win123

i have had depression for a long time the last 5 years have been a horror divorce from hell, lost everything i achieved physical illness and i keep praying for a miracle it is like the joy switch is turned off so i am reaching out i have been struggling to get on my feet financially for a long time day after day of difficulty gets me sunk and no matter what i do i feel dmaged and sad but i want to live or i would not be reaching out

Freedom1990

Win123, welcome to SR.

I am so sorry you have struggled for so long with depression. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder many years ago.

Are you able to see a mental health provider who can assess you? I have been using the mental health center where I live for years. I see a therapist regularly, and I also have a psychiatric provider who has worked hard to find the right medications to ease my depression.

I know how lonely and utterly debilitating depression can be. I was there for about 2 years this last time. I am grateful the right combo of medications was finally found.

Sending you gentle hugs of support, and please do continue to post. I am so glad you reached out!

Threshold

Hi win,

hugs, and more hugs. I understand what you are going through. I haven't found a magic joy switch, I'm pretty sure there isn't one so I have to be honest, I wasn't really searching for one.

I am in a very similar situation to you. I hope you stick around and we can support one another. I haven't been on much the past week or so, was busy getting divorced...ugh

NYCDoglvr

I'm so sorry you've had to go through such a painful period. I've been treated for major depression a long time. It helps me to keep it simple. A shrink handles my depression and medication. For the rest I get enormous help from the fellowship of AA. Some people may be able to stay sober on their own but I'm not one of them. Just being surrounded by the support of other drunks has gotten me through the worst experiences of my life.

Mo S

I too am sorry you are going thru a difficult time. I also find relief in going to see a therapist to try to mange my depression, as well as medication. Try to be nice to yourself right now......whatever that means to you. Treat yourself with kid gloves.

A big hug and hang in there.

ClayTheScribe

“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
― Pema Chödrön

Hey Win123,

I have struggled with severe depression for about 15 years now and just recently in the past year have started to come out of it to the point I am tapering off some of my medication and really enjoying life again.

The best thing I can do for myself when I'm depressed is to take things one moment at a time and take it easy on myself. This means catching my self-judgment and hatred, especially about my past or future, and really sitting with my feelings. Then I try to find out what's at the root of them, maybe write down my thoughts and fears. Then get more curious and dig in deeper. I often find a root fear at the bottom of all this mess and when I illuminate it, it gets a lot less dark and has less hold on me, because, usually, that root fear is something that will never happen.

I also exercise, although when you're depressed that's often the last thing your mind wants to do, but your body does. Even if it's just 15 minutes walking around the block, it can be of great benefit. Our shadow will discourage it because it knows it will make it recede.

I also see a therapist who puts things in perspective. And that's all depression really is, it's a perspective, a way of seeing things. Coming out of it is a matter of seeing things how they really are in the present, not affected by the past or future. This was hard for me at first, so I would say that I'd only concern myself with the next 20 minutes and then I whittle it down to 5 minutes and then 1 and then 30 seconds and so on. Depression seems unmanageable because in our minds we're living in the fears of the past and future and our anger about what's happened or will happen. There's usually not that many legitimate fears about the present and if there are they're not usually overwhelming.

Also, when I get the impulse to do something that will hurt me or make me feel worse, I try to do the opposite. Volunteering and doing kind things for others also helps me a great deal. One Buddhist master said the way to enlightenment is to love and feed others and I think he's right.

I also meditate, specifically metta (or lovingkindness) meditation in which I sit and tell myself things like "May I be happy, may I be loving, may my heart be whole" and also do this intention toward others, especially those who I find hard to love. A lot of my depression stems from lack of love for myself, so the more I open to that, generally the more joy I find. There are many metta meditation instructions on YouTube you can find. (And meditation is a lot easier and simpler than our minds tell us it is).

I've found that leaning into what is making me uncomfortable is sometimes the only way through it. The way to overcome depression, I think, is to see your negativity and darkness, touch it or embrace it with compassion and walk through it, recognizing that it can't really hurt you. Obviously, this is a process, but you have the opportunity to start right now in this present moment and it is something you can do.