of a small flower, then you still have hope.
If you can find pleasure in the movement of a butterfly, then you still have hope.
If the smile of a child can still warm your heart, then you still have hope.
If you can see the good in other people, then you still have hope.
If the rain breaking on a roof top can still lull you to sleep, then you still have hope.
If the sight of a rainbow still makes you stop and stare in wonder, then you still have hope.
If the soft fur of a favored pet still feels pleasant under your fingertips, then you still have hope.
If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism, then you still have hope.
If you give people the benefit of a doubt, then you still have hope.
If you still offer your hand in friendship to others that have touched your life, then you still have hope.
If receiving an unexpected card or letter still brings a pleasant surprise, then you still have hope.
If the suffering of others still fills you with pain and frustration, then you still have hope.
If you refuse to let a friendship die, or accept that it must end, then you still have hope.
If you look forward to a time or place of quiet and reflection, then you still have hope.
If you still buy the ornaments, put up the Christmas tree or cook the turkey, then you still have hope.
If you still watch love stories or want the endings to be happy, then you still have hope.
If you can look to the past and smile, then you still have hope.
If, when faced with the bad, when told everything is futile, you can still look up and end the conversation with the phrase.... "yeah....BUT..." then you still have hope.
Hope is such a marvelous thing.
It bends, it twists, it sometimes hides, but rarely does it break.
It sustains us when nothing else can.
It gives us reason to continue and courage to move ahead, when we tell ourselves we'd rather give in.
Hope puts a smile on our face when the heart cannot manage.
Hope puts our feet on the path when our eyes cannot see it.
Hope moves us to act when our souls are confused of the direction.
Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured, and something that will refresh us in return.
And it can be found in each of us, and it can bring light into the darkest of places.
NEVER lose hope.
If you can look at the sunset and smile, then you still have hope.
If you can find beauty in the colors of a small flower, then you still have hope.
If you can find pleasure in the movement of a butterfly, then you still have hope.
If the smile of a child can still warm your heart, then you still have hope.
If you can see the good in other people, then you still have hope.
If the rain breaking on a roof top can still lull you to sleep, then you still have hope.
If the sight of a rainbow still makes you stop and stare in wonder, then you still have hope.
If the soft fur of a favored pet still feels pleasant under your fingertips, then you still have hope.
If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism, then you still have hope.
If you give people the benefit of a doubt, then you still have hope.
If you still offer your hand in friendship to others that have touched your life, then you still have hope.
If receiving an unexpected card or letter still brings a pleasant surprise, then you still have hope.
If the suffering of others still fills you with pain and frustration, then you still have hope.
If you refuse to let a friendship die, or accept that it must end, then you still have hope.
If you look forward to a time or place of quiet and reflection, then you still have hope.
If you still buy the ornaments, put up the Christmas tree or cook the turkey, then you still have hope.
If you still watch love stories or want the endings to be happy, then you still have hope.
If you can look to the past and smile, then you still have hope.
If, when faced with the bad, when told everything is futile, you can still look up and end the conversation with the phrase.... "yeah....BUT..." then you still have hope.
Hope is such a marvelous thing.
It bends, it twists, it sometimes hides, but rarely does it break.
It sustains us when nothing else can.
It gives us reason to continue and courage to move ahead, when we tell ourselves we'd rather give in.
Hope puts a smile on our face when the heart cannot manage.
Hope puts our feet on the path when our eyes cannot see it.
Hope moves us to act when our souls are confused of the direction.
Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured, and something that will refresh us in return.
And it can be found in each of us, and it can bring light into the darkest of places.
NEVER lose hope.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: grand jct, co
Posts: 197
Hi Jenna,
Your right Monte Vista is pretty. I love mountains.
I don't know if i mentioned it or not, i have bipolar/ptsd. I'm not doing good today, I went to sleep last night about 10:00 pm, i woke up about every 3 hours for 15-20 minutes, then went back to sleep. Finally took some wake up pills about 4:15. I have to take these pills everyday or i don't make it thru the day. Is that normal? I think I'm just i don know. Gotta take a break
Your right Monte Vista is pretty. I love mountains.
I don't know if i mentioned it or not, i have bipolar/ptsd. I'm not doing good today, I went to sleep last night about 10:00 pm, i woke up about every 3 hours for 15-20 minutes, then went back to sleep. Finally took some wake up pills about 4:15. I have to take these pills everyday or i don't make it thru the day. Is that normal? I think I'm just i don know. Gotta take a break
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
[
Monte Vista is about a 30 drive down from the mountains where we were staying (the South San Juan Field Station)...there was a town above us on the mountian, but it was so small and i don't remember the name of it. The field station was like a summer camp for anyone, family's, groups, individuals, whatever and there were about 9 of us that ran the camp all summer and kept the cabins in proper order, but we also took groups hiking, rock climing, repelling, river rafting and sand-dune climbing. It was a blast.
I didn't make enough working at the camp to pay my car pymt so i got a job at the Monte Vista Pizza Hut for about a month. LOL.....I came the closest i've ever been to getting arrested that summer.....LOL....I was only 18 and was imagining having to call my dad to come to another state and bail me outta jail. Pretty silly story actually, but i'll save it for another day. Let's just say that Monte Vista has some pretty cool cops.
So anyway....that's pretty much where i really got my photography bug. Another girl working there was taking a B&W photog class at a local college and we had a working dark room on site at the camp and she took me in there a couple of times when she was working. I even have a B&W pic she took and printed in an 8X10 of me repelling down a giant rock. And driving back....the Colorado sunsets are some of the most gorgeous i've ever seen and i had a camera and stopped several times along the highway for photos and i still look at them sometimes and am awed by how beautfiul those skys were. Anyway, it wasn't until 2-3 years later that i was able to finally enroll myself into a B&W photo class nearby and from my first roll, first assignment....i KNEW that's what i was going to do with the rest of my life so when i went back to my regular college that next semester I changed my major from business to journalism.....and the rest is history.
There's also a couple of guys in colorado who i always wanted to date, but they happen to be brothers....lol (and one has since gotten married and i don't know about the other....i only met him once)
I'm sorry you're not doing well....i've been on that sleep/wake, up/down rollercoaster fairly recently and somehow after a couple of months i started sleeping through the night again.
QUOTE=dizzyj]Finally took some wake up pills about 4:15. I have to take these pills everyday or i don't make it thru the day. Is that normal? I think I'm just i don know. Gotta take a break[/QUOTE]
Lord dear child...PLEASE tell me what kind of magic "pills" these are??????????
I slept 10 hours then MADE myself get up for 3 and do some work around sis's house and cleaned out my car and then i just couldn't stay awake any longer! It was 4:30 p.m. and i went to take a nap and didn't wake up till 7 p.m.
Wake up pills......to make it through the day.....oh please, please let them be something besides No Doz or one of those that make me feverish and projectile vomiting kind of ill, because a wake up pill would just save my life right now, since that's my main problem!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monte Vista is about a 30 drive down from the mountains where we were staying (the South San Juan Field Station)...there was a town above us on the mountian, but it was so small and i don't remember the name of it. The field station was like a summer camp for anyone, family's, groups, individuals, whatever and there were about 9 of us that ran the camp all summer and kept the cabins in proper order, but we also took groups hiking, rock climing, repelling, river rafting and sand-dune climbing. It was a blast.
I didn't make enough working at the camp to pay my car pymt so i got a job at the Monte Vista Pizza Hut for about a month. LOL.....I came the closest i've ever been to getting arrested that summer.....LOL....I was only 18 and was imagining having to call my dad to come to another state and bail me outta jail. Pretty silly story actually, but i'll save it for another day. Let's just say that Monte Vista has some pretty cool cops.
So anyway....that's pretty much where i really got my photography bug. Another girl working there was taking a B&W photog class at a local college and we had a working dark room on site at the camp and she took me in there a couple of times when she was working. I even have a B&W pic she took and printed in an 8X10 of me repelling down a giant rock. And driving back....the Colorado sunsets are some of the most gorgeous i've ever seen and i had a camera and stopped several times along the highway for photos and i still look at them sometimes and am awed by how beautfiul those skys were. Anyway, it wasn't until 2-3 years later that i was able to finally enroll myself into a B&W photo class nearby and from my first roll, first assignment....i KNEW that's what i was going to do with the rest of my life so when i went back to my regular college that next semester I changed my major from business to journalism.....and the rest is history.
There's also a couple of guys in colorado who i always wanted to date, but they happen to be brothers....lol
(and one has since gotten married and i don't know about the other....i only met him once)
Originally Posted by dizzyj
i have bipolar/ptsd. I'm not doing good today, I went to sleep last night about 10:00 pm, i woke up about every 3 hours for 15-20 minutes, then went back to sleep.
QUOTE=dizzyj]Finally took some wake up pills about 4:15. I have to take these pills everyday or i don't make it thru the day. Is that normal? I think I'm just i don know. Gotta take a break[/QUOTE]
Lord dear child...PLEASE tell me what kind of magic "pills" these are??????????
I slept 10 hours then MADE myself get up for 3 and do some work around sis's house and cleaned out my car and then i just couldn't stay awake any longer! It was 4:30 p.m. and i went to take a nap and didn't wake up till 7 p.m.
Wake up pills......to make it through the day.....oh please, please let them be something besides No Doz or one of those that make me feverish and projectile vomiting kind of ill, because a wake up pill would just save my life right now, since that's my main problem!!!!!!!!!!!!
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Thanks bunches Katie...
So here's what i'm thinking...
I'm gunna pay $20-30 and start taking this month in hopes that it will increase my Vitamen D and give me back some of the energy i lost some where.
Then i'm contemplating trying out the specific diet for candida, but i'm just not sure i can give up sugar right now. I even read in a book today something describing this part of my life to a T. It says that often....when people are seriously depressed they automatically reach for sugar items for energy boosts. And they actually have serious cravings for sweets.
Then i'm looking in at Splendra's way of living and eating, but i don't think i can afford to buy organic stuff or have the energy to put fresh ingrediants together to make anything half-way appetizing and i couldn't live without my asthma inhalor (well and i'm still technically smoking).
And if i can get my lazy butt up this week (and make myself fast this week too) then i'm gunna go in for that blood test work that's gunna check my thyroids and a few other things.
Then....well, there's a whole bunch of stuff i want to read and do and learn....but doubt i'll even do a fourth.
Oh and i want to start writing freelance stuff, but haven't had the motivation/energy yet.
I want to stop consuming caffiene again....although i've forgotten why.
I want to tell my pdoc off and tell my therapist to take up reading about her field so that maybe she can actually offer some real suggestions to people that can help. You know what i realized just now....and maybe this is a little arrogant (prolly is), but i'm the only one of her patients with a college degree and an (on hold) career and i've prolly researched more about mental health than she ever cared to even know.....so i'm thinking maybe i intimidate her???????? And she's afraid to offer any solutions or advice b/c she's afraid of looking foolish or something. I don't know....i'm just thinking of if i was acting that way with a patient then what might be the reason and i am easily intimidated so....who knows.?
Brain has stopped.....
So here's what i'm thinking...
I'm gunna pay $20-30 and start taking this month in hopes that it will increase my Vitamen D and give me back some of the energy i lost some where.
Then i'm contemplating trying out the specific diet for candida, but i'm just not sure i can give up sugar right now. I even read in a book today something describing this part of my life to a T. It says that often....when people are seriously depressed they automatically reach for sugar items for energy boosts. And they actually have serious cravings for sweets.
Then i'm looking in at Splendra's way of living and eating, but i don't think i can afford to buy organic stuff or have the energy to put fresh ingrediants together to make anything half-way appetizing and i couldn't live without my asthma inhalor (well and i'm still technically smoking).
And if i can get my lazy butt up this week (and make myself fast this week too) then i'm gunna go in for that blood test work that's gunna check my thyroids and a few other things.
Then....well, there's a whole bunch of stuff i want to read and do and learn....but doubt i'll even do a fourth.
Oh and i want to start writing freelance stuff, but haven't had the motivation/energy yet.
I want to stop consuming caffiene again....although i've forgotten why.
I want to tell my pdoc off and tell my therapist to take up reading about her field so that maybe she can actually offer some real suggestions to people that can help. You know what i realized just now....and maybe this is a little arrogant (prolly is), but i'm the only one of her patients with a college degree and an (on hold) career and i've prolly researched more about mental health than she ever cared to even know.....so i'm thinking maybe i intimidate her???????? And she's afraid to offer any solutions or advice b/c she's afraid of looking foolish or something. I don't know....i'm just thinking of if i was acting that way with a patient then what might be the reason and i am easily intimidated so....who knows.?
Brain has stopped.....
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
No motivation thread
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ion-75811.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ion-75811.html
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: grand jct, co
Posts: 197
shutterbug...... are you around? Anyway as i was saying its called BRONCH-EZE, its has 25mg Ephedrine Hydrochloride and 200mg Guaifenesin - only i think ive been taking them too long, cause i have to take 6 or 7 for them to work.
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Dizzyj....where do you get them from ????
I've been away from my sister's for several days cus i've been back at my house and sleeping 16-20 hours a day. I'm super low functioning right now. I honestly don't even remember when i took a shower last. I know it was several days before sis left to go on her trip for 4 days and she's due back tonight. I feel gross. I sit at home and think about how wonderful it would feel to get in the shower and get clean and come out and put on a clean pair of warm, soft pajamas and have my hair not feel dirty and greasy....but i just can't make myself get in the shower. that's so sad...that's one of the saddest parts of all this for me and it makes me cry just typing about it. I don't like being unclean. Before my depression hit last year, i had moved out of my tom-boy stage of life and was wearing skirts and bouses and jewelry and high-heels everyday. I even climbed 9 stories up the scaffolding of a building with a skirt and high heels on for work one day...just for a picture. And I walked through fire scenes and air plane crashes and snow and you name it. My boss even told me several times that i'd better be keeping a pair of tennis shoes in my car for emergency assignments in BFE. Now the thought of just trying to match a skirt to a shirt....letalone jewelry and shoes to an outfit is just too much.....well and all that's if i can even get my dirty but in the shower. I hate living like this....i truely hope that when i get that thyroid test taken that something comes up saying it's my thyroids all out of wack or something and therefore all this fatigue is fixable! Wouldn't that be the answer to my prayers.
Oh well.....
I've been away from my sister's for several days cus i've been back at my house and sleeping 16-20 hours a day. I'm super low functioning right now. I honestly don't even remember when i took a shower last. I know it was several days before sis left to go on her trip for 4 days and she's due back tonight. I feel gross. I sit at home and think about how wonderful it would feel to get in the shower and get clean and come out and put on a clean pair of warm, soft pajamas and have my hair not feel dirty and greasy....but i just can't make myself get in the shower. that's so sad...that's one of the saddest parts of all this for me and it makes me cry just typing about it. I don't like being unclean. Before my depression hit last year, i had moved out of my tom-boy stage of life and was wearing skirts and bouses and jewelry and high-heels everyday. I even climbed 9 stories up the scaffolding of a building with a skirt and high heels on for work one day...just for a picture. And I walked through fire scenes and air plane crashes and snow and you name it. My boss even told me several times that i'd better be keeping a pair of tennis shoes in my car for emergency assignments in BFE. Now the thought of just trying to match a skirt to a shirt....letalone jewelry and shoes to an outfit is just too much.....well and all that's if i can even get my dirty but in the shower. I hate living like this....i truely hope that when i get that thyroid test taken that something comes up saying it's my thyroids all out of wack or something and therefore all this fatigue is fixable! Wouldn't that be the answer to my prayers.
Oh well.....
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