ryanjosef

I am taking a suggestion from a loved one to post a thread and that it is therapudic and on faith that she is right i amdoing so. this post is for poams and thoughts and things that are loveing and uplifing to our hearts and minds. and i shall start.

We are all gems stones we come from dark places wrought with hard ship, we tumble around not knowing were we are going not understanding were we have been. finding our selve polished by our lives we find that we are gems with flaws yet the true jewler sees that these flaws add charicter and make us that much more beautiful to all. so when all is seid and done we shall shine above the rest.
God bless,
Ryan

ryanjosef

feel free to add yours please

ryanjosef

my son is the high light of my life, he is afraid of nothing. i was in my car getting ready to leave for work the car was running and i was saying my goodbys to my wife i just happend to look inn my rear veiw mirror to see these 2 little feet go up onto the roof of the car where he started to jump up and down on the roof, i honked the horn and even moved the car 2 feet and to no avail he kept at it then with out notice he slid down the fron of the windsheild and mom got him off the hood. i was laughing for hours. that little ninja is afaid of nothing.. kinda wish i was like that..

ryanjosef

never mind i shouldnt have bothered trying to find things to brighten our depressed lives. to hell with this i have more important things to do..


END OF POST

angelgirl

Hey Ryan, it's good to hear from you here
Don't get upset by the lack of posts. I believe people have alot easier time thinking of bad things, and negative things, than posititve. Nothing against the post.
Also alot of people come here, and really are feeling bad, and afraid, and it is just hard to think of good things.. Sad I know...
I hope you are doing well.? Let me know..
I am doing ok, up and down ya know... The therapist I seen last week says I have a "mood disorder" that was not news to me
I am trying to think of something good to post here for inspiration, but I too tend to think negatively ( a character defect of mine) and have trouble remembering good things.. Man that is sad in itself..
My kids have spent SOOO much time at the pool that is like 1 block from my house this summer, that I haven't gotten to spend nearly enough time with them..
Besides, I am the one my family laughs at, because I come up with some really super, "dumb blonde", "dingy" things to say. Sometimes, I say something, and my husband and kids just look at me with astonishment, and laugh.. How could I come up with something so "dumb, stupid, blonde" (ya know the blonde stereo-type)..
Oh, well anyway, I sure hope things are going good good for you. I smiled as soon as I seen your name under a post..

Becky

shutterbug

Hello dear one, I am sorry that I didn't get here sooner. Please don't give up one your post! Angelgirl is right when she said that a lot of people are in negative frames of mind because of all the things we are dealing with and just sometimes find it hard to take a look at bright and loving things when they themselves aren't feeling that way. I too have been there myself.

Luckily, these days I am in a healthier frame of mind and I find your poems so uplifting. I really do. I hope you don't stop posting or sharing them with us.

I love that you can be so loving and caring in the face of all you are going through. It brings a smile to my face every time I think about you.

But also...don't be afraid to share the difficulties you may or may not be going through. The reason for that is because I think it helps to talk about how you are feeling....and expecially when you can talk with others who understand like everyone here at SR! That's what we are all here for is to ask each other questions and to learn from the experiences of others who have walked or are walking in our shoes. Does that make any sense?

Anyway....please don't stop posting!!!!!!!!

shutterbug

Here's something that was and continues to be VERY inspirational to me:

When I was in day treatment several months ago, a lovely young woman with a strong spirit and a very caring heart...heard me talk about all my pains in our group therapy session. During a break she asked if she could pray for me, with me. Being a Christian all my life...I of course said yes because I know the power of prayer, but I learned much more that day than I ever had in all my years of church going (althoughwhich I hadn't been in attendence at for the last 10 years or so).

She shared her heart with me and I believe God had spoken with her and prompted her to reach out to me because that day has changed my life. I can't really explain it, but the scriptures she shared with me really touched me and brought me even closer to God and towards happiness.

Since that time, I have had serenity, even in the face of deep depression, in knowing that God will never abandon me and that he is planning out my future and I just have to follow his lead. Now, I pray every day (also something I could never stick to) and mainly I pray for God to show me his will for my life and give me everything I need in order to follow the path he is laying out for me. For that, I knew my depression would end in it's own due time and now it is! And even though I haven't been able to find a job yet, I am not stressing out about it, because I know i will be led where I need to go and that right now...I am exactly where I am suppose to be.

Here are the scriptures she shared with me that day:

"Have faith in God." (Mark 11:22-24)

"Say it and you will have what you say." (I think it's from Numbers 14:28)

"My God will meet all your needs." (Somewhere in Phillipians, Ch. 4. I think4:6-8 and 4:19 speak along these lines...my notes are rough)

"Thank you for restoring my soul. You said you would, now show me what my part is." (Psalms 23:3)

"God's words are life, healing and health to all the flesh." (Proverbs 4:22)

"God's word does not return void." Isaiah 55:11

God Bless,
Jenna

shutterbug

Now some poems...though I'm reluctant to share because I'm not a poet and have only written a few this past year (mostly about depression and hearache and they're kinda cheesy but here goes anyway)....I've never shared these with anyone so I'm very nervous about this. In order to understand I must first tell you that I am 28 and have loved many, but have yet to feel truely loved by anyone.


Lord send me someone to hold me tight
To wipe my tears and kiss me goodnight

I need someone to love me truely
To care for me wholey and fully

All my life I've searched so hard
Always hurting cause I let down my guard

No one knows all my pain
Nor how much I have to gain

I've tried to hold my life together
And now another "him" I must sever

Lord, I'm not strong enough for this one
Sanity fast enough can not come

It's like I'm holding onto something false
To keep from feeling total loss

Am I not worthy of true love?
Isn't someone watching from above?

------

Somehow I'm surviving from day to day
Though important things never go my way

Lord, when will it be my time to play
For those sweet words "I do" I want to say

It's April now and soon will be May
Won't you please send me a lasting sun ray

Such dreams I hold inside
But someone to share them I can't find

Why does he have me so enchanted?
Or is my heart completely slanted?

A house in the country. A dog in the yard.
Kids on the porch swing. It shouldn't be hard.

A cool breeze blows while all fishing at the pond
Those are the things for which I am fond

Lord don't I deserve to be truely happy?
Or is the idea ultimetly daffy?

A winding road to a quite little home
A relaxing life where sunlight shone

Take me home
I have no home

No home with love and laughter
No home to come back to faster
My life is such a complete disaster

Sure, some say I have a lot
But the truth is that they really know not

All I want is love devine
If he'd just leave that bottle behind
Drunk on love and we'd be fine

shutterbug

Ok, so now you have me digging through my stuff and finding more and more things to post...ha!

Here's a little funny that was passed along to me...

An old lady was standing at the railing of a cruise shipholding her hat on tightly so it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said,"Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be foraward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?
"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your bottom is exposed!" the gentleman said in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!

ryanjosef

well i wrote this big post on everything that has happend to me today, but in tying it with my word processor i some how lost it so anyhow i feel much better anyways a little tiked that i lost it but pfft no biggy ill complain more anotherday.

ryanjosef

i seem to be realy tired all the time anymore though i may not get a good nights rest i dont get up till noon and go to bed about midnight.

what does your reflection tell you? it tels you nothing it doesnt judge you or call you names or anything like that.your reflection only showes emotion, a smile, a twinkle in your eyes. your reflection is a picture of you a picture that is with out bipolor or anyother illnesses or addictions. We all make bad mistakes in our life but that is how we learn we first have to forgive the reflection to forgive ourselves and move on with life. we have been sent to this earth to be tested this life is a big class room inwitch all students are taking tests some of them have harder tests then others. when the test becomes to much dont fight it, just take a break go for a walk or use your mind goto a place that is full of beauty, like a lake, a forest a water fall anywhere that will let your soul breathe and then we all have to go back to our tests but to keep going we always need to stop and take a break before we break. We are children of god if you beleive in god, he loves us and is always watching he can help in verysmall ways but if he interfears what are we going to learn and also what would be the point of taking the test at all let alone finishing it. in witch case there is no reason for our exsistance. Our lives began long before the earth was created but just like babys we had to progress in our exhistance and this is just a small step even though it seems like it is taking forever ( which is like when you have a car accident it may happen in a matter of seconds but it seemed like much longer then it was) after this test of endurance or what ever we then after this life move on to a more profound exsictance and we learn more and we will never have to go threw such hardships or hell ever again. but if i have seid anything that is not true then there is no reason for exsistance or me even writing this. Look in to the mirror, look at your reflection do not judge your self do not put your self down you are a wonderful beautiful person and never listen to the negitive things people say to you they just have a corn cob up there butt. you are a child of god and your he does not judge you but he cannot interfear the same as he could not interfear when his son Jesus christ died on the cross, but he still loves you, you also need to love your self.

shutterbug

I can relate to that a lot, but I'm not at the point where I can look in the mirror and like what I see. I judge and put myself down and I let what others say (verbally or with thier body language) get to me and make me feel stupid and otherwise bad about myself. Just something I know I need to work on.

Maybe some day I can look at my reflection and truely love the person looking back.

ryanjosef

that makes two of us babe i think iwas preaching to my self alsolol.

shutterbug

Here's a little tid bit my uncle printed off for me on very beautifully ornate paper...I plan to eventually frame it and hang it up cause it means a lot to me. In many ways it's quite similar to your post above.

"Follow Your Destiny, Whever God Leads You"
- author unknown

there comes a time in your life when you realize that if you stand still, you will remain at this point forever. You realize that if you fall and stay down, life will pass you by.

Life's circumstances are not always what you might wish them to be. The pattern of life does not necessarily go as you plan. Beyond any understanding, you may at times be led in different directions, which you never imagined, dreamed or designed.. Yet if you had never put any effort into choosing a path, or tried to carry out your dream, then perhaps you would have no direction at all.

Rather than wondering about...or questioning the direction your life has taken..acept the fact that there is a pth before you now. Shake off the "why's" and "what if's" ...and rid yourself of confustion. Whatever was is in the past -forever! Whatever is, is what's important! The past is but a brief reflection. The future is yet to be realized. TODAY IS HERE...RIGHT NOW! What will you choose to do with TODAY?

Walk your path one step at a time..with FAITH, courage, and dtermination. Keep your head up and cast your dreams toward Heaven. Soon your steps will become firm and your footing will be solid again. A path that you never imagined will become the most comfortable direction you could have ever hoped to follow.

Kepp believing in God and His strength which He has empowered you with and walk into your new journey. You will find it magnificent, spectacular, and beyond your wildest imaginings...because God has gret plans and designs for your life! He knew you BEFORE you were formed in your mother's womb! He knows just where you've been...He knows where you are...and He knows where you're going! So when you don't know which way to turn... look to Him. He is your beginning and ending. He designed you with a purpose in mind..and even though you may have veered off course He still knows how to get you back on target so that you will be able to do and be and have all He's desired and planned...just for you...and only you!

ryanjosef

for 20 years i have never been able to look at my reflection and like what i see, since i was 10 or younger i have disliked my self, im not happy with the things i have done in my life,there also must have been something wrong with me to have my mother care about me so much as to abandon me and almost i starved to death before being found, i had an internet afair with a woman in westverginia whome i still have feelings for no matter how i try to hide that fact, i hate my self for the things i did to my wife over this fantacy girl my afair went for 9 months i was free about it not hiding it from my wife. i have so many reasons to hate my sef to hate god and my adopted parents, and my real parents (whom i dont know or if they even live)there are so many pains hurts and agonies that i keep deep down inside of me that my new counsiler(bless her heart) is pulling out of me, i was challenged this week to be positive to my self and all that stuff i preached about. the only mirror i alow in my house is the bathroom one, i am afraid of mirrors. im afraid of my own reflection.

Live

There is a spirituality forum and I have spent the night reading all pages of Ann's spiritual thoughts. All are affirming and uplifting, my gratitude for this oasis is boundless. I intend to read the entire forum...just not tonight. Do not be disappointed, it is just that there was all ready an established forum and postings for what you suggested.
For a moment, turn your sails into the wind and check it out. I guarantee nothing but good can come from it.

live

shutterbug

I've been meaning to check out that forum, but have yet to get around to it.

Ryan...check out the thread I just did "36 ways to reduce stress" - you might find it encouraging...at least I hope so.

As for hating yourself, I can relate to that alot. Our pasts are very similar and for me, it left my self-esteem shattered. For many years (most my life actually) I have carried around this idea that I am not worthy of being loved. That I'm not good enough for anybody and I don't deserve to have real friends and relationships. I've never been able to maintain a lasting relationship with anyone. I always think that if I was a better person then people wouldn't abandon me. The thing that I'm coming to understand is it's not me that has something wrong, it's them. I have to try and realize that that's just who they are and it has nothing to do with me. It's hard, but I'm trying.

As for the things that you feel you've done wrong in your life...well try to ask for forgiveness and then let it go. "Let go and let God." It's in the past and you did the best you could with the tools you had at the time. I don't think we are suppose to carry arount guilt for the things we've done wrong, but rather learn from those mistakes and move on. It doesn't mean you're a bad person...it just means that you are human!

Try to give yourself a break. Think of all the bad things you say to yourself...the abuse that you put yourself through daily and then. Would you treat anyone else that way? No, that would be cruel. So why do you think it's okay to treat yourself so badly.

Look to the golden rule and reverse it...it works both ways.

These are just some of the things I try to tell myself when I realize how abuseive my own inner dialogue is.

"Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can...and the wisdom to know the difference."

Wise words I think...

ryanjosef

i love my freinds they are all that i have in my life that i look farward to talking to on a daily basis although i know its not possable for them they have there own lives to live and problems to deal with.

ok funny stuff here.. i got my ear peirced and a tattoo on my back for christmas 2 years ago just to irritate my folks. lol im thirty freeking years old what the hell was i thinking. i like the tattoo of a dragon but the earing had to go... to the other ear you see i had the first one peirced on the wrong side imagin my shock when my folks asked if i was gay. Hello im married to a Woman , i think. Needless to say it realy didnt faze them. so i was dissapointed.

Live

I got my navel pierced when I am a grandma. My dad said, whatever blows your skirt up, my mom got wacky. I showed it on purpose. My mom has never accepted me and has been hurtful, still is, but I learned how to wean her of offending me. But, I like you, sometimes like to stir the pot.

She used to come to town to meet up at daughter's and we were all supposed to go to lunch, I would show up dressed in a manner that I knew would make her say, You can't go out with us like that. Guess what? I didn't want to. It worked.

I do hope you check out Ann's spiritual thoughts in the Spirituality forum. It is the best dose of good soul medicine I have found in a long, long time.


live

shutterbug

I've always been a very conservative type of person...not wanting to do anything to stand out and often have been called...a goody two-shoes, whatever that means.

Anyway, when I hit college I developed a liking for body peircing. I thought the belly button thing was cute when it first came out and when on a trip to Washington state...my dad let me borrow the money to go have it done. Then he showed me off to all his friends at the convention were were at. It was kinda weird...like he was proud of me being a little wild for once in my life. (My mom totally hated it)

Then a year later I got my tongue peirced for my birthday. I didn't tell anyone I was going to do it either. Back then it wasn't popular in the least and when people noticed it...well they always had to ask about it cause they couldn't believe someone would do that. Well...my parents reversed roles...Dad totally freaked and my mom REALLY liked it - so much that she thought about getting hers done (Really weird to me cause of how old-fashioned she is)

Anyway, I later ended up getting my eyebrow peirced (which no one would hire me becuase of) and then later one of my nipples peirced. At one time I thought about becoming a body peircer myself.

Today, I don't have anything peirced except my ears, but am waiting to have enough money to get my tongue done again...I just like it...don't know why...just do...and will probably have one until I die.

Tatoos, well, I have one on my hip of a musical treble cleff thats made out of a rose vine. I've been thinking of getting one on my shoulder for a while now, but not sure what I would get.

Just be yourself...that's what I say now days...who cares what anyone else thinks...it's not their life to live, it's yours so feel proud to live life how ever you want to.

And ya it's hard when you have friends and you feel like you need them more than what they can give at the time. All mine totally abandoned me when my illness hit full force and I started on a war path toward recovery (but they thought I wasn't even trying to get better. They all thought I just gave up. They couldn't understand that I was really fighting tooth and nail to make it through the day without getting fired or hurting myself. Finally, I just gave into my depression and let it over come me. I spent weeks on the couch with only getting up if I absolutely had to. And at times, my mom had to come over and fix me a sandwhich from the fridge or get me a glass of water because I was just too sick and tired to get up at all (except for bathroom trips - which I loathed). I just finally told myself that I was sick and it was okay to relax and get some much needed rest. I've tried to tell myself that I wasn't being lazy or anything, that I really needed the bed rest - and I DID!

Don't know really what to say that might help...just know that I'm here and I care about you a lot.

Jenna